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This was Hell
It's one of those nights when I want to scream and throw a fit. I'm leaving for college, leaving for another city... unknown and dangerous for my mind. I'm so sick of trying to blend in, and now I'll have to do it again. I'll have to see new faces, I'll have to smile at them every morning, and like that wasn't enough I'll have to live with these perpetual strangers who I will probably hate once I get to know them.
I sucked in a huge breath and prepared myself for the my impending doom. I was going to be devastated once I left the hell hole I called home for the past eighteen years. All this while I was trying to escape it, but now I felt a distinct tugging at my heart, not because I had suddenly realized the worth of my 'home', but the fact that I was going to a place far worse than I had lived in.
My bags were packed, my story books kept in boxes; I'd already arranged for my writing pads to be delivered before anything else. I looked back at my now empty room, feeling no warmth for it. Just a room, I thought and left.
I pulled my bag across my shoulders and left. My parents seemed sad to see me leave, but happy that I was getting my dream, running away from my house. They waved me goodbye and I don't know when time flew by.
I'd reached the new city. There was no sense of freedom as I trudged down the platform with my bags behind me. There was no sense of relief when I hailed a taxi and sped towards my hostel. There was no sense of liberalization when I pulled out my purse to pay the taxi fair.
I gulped the lump in my throat as I entered the hostel and then entered my room. There were six other girls, all joyous and giggling about their boyfriends and hometowns. And certainly about fashion.
I disliked them already.
I opened my bags and took care to arrange all my clothes and other things in the crammed space I was given. I stared at the drawers and wondered how I'd manage to live with these people! It was a scary thought, but I'd made the decision. I had to live through it.
It took me a whole day to fathom what I'd have to live with, and I was ready.
I scurried out of the dormitory and tried to check out the place. It was a co-ed place... There were boys on campus, too. So, I would see them passing by, making random comments of checking me out. To be honest, I didn't mind.
But as I wondered around the campus, I found one familiar face. Someone I had never thought I'd meet. He was staring at me, equally shocked. And now that I stared at him, college didn't seem so horrible.
"Asad," his name escaped my lips. I'd loved him for three years, and never had the courage to ask him out. He knew, though and that's what broke us apart. We'd drifted so far that we didn't even know where the other was.
He was my senior now, but one I'd like to be with. He turned away as his friends looked over their shoulders.
"Hey, girl!" one called. I stared at my foot for a minute before jumping back in worry. "Hey, you... in green." Yup, that was definitely me. I looked up, hesitant. What was this gonna turn into?
"Come here!" another called. I approached them cautiously, feeling an uneasiness creeping into my body.
"You're new?" I just nodded. I quickly glanced at Asad who seemed mostly nonchalant about my presence.
"How about we get to know each other?" Okay... I've heard of freshers being ragged in college, but I'd never thought I'd face this. Damn!
"Urm..."
"Who do you want to have a dance with?" My eyes widened. "C'mon, just one friendly lap dance. We'll get to know each other better." I think I took an involuntary step back.
"Man, leave the girl alone." I heard a grumble. I looked up to see who it was and met with the eyes of a sympathetic Asad. I don't need that from you, I rebelled.
"Don't be a spoil sport! We'll ask her to give you the dance." My hands balled up into fists. Asad quieted down, much to my grief. "So, are you gonna give him the pleasure of a dance?" My eyes snapped to the person who spoke the words. My teeth clenched together as I grit out the words.
"No." And hell broke lose.
A crowd had formed around us. All cheering for me to 'do it'. And booing when I didn't comply.
They closed down on me. I moved back.
"Why don't you entertain us by running a few laps then?" My eyes scrunched up in confusion.
"She can't swim!" Asad screamed suddenly, before I felt myself fall back.
I could hear the gurgling sounds of laughter even under water, and in that moment I truly wished that I couldn't swim. My lungs fought for air as I pushed my legs...
I wish I die.
I broke through the surface and gasped for air.
He didn't know. He had thought I'd drown. So had I... and I would.
It was fixed then. This was hell, and Asad was going to make it no better.
oOo
I had no other work. I was depressed. This was a dream of mine that had been bugging me for a long time. You can throw the rotten eggs and tomatoes at me now. I just had to let that out.
