What's gonna happen today?! -Gutter OS ^_^

Scene opens on the point where Zoya is in Almaari-Romeo Asad's arms:

Asad (In his hottest bedroom-wala-voice): Zoya, main tumse...

Zoya: Wait wait wait!!! Thehriye Jahapanah! Itni jaldi bol denge toh agle 4-5 episodes tak ki story toh abhi hi khatam ho jayegi!!! Aur apki pyaari Tannu ke aane ka to wait karte...

Asad: Par Zoya, main "Woh" aur "Actually" kehte kehte mera mooh dard kar raha hai! Main aur wait nahin kar sakta!

Zoya: Pata hai Mr. Khan mujhe...Par kya karein mujhe bhi toh agle 4-5 episodes ke liye issi misunderstanding mein rehna hoga ki aap mujhse break-up karna chahte hain, chahe woh iss romantic shaam ke baad kitni bhi stupid kyun na lage...Aur waise bhi, aapko to kal mere pichhe puppy ki tarah chalna hai propose karne ke liye...script to yaad hai na aapko??

Asad: Main thak chuka hoon ab! Iss script ki toh main...!!!

Itne mein Tannu chudail ki awaaz aati hai,

Tanveer: Jammy!!! Bachaaaooo!!!

Asad: Aagayi kameeni!!! Ek baar bhi dhang se propose karne nahi deti! Kaisa dost bana liya maine!! Ufff!!! Chalo Zoya, aaj ka propose attempt khatam...main fir se fail!

Zoya: Yeh paanchvi baar!!!

Asad: Yeh sabko aaj hi bahar jaana tha, ghar pe rehte to woh chudail mujhe toh nahi pukaarti!!!

Zoya: Arrey aap to sach mein Buddhu Ahmed Khan hi nikle! Agar Tannu ko kuch bhi ho jata hai toh woh aapke paas hi aayegi chahe aap duniya ke kisi bhi kone mein kyun na hon, aur chahe uske theek piche 500 aadmi hi kyon na hon uski madat karne ke liye! Sangeet yaad nahin hai aapko?!

Asad: Arrey haan! Yeh kameeni pata nahi kab mera pichha chhodegi!!

Zoya: Agle 50-100 episodes tak toh nahi...

Inside the house:

Zoya: Mr. Khan maine kisi ko dekha abhi! Lekin bhag gaya woh!

Asad: Zaroor Tannu hi hogi, pata nahi ab kaunsi nayi kahaani banayegi woh...Jis rate mein woh kahaani banati hai us rate mein toh politician log bhi nahi bana paate honge!!!

Zoya: Haan ab pata nahi kaunsi tragedy ki hogi usne apne saath! Chaaku se waar, check; khud ko aag laga liya, check...Iss baar toh lagta hai kahin sar patak ke aayegi !

Asad: Arrey tum bhi na Zoya! Sar patkegi toh lens nikalke nahi aajayegi bahar! Fir toh hogayi agle 100 episodes ki story khatam!

Zoya: Haan! Yeh toh maine socha hi nahi...humein toh abhi yeh nahi pata lagna hai ki Tannu ek aankh wali chudail hai...Bhool gayi thi, sorry!!! Toh fir Zaroor iss baar usey kisine kidnap karne ki koshish ki hogi jahan se woh khud ko chhuda layegi! Dekhna, aisa hi hoga!

Asad: Nahi hoga! Hamesha tum sahi nahi bolti ho Zoya...

Zoya: Hoga! Lagi hazaar ki shart!

Asad: Lagi! Chalo, lagta hai aa rahi hai nautanki-waali...

Tannu comes in, injured and limping...she's about to fall in Asad's arms that he steps back, and Tanveer falls face-forward on the ground...😆

Tanveer: Ouchh!! Jammy aapne mujhe pakda kyun nahi?

Asad: Pagal ho gayi hai kya?! Mujhe billi bilkul pasand nahi! Tujhse to billi ki boo aati hai! Aur agar tu mujh par giregi aur main tujhe pakdunga toh meri Zoya gusse ke maare Ma Durga ban jayegi! Aur main chahe kitna bhi bada sher kyon na hoon, Ma Durga sher ke upar hi baith ti hai, pata nahi tujhe? G.K. nahi padha tha kya bachpan mein?! Chal bata abhi kaunsa naya tragedy hua tere saath?

Tanveer: Jammy! Mujhe woh kidnap karne wala tha Jammy!! Main khud ko kisi bhi tarah bacha le ayi!

Zoya starts happy-dancing...

Zoya: Yippeee!!! Main shart jeet gayi!!! Yes, yes, yes!!! Dhinka chika dhinka chika!!! Mr. Khan dijiye mere hazaar rupaye!!

Asad dejectedly gives the thousand rupees note to Zoya...

