Jaag Dard -e- Ishq Jaag
'I did not do it Arohi , Mera yakeen karo' his face his voice was still crystal clear to her. She woke up again in the middle of the night. How many times she had woken up like this? Every other day she gets the same dream, he is asking her to believe him, extending his hand asking her to hold him, support him, she stands there watching him in disbelief.
He was standing at the edge of the cliff, if she holds his hand he will survive. 'Arohi , mujhpe yakeen nahi hai?' disbelief is in his voice now, before she can answer, he dropped his hand down took a step back, fell off the cliff. At that point she would wake up. why did she not hold him, pull him back, believe him. Wiping the sweat off her forehead she got up to stand next to the window, she desperately needed the cool air. Rain seemed to have perfect timing when it comes to her, that too when she is struggling with his memories, sweet and bitter at the same time. Could he hear the rain, does he remember her when he does, does he hate her, that she did not believe him. Did she believe him? till today she does not have the answer.
She came back, she left the window open, it was cold, it felt good. Picking up the blanket and threw it on the bed. She lied down facing the window, the mat beneath was cold as well. It did not bother her. She had gotten used to it from past two years. Wasn't he sleeping the same way somewhere far away among four walls. She did not want to think about it. But nothing was in her command especially her heart. Did he eat well, sleep well, how was he treated, does he want to see her, probably not. It is better that way, not seeing each other. For how long, like forever? Just like the thunder outside a fear leapt inside her, forever? Arjun and her won't meet again, won't talk. Did she really want to see him? No she did not have the courage. She did not know how she would react. Then why was she doing all this, sleeping on a mat, even after becoming a popular playback singer she refused to dress up. Even after living in a mansion she hardly enjoyed any of the luxuries. It was to prove her family that she was normal she put up the false pretense of wanting and enjoying all the material comforts. Only she knew how she lived. Reciprocating his life in the cell. She always felt comfort sitting on the window sill holding the bars, similar bars would be guarding him but were they able to guard the heart, were there bars and cells in there that can restrict a person not to love. She turned sides. She got up and opened the door to the patio outside her bedroom. She has asked the gardener to plant anything but red roses. Nothing that reminds of love. But had that stopped. Roses or no roses it did not make any difference. She watched the rain sitting on the cane swing. She saw his image walking beside her in the rain taking his coat off to put it on her, dancing in the rain for her. She involuntarily smiled, how he slept outside on the bench in the rain, again, for her. How she had wished she went out with him then and there. They had married just a while before, she should have gone with him. She should have. Tears flowed down her cheeks. If only.. If only so many obstacles had not come their way, oh how she wished they were transported back to the office, she could tolerate the sadu boss of hers forever. Can this all be a bad dream. Can they go back to teasing each other, sharing the elevator, sharing a sip of the coffee, their subtle romance, their innocence...
