Blast from the Past Thread #11, pg 135, epi 132 - Page 71

Originally posted by: indi52

episode 122

part one

for the first time perhaps, ever since that night at sheeshmahal, he made eye contact with someone and allowed them into his world of maa.

he could never tell anyone what it did to him. he possibly never told himself too much about it. just a searing unscalable pain in his heart, his head, his being, trapped in a nightmare, unuttered in a scream. there it stayed. him its prisoner, in solitary confinement. 

even with di, he remained closed about this. classic body language as di spoke of their mother, and his eyes fixed a bit away from all, struggling with agony. he had never thought her kangan, gold bangles she wore all the time, would become a part of the conversation around lavanya and engagement. and now, suddenly, on the back of a simple request by di to check for something in the locker, they were right here, before his eyes. di could talk about it, reminisce, cry at least. all he could do was remember what these meant to him. 

sukoon.

peace.

the sound of kangan that felt like lullaby. now lost forever.

"unki khanak mein itna sukoon tha, lagta tha jaise saare din ki thakawat utar gayi ho..." in their clinking there was so much peace (sukoon suggests a sense of the sweetest peace in the heart to me), you felt the day's tiredness melt away. the words came out of his mouth as memory swamped him. and then their attendant hurt pain madness. he was not ready to go into it before anyone.

"agar maa tumhe aaj dekhti toh..." if maa saw you today, di starts to say as she finishes reading the letter written in fun but with astute advice by a mother to her son's future wife, he doesn't let her finish her sentence. "pehchaan bhi nahin paati mujhe..." she wouldn't even recognise me, he completes her sentence. cool, dead voice, a giving up and ending in it. nothing functions within, his life detaches, his pulse goes down, this is a territory he doesn't want to enter. maa.

he leaves the room.

she saw him as he strode out. red rimmed, tear filled eyes. the boy who was banging the pillar near her head just minutes ago, snarling because he couldn't shout at her. not talking to each other, part of their current deal proposed by him. and she'd been banging the mortar and pestle as hard as possible to disturb him while he spoke on the phone to take revenge for his meanness. in an instant everything changed. a man in pain, and a girl shocked to see him thus. 

mirchi and its heat entered the scene again as in previous episodes, there were chillies drying outside that needed to be collected, and no, khushi would not take those kangans of maa meant for her daughter in law from anjali, she'd rather get the chillies in. chillies had taken them to the poolside before. he'd insisted on not listening to her and wolfed down fiery hot daal. and she'd come with something to soothe his burning mouth: cold, calming milk.

but this time chillies would take us to a soothing of the heart. to a reaching out for sukoon. the one he lost. the one he sometimes feels around him. and yet he doesn't know how to stretch out for it. tonight someone seemed to show him the way.

"toh kya woh sach mein taare ban jaate hain..." so do they really become stars. on an evening when he'd gone seeking forgiveness for hurting someone terribly and been tongue tied, not knowing how to say the word, he'd felt the touch of a heart that felt like his. an empathy. no one understands how it feels to cremate both parents and come home, no one understands the nature, the blow of this passing. but she did. for she had been there. and she believed her parents were always there, in those faraway sparkling stars. in another dimension, but always there.

that evening, he had finally found the word he'd looked for desperately. sorry, he'd said. and with that perhaps a door had opened, a letting in of someone into a space kept tightly shut for so long.

tonight, the door seemed to open a bit more. 

no rancour... no challenge... no arrogance... no deal... just a simple question to the one who his heart says might have the answer. he seemed to hear his heart after a long time, and listened to it.

curiously, no sexual tension, just a need, a reaching out for assurance. a trust in him, almost childlike... as though certain her answer can make make the difference.

maa ke kangan had its khanak, perhaps khushi's presence, her clear eyed beliefs, her cleanness unmarked by anything worldly, her unsophisticated but pristine sincere words has that sukoon in it.

