Posted:
cold , wet...
the sand was touching my bare feets ...
it was a rare scenario to see kiya gujral walking on a silent beach with none of her usual attitude on
i sat down giving my driver a wave to move from their ,
my liesure white dress was getting wet and dirty but... who cared !
the sun was about to set , its yellowish-orange shade gave a magical appearance to the bluish-grey sky ,
the silent waves was adding more beauty to it...
this was the peace i always craved for , these silent touch effortlessly puts me into a thinking mode
things which got unnoticed , which i ignored , perfectly grasped in such situation
my life was no special but in some way it was...
every girl dreamt of living my life only if they knew the truth
the truth that money can't buy happiness , the truth that you have to be worth something just to get your mother's love
the truth that people pretend to be with you but inside always ready to pull you down !
things for me haven't got any of my views , it just happens when my mom wants it too
one of the happiest moment ever is when you feel the courage to let go of what you can't change !!
and so did i , guess it was a way to be satisfied and stop struggling to gain it
it has always been the same for me , the people i loved the most were possibly the ones leaving me alone in this dark world
sorrow wasn't the word that would describe the pain i suffered...
the most easiest things was to be 'alone'
be alone in a place where no one can reach to this heart , where no one will gain and then broke my trust !!
but i failed ... i failed to keep up my guards up , when he came ...
we fought , we taunted , we throwed daggers at eachother ,
but there was always a thing...
i felt alive being with him , the feel of anger , the feel of getting hurt , that feel made me remember that i wasn't just a puppet for showcase ,
somewhere around i was happy to get noticed in my own different way
but my worst fear came true...i loosed him too , but things didn't ended there
even though there was a point i don't wanted to talk to him or see his face , but his absense sended a shiver down my spine
maybe because i got that from him which i haven't got from my mother ...the care , the notification and somewhere ...the love !
the diva i was , i didn't have any problems with the one who don't like me , i had the problem with those who pretended to like me !!
his betrayal woked up that inner fire in me which had soothen for sometime , i had to gain my guards back !!
now it wasn't just to prove my mom , but to prove to myself
i don't wanted to be a chameleon who will get lost in a surrounding , but more like a lioness or you can say a dinosaur who wouldn't get unnoticed by anyone !!
and somewhere i was ready to be that animal ...
they say right...if you judge the person , you don't have time to love them !
i am happy that i am following that rule now
even when i didn't forgived him , but his presence gives me the will to trust , to love , to be myself again !!
at a point it can happen , but when ... i dont know ...
things were changing , i thought i became that strong enough to face my fears
but still somewhere inside i am scared ,
i am scared to face the truth , to give another chance , to trust , to get hurt and the most ...
i am scared to be myself ...
the kiya who only wanted love and care , who is fragile and who can be devastated in minutes
yes i was scared to be 'myself '...
_______________________________________
i know it wasn't good ,
but i had to write it , its the way i feel of Kiya's thoughts
hope it wasn't an utter crap
i am not that good in writing ,
so forgive me if i wasted ur time
comments will be appreciated !! <3
Love,
Razz
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Ye Hai Mohabbatein
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