Real life sandhya

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thala

@thala

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+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

my story is closely related to dabh may be that is the reason iam so much attached to the show.

i wanted to do medicine but couldnt ( orthodox family), later did my graduation and wanted to continue but got married before my final year results announced. with the support from my hubby i did a computer education course .

how many of us continued studies after marriage

how was the support or critisizm from the family

i dont think marriage would be a hinderance to our education , if we have the support then we can reach the skies ,

even today many accomplished women in the society are married

what is your take

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-Liebe-

@-Liebe-

Sparkler

Posted: 12 years ago

first thala.want o congratulate ur will power and to ur husband👏.i am not married so i cant say abt it.🤔but i seen some women struggling after marriage to continue their studies,now they r managing both work and home...

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UMDU

@UMDU

Dazzler

Posted: 12 years ago

Nice post. My story is similar to yours. Lost my mother when I was very young , got married very young, completed my graduation and post graduation after marriage,all this I could do with the support of my husband and MIL. I even had two children while studying. I took to teaching and so was able to manage on both fronts as my working hrs were not long. Now in this story what Sandhya seeks to achieve is very different from all of us. Her situation is not comparable with ours. Her family atmosphere is regressive and except for Suraj and maybe Bhabasa most people in the family are resentful towards her. They feel insecure in her presence and want to put her down. Such being the circumstance had it been real life it is next to impossible to pass the civil services. Since it is a serial they will show her achieving it. A story which has primarily started as a love story will see long term separation. That no matter how unrealistically they take cannot be avoided. The meaning of marriage to my mind is togetherness. Sharing everything, bringing up children together being there for each other through thick and thin. I cannot comprehend or understand long distance relationship on a long term basis. Short term due to some emergency like children studying etc or unable to get a transfer is ok but being away and just meeting each other for a day or two in a month is not my idea of marriage. One of the reasons for Bhabo's resentment is separation. To answer your question studying is ok, pursuing career is ok but whether the husband sacrifices or wife, career should not lead to long term separation.If that happens than better not to get married and live as a bachelor or spinster. Here they can show Suraj expanding his business to be with Sandhya

Edited by UMDU - 12 years ago

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thala

@thala

Trailblazer

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

Originally posted by: UMDU
Nice post. My story is similar to yours. Lost my mother when I was very young , got married very young, completed my graduation and post graduation after marriage,all this I could do with the support of my husband and MIL. I even had two children while studying. I took to teaching and so was able to manage on both fronts as my working hrs were not long. Now in this story what Sandhya seeks to achieve is very different from all of us. Her situation is not comparable with ours. Her family atmosphere is regressive and except for Suraj and maybe Bhabasa most people in the family are resentful towards her. They feel insecure in her presence and want to put her down. Such being the circumstance had it been real life it is next to impossible to pass the civil services. Since it is a serial they will show her achieving it. A story which has primarily started as a love story will see long term separation. That no matter how unrealistically they take cannot be avoided. The meaning of marriage to my mind is togetherness. Sharing everything, bringing up children together being there for each other through thick and thin. I cannot comprehend or understand long distance relationship on a long term basis. Short term due to some emergency like children studying etc or unable to get a transfer is ok but being away and just meeting each other for a day or two in a month is not my idea of marriage. One of the reasons for Bhabo's resentment is separation. To answer your question pursuing career is ok but whether the husband sacrifices or wife, career should not lead to long term separation.If that happens than better not to get married and live as a bachelor or spinster. Here they can show Suraj expanding his business to be with Sandhya

@ bold

i agree umaji,

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alexxa

@alexxa

Explorer

Posted: 12 years ago

Very nice idea with this thread! 😊

Agree with you, Ramasuresh!

Studying after getting married is not a hindrance, but in DABH is Bhabo which is a hindrance. In my culture and religion (orthodox), mothers in law have no saying in whether or not daughters in law should continue studies or not. But I do understand from DABH that this is not so "normal" in India?? (please do not misunderstand my takes on Indian culture. I want to know more, that is why I decided to join in this forum).

Again, I read here, all the time, that becoming IPS is really, really taugh…so I have to stick to this reality.

I got married while studying for my BA. Then, did a MBA. Marriage has not been a hindrance at any point, but that was my situation! Can't say for others! I also leave only with my husband and my child (no joint family, though at my parents' house, my grandparents have been living with us all their lives). My sister, now, leaves as well together with her in-laws, and also finished her bachelor in biology after getting married. Getting married before finishing studies has been our own choice! I don't know if this makes any difference…than getting married through an arranged marriage (parents decide when is the right time for marriage?). But, my mother in law, though she lives in another city, she has been a great support while studying and having my first baby. It was though due to psychic chock, but I've managed to pull it off.

