Posted:
***RK ke Killer Dialogs Collection***
(next post below has Raja's dialogs)
"Dialogs Sirf HERO par Achhe Lagte Hain, Koi Aur Bole Toh Udhar Ke Lagte Hain..!"
"Ki Jab Ye Zikra Ho Ki Hum Tum Honge Juda.. Toh Iss Zikra Pe Bhi Hasta Hoga Wo Khuda"
"RK UNLIMITED hai.. usko khudko nahi pata uski limits kya hai !!"
"Hi there, you've reached RK's voicemail either because I don't like you...or I don't want to talk to you...either ways, leave a message but don't expect me to reply back. But try your luck."
"Aur ITIHAAS Gawah Hai Ki, Jab Jab RK Aaya Hai, Sirf RK Hi RK Chaya Hai !!"
"News Toh Wahin Se Banti Hai, Jahan Se RK Bolta Hai !"
"Yeh paise lo.. inse ek jasoos hire karo, usse kaho ek Bhaad dhunde, aur usme chale jao!'
"Choori kahe zakhm se aa tujhe sehla doon.. hai bada nadan tu.. Bacha samajh behla doon!!"
"Doctor, are u sure ye kisi ALIEN ka nahi Humara hi bachha hai??... humari tarah GOOD LOOKING kyun nahi hai??"
"Tch tch tch..Bechara RK ! Milke !.milke hum ye film puri karenge qki ab RK apne dum pr kuch karne ke kabil toh rha hi nahi..! wo ek bechara,ek lachar,ek majboor,dusron ke sahare pe jeene wala parasite ban gaya hai aur ye fim puri nahi hogi.! Khatm ho gaya RK..Khatam ho gaya hai RK.!!"
"Kaptan sahab.. Aaj raat ko jab aap apne liye drink banaye to ek chota sa jaam RK ke naam ka bhi bana lijiyega... Naam mein hi bahut nasha hai !"
"RK kabhi LOGICALLY nahi sochta.. Aur agar logically sochta to na hi ye Janta aur na meri Madhu mujhse itna Pyaar karti"
"Bittoo ji apni bhabhi ji se keh dijiye ki wo apna haath hata le... Kahin wo is umeed mein to nahi hai ki main inse kahunga- Madhu main tumhare bacche ka Baap banne wala hu"
"Madhu ke sath roz roz shoot kar ke main bore ho gaya hoon.. ghar pe set jaisa, set pe ghar jaisa lagta hai... Kisi aur ko bulaiye..maa,bhaii,baap,behan,villain koi bhi..."
"..toh uspe ek andar se aawaz aati hai ki RK chup chap so jao ! aur Madhubala pahadi wale baba ke paas jao...gudnight !"
"Ehsaan hoga Huzu-E-Ala ka...Yeh ehsaan main Ta-Umar nahi bhoolunga ki Madhubala ji ne mere bure waqt mein mere liye pooja ki thi, aur phir shooting pe BHI time pa aayi thi...Excuse me Madhubala! mere andar ka aapka pati keh raha hai ki band karo ye sab bakwas, kapde badlo aur chup chap so jao!"
"Madhu hum ek kaam karte hai...Hamari film ka naam badalkar - 'Madhubala ek Pooja aur RK ek Karbooja' rakh dete hai, hai na?"
"Ab kaun si pooja aan padi hai? KARWACHAUTH RETURNS!"
"Hum to marenge Sanam...Tumhe bhi nahi chodenge"
"Waise biwi tumhare behosh hone ka timing bata dena...Taki uske pehle main ghar aake tumhe bacha lu"
"Fir tumne muskura ke kaha - Maa main ye karwachauth ka vrat rakhungi ! zarur rakhungi !.. Mujhe meri sargi de do, kyonki RK jaisa pati toh Saat Janamon tak karwachauth ka vrat rakhne se bhi nahi milega !.. Aur RK ke liye to main Karwa-Chauth, Karwa-Panch, Karwa-Chheh, karwachauth ke sabhi type ke vrat rakhungi"
"Mehul ji ne kaha asli lagna chahiye toh tumne mujhe asli mein thappad maar diya...agar kal Mehul ji kahenge ki RK ke seene mein asli wala khanjar ghop do to tum ghop dogi?"
