FOREWORD: All work and no play will not only make Jack and Jane but everyone a dull person. Similarly, all play and no work too will make any person dull. Remember, knowledge is wealth. It is a kind of wealth that cannot be stolen! With the advent of the Internet, the line between the have and have not (I am referring to knowledge) is receding. Internet has opened up the channels of this wealth accessible to all. That's the marvel of Technology. This article is intended not only to entertain you but also is intended to enrich your knowledge. When you finish reading this post you will have the satisfaction of learning something new. In one of her posts CB (CoolBuddy) mentioned, that IF is like a school where we learn something new every day while having fun! Aptly put CB.
I received a surprise call from the Guhas requesting me to select a few holiday hot spots for their cast of TD who were not only overworked but were also tired of the endless twists and turns of the plot. She informed me that they were exhausted and wanted to put TD behind them for a month. To reciprocate their endurance and patience, Rupali has come forward to send them on a much required respite all expenses paid. She also wanted me to choose a perfect holiday spot for each member of the cast. Having interviewed most of them she said I was more acquainted with their likes and dislikes. I must say, it was a tedious task for me to narrow down locations for each of the members. Finally, I decided to choose the destinations based on their characters portrayed on TD.
Porineeta – I have decided to send Porineeta to Oymyakon! Nope, I have not invented this place up. It is a village located along the Indigirka River in the Sakha Republic in Eastern Siberia in Northeast Russia. On January 26, 1926 a temperature of -71.2C (-96 F) was recorded here. This is the lowest temperature ever recorded in any locality in the Northern Hemisphere. Pori is one of the gals in the Vamp Camp claded in sexy and skimpy clothing. Recently she went on print to state that she resents wearing revealing attire. Taking her word for granted, I have decided to send her to one of the coldest places on the earth. Here she can be covered from head to toe for a month.
You are entitled to ask if this place is habited. Yes it is. Who lives in Oymyakon? Oymyakon was a seasonal stop for reindeer herders. Soviet government, in its efforts to settle nomadic populations, claiming they were difficult to control and technologically and culturally backward made the site a permanent settlement. I am sure Pori will get along fine with these nomadic folks! If she can tackle the likes of Gargi, DK and Ved, the Nomadic should be bai haath ka khel for her. What will she eat? All people eat is reindeer and horsemeat. Medics say the reason they don't suffer from malnutrition is that there must be lots of micronutrients in their animals' milk. There is a short summer season during which people can grow things. But for the most part people don't eat fruit or vegetables. So there you go she will not be starving at any cost.
What are some other consequences of living in such a frigid environment? Dealing with dead people. Yes you read me right! In permafrost zones, where the top few feet of ground tends to thaw in the summer and then refreeze, large buried objects tend to rise to the surface. Sounds familiar? (Sounds like a Guha plot isn't it?) This is particularly bad when buried coffins rise to the surface after several years. The whole tradition of burial is not a Siberian one, it came from Europeans. Siberians used to perform sky burials where they would wrap the bodies in canvas and hang them from the trees, but the Soviet government probably discouraged this. A little girl died from pneumonia recently. To dig a grave, the town's people lit a long bonfire for about an hour, which allowed the ground to thaw a little, then dug a couple of inches and repeated the process for a couple of days before they were able to bury the coffin. Pori I am sure will blend in this place atmosphere perfectly. She is pretty familiar with the happenings of TD i.e. burying and resurrecting the dead! So this will be nothing new to her!! So Oymyakon is the place for our darling Pori.
Gargi – Next on the list is Apunka Gargi Devi. She's more a devil in reincarnation than a Devi. Her destination was the toughest one to choose. I had to wrack my brains to select a suitable place for her. Finally I came up with the Amazon! Amazonia, as the Brazilians call it, sprawls over an area covering 8 countries in South America. In total the Amazon covers 2,700,000 square miles, which makes it as big as Australia. Despite, it's being the world's largest tropical rainforest, only about 65 % of it is jungle. The rest is made up of grassland, open country and shrub land. Gargi is a very avaricious person by nature so I have given her a large area to rule!
