Ramadi you have put urs. Now let me put mine. I was more or less or you can say even now like Sandhya. A rebel from day one( Bhabo reminds me of my mother š for a change, my MIL is much more accodomative). Just like Bhabo clashes with Sandhya, me and mom used to clash on idealogies with my dad in between us. My dad mostly took my side and this used to irritate her a lot.
My mother's idea of an ideal daughter was something Bhabo wishes in her ideal bahu. One who is good at housework, who is feminine, will not question back, will just listen, will know all the rituals and in due time will become a ideal wife and ideal mother whom she can be proud of.
Unfortuantely for her I turned out to be just opposite. I had no real interest in any of the household chores, never liked wearing any jewellery or dressing up, questioned all the rituals, didnt follow things in which I didnt believe in. It was a constant tussle at home. I also got support from my uncles, aunts, grandparents because I was the eldest granddaughter and was pampered a lot.
Though my mother was happy with my academic achievements she never lost an oppurtunity to put me down when it came to household chores.
I remember the days when I used to wait for appreciation from my mom and all I used to get was criticism as she will find something missing in what ever I have done. If it is sweeping some dust remaining in the corner of the sofa, cleaning utensils means I had not arranged the utensils well something for which I always get scolding. I could always relate to Sandhya when she wishes to get that all elusive appreciation from Bhabo.
My mother's wish was to see me settled early, I mean she would have liked to marry me off when I was 20 or so. But since my dad was strictly against it , I was able to complete my graduation and work also before getting married.
But I would say it was marriage which was an eye opener for me. My husband actually supported me through the insecurites. I was not at all confident of doing any cooking etc.. as I didnt believe in myself as I have been put down so badly by my mom and at subconscious level I also believed I cannot be a good wife if I was ambitious in my career. I was expected to dream less about career post marriage. It was a constant challenge in my mind at the time of marriage as I knew I was ambitious and burying that I will never be happy.
My husband showed me that I could do both. He asked me to look at him and not compete with my mother on household chores. He said he is happy with my cooking. That was a big compliment to me. I loved when he preferred my homecooking over any hotel food. He supported me to do all the activities which ever I wanted to do. He was my biggest support when I wrote certification exams, when I had to meet the targets and happiest person in the world when I got the promotion post marriage. He takes pleasure arranging my tropies and keep on asking me when will you bring the next one. One thing I can tell that what my mother couldnt achieve with me with her stick approach, my husband has achieved with his loving and caring ways.
Over a period I have stopped waiting for that all elusive apprecaition from my mother as I have accepted that I can never be what she wants me to be. Sandhya will also do a lot of good to herself if she stops expecting that appreciation from Bhabo and looks at Sooraj as Sandhya can never be what Bhabo wants.
One thing he has taught me clearly is that I dont have to sacrifice any dream because I married him and he sees his success in mine and he wants me to succeed. I am much more a confident person today than I was 4 years ago and strongly believe that you can manage family and work together if your spouse supports you.
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