"baat sach ya jhoot ki nahin hai... baat yakin ki hai." she sensed his need instantly, she felt for him, two people connected by traumatic loss, by tragedy. she had found a way and it was built on faith. we split our world into true and false, black and white, good and bad, but can we ever know the whole truth or the whole false for that matter? how far does sensory perception and validation of "fact" based on the gathering of physical evidence really take us? is that all there is to life? how do you prove stars are not the twinkle of parents looking back at you? how do you prove love?

she tells him the heart of her knowledge... it's not about whether it's true or false, it's about belief. later she will say the next word in that family... vishwaas... faith.

"humara dil humse kahta hai ki woh tara humari ma hain, aur uske saath wala, humare babuji... hamesha hume dekhte rahte hain..." my heart tells me that that star is my mother, and the one next to it is my father... they look at me always... hamesha.

another secret of life she gives back to him, one his sister has mentioned before but he wasn't paying heed.

listen to the heart.

this time he doesn't laugh it off or deride the sentiment.

he has a question. he wants so much to believe, and almost like one looking to be led, he looks at her who shows him the path back to life and living. 

"kya woh humey dekhkar khush hain... kya meri maa mujhe dekhkar khush hai?" are they happy to see us? then his real question...  is my mother... the slightest hesitation on maa, as though unable to say, unable to share, and then it comes out... is my mother happy to see me?

the only woman he ever felt so loved by, the only one he so loved, can she see him, is she proud of him, is he doing right? he isn't lost, is he? she will recognise him, won't she? he hasn't changed that much, has he?

how many questions did his heart ask? why did i feel his fear? why did i feel his hope. was that just an actor? or was he the voice of all of us who had lost and were looking for our stars?

and then he turned and looked at her. letting her right in. no one till now had been allowed this access. 

it felt like shubhadrishti, a quaint custom in the bengali wedding, when under a canopy, usually made of a linen towel (quaintness extreme aha) beneath the sky and the stars, the bride and the bridegroom look at each other for the very first time. a custom from the days when you never met the one you'd marry before that moment, and if you were a girl you were so young, you had to be carried on a "piri," a little flat wooden stool.

he looked at her. all his pain visible, guard completely down. she stared back, receiving his feelings, wanting to calm and soothe them and return them all healed and smiling... back to him.

on the quiet, a feeling of mother poured in. of that spread of calm she is, of home, of being whole. sometimes you are just moved that's all.

a tender, music, the sound of twinkling and stars played. in them there seemed to be the khanak of maa's bangles, her kangan so lovingly held in a box sacred with memories.

perhaps khushi couldn't trust herself to linger there anymore, perhaps her heart was telling her to show him things she was too shy to show, she sounded a bit awkward, unsure as she mumbled something, then went back to the chillies... but before she left, she did look back and asked him what usually he asked her... aap theek toh hai na. you're okay, aren't you.

somewhere along the way, without much ado, he had become her concern... always.

perhaps khushi didn't need to read that letter from maa. she already knew what was in it.

"dhyaan rakhiyega aur savdhaan rahiyega... humare chhotey ke naak pe bahut saara gussa rahata hai aur dil me bahut saara pyaar.gussa bardash karna ... aur pyaar, pyaar sood samet lautana."

pay attention and be careful... our chhotey has tonnes of anger on his nose and a tonnes of love in his heart. tolerate the anger... and the love, return that love with interest

i watched barun's reactions as theletter was read and somehow i could almost see his mother there in his delineation through turned away face, still body,  glazing eyes, ever so slightly trembling lips and an endlessness in his gaze.

Episode 122: The pursuit of Sakoon (Peace)

"Unki khanak mein itna sukoon that, ki saare din ki thakawat uttar jaati thi"

- Love the Highlight

Arnav Singh Raizada reached unbelievable heights, heights that perhaps he wouldn't have strived for had it not been for this one tragic even in his life. The loss of his mother. He has everything, but the one thing his mother took with her...his "sukoon", his peace👏.  Clearly this man is starving for this peace and perhaps that fatigue of this life never goes away either. The effects of losing his mother, are tremendous on this him - Well said

 If ASR was a bollywood fan (which he is not), and he was watching the famous exchange between Vijay (Amitab Bacchan) and Ravi (Shashi Kapoor)  in the movie Dewaar, he would undoubtedly side with Ravi.

