Thanks to BV

I would like to thank BV for my personal reason.

I can't say much on this, as I am yet to experience these things. But one thing is sure, it is hard to be objective in some cases, and think with open mind. The trust/distrust that a person develops for those with whom, he has spent at least 20 years, is very big thing. Developing same kind of trust for the new member of family can take some time. But eventually, it depends on how much interaction goes on between them.

Trust does not go together with reasoning. It happens on subconscious level, and one does not have control over things going on subconscious level.

I am not commenting about your case, or the BV case. I am just trying to put what I feel, the reason could be. I might be wrong as well, and would like to see other point of views as well, as this is very common phenomenon.

@ TM

Actually these are things which happen a lot in all households and people can relate to them. It is both ways. Often daughters influence family. But you can't blame family either because there's a person who's lived with them for years since she was born. Being more attached to her or perhaps giving her more leeway over a new member may happen.

That said I have seen DILs also coming in and overturning families. I have certain classmates who were excited when their brothers got married. But their bhabhis controlled everything in their house soon. Even interfering in their lives and dictating what subjects they should choose, whether they should study further or be married off. Some of my school friends couldn't even complete graduation and were married off. Parents were not keen but bhabhis influenced bhaiyas and parents to get girl married. One friend even insisted on marriage simply because she wanted to get out of her home after her bhabhi arrived. I know she never wanted to marry so early. When we had once talked, she shared her house had become suffocating and she wanted an escape.
I know women who have controlled SILs' lives, made them take care of their babies, made them leave studies and do housework or help change their babies' nappies. My friend's bhabhi had virtually handed over her baby to her whereas she went shopping or moving around outside.

So I don't know...we cannot generalise.😕

I remember when Ira and Sanchi dancing on Shiv's head scene came. My father instantly commented this is true, this is what happens in families - aur aadmi phas jaata hai!😆

I have seen how dadi, dada, bhua etc. would talk about us and our mom to our father, while nani, nana, mama would also talk to him and we too, had our own stance each.

I think the way system is organised, anyone will feel trapped or confused. Girls are wary of marriage and their fate after marriage. Mothers and sisters are scared if boy will still value them as much after he is married.

It is not easy to accept someone else as family so soon. Sometimes it takes lifetime too.

I guess acceptance happens only in rare cases. Mostly, people just get used to each other or remain distanced or bond over kids/grandkids.

I have seen this kind of behaviour in my family as well. My aunts do not know the entire stories , especially potentially negative ones, that everyone else does. And if anyone accidentally starts on such a topic, some elder one will roll eyes to stop the discussion while silently motioning to the 'outsider'..