The Credibility of Marriage

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joie de vivre

@joie de vivre

Inactive

Posted: 12 years ago

#21

I think marriage is absolutely essential. India has a plethora of problems, many of which appear frighteningly intractable, but one good thing about our society is that we haven't - as yet - consigned the institution of marriage to the dustbin of history. Look at what happened in the Western world post sexual liberation - marriage has become a quaint institution, single parenthood has skyrocketed, record number of STD's/STI's, record number of people on anti-depressants, record number of people on the dole, sexualisation of very young children, po*nification of the zeitgeist... the left won the culture war, and the right won the economic war, and it's an effing dysfunctional nightmare that's unraveling. Economic and social libertarianism is a marriage made in hell. Too much latitude and freedom inculcates and fosters a certain insularity and need for instant gratification in people... in other words, a "me, me, me" culture. It's all about "MY EMOTIONS, MY FEELINGS, MY FRUSTRATIONS, MY HAPPINESS, MY CONTENTMENT, MY EXCITEMENT, MY FULFILLMENT"... Too often we hear that old frigging chestnut being wheeled out - Marriage is hard. Well guess what, diddums, it's only "hard" when it's all about you, or when it's more about you than about the rest.

Traditional family units work far better in most cases than amorphous, flimsy emotional contracts, especially when there are children involved. This view isn't going to be very popular on this forum, though.

Edited by joie de vivre - 12 years ago

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Mahadevan Venkitaraman

@maha2us

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

#22

Vandana, You say, ' Of course they do, but when you're married - you can actually make the guy pay, legally and in terms of money. Its about exiting, and exiting with style. :-)'

I guess you believe you will exit in style by legal means. No, Vandana! Learn that when you try to get justice in a court, you will play with fire. And the heat of the fire will be very much on you also. If you and the guy both get too involved in legal means, what will happen is both of you will be like lambs and the lawyers whom you trust will be like foxes. For anyone trying to get justice in a court in India, what he/she doesn't know is his/her own lawyer betrays him/her more than the opposition lawyer. Of course, you may be able to get some sympathy and the guy may be viewed with scorn. But this sympathy won't help you much. The judicial system in India is so complicated that anyone may be able to harass the other person but getting justice is as much possible as putting a camel through a needle.

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Vee

@reflorated

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

#23

Originally posted by: maha2us
Vandana, You say, ' Of course they do, but when you're married - you can actually make the guy pay, legally and in terms of money. Its about exiting, and exiting with style. :-)'

I guess you believe you will exit in style by legal means. No, Vandana! Learn that when you try to get justice in a court, you will play with fire. And the heat of the fire will be very much on you also. If you and the guy both get too involved in legal means, what will happen is both of you will be like lambs and the lawyers whom you trust will be like foxes. For anyone trying to get justice in a court in India, what he/she doesn't know is his/her own lawyer betrays him/her more than the opposition lawyer. Of course, you may be able to get some sympathy and the guy may be viewed with scorn. But this sympathy won't help you much. The judicial system in India is so complicated that anyone may be able to harass the other person but getting justice is as much possible as putting a camel through a needle.

This is like opening a can of worms, is it not? 😆

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hit_homerun

@hit_homerun

Explorer

Posted: 12 years ago

#24

Originally posted by: lonely0planet
its very individual choice..
personally i get bored of people very quickly.. Fall out of love faster than i fall in love(people say its not love really, but nevermind), so marriage definitely not meant for me.

But some people cant lbe by themselves or be independent, they have to be in marriage.

Its beatiful for them for me its suffocation.

I have stopped watching movies, tv and redong books because they all have same storylines people end up together or are shown as miserable if they dont end up with someone.

Society promotes this idea and forces you to believe it.

Really achievement is to shun this idea and come out victorious. 😊

If you are like me you would definitely understand what i mean here.

😆 it amuses me how those books often end up on the top shelf till date ! its not just gibberish over and over again . its The Same Gibberish over and over again.

i agree with ur theory on marriage , cant eat dal chawal everyday ...need some tandoori , mutton and chillis as well 😉

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Forever-KA

@Forever-KA

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

#25

As on old timer, as a veteran member, as a fox I have observed that when it comes to marriage there are two types of female members here on IF

1- "Jag mujh pe lagaye paabandi, main hon hi hani is duniya ki" club

These are girls do not believe in marriage and as soon as there is topic on marriage they come out and state their opinion and support whoever is talking against marriage. It would be interesting to track these girls over time and see how many get married eventually or how many are still defying the world.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1RducJbUdc

2- "Meri dorron se aaye baaarat, mayya main to pauuni" club

There are traditional girls who believe in marriage. It would be interesting to see whether they believe in love or arrange and where the end up with

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0uEG58zzJ0

Feel free to associate yourself with club a or club b. If you have other clubs in mind then let me know. The fox might have missed those.