Vijay: Aaj mere paas bangla hai, gadi hai, paisa hai...tumhare paas kya hai? (today i have a big house, a car, money, what do you have??)

Ravi: Mere paas Maa hai! (I have Mother) - Too good 👏👏

 For some reason this famous dialogue popped up in my head. Yes money is important to him, it defines him, but would he have been so driven to believe that Money = Power if his uncle and this "Bedard Duniya" (heartless world)  hadn't left his to fend for himself and for his sister?  and even today if given the option his fortune or his mom back, a heartbeat wouldn't go by in him choosing the latter. That sukoon is priceless and he knows it's worth. ⭐️ - Superb Take Ami

Anjali had opened a box of memories when she opened the box that carried the Kangan (Gold bracelets) their mom had kept aside for her future daughter-in-Law. The Arnav and Anjali share their memories  of the khanak (noise made by the bracelets) these two Kangan exuded.  Anjali said when she would tuck them in, they would fall asleep just with the noise of the Khanak. Arnav who had been staring non-stop at them as she pulled them out and held them,  adds fondly what they meant to him

 "Unki khanak mein itna sukoon that, ki saare din ki thakawat uttar jaati thi"

 ...the serene peace he can only try an obtain in his garden where he feels closest to her.

Anjali talks about their mother's excitement to put them on her daughter-in-law, as she put them in the box.  And was a letter, a rather cute one as per Anjali.The bro-sis duo laughed whole heartily the time  it was written but she tears up  "tab hamme kaha pata tha, ki maa nahi, bas...bas ek chitthi rahe jaayenge." 

 Slowly she opens the letter, Arnav already filled with nostalgia braces himself. Oh this is hard for him, the constant swallowing,  the involuntary tears😔.

"Hamare Chotey ki bahugena, waise to hum yeh kangan aapko khood hi pehnane wale hai, par aapko ek raaz ki baat batani hai, isi liye likh rahe hai, dhyan rakhiyega, aur sawdhaan rahiyega. Hamaare chotey ke naak pe bahut saara gussa rehta ha, aur dil mein dher saara pyaar, gussa bardasht karna aur pyaar sut sammit waapis lautana"

 Truly, an adorable letter, only a mother could ask someone to put up with with their son's anger and return his love with interest👍🏼. A jist of how well she know her son, and a bit of concern for his explosive nature too. She wanted to make sure her chotey wasn't  misunderstood and loved to the fullest. 😊

Hearing those words bring water to his eyes, most definitely he just misses her

"Aaj maa tumhe aaj dekhti to (if she could see you today) "

"Pehechaan bhi nahi pati mujhe!" he cuts in, a comment that contradicts his pride. The pride he always take in becoming Arnav Singh Raizada. Almost as if he feel he doesn't deserve the love his mother wanted to make sure he received. - 👏Touchin...but he is wrong..he deserves every bit of Love

👍🏼

Barun once again proves his talent by displaying the most detailed, complicated of emotions...for example the way he tried to control his tears just as he got up to leave, we could feel the the excruciating hurt from within.  this guy is UNBELIEVABLE! - Couldn agree more...even i observed tht 😊

"Chotey!"  Anjali tried to stop him, but he had to leave

Khushi walks in looking for Anjali.

She comes to a standstill at the sight of his tears, she's seen them before and knows they don't come easy👍🏼. He leaves, she gets and answer from Anjali. 

Out by the poolside, he stood silently looking up at the stars when Khushi enters to pick up the dried chilies. As soon as she walked in she felt his pain, she look up at the stars he was watching. She wanted to make it ok. But how could she break the deal? so she moves on to the chilies.

