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Credit for this gorgeous banner goes to Maham (Allbut1)!
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Let's just take a moment, before we get to the show, to remember the people who lost their lives in 26/11 terror attacks, four years ago. I hope their families and friends continue to find strength to face their loss.
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Today's episode was basically a 'do' and 'don't' manual for handling manipulators who are trying to mess with your life for selfish reasons, while erasing any traces of their ulterior motives and making it seem like they are entirely selfless. I felt that while Aarti demostrated the "do not," Yash demonstrated the "do" of the whole situation, despite the fact that he has no idea what is happening, and perhaps for that very reason. He protects Aarti and him from manipulation by projecting them as a strong and united front, while Aarti makes them open to manipulation by separating him from herself, with the divorce and now the BMT lies. Essentially the two behaviours convey how much Aarti has to gain by confiding in Yash
Of course the manipulator was Prashant, in the immediate context and the Dubeys in the more general one. The disclaimer to this whole analysis is that I am not blaming Aarti for the decisions she is making, only acknowledging that they are wrong because of the immense pressure she is under, which blind sights her to the potential results of delaying consequences by building a successively larger and larger web of lies. It also deprives her of the strength that Yash can provide her with his constant support and his unique capability of turning everything Aarti disapproves of about herself into a positive thing thanks to his ove for the same trait or action of hers.
Manipulation 1: Prashant undermines Aarti in front of Ansh
Ansh comes running in, asking his papa to buy him more crackers. Yash is about to comply when Aarti says that is enough for tonight, making Ansh visibly disappointed. Prashant senses his moment to shine in Ansh's eyes questions her and offers to buy Ansh more crackers, thereby undermining Aarti's authority, making her look like the bad guy to Ansh.
What Aarti does: Confront Prashant directly, in a harsh tone.
This is totally an acceptable response given that Prashant really has no right to override her instructions to Ansh, being a stranger and a guest in there house. Aarti had every right to be angry, however, she didn't realise that in being harsh with Prashant and denouncing the needless spending of money on personal enjoyment, she was re-enforcing the bad guy image he was trying to create of her in Ansh's eyes, especially given what Ansh thinks and feels about Prashant after Lalitpur. Ansh will always be very loyal to his mother, which will only make the situation more stressful for him if he has to go against her, and we all know what that leads to: Ansh lying and covering for his dost-uncle so his mother doesn't get angry or stressed out, something which fundamentally upsets his world.
What Yash does: Ignores Prashant, backs Aarti up completely and makes going to the orphanage sound like fun.
Here he does what Aarti and Yash almost always do for each other, and that is cover for each other in front of the kids. No matter how crazy things got, Aarti and Yash have almost always acknowledged each other's authority and hidden their differences in front of the kids. The two major aberrations were Yash's post-Mumbai phase and Aarti running away. Other than that, they always have each other's back. Yash sees that Aarti is not trying to deprive the kids of enjoyment but instill a valuable lesson about not taking money for granted by interacting with those who don't have any rather than spending it without a thought. And so he puts a spin on it for Ansh that gets him all excited, rather than resentful for not getting more crackers. Nowhere does Yash openly undermine Prashant the way that Aarti did, but he focuses on who is important to him: Ansh and changes his potential view about Aarti.
Manipulation 2: Prashant Invokes his friendship with Yash to make Aarti feel bad
In all his interactions with Aarti, Prashant insisted that he didn't want to come and it was Yash who insisted on bringing him. From what we saw... Prashant did not protest that hard. He also keeps interacting really casually with Yash and calling him things like "dost" and "yaar." This makes Aarti feel like she is hurting Yash, even when she is expressing very well-placed anger at Prashant.
What Aarti does: Again, confronts Prashant directly and demands Ansh's photo back and feels bad about it later
Aarti senses Prashant's unfair manipulations based on the friendship that Yash is extending him and she seeks to cut all ties, so she confronts Prashant with all her problems and tells him very directly that he is not to come to her house, interact with her family, and most of all he is not supposed to expect anything from his relationship with Ansh. Whatever she and Ansh are doing for him is really to make the Dubeys happy and not because of any connection with him. Again, while this is an honest, sincere and legitimate approach, Aarti is not dealing with someone who will be affected by it in a straight forward way. Prashant himself doesn't know what he is about and cannot control himself when his emotions take over. In her speech, Aarti directly hit every sensitive nerve in Prahsant's body, which was well-deserved but will also release new emotions and darker desires in Prashant. All this time Aarti was either his saviour or his poor, lonely ex in need, and so he felt either pity or gratefulness. Today Aarti stood against him, which shook Prashant up thoroughly. However, rather than making him back off, it is going to stoke the beast within!