Kya hua aaj jo tumhari itni yaad aayi mujhe, ya phir yeh kahu ki kya hua ki aaj itna rona aaya mujhe she wiped her welled up eyes hairaani toh tab hoti jab tumhari yaad nahi aati she smiled. True there was not a moment that she did not remember him, he was there all the time like a shadow, a part of her mind and heart in everything she did so far, but no today was definitely different, why. Something was not right, some fear, fear that he was not ok. What difference will it make, she had known all along he was not ok, not ok to be in prison, not ok to be named a culprit, not ok to be blamed by her, yes she knew, and it hurt, probably more than it did him. How long had it been? two and a half years? so long, so soon, apne kismat mein kya sirf dard bhara ishq likha hai? meri khushiyaan hai mujhse roothi huyi, meri sapne hai saare choor huyi, zinda hoke bhi nahi hu, saans lekar bhi miti hu. kyun yeh dard, dil ko nichodne wali, acchi lagti hai, sirf aasuon ke raag nikalta hai, aaj bhi yahi gaaya 'kaaga chun chun khayiyo chun chun khayiyo maas, do naina mat khayiyo mohe piya milan ki aas'. sach? milan ki aas? mujhe? sach toh yeh ki naina meri hamesha ke liye band ho jaaye, piya se milan ka koi aas nahi hai, nahi hai. ** kisko sunau yeh daastaan kisko dikhau dil ke daag jaau kahan ki door tak jalta nahi koi chiraag, rakh ban chuki hai aag. aisi chali hava ye gam aisaa badal gaya samaa ruth ke mujhse chal diye meri khushi ki karvaan**, meri khushi toh tumse hi thi, phir tumhe kaise jaane diya, tumse ladti, duniya se ladti tumhe paas rakhti tumhari saaya banti, yeh maine kya kiya. kya tum meri jagah pe hote toh aisa karte? tum aisa kyun karte? mohabbat kiya tha ek dusre se, aisa pal kyun aaya ki uska sahara choot gaya. har pal yahi baat khaayi jaati hai har pal. She went out into the rain and kneeled down cupping her face with both hands she cried, she was all alone. Along with the thunder the realisation struck her, he will be gone, yes that is the reason why she was feeling fearful, wasn't it his last day, last night, she remembered the date of course, denial is not going to change the truth, he will be hanged to death for killing her father, only he did not. he did not, she uttered again, of course he did not how can he, he was her Arjun, how can he even kill her father, he was ready to take his own life, take karan's life for her sake but he would never ever take away something so precious to her. what was she trying to push back, the truth? truth is roaring aloud. She stood up like in trance.
She came inside opened the drawer, stroked the thing very dear to her, kept for a purpose, for this day, her pistol. Before he dies she would die, had she not decided it long back. He will never know she was gone, she will wait in heaven ,away from the worldly pressures, to meet him. She had already written a letter to her family, sealed it, they will find it eventually and they will understand, after all she went after her love. She took the pistol in her hands 'I love you, I believe you, mujhe yakeen hai Arjun tum par' she thought. Just when she was about to shoot herself another thought came, he will never know before dying, she will never be able to tell him, if she said this aloud to him he will at least die peacefully, he deserves to know how she feels, he should know she does not hate him, more than that she needs to know he does not hater her. At 4 am in the morning how can she meet him. But she had to talk to him. She threw the pistol aside, she looked through her phone book, she had written down the number of the prison, she had never intended to call, but she wanted to keep it. She found it, she dialed the number, her nervous hands were shaking, her legs were shaking she sat down for support, she got up not able to sit, she heard the warden speak from the other side. she asked to speak to Arjun. She asked how he was doing. 'you are asking about Arjun Punj' 'yes Arjun Punj' her voice shook, is she too late? 'Madam you realize what day you are calling? in another 2 hours he will be ..' yes she knew, but coming as a confirmation from the other side undid her completely 'I know, please I want to talk to him, just once, just for a minute, bas ek pal ke liye batana hai ki uske bina ...' her voice trailed off. 'bura mat maaniye, kya aap unki Arohi hai' 'haan' he knew? 'Aap bahut khush kismat hai madam, unke chehre par apki khayal ke alawa kuch nahi dikhta' these tears were different, these were not of pain these were of happiness, knowing that his face was so transparent that people could see her in him 'please ek baar..' 