Titanic in Guha Land - The Saga Part I

Have you ever wondered what would be in "Titanic" if the same was made as a Hindi Soap by the Guhas?

The name of the soap would be "Koowanri Disha Ka Doobta Titanic". Well here it goes!
Disha has to be Rose (Kate Winslet);
And who else but DK as Jack (Leonardo Di Caprio) Disha's fiance would be Inder Khosla who keeps adjusting his specs nervously every time he sees DK.
Vijendra would make a guest appearance as the Ship's captain and ofcourse Disha's father also and would be waltzing with Disha during the party.
DK will be traveling with Pori, who is his mooh-boli behen and Taj plus 50 extras who will look as if they haven't bathed or eaten for a fortnight! (The extra's on TD are really horrid!)
The soap would only last for 10 years, 5 months and 16 days! Thanks to great piece of editing, there would be only 220 dream sequences, 550 dress changes by Disha, Character losing their memory only 200 times, 150 time Suhas declaring that she hates Disha and then 150 times changing her statement!
The ship would be overflowing with extras whom you normally find in other sopas like Sindoor and Rabba Ishq No Hove and countless other soaps......basically anything, that have a court scene full of people or a slum full of aam-janta.
The ship will start sinking, not because of the iceberg but because of excessive on-board population (Too many characters, coming and going with new faces and get-up everytime!)
The infamous lovemaking in the back seat of the car would be replaced with a dream sequence where DK and Disha are waltzing in the rain and Inder is peeping behind the trees with Rano keeping an eye on him from the ledge, with Vedant using his Binoculars to see them from a building, with Gargi spying on all of them using Fazi……….who would actually be flirting with Kanchan!
Vedant, who is also travelling in the Ship along with the estranged Mother Gargi, will save Pori from being molested during the chaos. Pori will instantly fall in love right after this and she will also get a dream sequence or two with Ved!
Remember Rose changing her mind about jumping into the water? In our case, Disha changes her mind, since...since... the ship is moving along a creek of Juhu Beach and the water stinks!
How can we forget the painting scene? DK would be painting Disha's portrait with Disha fully covered minus the locke, but itstead will have a mile-long Mangalsutra in her slender neck (Censors yaar!). To add some amount of glamour, Disha would be wearing an extra transparent sari! This is to be followed by another dream sequence number, with extras of course, at the Kanaka House in the rain!
DK would eventually find his long lost mom Sumitra Devi on theship. Only during the climax would Sumitra tell DK about how Inder the Bunder troubled them. DK would then yell, "Kutte mein tera khoon Pee jaaoonga". The ensuing fight would only last for 40 episodes, which will lead to Inder jumping into the sea for safety….but since Inder is not blessed with tremendous brains, he will realized thereafter that he cannot swim, and DK will be guffawing from the Deck!
There would be an antakshari for the "drowners" (which would include Rano, Gargi, Sukanya and Anil) conducted by Annu Kapoor of Antakshri Fame instead of the trio playing the violin. This would also give an opportunity for DK to don a silk Kurta and Tikka on his forehead!
Most important!! The number of times the word "Bachaoooo" would be yelled would be a record in the history of hindi soaps.
• Inder will somehow resurface from the rough waters with the help of Vedant (who is now turned against DK because he will not let Pori marry him) tell DK...Captain (Vijendra) se ja ke kaho ke agar apni biwi or beti ko zinda Dekhna chahte ho to naav ko Hindustaan kee sarhado se hamesha hamesha ke liye bahooot door le jao……..

The saga will continue………….

Cheers,

Chilly

PS : Disclaimer - This piece is not entirely original, got the basic idea from a website and I changed it accordingly!