Over 60,000 species of tropical plant are native to the Amazon basin. That is about one quarter of all plant species on earth. Some 4,000 species of tree grow in the Amazon. Gargi will have loads of fruits and berries to pick on rather than picking on Disha and Pori!
A reported 14,712 species of animal life make their home in the Amazon. 8,000 of them are unique to that part of the earth. Our Gargi too is unique to this earth. She is capable of tackling any Tarantula, Anaconda or Piranha! She will take them all down single handedly only to retort "You are simply too good Gargi".
Three Hundred years ago, there were about 20 Indian tribes living in the Amazon, but now fewer than twenty remain. Many of them have never seen a white man. Our Gargi is not a white male but her mode of dressing will take the tribal fancy. Imagine them seeing a sari clad lady with matching coloured hair strands, a circular nose ring and studs on her eyelids. They will welcome her with open arms! The waters of the Amazon have a chemical purity equivalent to distilled water. The Amazonian waters account for 15 % of all the waters discharged into the world's oceans. Water is good for the skin and health. At the end of the vacation Gargi will be more agile, nourished and rejuvenated.
DK – Well, well whom do we have next? Surprise, surprise it's our very own DK! Well he's a man well liked in IF and I dare not send him to any remote place on the earth. He is the Emperor of Kanaka and therefore, the place I choose for him should be one that would fit his personality and stature. Hence, I have decided to send him to the Sultanate of Brunei!
This tiny oil-rich Islamic sultanate lying on the northwest coast of Borneo is known chiefly for the astounding wealth of its Sultan, its tax-free, subsidised society, and the fact that (statistically at least) its population enjoy one of the highest per capita incomes on earth. It's just what I was looking for our DK. He will blend in well in this rich state with its entire splendor.
Despite the ostentatious modern public buildings in the capital, most of the country remains undeveloped and untouched by the outside world. Alcohol is virtually unobtainable, there's no nightlife to speak of, and the political culture encourages quiet acquiescence to the edicts of the sultan. Aha! This is the catch. DK is a person who has an insatiable thirst for alcohol and power. This will be the place to cleanse and sober him! No nightlife, excellent. It will keep him away from trouble and the likes of Sania and Pori. Remember the rule, see no evil, speak no evil and date no evil?
Wedged between the northeastern corner of Sarawak and the South China Sea, Brunei is one of the smallest countries in the world - as well as being one of the wealthiest. A curious reminder of the British colonial legacy and the power of companies (in this case Shell Oil) to shape countries, this tiny Islamic sultanate is all that remains of an empire that controlled all of Borneo in the 16th century. Bandar, the only town in Brunei of any size, seems too big for its 60,000 inhabitants. It's a neat, clean, modern city with wide roads and overstated public buildings and home to Omar Ali Saifuddin Mosque, one of the most impressive modern mosques in the East. Originally built in 1958, the giant golden-domed mosque stands close to the Brunei River in its own artificial lagoon. The interior is just as luxurious, with Italian marble walls, luxurious carpeting and an elevator. What more can DK ask for? This place is full of pomp and luxury. It will suit his life style. He can hobnob with the king of Brunei and smoke hookah with them. If you're looking for nightlife, it's pretty scant and the streets are deserted by 9pm. Remember DK, early to bed, early to rise, makes a person healthy, wealthy and wise!
Satwik – The truth is I don't know much about Satwik. I had stopped watching TD since April. But from what I hear, especially from Bombi he is a soccer player. I doubt if Bombi knows anything about soccer, because all she is interested in is, his pair of Legs! It's all about leg work!
The place I have chosen for him is you guessed it right! Manchester! Why? It's very obvious; he will join the Manchester United and will learn to kick the ball and Bend It like Beckham! Both David and Satwik share a common interest. Soccer! Besides soccer, they both have sons.
In Manchester, Satwik will learn from none other than the Master himself. I know David is under Contract with Real in Madrid but at my behest he has agreed to train Satwik in Manchester. Satwik can also train his son to be a budding Soccer player. What more, he'll get to wine and dine with the Posh Spice. After wining and dining our desi spices like Pori and Gargi, Posh or Gerry Halliwell as she was formerly known, should be a welcoming change and class! It will also give him the opportunity to get away from his virago wife.