What Yash does: Again, ignores Prashant, legitimises Aarti's anger and tries to cool it down, and then tells her he actually likes her anger
When Yash came to Aarti and told her that he brought her something to cool her heated mind, he acknowledged right in front of Prashant that Aarti was angry, did not apologise for it but merely tried to soothe whatever it was that was bothering her so much. It was part his trust in Aarti, that she would not be angry for no reason, and partly, I think the possessiveness and irritation he felt upon Prashant's repeated intrusions, which he did not have enough justification himself to express. He too felt anger when Prashant exclaimed about the nariyal barfi but he controlled it a minute later, with his gentlemanly reflexes kicking in. But I think he really liked that Aarti could express her anger at this stranger with no inhibitions, when it came to her family. So not only did he non-confrontationally tell Prashant that Aarti's anger was totally valid, he also assured her that far from being ashamed, her righteous anger was a positive in his eyes.
Manipulation 3: The Dubeys make Aarti feel Indebted and Obligated
This was more of a loop closure than a comparison between Yash and Aarti, but I thought it was brilliant the way Yash dealt with Dubey today. In one fell swoop, Yash reminded him that his own son was a good-for-nothing leech, for whom he had taken all these loans, far from taking loans from him! He was made aware and guilty of the divorce lie when Yash asked, "if your son was alive...?" But most of all I admire the way Yash made Dubey indebted to him, while making it seem like he was preserving Dubey's honour. Yash doesn't know what is going on but if he did, this would have been a masterstroke and remains a pretty incredible fluke! Turns out the only thing that makes Dubey more emotional than blood is money, and Yash played on that marvellously.
What we can learn from all these three instances is that instead of trying to fight the antagonist, Aarti needs to empower the protagonists of her story, her and Yash, with the shared truth. Prashant was able to undermine Aarti every time because she was actively trying to fight against him, which he was totally prepared for. On the other hand, he was not prepared for Yash's total focus on Aarti and Ansh. Aarti enforced that Prashant was a stranger by being antagonistic, while Yash enforced it by simply not taking him into consideration in any of his actions. Prashant can never be a real stranger to Aarti, no matter how she pushes him away: he knows too much, and he is taking advantage of the fact that she refuses to acknowledge that by exercising power over her that she can't fight because she refuses to acknowledge it. This is where Aarti needs Yash. She needs to strengthen their relationship from within rather than trying to defend it from outside its walls.
Aside:
There were some interesting references to Aarti, the person today. When she was talking about those less fortunate, I wonder if she was remembering her own childhood and wanting her children to understand that side of life as well. Second, I found the line about how she knows Yash's footsteps better than her own heart beat very telling. She knows Yash so minutely because she has invested so much time and energy in doing just that. However, so little time has she spent on herself that she doesn't know the beats of her own heart as well. Here's hoping that Yash hears those beats and one day understands them, even when Aarti doesn't think he is listening.
Of course the manipulator was Prashant, in the immediate context and the Dubeys in the more general one. The disclaimer to this whole analysis is that I am not blaming Aarti for the decisions she is making, only acknowledging that they are wrong because of the immense pressure she is under, which blind sights her to the potential results of delaying consequences by building a successively larger and larger web of lies. It also deprives her of the strength that Yash can provide her with his constant support and his unique capability of turning everything Aarti disapproves of about herself into a positive thing thanks to his ove for the same trait or action of hers.
Manipulation 1: Prashant undermines Aarti in front of Ansh
Ansh comes running in, asking his papa to buy him more crackers. Yash is about to comply when Aarti says that is enough for tonight, making Ansh visibly disappointed. Prashant senses his moment to shine in Ansh's eyes questions her and offers to buy Ansh more crackers, thereby undermining Aarti's authority, making her look like the bad guy to Ansh.
What Aarti does: Confront Prashant directly, in a harsh tone.
This is totally an acceptable response given that Prashant really has no right to override her instructions to Ansh, being a stranger and a guest in there house. Aarti had every right to be angry, however, she didn't realise that in being harsh with Prashant and denouncing the needless spending of money on personal enjoyment, she was re-enforcing the bad guy image he was trying to create of her in Ansh's eyes, especially given what Ansh thinks and feels about Prashant after Lalitpur. Ansh will always be very loyal to his mother, which will only make the situation more stressful for him if he has to go against her, and we all know what that leads to: Ansh lying and covering for his dost-uncle so his mother doesn't get angry or stressed out, something which fundamentally upsets his world.
What Yash does: Ignores Prashant, backs Aarti up completely and makes going to the orphanage sound like fun.