It's one of those nights when I want to scream and throw a fit. I'm leaving for college, leaving for another city... unknown and dangerous for my mind. I'm so sick of trying to blend in, and now I'll have to do it again. I'll have to see new faces, I'll have to smile at them every morning, and like that wasn't enough I'll have to live with these perpetual strangers who I will probably hate once I get to know them.
I sucked in a huge breath and prepared myself for the my impending doom. I was going to be devastated once I left the hell hole I called home for the past eighteen years. All this while I was trying to escape it, but now I felt a distinct tugging at my heart, not because I had suddenly realized the worth of my 'home', but the fact that I was going to a place far worse than I had lived in.
My bags were packed, my story books kept in boxes; I'd already arranged for my writing pads to be delivered before anything else. I looked back at my now empty room, feeling no warmth for it. Just a room, I thought and left.
I pulled my bag across my shoulders and left. My parents seemed sad to see me leave, but happy that I was getting my dream, running away from my house. They waved me goodbye and I don't know when time flew by.
I'd reached the new city. There was no sense of freedom as I trudged down the platform with my bags behind me. There was no sense of relief when I hailed a taxi and sped towards my hostel. There was no sense of liberalization when I pulled out my purse to pay the taxi fair.
I gulped the lump in my throat as I entered the hostel and then entered my room. There were six other girls, all joyous and giggling about their boyfriends and hometowns. And certainly about fashion.
I disliked them already.
I opened my bags and took care to arrange all my clothes and other things in the crammed space I was given. I stared at the drawers and wondered how I'd manage to live with these people! It was a scary thought, but I'd made the decision. I had to live through it.
It took me a whole day to fathom what I'd have to live with, and I was ready.
I scurried out of the dormitory and tried to check out the place. It was a co-ed place... There were boys on campus, too. So, I would see them passing by, making random comments of checking me out. To be honest, I didn't mind.
But as I wondered around the campus, I found one familiar face. Someone I had never thought I'd meet. He was staring at me, equally shocked. And now that I stared at him, college didn't seem so horrible.
"Asad," his name escaped my lips. I'd loved him for three years, and never had the courage to ask him out. He knew, though and that's what broke us apart. We'd drifted so far that we didn't even know where the other was.
He was my senior now, but one I'd like to be with. He turned away as his friends looked over their shoulders.
"Hey, girl!" one called. I stared at my foot for a minute before jumping back in worry. "Hey, you... in green." Yup, that was definitely me. I looked up, hesitant. What was this gonna turn into?
"Come here!" another called. I approached them cautiously, feeling an uneasiness creeping into my body.
"You're new?" I just nodded. I quickly glanced at Asad who seemed mostly nonchalant about my presence.
"How about we get to know each other?" Okay... I've heard of freshers being ragged in college, but I'd never thought I'd face this. Damn!
"Urm..."
"Who do you want to have a dance with?" My eyes widened. "C'mon, just one friendly lap dance. We'll get to know each other better." I think I took an involuntary step back.
"Man, leave the girl alone." I heard a grumble. I looked up to see who it was and met with the eyes of a sympathetic Asad. I don't need that from you, I rebelled.
"Don't be a spoil sport! We'll ask her to give you the dance." My hands balled up into fists. Asad quieted down, much to my grief. "So, are you gonna give him the pleasure of a dance?" My eyes snapped to the person who spoke the words. My teeth clenched together as I grit out the words.
"No." And hell broke lose.
A crowd had formed around us. All cheering for me to 'do it'. And booing when I didn't comply.
They closed down on me. I moved back.
"Why don't you entertain us by running a few laps then?" My eyes scrunched up in confusion.
"She can't swim!" Asad screamed suddenly, before I felt myself fall back.
I could hear the gurgling sounds of laughter even under water, and in that moment I truly wished that I couldn't swim. My lungs fought for air as I pushed my legs...
I wish I die.
I broke through the surface and gasped for air.
He didn't know. He had thought I'd drown. So had I... and I would.
It was fixed then. This was hell, and Asad was going to make it no better.
oOo
I had no other work. I was depressed. This was a dream of mine that had been bugging me for a long time. You can throw the rotten eggs and tomatoes at me now. I just had to let that out.
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