'haan haan bulate hai' , how long was it, 10 years, 10 lives can ten minutes be so long. She heard foot steps, she heard chains(noise from the handcuff), chains? she felt a tug in her heart, the pain returned, they both were in chains 'aapke liye phone hai' she heard the warden tell him 'chalo hum chai peeke aate hai' probably to the constable . She heard handcuff being opened. She heard footsteps trailing off. She heard the receiver being picked up 'Hello..' she head his voice, it hit her like a cool breeze, one word took all her pain away, she could not speak 'hello' he said again 'h...hello ' her voice could hardly be heard. There was silence on the other side, did he leave she panicked 'Arjun main Arohi' There was still silence on the other side 'Arjun baat karo Arjun mujhse , please' she knew his eyes must be filled his voice must be choked , so she continued 'mujhe kehna tha hai yakeen mujhe, tum par, tumhari mohabbat par' 'Arjun? please kuch bolo arjun, mujhse kaho ki mujhe maaf kiya, main kuch nahi kar paayi arjun, mujhe maaf kardo' she cried 'phir se bolo' she heard his voice, it was very low but very clear 'mujhe yakeen hai tumpar' 'arohi' 'haan' 'kaise ho?' 'tum kaise ho? main tumse milne nahi aayi, iss baat par gussa ho?' 'bahut' 'nafrat karte ho mujhse?' 'itni subah subah kyun jagi ho?' 'tumse baat karni thi' 'tumhe pata hai na' 'haan' 'kya?' 'ki tum mujhse nafrat nahi karte' she knew he must have smiled. 'ki aaj meri akhri subah hai' she could not speak 'rona nahi, main bahut sukun se jaa raha hu, ab toh tumse baat bhi ho gayi, isi pal bhi jaa sakta hu' 'tum kabhi nahi badloge' 'tumse vada kiya tha maine ki ek dil ke liye duniya dedi ek pal ke zindagi' she cried audibly 'please arohi mujhse haste huye baat karo' she tried to calm down 'tumne bataya nahi kaise ho tum' 'main theek hu' 'sach?' 'Arjun main jaanti hu iss janam mein toh hum mil nahi paaye, agle janam mein main Arjun banungi aur tum Arohi, tab mujhse khub badla lena' 'kyun Arohi hoti satane ke liye kya' he laughed lightly 'haan' she replied. It was time for him to go 'Chalta hu' he said 'nahi' 'jaana toh hai arohi' main bhi aungi tumhare sath 'bye' 'ek baar boldo' he asked her 'I love you' she said. She could feel he was contented, she heard him kiss from the other side. It warmed her up, it teared her up, she wanted him to come in front of her, to hold her, to cuddle her, to kiss her. She stopped a sob from escaping. She heard the receiver click, he was gone, forever, forever forever and she was filled with darkness. If only she had done this two years ago he would be with her.
Even tears refused to come. She was going to go first. Determined she took the pistol. She put it to her temple. her phone rang. She ignored it. but what if it was Arjun, a weird hope spread through her. For the second time she put the pistol down, it was as if death was refusing to come. It was purvi, but so early in the morning, there must be something very important. Fearing the worse she received the call. 'Arohi ..' Purvi sobbed 'Kya hua purvi di' '...' 'purvi di?' arohi was scared now 'woh Arjun...' purvi cried. Arohi's eyes filled up, purvi too remembered it was the day Arjun was to be hanged 'purvi di , ek vaada karoge? mujhe maaf karoge? antra aur sur ka khayal rakhoge' but purvi seemed to have not heard her 'Arohi , saleel aur main...humdono...abhi hume ek cd mili' Arohi felt her legs go weak , something definitely big has happened 'usme Arjun aur baba' Arohi cut purvi 'Di mujhe yakeen hai Arjun ne kuch nahi kiya' 'haan, arjun ne kuch nahi kiya, cd mein saaf dikhta hai baba fisal ke gir gaye the' purvi finished fast, Arohi felt numb 'Arohi saleel gaya hai lawyer se milne, usne abhi warden ko phone kiya, lawyer ne judge ko phone kiya hai aur ...' purvi was still talking, Arohi's phone had fallen from her hands there was proof, there was evidence, there was some material that would prove him innocent, but will they reach in time, what if they are late, no their love was winning, the hope was overwhelming, his voice was ringing in her head, his kiss was resounding. unable to take it all anymore she fainted. A new dawn had begun in both their lives. Time had come to live and show the world ki Kitni Mohabbat Hai.
** are lines from the song jaag dard e ishq jaag.
Edited by kavyasam - 12 years ago
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