Marriage.. the Pavitra Rishta!

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boreddamsel

@boreddamsel

Rocker

+ 5

Posted: 12 years ago

#141

Originally posted by: return_to_hades

How do you prove commitment or this thing called love? Is there any way to find out with 100% guarantee? Or do you just take a leap of faith, cross your fingers and hope for the best? And if commitment and love cannot be proven with any substantial evidence, is there any point to it? Why should we get married or even enter relationships. It sounds absurd to engage in things that have no concrete data or proofs.

I simply love this question.

Unfortunately love comes with no guarantee.

But then does any decision you take have 100% guarantee..? I guess you could insure your house, car, and for shipping to help you if something does fail... and maybe marriage is such an insurance when it comes to love!

It is absurd, I totally completely agree! Why would you commit yourself to do something when you know how much pain it might give you when you realize you aren't getting what you hoped for? Isn't it better to not fall in love at all, save yourself the heartbreak?

And yet humans fall in love 'coz humans are social animals and we depend on others.

Sometimes I wonder what love is? And that my friend, could be another debate. We could go on talking about that, and I have a feeling we will never reach an answer! It is just so subjective!

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boreddamsel

@boreddamsel

Rocker

+ 5

Posted: 12 years ago

#142

Originally posted by: _Angie_

Why do I feel that the word adjustment is being used to denote something abominable 😆
Is LIR about not having to make any adjustments at all 😛 As for the bother about the blame part would a girl not bothered about a LIR be bothered about the divorce tag 😕

Lol.. I don't mean to say its always bad to adjust .. we adjust everyday .. to the weather, to bland food, to boring people, and so on .. 😆 Adjusting is fun.. what's fun if there is nothing new about life eh? But the problem usually comes when no matter how much you adjust your condition doesn't improve, and that's when adjustment becomes abominable!

You have to make adjustments even in an LIR .. sharing an apartment with a roommate itself is tough ... so imagine sharing it with someone who you love!

The last statement.. hehe.. I see your point. Let me answer it later. I just saw the time and realized I should get back to work.

Will reply to other comments later!

Edited by boreddamsel - 12 years ago

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boreddamsel

@boreddamsel

Rocker

+ 5

Posted: 12 years ago

#143

Originally posted by: Naach_Basanti
Here I'm Aarti, finally.

What's good for the goose, doesn't have to be good for the gander.

For some marriage is an outdated insitution, a paper to certify your love, commitment and loyalty. To others its a sacred bond, that gives a relationship the respect it deserves in the society.

Me? I'm somewhere in between. I live in a society and although I was a rebel back when I was a teen, I'm no longer one. I would say marriage is not a necessity until one decides to have a child. If it were a free world, without any prejudices I wouldn't even have a problem being an unwed mom, but do we live in such a world.

We do not.

K, you are here.. and what an answer 🤗

I agree completely.

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boreddamsel

@boreddamsel

Rocker

+ 5

Posted: 12 years ago

#144

Originally posted by: -Aarya-

I understand where your coming from but the most unfortunate thing is that "we the people" make the society and in return we are responsible for the out come. The change needs to start from us...

And how different is bringing up a child unwed or divorcee or widow, don't they all fall under the same norm...

It isn't. There is something about having sex after marriage that makes it "purer" than having sex before .. 🤔 I have no freaking idea what . In our discussion, we established that marriage is not religious and hence there is nothing "sacred" about it.. then why does having pre-marital sex make you tainted?

Change will happen; it is already happening. Our parents are already open to options that could have shocked our forefathers.

Originally posted by: Naach_Basanti

Hey aarya, yes we are a part of the society, so change needs to come from within. I'm probably a tad too cynical to start this change. 10 years ago, I would have probably been more enthusiastic.

Having said that, if my child wants to remain unmarried, its her prerogative and I would be supportive no matter what her choices are.

K, I can't seem to find anything else to say, but that I agree with you 😊 M is lucky to have a mom like you! I hope I can be strong for my kids too, someday .. the way my parents have been for me!

