The Credibility of Marriage

Originally posted by: V323

PS - I am not sure if there has been a debate on this topic before, I am not a regular member of this forum. This is the first time I make a main topic on the forum, incidentally 😆. So in case there is, I apologize for cluttering up. Would appreciate if somebody directed me to the other thread.

-Vee

Originally posted by: DonnaHarvey

Do you believe marriage is nothing but a wastage of money and time?

The opposite. It saves time (no more looking for a mate every time you feel like you need a kind) and you don't have to fend entirely for yourself and your child or on useless dates for that matter. You share expenses and chores and other mundane duties.

Do you think that the "name" marriage claims to give to a relationship can be easily obtained without all the fuss?

I don't understand the question. Please reword it. Thanks

Or do you believe that marriage is just the next step forward?

Possibly. To each his own.

For me, I think so.

Did I see you in my FF some time ago?

Originally posted by: V323

I have come across various view points about the institution of marriage, and would like to ask fellow forum members what their thoughts, on this topic, are.

Do you believe marriage is nothing but a wastage of money and time? Do you think that the "name" marriage claims to give to a relationship can be easily obtained without all the fuss?

Or do you believe that marriage is just the next step forward?

Would love to hear your thoughts. They may not necessarily revolve around the questions I have posed, but may bring in a factor I have not considered. Please don't hesitate to put your thoughts forward, I would love to hear them. I don't bite, I promise. :-)

-Vandana (They call me Vee)

Also - would like to add in advance that I shall try to play the Devil's advocate to most of the argument presented here, just for the sake of debate.

-Vee

Remember: Nobody will fall in love... everybody will decide consciously that "This is the one." S/He has known so many people, S/he understands that this is the one who has those characteristics, those qualities that S/he has loved. And then too it is only going to be a friendship...😉

PS - I am not sure if there has been a debate on this topic before, I am not a regular member of this forum. This is the first time I make a main topic on the forum, incidentally 😆. So in case there is, I apologize for cluttering up. Would appreciate if somebody directed me to the other thread.

-Vee

Originally posted by: meghasingh

I don't understand why people marry each other? Although it raises many practical problem in society, like the concept behind marriage itself in traditional way,, where girl is not a human being, but a mere object to be given away to a new owner by the old one.

But in your case, we can hardly blame the institution of marriage, right? Should we not blame the people who treat their daughters like a commodity to be exchanged?

Wastage of money...absolutely for bourgaise, or for upper class it's not such a problem, but for lower middle class, and lower class, it must be. The amount of money a father spends on his daughter's marriage becomes the measure how much he love his daughter. Rather than love mostly times (in 90% indian marriages, i can bet it's true, even in love marriages) it's rather like a business deal and show off thing. it's like...oh how much cash the had given on teeka, or about how many lakhs one did spend on their marriage costume...and so on.

Yet again, we cannot blame the actual institution of marriage, can we? There are options like court marriages etc available. :-)

And another thing, why do we need a marriage even if we're in love. We can just be in a live in relationship.

But live in relationships do not provide security that a marriage does. In case we walk out of a live in relationship, its just that. We're alone ... but in case of a divorce, people can seek out the court and the law to help them get momentary relief, monetary and otherwise :-)

Originally posted by: V323

Like I said, playing the Devil's Advocate. Keep them coming! ;-)

Originally posted by: DonnaHarvey

Homo sapiens is one of the many species of homonids that lives in communal settings with tribes. In other words, we are wired to seek a family unit whose basis largely revolves around raising a child. Since a human brain takes longer to develop than most other species, each member of the family unit has a role to play in raising the child up to her full developmental potential. Let us say this time is somewhere in the range of teen years when the child is ready to fend for herself. At this time, the family can split apart or look for multiple matings in the same unit. Since there is often childcare available, many pregnancies do result during that time. We may have developed monogamy over a period of time seeing as it gives both the male and female easy access to their respective needs. The woman needs childcare because of her large biological investment in her progeny (i.e. the egg + the gestation period). Staying in a communal unit, she has help from the father of the child as well as the child's siblings and grandparents, neighbours...you get the picture. The man needs that too because he needs to keep his genes alive in the next generation but less so since he invests less (i.e. biological speaking he contributes only the sperm) and so will look for multiple progeny. Living with the same woman, he can protect his progeny and gets east access to a mate (resulting in multiple progeny without as much effort).

The marriage part of the relationship is cultural and (I would think) a way to avoid those who are looking for an evolutionary advantage via cheating i.e. extra marital affairs to impregnate multiple woman or women mating with men with better genes (the sexy son hypothesis if you care to read).

So, thinking back to a time before civilization, marriage would be cohabitation minus the ritualistic part of it. Then and now, not much has changed looking at just the skeleton of a marriage. It lasts so long as there is a mutual agreement between a man and a woman, a certain hormone mix that creates love and the unconscious want to spread your DNA. If there is an imbalance of either of these, cheating, no love chemicals or breaking the agreement, the relationship falls apart. The institution of marriage for a couple falls apart when a marriage does.

There is nothing threatening the family unit. There is nothing threatening love or monogamy. Marriages will stay even if the population loses faith in the rituals because we are wired to stay together.

The reason people feel marriages will not last is because our definition of marriage often involves some religious assurance that the couple are bound by the holy book to stay exclusive and to share emotional & financial burdens. Today, we have options. The same security is provided by the law. We have court marriages, common law, etc which (for some people) serve better than a wedding.

Marriages are no more dependent on money than any other cohabitation relationship.

To conclude my scattered thoughts, all that is changing today is our viewpoint. We are looking at more than one way to live. We have options but this evolutionary phenomenon is far bigger than anything we can destroy.