The Secret Journal Of Kriya Ghai: Entry 3 pg7 - Page 5

5^th December 2013

FAITH, DOUBTS AND SOARING HOPES

It's funny how at times it seems that the entire universe is hell bent on tearing you apart, breaking you down and make you give in, yet, it is these same instances that push you on and make you emerge stronger than ever.

So many things have happened today that I don't really know where to begin, but since I must I'll start out with the highest and lowest point of today; my encounter with him. I had finally resolved to tell him everything, to explain myself and to let out the complete, unadulterated truth. It wasn't going to be easy, that was one thing I had already accepted by now, but that would never stop me from trying.

I'd never seen Rey this hurt and angry before which just kept pricking my guilty conscience more. Had he been like this or maybe even worse when I'd left two years back? I'd always thought that I had in some twisted way given him a chance to find love again, I'd thought that maybe I could take his pain for myself and live with his hatred for the rest of my life but things in life don't always work out the way we want them to, do they? it was only now that id finally begun to realise the gravity of the situation and just how potent my lie had been.

I walked up to the basketball court determined to talk to him this time. I had to fix this and now was as good a time as ever. Seeing him there had all the memories running before my eyes. We were perfect, then. It was true we had had our share of misunderstandings, but that had never stopped us from being together before, never stopped us from being a team, never stopped us from being one. This was just another hitch, a major one yes, but a hitch none the less and I wasn't going to let it stop us from being together yet again.

He missed. Twice. Reyaansh Singhania never misses a basket, no matter what, unless, there was something bothering him, suffocating him and hurting him and I hated the fact that it was me.

I could still vividly remember the last time I'd seen him like this. It was my last day in Mumbai, the city that gave me everything. Id crept out of the house to see him one last time. I had too; I couldn't let a lie be our last memory. I had been from a distance, and I could barely see his features, but it had helped me get through those long days and sleepless nights. Even then my heart had told me to tell him the truth, but I couldn't. I had lost that day- I lost my friends, I lost my passion, I lost Rey and I lost a piece of my soul. This time however, things were going to be different because this time around I was here to win.

It was true that his words had cut through me like a knife, making my eyes prick with tears, but I wouldn't let myself get weak. I would be strong for myself, for him, for us. I still affected him, that much was clear in his eyes, it was the reason for his frustration and that had to mean something. That had to mean hope, and I was going to catch onto it till my last breath.

I want to believe, that I made some progress with my friends today too. Maybe it wasn't much, maybe they didn't even feel it themselves, but to me it meant everything. They didn't run away immediately when I came like the first time, but preferred to actually voice their complaint before fleeing this time around and I'm glad for it.

I know, right now my life seems hell, right now my world seemed like it is falling apart, but, like they say, its darkest just before dawn. They could try and drive me away but I wasn't going anywhere because I had something that would never let me give up: hope, faith and the world's best best friend. goodnight for now,

Ciao

Kriya