Sukanya – Ooui Ma (as Bombi puts it) we have Sukanya next on the list. Now here's a lady who never does anything without an ulterior motive. She's the most self-centered, selfish and cruel person I have seen on Screen in recent History. This lady oozes with venom! After Gargi, deciding a vacation spot for her has been challenging. I have decided not to send her to any foreign locales. Instead, I wish to send her to Calcutta! Especially to a place called Shishu Bhawan and Nirmal Hriday founded by the great lady Mother Teresa. You may ask why? Here she will learn to selflessly serve people who are in need.
In the year 1948 there came to the city of Calcutta in India a small, frail nun dressed in a white and blue sari. Mother Teresa was soon to become the idol of countless generations of the poor and disinherited. Devoting herself selflessly to the tending of the sick and needy, Mother Teresa went on to establish the congregation of the Missionaries of Charity, which has houses in 133 countries of the world all dedicated to alleviating the sufferings of the poorest of the poor. Although Mother Teresa is no more, her spirit lives on with the Missionaries of Charity. Sukanya will serve along with the sisters of Charity for a period of one month. This will teach her humility, kindness and to be thankful for what she has.
Although Mother Teresa had compassion for all forms of suffering she made some of them her very own. The dying in the streets of Calcutta was the first to attract her attention and care. One of the earliest foundations she formed was Nirmal Hriday the home for the dying. No wonder she is even called "Saint of the gutter". Helplessness always held a special appeal for Mother especially unwanted children. She waged a constant battle against abortion and established Shishu Bhavan, a home for abandoned babies. This will be Sukanya's waterloo! (Pun not intended). Here she will serve the dying and the poor. She will tend to the Leper and the needy. She will see life at close quarters and learn that life is not all about acquiring the riches and material things. It's all about kindness, caring, loving, healing, soothing and helping each other. It's about humanity; it's about reaching out for someone who is in need.
The world will always remember Mother Teresa for her untiring work in bringing succour to lepers who were treated as outcasts by society at large. At Shanti Nagar the lepers found a place where they could live and work in peace and lived to bless the name of Mother Teresa. This is a vacation that Sukanya will never forget. When her vacation comes to an end, Sukanya will be well remembered here!
Rano – She's everyone's pet peeve. Most members of the IF hate her with a passion. They call her loud, insane, and stupid and what have you? So I have decided to send her to Switzerland! No, I am not sending her to an Asylum. Many of you may be shocked by my selection. Let me explain please.
Rano is not going to ski on the Alps or scale the Matter horn. Rano will be going to Switzerland to attend one of the Finishing Schools. I have enrolled her in Institut Villa Pierrefeu. This is the institute where Lady Diana and Camilla Parker Bowles were educated. It also is known for its traditional boarding schools such as Institute Le Rosey, whose alumni include the last Shah of Iran and Rainier III of Monaco.
A finishing school is a type of private school for girls that emphasizes cultural studies and prepares students especially for social activities. The name reflects that it follows ordinary school and is intended to complete the educational experience. From what I have heard Rano is loud, rude and lacks etiquette. So this will be the perfect place for her.
Rano will do an intensive course for a month which will help Rano develop a range of academic and social skills. The programs typically include subjects such as languages and communication, interpersonal skills, etiquette, and social skills but also home management, cooking, floral art, table decoration and many others. Rano will also do two intensive programmes of International Etiquette, Protocol, Savoir-Vivre, Table Service, Hostessing, Oenology and Public Relations. When she graduates in the end, Rano will be a perfect Lady. She and Inder will be referred to as the "Lady and the Tramp"!
Vedanth– (please note that the only Vedanth I know is Sachin Sharma. I fully agree that no one can do justice to his character other than Mr. Sharma himself. Therefore, this vacation has been planned with the erstwhile Sachin in mind. Guhas dare not send Sachin Tyagi in his place!) My, my, my selecting a destination for Sachin Sharma has been the easiest. I have chosen him the most beautiful place on the earth! Call it partiality, favouritsm or what ever. I do not care! I have decided to send him to Canada! Wait, to the Beautiful British Columbia - Vancouver! My birth place and home town! You may ask why? Simply because that's where I reside! Jokes aside, it is indeed a beautiful place and has been voted year after year as the best city to live in.
