Marriage Counselling

Some days back came to know about a dispute between husband and wife..

details aside .. ...when things really became out of control, wife asked help for her famly doctor which refered them to marriage counseller. Husand became further furious on this act cause according to him she had crossed the limit by taking personal stuff to public!!!! . According to him and in laws .. she should have gone to elders of family first..

my questions are :

In any dispute is it better to solve it through elders from in-laws or elders from either side of family ?

Or privacy is more maintained if things are taken to marraige counsellers ?

Plus point in case of elders would be .. knowing couple personally they could convince them better and may be more considerate compare to strangers( marriage counsellers). However in their case privacy couldn't be maintained with in ones social circle

marriage counsellors being strangers..... would be more neutral but may misjudge natures of partners on short interaction.

Great Topic Dewey. I am no marriage cousellor but experiences teaches u things. 😳

Going to a highly recommended Marriage counsellor is the best way of going about marriage issues. GOing to either side of families might bring biases into the picture and problem can get even bigger than it was to begin with. Unless u go to a third party totally unbias person or elder family member who is really wise and does not bring in their personal biases.

Sometime going to families and personal friends have after effect. Marriage issue has been resolved between the couple but prejudices or judgements still could be held by families-friends which mightcreate additional issues. Uncomfortable feeling by either spouse in that case.

If I were in this situation I would go to recommend Marriage counsellor. One can even find cousellor who has insight to their cultural background to provide proper guidance. My 2 cents on this topic. 😃

BTW Nice AV. Audrey Hepburn?

Originally posted by: Morning_Dew

Some days back came to know about a dispute between husband and wife..

details aside .. ...when things really became out of control, wife asked help for her famly doctor which refered them to marriage counseller. Husand became further furious on this act cause according to him she had crossed the limit by taking personal stuff to public!!!! . According to him and in laws .. she should have gone to elders of family first..

my questions are :

In any dispute is it better to solve it through elders from in-laws or elders from either side of family ?

Or privacy is more maintained if things are taken to marraige counsellers ?

Plus point in case of elders would be .. knowing couple personally they could convince them better and may be more considerate compare to strangers( marriage counsellers). However in their case privacy couldn't be maintained with in ones social circle

marriage counsellors being strangers..... would be more neutral but may misjudge natures of partners on short interaction.

Excellent topic dewey....

In countries like US where nobody cares for anyone.. you could wash your dirty linen in the counsellor chamber... but in country like India.. its better that teh elders help them work it out...since its given that either side is morelikely to be condusive to elders from their half...😊..

Some of the things counsellors might do is to make you look at things objectively. Now just cos you payed the counsellor you are gonna start looking at things objectively is a far stretch... See in world of medecine.. doctors produce definite results... In worlds where advices are going to produce those...is slightly overkill.. Americans have these fancy professions...

Originally posted by: qwertyesque

Excellent topic dewey....

In countries like US where nobody cares for anyone.. you could wash your dirty linen in the counsellor chamber... but in country like India.. its better that teh elders help them work it out...since its given that either side is more likely to be condusive to elders from their half...😊..
Some of the things counsellors might do is to make you look at things objectively. Now just cos you payed the counsellor you are gonna start looking at things objectively is a far stretch... See in world of medecine.. doctors produce definite results... In worlds where advices are going to produce those...is slightly overkill.. Americans have these fancy professions...

Originally posted by: mermaid_QT

Dew Drop 👏👏👏 Great post! You have not left much to add 😃. Counsellors just like other professionals have their level of service to provide. It can range from a quack to an expert.

Husband GETTING FURIOUS and wanting to run to elders sounds like a baby seriously stunted mentally. I see a pattern here and having conselled several abused women, I can smell closed-minded MCP in his words.
Another thing is that such men very many times have not essentially weaned from their mothers 🤢. They will never come up with a logical reasoning as to why marriage counsellor is the last choice in the process of saving the marriage. Going to his elders is just an attempt of PRESSURIZING and CONTROLLING the girl furthermore. This holds good especially for those husbands for who- elders are only on his side of the family 😉😉. If elders on both sides were to come together, I would give him benefit of doubt.
Moreover, if elders are so capable and caring, the marriage won't get to this point 😉, Yeah? What were elders doing till now?? 😆😆😆

Dabulls, I agre with you.

QWERTY, Your generalization and sweeping statements are sick in case you failed to notice 😉. Instead of REPORT, I wish there were a DEPORT botton for some. 😆😆

mQT

Truth is sometimes bitter and can make you sick...but beside that fact.. the thing is In india how many marriage counsellors thrive? how many divorces exist.. So its necessary to think before just responding to posts.. Places where sustaining marriages is an exception a counsellor can surely throw a stone in the dark to dissect its failure and attempt survival.. I believe only family and friends can help you in these matters more than a stranger...What do they not have cousellors here for everything...!!!! not just marriage....

Originally posted by: qwertyesque

Truth is sometimes bitter and can make you sick..

indeed! life of women getting beaten up in the country where counsellors and divorce don;t thrive 😉😉 speaks volumes of that.

but beside that fact.. the thing is In india how many marriage counsellors thrive? how many divorces exist..

not many, womens are easy to beat up and shut up 🤢. TRUTH IS BITTER as you correctly said.

So its necessary to think before just responding to posts.

yea haa.. I am glad we agree on that. Thinking and researching makes one logical rather than an opinionated fellow who has forgotten autosomal chromosomes 😉😉😉

Places where sustaining marriages is an exception a counsellor can surely throw a stone in the dark to dissect its failure and attempt survival.. I believe only family and friends can help you in these matters more than a stranger...What do they not have cousellors here for everything...!!!! not just marriage....

i never denied that, and also mentioned that counsellors range from quacks to experts. They are not fancy terms though. Counsellors very many times resolve issues that require an unbiassed opinion and not a mix of emotional responses.

Great Post Manju di 👏👏👏

In any dispute is it better to solve it through elders from in-laws or elders from either side of family?

The situation varies from family to family. IN general if I have to comment on this then I would say that talk to each other first without involving any outsider. Give it some time and see if there is any improvement. Only when things have gone worse should one involve families.

Two hitches in involving families are
1. That each side would turn a blind eye when it comes to their son or daughter. Also they might probably hear only one side of the story so advice could seem biased.
2. To solve the matter fast they might not actually reach the root cause of the issue but simply compel the couple to stay together which in future could make matters worse.

Or privacy is more maintained if things are taken to marriage counselors?

Again it depends on the situation. In my opinion a couple should be in agreement to see a counselor. One shouldn't be forced to because it is not always easy to reveal your secrets to a third person and that too a total stranger. The plus side of talking to a stranger is that you will get an unbiased opinion unlike the immediate family members.

Whether it's a marriage counselor or immediate family ultimately the onus falls on the couple to work towards the issue and if things could be mended then try to bring the charm back. If things have gone beyond repair then no amount of counseling would help.