But, marriage and studies at the same time is a pro and con discussion due to the fact that we are all different.

If it is ok with you, I would like to ask you what is the connection/explanation of you not being able to follow medicine and being from an orthodox family (as I am myself too)?

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thala

@thala

Trailblazer

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

Originally posted by: alexxa

Very nice idea with this thread! 😊

Agree with you, Ramasuresh!
Studying after getting married is not a hindrance, but in DABH is Bhabo which is a hindrance. In my culture and religion (orthodox), mothers in law have no saying in whether or not daughters in law should continue studies or not. But I do understand from DABH that this is not so "normal" in India?? (please do not misunderstand my takes on Indian culture. I want to know more, that is why I decided to join in this forum).
Again, I read here, all the time, that becoming IPS is really, really taugh'so I have to stick to this reality.
I got married while studying for my BA. Then, did a MBA. Marriage has not been a hindrance at any point, but that was my situation! Can't say for others! I also leave only with my husband and my child (no joint family, though at my parents' house, my grandparents have been living with us all their lives). My sister, now, leaves as well together with her in-laws, and also finished her bachelor in biology after getting married. Getting married before finishing studies has been our own choice! I don't know if this makes any difference'than getting married through an arranged marriage (parents decide when is the right time for marriage?). But, my mother in law, though she lives in another city, she has been a great support while studying and having my first baby. It was though due to psychic chock, but I've managed to pull it off.
But, marriage and studies at the same time is a pro and con discussion due to the fact that we are all different.
If it is ok with you, I would like to ask you what is the connection/explanation of you not being able to follow medicine and being from an orthodox family (as I am myself too)?

pursuing medicine means lot of sacrifice from myself, i will not be available all the time for the family, i cant take care of them, i will have to attend patients at odd hours, i will have to stay in the hospital during nights ( may be along with male doctors). since ours is a very very orthodox family, i couldnt

but even today when i go to hospital, i get tears ( when i see doctors in the apron )and even tried different styles of putting the steth on my neck)

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alexxa

@alexxa

Explorer

Posted: 12 years ago

I do feel with you, Ramasuresh, on being hindered to rich your dream, but I wish you that your new carrier direction gives you comfort and fulfillment.

Actually, my parent's dream was that my sister would become a doctor (she is educated as nurse and worked even for one year as a nurse), but, that was not her dream! She wanted to continue only with biology. She once told me that the very hectic schedule and pressure of this life was not what she wanted for herself. My parents did not like it but have accepted it her choice and supported her!

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S Shobhana

@slodkagila

Dazzler

Posted: 12 years ago

Hmmm Rama ka atlast u posted ur diya baati story😃.
nothing much to add as i don feel like sharing anything right now as i'm yet to get married😆 rama ka knows me😉 I feel u ppl r right. One can study simultaneously managing both.

@ umaji - i would like to share sumthing with u. My paapa for the past three yrs don live with us due to his job. He visits us only once in three or four months🤢. Yes i agree we all are grown up now so that we don need paapa much we did in early stages. But still that separation was hard to bear for me initially but it is my mom who made me understand & think practically. My mom manages the family now. You won't believe it is her who managed all the proceedings of our house.
Last yr suddenly our ancestral house's condition in our village got worse & we had to reconstruct that. In that situation i had my CA final exams to give here in chennai & also i was attending articleship. My bros were working & studying too. My paapa couldn't get leave for so many days.😕 Everyone were at the peak of their career. Construction of an ancestral property means min 7 to 8 months in that village.😆

What happened was me & my bros stayed back in chennai while i was attending articleship & my mom single handed managed the construction & paapa managed his job (he is in tight situation can't blame him at all). Like this three months went. I changed my examnation centre to my native place ( though i had to travel for one hr every time there) & got some examination leave & stayed with my mom & supported her in construction work too & managed to pass my final exams😛.
Our family had enough separation from the beginning when my mom used to take care of granpa (when i was hardly 3)i village as we don have grandma.. He was the munciff then. My paapa used to stay in chennai. He used to shuttle btw village & chennai. Then our grandpa died & we shifted base to chennai.

What i want to tell u is that separation need not be bitter always & that too in this zamaana. We are in touch & our bonding for each other is strengthened even more by this separation.😃

Edited by shobhana_dabh - 12 years ago

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thala

@thala

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+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

Originally posted by: alexxa

I do feel with you, Ramasuresh, on being hindered to rich your dream, but I wish you that your new carrier direction gives you comfort and fulfillment.
Actually, my parent's dream was that my sister would become a doctor (she is educated as nurse and worked even for one year as a nurse), but, that was not her dream! She wanted to continue only with biology. She once told me that the very hectic schedule and pressure of this life was not what she wanted for herself. My parents did not like it but have accepted it her choice and supported her!

👏