Gauri's guide to hospitals…..
Namaste…I am Gauri Kapoor, this wonderful guide is to assist all my sisters on the best hospitals in India. I am an experienced hospital researcher in the field…My research is based on all the hospitals in Kolkata, Mumbai and Delhi… My sister will be a doctor soon, I am proud to be her case study..
Whenever I visit or travel to a new place. The first item on my itinerary is hospitals. Below are a few guidelines to assist you.
1) Make sure you arrange a dedicated ward in each and every hospital. I have successfully managed this and infact the wards are named after me respectively.. Gauri1…Gauri2… Gauri3 and so on….
2) Insist that all the furniture and curtains etc are the same in all wards .so you feel totally at home.
3) Make sure the rooms are big enough so the whole family can stand round the bed and stare down at you.
4) Also must confirm that they have enough bandages to wrap you from head to toe. Head bandage is very important.
5) This is extremely necessary, make sure there is a window.. that you husband can look in from the outside and feel terribly guilty that you are dying….the window should also have half shut blinds.
6) Every hospital must have a mandir, with a resident guruji. Who can do pooja for you.
7) Ailments to get admitted for:
a) Minor cuts, burns n bruises… CPR will definitely be needed.. A heart monitor is a must.
b) Pregnancy confirmation.. please don't bother with a pregnancy test. Head straight for the ICU.
c) Electric shock…. This will require you to be bandaged from head to toe
d) Car accident and flying in the air……This will cause temporary death…Make sure the doctors are not around so your husband can scream for them….
e) If you husband is cheating on you and you cannot get your own way.. Admit yourself in ICU.
f) Drowning in Knee Deep water.. esp if you cannot balance on a docked vessel.
8) The doctors must assure you that recovery is immediate, and when they announce this the whole family should be by your bedside.. starring down at you.To assure you of my experience..I have included in the appendix… all the times I have been hospitalized for such serious cases:
1. Ran over by Devki...Hit/Run,
2. Shot in the jungle...Honeymoon,
3.Electric shock....Affair,
4.Fire on her birthday....Surprise honey,
5. woman over board.....ShipAhoy,
6.Car accident.....31st heaven,
7.Valentine blues.....,
8. Pill miss.....Carry on nurse,
9. Bomb prof sari....solved another kidnapping case
The guide will be on sale from Major Book Stores ..I am in the hospital at the present moment….because my man is going to leave me and I am having twins…My Mr Kapoor is the most wonderful pati in the world…..
Please make cheques payable to "Patient Gauri Kapoor" this will assist me in paying my medical bills and Mr Kapoor is complaining my hair is too long….
thanks kat: for coming up with the list of all the times our bimaar gauri has been hospitalised and you help in compiling this list. u rock babes
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