Ofcourse her mehsoos had given her away a moment she walked in. Without looking back he asks as if a little boy.😊

"Kya woh sach mein taare ban jaatien hai?"

- Very Nice

Khushi freezes with a bit of shock. The man who initiated the "no talking" rule and held up his end when he was to explode on her at numerous times today, breaks the deal. and there is no "bahes"(tiff) the reason he came up with the deal. Just an answer to his question in her her own way. - too good ⭐️👏

 "Baat sach ya jhooth ki nahi hai, baat yekin ki hai"

" its not about trueth or not, is about belief"

 she steps beside him, he is no longer alone⭐️⭐️

❤️ this

 "hamara dil hamse kaheta hai, ki woh taara hamaari amma hai, aur uske paas waala hamaare babuji...hamesha hamme dekh te rahe te hai,aur issi tara timtimate hai aur -"

 He cuts in

"Kya woh hamme dekh kar khush hai?" how he carries every bit of that pain in his voice, he modifies his question

 "Kya meri m-m-maa mujh dekh kar khush hai?"

here was this man that brushed everything off as rubbish, ready and willing to believe anything this girl says as this moment. Khushi just feels for him, she looks at him. If he can't see her tears, she can't see him in pain⭐️. Just today she took a tall glass of milk after he ate that red hot mirchi daal out of spite. And this very second, she wishes there was a glass of milk to take away this kind of pain, she would run and get it for him.  - 👏Amazingly said ⭐️

 He looks at her with so much desperation for an answer and a need for her to  say "yes". 

 As she looks in his eyes, she has never seen them so vulnerable so in need. Barun some how physically changed their shape to shows this difference. Amazing!

 The Arnav behind ASR⭐️. he has never opened up to anyone like this before, maybe because of the bond that night created when she let out all of her secrets and opened up to him. Here is a new level of the understanding between each other.  

But,she can't answer his question, perhaps because she feels she can't tell the truth. How can his mother be happy when her son is in so much pain, everyday of his life. He notices her discomfort and doesn't push her, but a tear forming in her eye,

👏

 she excuses herself "Hum zara" and he turns back. Before leaving, she uses his words that always seem to soothe her. A small attempt at getting him milk for this kind of pain.

"Aap teek to hai na?"

"you are ok, arent you?"

Instant change in his eyes, the soothing at work maybe? Turning to his side, a slight nod from him...she wishes she could do more but leaves. He slowly raises his eyes to see her and the follow her till she disappears. -well written 👏

👏

 Why does he look at her in this way? does he get a sense of sukoon from her, his pain did seem to ease out a bit after she left. He allows her to soothe him, doesn't he? no resistance the normal ASR would have...after all he was taking sips of milk, thanks to Khushi's idea before Di came into his room for that box of kangan. 

Also we never see him regret these moments like we do so many other times, here he doesn't feel like he's losing control...deosn't let that "farq" in the way this time...interestingly this is most open he has left himself to her thus far. - good notice 👏 i guess cuz its abt his mom...nd he knws Khushi understands the pain...maybe thts y he doesn regret it

Unfortunatly Khushi never got to see or read the letter (in season 1's duration😉)...but that bit about "gussa bardasht " and "pyaar sut samit \", Thats what she does isn't it😳?  many women of today were bothered by Khushi's constantly taking his wrath, accused of losing the backbone she once had, but  now i understand more than ever why it was written that way👍🏼.  It was in her make-up wasn't it? to understand and "bardaast" the anger and to return all of his love with full interest.

