Posted:
Dear dairy,
It has been 3 months since im in this house.Not even once did Mr.khan come to see me.
My faith,my heart,my life have been completely shattered three months back on ths very day!
I have learnt somuch in my temporary stay in this hell.
Never ever have faith in love.
Never love a weak man who cant do anything except sacrifising everything every damn time!
And go back to NY and never ever come back to India!
After being so alone and depressed with the kind of people im with i started writing my own dairy and it actually helped me alot to cope up the disaster of my life.
Today im free and i can go wherever i want to!
Im waiting for this day since i stepped foot in this house.
As i stepped out without even giving a glance back to a sorry face of the family members including my own father whose sole thought disgusts me i saw the face of the man whom i USED to love all my life.He is standing at the gate with a small tinge of hope and mostly guilt on his face.Even noe i cant fathom how can touch my heart with a simple look at me.
I had the sudden urge to laugh and cry hysterically at the same time.
I know that now i can be with him if i want to.
I know that i still love him as much as i used to do.
But now im not sure whether i can live with the fact that he never loved me enough to know that right now i have lost all the feelings and am completely numb and soulless.
i know the feelings but unfortunately i cant feel them because my heart is damaged.
I wonder if he knows what happened to my heart.
I wonder if he knows that my heart is damaged beyond repair and now even he can't repair it.
I wonder if he knows that I dont want him to even if he can.
I know that he never made a mistake and he has no fault in all this.
After all i used to love him!
I will and should definitely try to understand his feelings.
I know he has been hurt in all this too.
But after whatever has happened i don't know whether i can love him like i used to.
i dont know if i can be the same zoya faarooqui that he knew anymore.
Because right now im not at all what i used to be.
So i just went to him ans said "Thank you Mr.Khan for atleast coming here once to see me go.
I hope u have a good life."
With that i just went ahead of him and into the taxi that was waiting for me.
Strangely there wasn't any emotion in me and not a single tear escaped my eyes.
I was just numb like i was these whole 3 months.
Right now im in my flight back to NY and Im not at all missing the life that i wanted so badly just 3 months ago.
NOTE:-I know its completely lame.
All kinds of chappals are welcome.I don't even know why i wanted to write it!
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