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richa1792

@richa1792

Explorer

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

#26

I, for one, believe in marriage, but not because of the fact that the society deems it as the right thing to do.

If you enter into a marriage just for security, because you are afraid that your partner will walk away otherwise, I don't see the point.

What is the use of forcing someone to stay with you, just because of all the legal bindings?

For me, marriage is supposed to be an institution with trust, love, respect and life long commitment.

And yes, we can have the same thing when you live-in with your partner.

But what about when you have kids?

Are you okay for them to be born out of wed-lock?

And no matter what, sometimes, we have to take notice of the society.

Maybe you can take the hushed whispers, but subjecting your child to that would be another matter altogether.

Also, marriage gives you a family.

The law does not identify your live in partner as your family. I guess.

So, if he/she is the person you love the most in the entire world, wouldn't you want to give them that right, and have the same right in return??

And as for all the talks of people getting married because of dowry, well, you do have a right to refuse.

A forced marriage is no marriage at all.

And we are not talking about a wedding here, but a marriage.

And if marriage is just a piece of paper, why not sign it then??

It doesn't matter if its a love marriage or an arranged one, I believe, if there's love, it will work.

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cupoftea11

@cupoftea11

Dazzler

Posted: 12 years ago

#27

Originally posted by: V323
I have come across various view points about the institution of marriage, and would like to ask fellow forum members what their thoughts, on this topic, are.

Do you believe marriage is nothing but a wastage of money and time? Do you think that the "name" marriage claims to give to a relationship can be easily obtained without all the fuss?

Wastage of money? Marriage just means Nikah,Pheras or maybe just signing a piece of paper.
As for the 'money' part-its totally upto you,how much you want to spend!

Fuss? Marriage?😕😆

-Vee

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Sarah

@devilindisguise

Rocker

+ 5

Posted: 12 years ago

#28

Marriage is an integral part of life
if u don't want to waste money go for a simple wedding avoiding the hundreds of guest
No doubt u can take responsibilities widout marrying n all bt marriage is jz crown on d top

M jz 17 yet feel this

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tulipbaby53

@tulipbaby53

Trailblazer

+ 2

Posted: 12 years ago

#29

I live in the US of A and being married does have it's benefits in terms of finance, but it also has it's setbacks in the terms of finance. Let's just see it from a basic viewpoint: You might be able to afford more things once your share your income with each other, but remember when you marry someone, you also marry their debt as well. Lately I have seen couples who are very much in love not get married due to one person's credit card debt or school loans. A classmate of mine told her fiance, "I love you, babe, but I don't love your debt." Debt can be very burdensome, and can prevent your from getting a loan for a house for your future family.

Marriage also allows you the benefit of getting on your spouse's insurance (or they get the benefit of being on yours). Even your future children can be on their insurance plan, and having health insurance and a vision and dental plan are very beneficial to have. I am not going into detail about all the benefits because it really varies based on the insurance company and job of the spouse (or yourself).

So from an economical standpoint, marriage can be beneficial, but it can also be hurtful too.

Now that I said the factual things, I'll go into my personal, philosophical take on marriage. Personally, I do not understand why people get married. I'm not saying this in a negative way; it's a sincere question. Why do people get married? What does it mean to the couple? Are you any less in love without it? What does it symbolize? Can you not just be a happy in love couple who live together? What is the need for marriage? Honestly, I think it is more of a cultural, societal ritual.

I know some people will bring up that some marriages are arranged. Why does it have to be an arranged marriage? Can the boy and girl just be told to be friends and give them time to learn to love each other? Why get married? Why force them? What's the need? What is trying to be proven?

Just because two people are married, does not mean that those two people have some sort of possession over one another. Infidelity happens all the time to various married couples. I'm not even referring to infidelity in the sleeping with someone sense. I'm talking about hanging out and spending time with someone else, even if it's in your own thoughts.

Marriage does not have the value that people think it does when they get married, and this has been that way probably since the first marriage every created.

Honestly, I think it more done for show. People want to show how in love they are, families want to show how much wealth they have, parents want to show how much they care for their children. A marriage is still a marriage even if you go to court and sign papers, and that is legally a marriage. Why all this fuss with fancy clothes and high-fy decor?

I know my questions sound pessimistic, but I am not. I'm really truly asking everyone (whether they are married or not), why do we do these things?

Personally, I too want to get married, and I have a whole board on Pinterest title "What To Do Before I Do". I don't even have a man in my life yet. 😆 I wonder why I'm pinning all that. What is the point? Am I really going to use Pinterest when I get married? Perhaps! 😆

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