Posted:
Okay, so I just wanted to say a couple things about Zoya's behaviour with the ghoonda type boys. Basically, such behaviour is the SOLE result of those boys. Nothing that Zoya, Najma, or any other girl for that matter, does or says will have any effect on these boys wanting to behave that way. They do it simply because they can, not because Zoya is presenting a target for them by engaging.
i've noticed quite a few posts on this forum either (1) blaming Zoya directly for Najma's subsequent harassment, or (2) stating that Zoya has somehow angered these boys, so now Najma needs to be extra careful, and Zoya carries some blame, however indirectly. I have a huge problem with both.
I wrote an earlier post about how to handle 'eve teasers':
"(1) We've all been taught to ignore them. But like most of us know, that doesn't work. They just get more motivated and think of it as "first one to get a rise out of the girl wins" game.
(2) Or, you get genuinely mad, and tell them to get lost (or some such thing), and that's when they get mad and insulted (because for some reason teasing is supposed to be interpreted as a compliment), and that's when things can get dangerous.
(3) Zoya's solution (singing), in this context, really is the best one. She puts the guys off balance with a reaction they're not used to, and she achieves what she wants. Which is to be left alone."
So yeah, those are the possible reactions. And neither reaction has any affect on how those boys will behave afterwards. Because that is completely subjective. They do what they do because they can and they want to. And for no other reason.
It is not the victim's fault. I repeat the victim is not to be blamed. Zoya is not "bringing" all of this on Najma. There is only thing that needs to be done about the Zoya-Najma-stupid boys track, and that is for Najma to learn how to protect herself. She needs to carry around pepper spray just like Zoya. Sound horns are better actually. The ones people use for fires. Or just screaming "fire" usually gets people moving. Honestly, the best thing in those situations is not to ignore, but get away from the situation (get safe) and then tell people what happened. See what can be done about it. If the guys were driving bikes or cares, get their plate numbers. Make a complaint with the police. Even if they can't do anything, at least you've done your part. They will then have some sort of record upon which to rely in the future.
The problem with this attitude of blaming the victim (especially in this context) is that girls get scared to tell elders and teachers because they think they will be blamed for "dressing provocatively" or that they'll be accused of behaving in a come hither manner. In reality, none of those things play a role. This is scientifically proven. Most rapists don't even remember what their victims look like, let alone what they were wearing.
In this situation, Najma is so scared by her brother's possible reaction (and ultimately regressive standpoint that Najma's staying at home would be a solution) that she hides what happened. This is what is wrong with blaming the girl. This is what is wrong with saying that she somehow brought it on herself, and that there are certain ways to avoid such situations. There aren't. This boy-gang mentality is a problem all over the world, and basically they just do it to harass girls because they can, not because they find any particular girl attractive or inviting. In fact sometimes its just a way to bully someone. Like in Najma's case today.
She's not being complimented, she's being made a victim. And nothing, I repeat nothing she does or says (this includes Zoya) "makes" the boys do anything further. It is their own decision, and they bare 100% of the responsibility.
PS: Okay, I don't want to offend, but can I just make one thing clear? There are plenty of reasons why a marriage between Ayaan and Zoya is detestable, but that their age difference is not one of them.
😆. In Zoya's words we're not living in the 17th Century and its very possible for a girl to marry a boy younger than her. Ayaan may be emotionally immature, but his age has no baring.
PPS: Feel free to disagree. In fact, I'm sure some will 😆. I feel in the mood for a good debate 👏⭐️
i've noticed quite a few posts on this forum either (1) blaming Zoya directly for Najma's subsequent harassment, or (2) stating that Zoya has somehow angered these boys, so now Najma needs to be extra careful, and Zoya carries some blame, however indirectly. I have a huge problem with both.
I wrote an earlier post about how to handle 'eve teasers':
"(1) We've all been taught to ignore them. But like most of us know, that doesn't work. They just get more motivated and think of it as "first one to get a rise out of the girl wins" game.
(2) Or, you get genuinely mad, and tell them to get lost (or some such thing), and that's when they get mad and insulted (because for some reason teasing is supposed to be interpreted as a compliment), and that's when things can get dangerous.
(3) Zoya's solution (singing), in this context, really is the best one. She puts the guys off balance with a reaction they're not used to, and she achieves what she wants. Which is to be left alone."
So yeah, those are the possible reactions. And neither reaction has any affect on how those boys will behave afterwards. Because that is completely subjective. They do what they do because they can and they want to. And for no other reason.
It is not the victim's fault. I repeat the victim is not to be blamed. Zoya is not "bringing" all of this on Najma. There is only thing that needs to be done about the Zoya-Najma-stupid boys track, and that is for Najma to learn how to protect herself. She needs to carry around pepper spray just like Zoya. Sound horns are better actually. The ones people use for fires. Or just screaming "fire" usually gets people moving. Honestly, the best thing in those situations is not to ignore, but get away from the situation (get safe) and then tell people what happened. See what can be done about it. If the guys were driving bikes or cares, get their plate numbers. Make a complaint with the police. Even if they can't do anything, at least you've done your part. They will then have some sort of record upon which to rely in the future.
The problem with this attitude of blaming the victim (especially in this context) is that girls get scared to tell elders and teachers because they think they will be blamed for "dressing provocatively" or that they'll be accused of behaving in a come hither manner. In reality, none of those things play a role. This is scientifically proven. Most rapists don't even remember what their victims look like, let alone what they were wearing.
In this situation, Najma is so scared by her brother's possible reaction (and ultimately regressive standpoint that Najma's staying at home would be a solution) that she hides what happened. This is what is wrong with blaming the girl. This is what is wrong with saying that she somehow brought it on herself, and that there are certain ways to avoid such situations. There aren't. This boy-gang mentality is a problem all over the world, and basically they just do it to harass girls because they can, not because they find any particular girl attractive or inviting. In fact sometimes its just a way to bully someone. Like in Najma's case today.
She's not being complimented, she's being made a victim. And nothing, I repeat nothing she does or says (this includes Zoya) "makes" the boys do anything further. It is their own decision, and they bare 100% of the responsibility.
PS: Okay, I don't want to offend, but can I just make one thing clear? There are plenty of reasons why a marriage between Ayaan and Zoya is detestable, but that their age difference is not one of them.
😆. In Zoya's words we're not living in the 17th Century and its very possible for a girl to marry a boy younger than her. Ayaan may be emotionally immature, but his age has no baring.
PPS: Feel free to disagree. In fact, I'm sure some will 😆. I feel in the mood for a good debate 👏⭐️
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