There aren't many cities in the world that offer Vancouver's combination of big-city lifestyle and outdoor fun in such cheek-by-jowl proximity. Ski in the morning, sail in the afternoon and still make it back to town in time for a cocktail or three. So there you go. This sexy, suave young man will fit in perfectly with the ambience. I will make sure that he acquires a dress sense before embarking on his journey.
Sprawled along the Alberta-British Columbia border, the Rockies are barely contained within two gigantic national parks - Banff to the south and Jasper to the north. Banff was Canada's first official wildlife sanctuary and these days the park is the nation's number one resort spot year round.
Of the two, Jasper National Park has a larger, wilder and less explored landscape on show. Banff's glorious turquoise Moraine Lake, while in danger of suffering clich overload, is one of Canada's most idyllic natural attractions. Connecting Banff and Jasper parks is the Columbia Ice field, a vast bowl of ice made up of about 30 glaciers and a remnant of the last Ice Age. For those not glacially inclined, the Rockies offer wildlife walks, swimming, caving, camping, hiking, canoeing, hot-spring soaking and mountain climbing. Sachin can choose any sport to his liking and ability.
There's also good cycling in the Rocky Mountains (especially off-road mountain biking) and throughout British Columbia. Sachin can hit the road with a vengeance! After scaling the heights of success in TV Serials he can scale the Rocks in Squamish British Columbia and go skiing in Whistler. At the end of his vacation he'll be more energetic and would have acquired more muscles!
Disha – Last but not the least. Alas, its time for desert - Sweet Dish. She's special, she's is sweet though stupid at times (pardon moi Big J). Nevertheless, I have chosen a hot spot for this leading lady. I have chosen Hawaii as the holiday destination for our Disha. I visualize everyone raising their eyebrows. Why? Let me do the explanation first.
I am tired of seeing Disha covered from head to toe in TD. She has shed enough tears that will drown the Titanic. It is 21st Century wake up girl and smell the ocean! Go party, have a blast and forget DK and his deadly Gang! There's more to life than DK. I think she can do with some airing and show her hour glass figure to all. (I can simply visualize Big J running to his travel agent to book him on the next flight to Honolulu!).
Mark Twain declared Hawaii to be 'the loveliest fleet of islands that lies anchored in any ocean', and not even thirty years of mass tourism have managed to prove him wrong. Whether your thing is volcano spotting, surfing or just lying back and smelling the orchids, this is the place to indulge yourself. Disha has suffered and brooded enough. It's time for some self indulgence and lavish spending.
It's full of Frangipani-scented sea breezes and tropical warmth. This is where East merges with West in a blur of hula and disco, soap operas and creation myths, junk food and Japanese tea ceremonies, Shinto shrines and surf clubs. Disha can do it all. Dine, wine, shine mix and mingle. Live it up to the hilt Disha, here's your chance to let your hair down. "The best thing about being a woman, is the prerogative to have a little fun"
Sure, it's got wide beaches, waving palms and balmy weather, but Honolulu isn't just a stage-set for beach combing. It boasts a 150-year history as the state capital and a beguiling multi-ethnicity that emerges most toothsomely in a feast of different cuisines. She will be sipping cocktail and combing the beaches of Waikiki! Disha will only be attired in a two piece swim suit and a beach sarong. Big J, I heard she's looking for company. Mohit cannot make it. Hurry if you can please!
Finally when she leaves Hawaii at the end of her vacation, she'll be singing "oh oh oh go totally crazy, forget I'm a lady, Men shirts short skirts, oh oh oh really go wild yeah doing it in style oh oh oh get in the action feel the attraction colour my hair do what I dare oh oh oh I wanna be free yeah, to feel the way I feel - Man I feel like a woman!!!"
I am convinced that the cast of TD will have more fun than the cast of "The National Lampoon's Vacation" did. While they are bound to have fun I had the most onerous task of selecting the vacation destinations to one of the most desired/hated people in TD. By the end of it all, I think I deserve a vacation! Did I hear Australia? Sounds fine, I'll take it!
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Simran, Simi, Sim (Quote SRK in DDLJ)
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