Ofcourse in the future, she will be the one to wear those kangans and the one to finally bring him the sakoon that he so needs in his life. Also WIWY (thank you sauten!! 🤗) had pointed out the calming/soothing blue Arnav wore during the hospital hug, well here Khushi is wearing a similar calming/soothing blue.  Its begging to be read too much into. If they hurt each other the most, they are each others biggest healers. - Lovely ⭐️

for threads 10/11, i had written a small piece about how the stars play a role in this story, and made connection throughout including scenes from episode 122. Here is a little excerpt from that piece Written in the stars ( click link and scroll up) 

How can we leave out the most precious moment the stars gave us? Khushi tells his picture "Chaliye muskuraaiye! chaliye! (come on smile! come on!)" and how, a gleaming, glowing smile brighter than the stars themselves slowly appears on Arnav's face as  he look up to the sky, his true happiness beaming from within knowing that she'll finally be his forever. ⭐️👏

It bought closure to the moment that started it all for me,  If Khushi were here, she would finally answer him:

"Haan Arnavji, aaj aapki aama aapko dekh ke bahut khush hai"⭐️

DROOL CORNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

❤️ this! he feels better after Khushi star gazes with him ❤️ awww

Originally posted by: sohara

Episode-122

I found it surreal that a man who is very practical and realistic, who doesn't even believe in god can believe that a person becomes star after death!. He was looking just like a 14 year old while starring at the stars in the sky with a question, " kya woh sach mein tare ban jate hai?" After that haunted night he  grew up so fast clasping all his feelings and emotions in a shell. His agony, his grief, his turmoil always came out in the form of anger. He couldn't express his turbulence in front of his di, but couldn't control himself in front of the girl, who are doing lot of faraq in his life. 👏 great start! i felt he didn't want to control himself here, he just wanted to let it out, he needed her

She is the one who once shared her belief that her parents became star after their death. So when he saw her he just forgot the promise and broke the truce. He was reeling under the effects of a conflicting melange of feelings that were causing debacle in his pain laden heart. "bath sach ya jooth ke nahi, bath yakin ki hai." A very insightful comment from a very childish girl. That is the beauty of her character, a very matured person with a child like innocence.That is Khushi who can tame an angry grumpy ASR. No other person in this world has such kind of courage and impact in ASR's life. And we witnessed a mixture of both in this episode.- isse kehte hai "made for eachother 😉"

Khushi was in complete vengeance spree, irritated him to the core. When he caught the naughty chick red handed she makes an aghast face, but simpers at the same time. Remnant of his earlier anger, simmers in his eyes. She tries to flee, but how can she? She has to face the consequence of her infringement. He cages her keeping his hand on the wall, glares at her angrily,he is about to say something, but instead he bangs on the wall when he remembers the "no talking". promise. - great description. Naughty chick is smiling mischievously.He lets her go this time, but doesn't forget to look back like always.  In order to control her laughter she needs to cover her mouth with her hand.

In Gh Shyam is trying to manipulate buaji to do the marriage as soon as possible.

Shabby, insidious, nefarious fellow😡 

Anjali gets the box out of Arnav's closet, where their mom kept her bangles to give it to Arnav's bride. They have to give it to La on the day of engagement. Gosh it pricked my heart when she said they will give it La. - mine too, eventhough we know thats' not going to happen..hum bhi na.

This belongs to khushi not La. Arnav gets pensive hearing this. Anjali opens the box and gets the bangles. Lost in reminiscence, gradually all the feelings of two orphan siblings starts to come out. Anjali recollects how their mom put them on the bed, used to covered them with the shits, the tinkling sound of her bangles made them fall asleep. Succumbing in memory Arnav says, "inki khanak mei itna sukoon tha ki lagta tha ki sare din ki thakawat uthar gayi hai."(translation: there was so much peace in that tinkling sound that it seemed all the tiredness just gone away.)

Anjali adds more, 'I still remember, mom said while keeping the kangan in the box, that she wanted to give it to her chote's bride. she also left this letter with it. I laughed at her, but didn't realize that time, the letter will remain, but she will go."

Anjali opens the precious letter what I think more precious that the gold bangles.

Arnav' mom's letter.

