Originally posted by: leavesandwaves
Next the question of ganga vis a vis other poor bahus like sumitra, gehna and anandi. The other bahus did not behave like servants whereas ganga behaves like a servant though she is not a servant. It is very difficult to accept a person with a low self esteem who behaves like a servant as a bahu.
Ganga should develop some stature to be fit to become a haveli bahu.
I have not seen sumitra and gehna just sitting idly like the shekhar women being waited on hand and foot. Sumitra and gehna and anandi are very active in the kitchen and in supervising housework, and therefore, in my opinion, DO behave like "servants".
But this then leads to the question -- does working in the kitchen and doing housework mean "behaving like servants?" and conversely, does just sitting idly on the sofa, cracking stupid jokes whom nobody else finds funny mean behaving like "maalkin"?
Can one not do housework because one sees it as an expression of love for one's family? Cooking healthy meals for one's children rather than outsourcing the responsibility to a cook, does not make one less of a maalkin than a servant. Going shopping for vegetables is not an act of degradation. Ironing my husband's clothes does not make me a servant -- UNLESS I FEEL THAT I AM BEING COMPELLED TO DO IT.
And Ganga did not come into the house as a bahu at all. She came as a woman needing shelter. She was an outsider to begin with. She cannot be compared to sumitra, gehna or anandi. And she did her best to 'earn her keep'. Jagya was most certainly not her husband where she could just lounge around and do nothing and come to sit on the dining table.
Even in my own home, if my nieces or someone come to visit with me, I will really dislike it if they just watch tv all day, and come to the dining table three times a day, without asking me if I need help in the kitchen, particularly if they see me cooking in the kitchen. It is not necessary that I will ask them to help me, but I still don't want them to feel like I am the servant. They should at least have the decency or courtesy to ask, and only go away if I excuse them from the task. Which is what ganga did. In addition, while I do not expect them to work in the kitchen, I very much like it even if they integrate with me and pull up a chair and sit in the kitchen with me while I am cooking. They don't need to do anything. They just can sit and have a cup of tea and chat with me. That makes me feel like an aunt and not just a cook-cum-housekeeper for them.
Ganga has come from a household and a rural background where doing housework is the norm.
She doesn't put on jeans and go around hi-fi drinking coffee at caf coffee day and getting tattoos on her arm. Naturally, she does what she is familiar with which is kitchen work. In addition, when gehna got pregnant, there was a natural 'vacancy' in the kitchen and sumitra needed help, so ganga got in and started filling up gehna's space.
I believe the status of being a haveli bahu has to be benchmarked against criteria of good will towards the family and love towards the family ... not whether they do housework or not. With that criteria in mind, I think Ganga has definitely earned the stature of being a haveli bahu.
Shiv Shakti