Edited by boreddamsel - 12 years ago

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boreddamsel

@boreddamsel

Rocker

+ 5

Posted: 12 years ago

#145

Originally posted by: McNinja

Well, maybe it's not as irresponsible to cheat when you're married. Going by some logic. 😆

Phack it, I knew I wouldn't be able to stay diplomatic when it came to replying to this hence stayed away... but yes K, points to be noted I think.

Maybe its the burden of marriage that makes you want to cheat.

Then why get married ..

No burden .. then you won't cheat..

Living relationships rock! Woohoo! 😆

Ok.. just kidding.. but that's another way you could look at it, I guess 😊

Edited by boreddamsel - 12 years ago

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_Angie_

@_Angie_

Rocker

Posted: 12 years ago

#146

Originally posted by: boreddamsel

Lol.. I don't mean to say its always bad to adjust .. we adjust everyday .. to the weather, to bland food, to boring people, and so on .. 😆 Adjusting is fun.. what's fun if there is nothing new about life eh? But the problem usually comes when no matter how much you adjust your condition doesn't improve, and that's when adjustment becomes abominable!

You have to make adjustments even in an LIR .. sharing an apartment with a roommate itself is tough ... so imagine sharing it with someone who you love!

😆😆 Oh boy! You could say that again! After sharing hostel rooms with roommates for years I should know 😉 😆

The last statement.. hehe.. I see your point. Let me answer it later. I just saw the time and realized I should get back to work.
Take your time damsel, DM can create havoc with office deadlines, 😆 so TC 😊
Will reply to other comments later!
looking fwd to C ya soon , meanwhile my turn to do the honours...

Edited by _Angie_ - 12 years ago

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_Angie_

@_Angie_

Rocker

Posted: 12 years ago

#147

Originally posted by: boreddamsel
I think we discussed this earlier. One of the reasons that came up was money... not able to afford a wedding or money for a marriage certificate.

Hmm...Thats an interesting point you raise! Indian weddings are usually very lavish but not at all mandatory. Otherwise we wouldnt be having so many BPL people gettng married. The registration certificate itself doesnt cost much here, but you need to submit certain documentary proofs of your ID, residence , witnesses, . Dont know what it costs elsewhere.

Originally posted by: boreddamsel

Well , some members had been talking about the abuses that a girl could suffer in a married relationship. It was assumed that it was because the girl found it difficult to walk out of a marriage due to the social pressures and therefore was forced to put up with it. From what you stated it looks like she could be exposed to the same abuses even without the social or legal bindings of a marriage . So thats another common myth removed.

Originally posted by: boreddamsel
Again, we have discussed this a lot of times ... everything ultimately comes down to the two people in the marriage, if they love each other.. both would work. Most people opt to get married because its the "right" thing to do .. that's what their family wants them to do. Ultimately only you can define what you share with your partner .. the name is what others give to it .. marriage or live-in.

Agreed and I dont see any argument in the thread regarding that. I thought the discussion was about comparing the two. The pros and cons . If we have to decide which is better we would have to see it in a specific context . To get a fair answer we would have to compare it removing all the confounding factors first and then see if either of it offers an advantage over the other. For eg adjusting for some of the factors we came up with so far - if money, parental consent, love, commitment is present, what would be the deciding factors for choosing one over the other.

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-Aarya-

@-Aarya-

Dazzler

Posted: 12 years ago

#148

Originally posted by: boreddamsel

I understand where your coming from but the most unfortunate thing is that "we the people" make the society and in return we are responsible for the out come. The change needs to start from us...

And how different is bringing up a child unwed or divorcee or widow, don't they all fall under the same norm...

It isn't. There is something about having sex after marriage that makes it "purer" than having sex before .. 🤔 I have no freaking idea what . In our discussion, we established that marriage is not religious and hence there is nothing "sacred" about it.. then why does having pre-marital sex make you tainted?

Change will happen; it is already happening. Our parents are already open to options that could have shocked our forefathers.

Sex is sex, an important part of relationship, you choose to do it before or after marriage, or during marriage, or during divorce, or after divorce, or during live-in-relationship, or during breakup... has no relevance!

A sex debate 😆

Edited by -Aarya- - 12 years ago

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