Tanveer: Zoya, mujhe koi kidnap karne wala tha aur tum khushi ke maare naach rahi ho?! Kaisi ladki ho tum?! Jammy dekhiye na!

Asad: Kya dekhun?! Theek hi toh kar rahi hai! Tumhe kya laga ki tum kahogi aur main firse Zoya ko daatunga tumhari wajah se! Woh karte karte main thak chukka hoon yaar! Aur mujhe viewers se aur gaali nahi khaani hai! Aur tum bhi na Tannu, kaisi kaisi kahaaniya banati ho ki Zoya ko pata chal jata hai! Thodi dhang ki story banati'shart haar gaya main!

Tanveer: Jammy, yeh kya keh rahein hain aap?

Asad: Theek hi keh raha hoon! Aur yeh kaisi naam se pukaarti rehti ho tum mujhe?! Yeh Jammy! Lagta hai bachpan ke dost ko nahi apne paaltu kutte ko pukaar rahi ho...Image kharab ho jaati hai meri public mein! Firse bola na to mooh tod doonga teri!!! Ab chal bata de, kaun kidnap karne wala tha?

Tanveer: Nahi woh main...nahi bata sakti...(looks at Zoya)

Asad: Arrey yaar! Firse teri yeh nautanki! Jo bolna hai Zoya ke saamne bol varna mat bol! Script mein hai isiliye pooch raha hoon warna mujhe koi interest bhi nahi hai jaanne mein! Jo bhi tujhe kidnap karna chahta tha woh mujhpar ehsaan hi kar raha tha...chali jaati uske saath! Wapis aane ki kya zaroorat thi? Ab jaldi bol, mujhe neend aa rahi hai, aur waise bhi tune mera mood kharab kar diya hai...achha khaasa Zoya ko apni Romeogiri dikha raha tha pehli baar...propose bhi kar deta...tu fir se beech mein aagayi!!! Bol jaldi, mooh mein dahi jama liya hai kya?!

Tanveer: Woh...woh...mere ex-husband the...

Zoya: Allah miyan! Yeh toh breaking news hai!!! Tanveer tumhari nikaah ho chuki hai??!!

Asad: Tanveer tumne nikaah kar liya aur mujhe bataya bhi nahi!!! Kaisi dost ho tum!! Achhi khaasi feast miss kar di maine!!! Sh*t!!! Main jaanta tha ki tum kameeni ho lekin itni badi kanjoos makkhichoos bhi ho yeh nahi jaanta tha!!! Aur mere jijaji kaise hain? Zaroor bohot bade gadhe honge jo tujh jaisi kameeni se shaadi kar liya usne...aur ab tujhe wapis bhi lene ayein hain!! Zaroor bohot hi bade gadhe hain!!! Chali kyun nahi gayi unke saath, unse bada gadha toh duniya mein tujhe nahi milne wala hai, jo tu usey chhod kar aa gayi aur woh fir bhi tujhe wapis le jana chahte hain!!!

Khan mansion part ends here on Tannu chudail's shocked face...😲

Chalo ji, now that's what i call 1010 words of utter nonsense!!!😆 This is what happens when you have QH on your mind, 24x7😳

Mujhe Siddiqui House part ke baare mein likhne ke liye na hi bolo toh achha hai, aur waise bhi mujhe pata hai ki ab tak sabka maine sar dard kar hi diya hoga!!! 😆Sorry people main Disprin bhi nahi rakhti!!!😆

Ab main jaake table ke peeche chhipti hoon, sade andey, tamaatar aur jooton se jo bachna hai!!

But if I have been able to make you smile even a least bit...do drop in a like and a comment, it encourages my gutter mind to produce more gutter!!!😆

<3 Srija😳

Originally posted by: Manpreet23

OMG 🤣

Tell me something, exactly how long did you take to type this? Half of the time you were laughing your a** off right? LMAO 🤣 🤣

Literally made my day 🤣

OMG awesome 🤣

Yeh yahaan aaj kal ho kya raha hai Amazing karnaame 👏

Kal raat ko hi maine Almaari Asad ke desires padhe 👍🏼

sab mujhe phir se likhne ko inspire kar rahe hain

I hope the CVs read this Unki izzat ka falooda ban raha hai and still they are dishing out Tannu 😡

I love Falooda especially QH CVs ke izzat ka falooda 😆

Gutter post likhte raho 🤗

Originally posted by: chahat11

OMG awesome 🤣

Yeh yahaan aaj kal ho kya raha hai Amazing karnaame 👏

Kal raat ko hi maine Almaari Asad ke desires padhe 👍🏼

sab mujhe phir se likhne ko inspire kar rahe hain

I hope the CVs read this Unki izzat ka falooda ban raha hai and still they are dishing out Tannu 😡

I love Falooda especially QH CVs ke izzat ka falooda 😆

Gutter post likhte raho 🤗