Humari chote ki bahu ke naam

Aise to hum ye Kangan apko khud hi pehnanewali hai

apko ek raaz ki bath batani hai, isiliye likhrahi ye dhyan rakhiyega aur sabdhan rahiyega humari chote ki naak pe bohot sara gussa reheta hai, aur dil mein bohot sara pyaar. Gussa bardast karna, aur pyaar sudh sameth lautana.

tranlation: 

for my son's bride

Though i will myself make you wear this bangles, but i need to say something secretly, that's why I'm writing this. remember and be careful that there is lot of anger on my son's nose, but there is lot of love in his heart too. Bear his anger and return his love with interest.

Such an emotional lyrical words from the most beloved person of Arnav! But it still pricks my heart that her most sensible DIL, Khushi never read that precious letter.

Anjali cries holding the letter on her heart. She wishes if their mom could see him today. Arnav says in frustration, "she wouldn't be able to recognize me." Tears well up in his eyes too. the tempest in his heart pulsates his inner turmoil. He needs isolation now to find solace. While going out Khushi comes on his way. She gets perturbed to see his teary eyes. Anjali tells her the reason of his sadness. Khushi tells Anjali to get the pepper what is kept on the poolside. As HP is not at home Anjali requests Khushi to give the bangles to nani and wishes to get the pepper by herself.. Khushi may think she shouldn't touch their family's precious thing, so she wishes to get the pepper instead.

When Khushi comes in the poolside she sees Arnav is immersed watching the stars in the sky. She stands for a while. He looks at her, forgetting about their vows and asks her like a child that they really became star? He was dying to talk to her.She comes near, stands beside him.she replies that it just depends on your trust(yakin). it's not a matter of truth or lie. she elaborates her feelings pointing to the sky that one star is her mom and another beside that is her dad. she thinks they always keep an eye on her, simmering like this. Arnav cuts her and asks softly  "kya woh hume dekh kar khosh hai? kya mere maa mujhe dekh kar khosh hai? (are they happy to see me? does my mom happy to see me?)' He looks at her with an eyes full of emotions. Khushi gazes up at him with her insides melting at his words and a melange of thoughts running through her mind.She can feel the abyss pain in his heart. - very well said dear, she was in pain seeing him like this. it was too much for to take too, she just wanted take it away.

For a moment time ceased to exist as they stand there, cocooned in a deep ocean of feelings where nothing else can intrude. She can't bear the pain in his eyes, so  she lets him be alone, but doesn't forget to look back at him with a veiled thoughtful expression "are you alright?" If she could she would imbibed all his pain. He nods yes, but there is a silent plea in his eyes, "plz don't go, cause I need you now." I cried for Khushi umpteenth times, but today i'm crying for that molten eyed man who is causing a tempest in my heart. 

In GH a kid drags Payal out of the house and brings her a place what is decorated beautifully with fairy lights. she gets astonished to see the sight. she finds a table full of gifts.When she picks a heart shaped note from the table, Akash comes from behind and expresses all his feelings from the bottom of his heart. he reminds her all the moments, all their confrontations, all their encounters by connecting with some kind of objects. He confesses his feelings by a sweet letter what conveys the message that how they complete each other. Akash expresses the deepest feelings for Payal, that he thinks he can't live without her,as he has fallen in love with her. - nicely described, it was a beautiful scene :)

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=7rDOG-F99wM[/YOUTUBE]

credit goes to Zoha

Originally posted by: BarunDiwani

🤣🤣 ur so funny WIWY!!!! 

Ok Doc, ppl want to surprised so thats fine, you can pm it to Indi/Durgey, i'll keep my patience till then

Originally posted by: BarunDiwani

Atlast i read it!! thank you for this beautiful peace, it was an emotional one. Loved your thought and POV about Khushi being the only one let in where only his mother is. I remember you had said something about why he takes only Khushi to the garde, i kind of see why you feel that he only allows Khushi in this special place. I just thought certain things a hubby only shared with wife not sis, so that why, but i can see there is more to  it.

So you saw Barun in that scene?? maybe, for him to do a bang on job like that, he had to put himself there. the acting was just magical.  Loved all in purple at usual, extra love to the deep puples.  interesting thoughts in blue :)