Here he does what Aarti and Yash almost always do for each other, and that is cover for each other in front of the kids. No matter how crazy things got, Aarti and Yash have almost always acknowledged each other's authority and hidden their differences in front of the kids. The two major aberrations were Yash's post-Mumbai phase and Aarti running away. Other than that, they always have each other's back. Yash sees that Aarti is not trying to deprive the kids of enjoyment but instill a valuable lesson about not taking money for granted by interacting with those who don't have any rather than spending it without a thought. And so he puts a spin on it for Ansh that gets him all excited, rather than resentful for not getting more crackers. Nowhere does Yash openly undermine Prashant the way that Aarti did, but he focuses on who is important to him: Ansh and changes his potential view about Aarti.
Manipulation 2: Prashant Invokes his friendship with Yash to make Aarti feel bad
In all his interactions with Aarti, Prashant insisted that he didn't want to come and it was Yash who insisted on bringing him. From what we saw... Prashant did not protest that hard. He also keeps interacting really casually with Yash and calling him things like "dost" and "yaar." This makes Aarti feel like she is hurting Yash, even when she is expressing very well-placed anger at Prashant.
What Aarti does: Again, confronts Prashant directly and demands Ansh's photo back and feels bad about it later
Aarti senses Prashant's unfair manipulations based on the friendship that Yash is extending him and she seeks to cut all ties, so she confronts Prashant with all her problems and tells him very directly that he is not to come to her house, interact with her family, and most of all he is not supposed to expect anything from his relationship with Ansh. Whatever she and Ansh are doing for him is really to make the Dubeys happy and not because of any connection with him. Again, while this is an honest, sincere and legitimate approach, Aarti is not dealing with someone who will be affected by it in a straight forward way. Prashant himself doesn't know what he is about and cannot control himself when his emotions take over. In her speech, Aarti directly hit every sensitive nerve in Prahsant's body, which was well-deserved but will also release new emotions and darker desires in Prashant. All this time Aarti was either his saviour or his poor, lonely ex in need, and so he felt either pity or gratefulness. Today Aarti stood against him, which shook Prashant up thoroughly. However, rather than making him back off, it is going to stoke the beast within!
What Yash does: Again, ignores Prashant, legitimises Aarti's anger and tries to cool it down, and then tells her he actually likes her anger
When Yash came to Aarti and told her that he brought her something to cool her heated mind, he acknowledged right in front of Prashant that Aarti was angry, did not apologise for it but merely tried to soothe whatever it was that was bothering her so much. It was part his trust in Aarti, that she would not be angry for no reason, and partly, I think the possessiveness and irritation he felt upon Prashant's repeated intrusions, which he did not have enough justification himself to express. He too felt anger when Prashant exclaimed about the nariyal barfi but he controlled it a minute later, with his gentlemanly reflexes kicking in. But I think he really liked that Aarti could express her anger at this stranger with no inhibitions, when it came to her family. So not only did he non-confrontationally tell Prashant that Aarti's anger was totally valid, he also assured her that far from being ashamed, her righteous anger was a positive in his eyes.
Manipulation 3: The Dubeys make Aarti feel Indebted and Obligated
This was more of a loop closure than a comparison between Yash and Aarti, but I thought it was brilliant the way Yash dealt with Dubey today. In one fell swoop, Yash reminded him that his own son was a good-for-nothing leech, for whom he had taken all these loans, far from taking loans from him! He was made aware and guilty of the divorce lie when Yash asked, "if your son was alive...?" But most of all I admire the way Yash made Dubey indebted to him, while making it seem like he was preserving Dubey's honour. Yash doesn't know what is going on but if he did, this would have been a masterstroke and remains a pretty incredible fluke! Turns out the only thing that makes Dubey more emotional than blood is money, and Yash played on that marvellously.
What we can learn from all these three instances is that instead of trying to fight the antagonist, Aarti needs to empower the protagonists of her story, her and Yash, with the shared truth. Prashant was able to undermine Aarti every time because she was actively trying to fight against him, which he was totally prepared for. On the other hand, he was not prepared for Yash's total focus on Aarti and Ansh. Aarti enforced that Prashant was a stranger by being antagonistic, while Yash enforced it by simply not taking him into consideration in any of his actions. Prashant can never be a real stranger to Aarti, no matter how she pushes him away: he knows too much, and he is taking advantage of the fact that she refuses to acknowledge that by exercising power over her that she can't fight because she refuses to acknowledge it. This is where Aarti needs Yash. She needs to strengthen their relationship from within rather than trying to defend it from outside its walls.
Aside:
There were some interesting references to Aarti, the person today. When she was talking about those less fortunate, I wonder if she was remembering her own childhood and wanting her children to understand that side of life as well. Second, I found the line about how she knows Yash's footsteps better than her own heart beat very telling. She knows Yash so minutely because she has invested so much time and energy in doing just that. However, so little time has she spent on herself that she doesn't know the beats of her own heart as well. Here's hoping that Yash hears those beats and one day understands them, even when Aarti doesn't think he is listening.