"Zindagi Ka Dusra Naam Risk Hai..Aap Paida Bhi Iss Duniya Mein Risk Per Hote Hai, Aapko Ye Pata Nhi Hoga Palnewala Baap Devta Hoga Ya Danav..Aage Zindagi Mein Kya Bhara Hai, Phool Ya Phir Dhool..Ishq Banayega Ya Mitayega..Humein Har Modh Per Kahin Na Kahin Risk Lena Zaarori Hai"
"Biwi dekh lo...Mit gayi dooriyan...Main yahan hu Yahan hu Yahan hu Yahan..!"
"Bittuji Hero Main Hoon. Aur Audience Mujhe Dekhne Aayegi, Uss Ladki Ko Nhi.. Jab Toofan Udta Hai Toh Log Toofan Ko Dekhte Hai, Uske Saath Udhta Hua Kachda Nhi"
"Pata nahi kitne Mulkon ki Kanyaein RK ke peeche padi huyi hai, par RK ko fasana Mushkil hi nahi NAMUMKIN hai..par iss kanya ko dekh kar lagta hai, Nahhh, DON is Gone!!!"
"Aur us sapne mein tumne mujhe aadha ullu bante dekha...aur jab aankh khuli to tum mujhe poora ullu banane chal padi"
"Kyonki ye Public hai, ye Sab jaanti hai...kaun Andar hai, kaun Bandar hai..ye sab pehchanti hai...kyonki ye Public hai, ye Sab jaanti hai"
"RK Film Industry se nahi, Film Industry RK se chalti hai..!"
"RK Film Industry se nahi, Film Industry RK se chalti hai..!"
"Tum mein to itni taakat hai ki jis kandhe par tum leti ho wo subah tak agar dislocate nahi hua toh main apna naam badalkar Salman rakh lunga aur phir hum dono khoob nachenge!"
"Main usse iss tarah Barbaad karunga ki aane wale har janam me uske paida hone se pehle Barbaadi uska peecha karne lag jayegi.!!"
"Officially Toh Tum Maar Chuke Ho..Behtar Hoga Mare Hi Raho..Warna Jo Saanse Unofficially Tumhari Chal Rahi Hai, Unpar Main Case Kardunga..Aur Phir Faisla Bhi..Main Khud Hi Karunga.. Aur Unhe Band Kardunga..Tumhare liye itna kaafi hai Bade Bhaiyya..Shabba khair..Good night sleep tight..Twinkle twinkle little star..i will send u Very Very far.!!"
"Bittoo ji rona band kariya warna Madhu ko mauka mil jayega.. aur meri shirt pe daag lag jayega"
"Biwi tum mujhse DIVORCE le rahi ho.. kyon tum iss divorce ko duniya sabse Romantic Divorce banane ke chakkar mein lagi ho?.. Tumhari aankhein dekh kar lagta hai jaise abhi bologi - PRIYTAM! Aata kya Khandaala?"
"Biwi...Aaj Monday hai...Mere pyaar ka Vrat day hai...Aaj ke din mera kaan romantic baatein nahi sunta...Kal kehna"
"Biwi tum itni badi ho gayi ho fir bhi mujhe tumhe batana padega ki main iske saath kya kar raha hoon?"
"Biwi chaand pe jaa raha hoon, suna hai wahan pyaaz saste milte hain, kitne kilo leta aaon?!"
"Humari yaadon ko dil se mitaoge kaise?.. Hum to woh khushboo hain jo sanso mein baste hain.. Khud apni saanson ko rok paoge kaise?"
"Par tumhe pyaar ho gaya aur tum gir gayi...Bahut neeche gir gayi...U FELL in love, hai na?"
"Thik Hai, Diya Maine Tumhe Ye Haq.. De Sakti Ho Tum Mujhe Ye Dard,..Tum bhi Kya Yaad Karogi..Ki Koi Aisa Tha Jo Tumhe Itni Mohabbat Karta Tha, Ki Tumhare Dhoke Mein Bhi, Usne Mohabbat Dhundni Chahi"
"Utna hi dard do, jitna tumhare naam pe Bardaasht kar paau"
"Mujhse Ek Khubsuraat ladki Ne Kahan Tha, Ki Hum Apna Pyaar Kisi Par Thop Nhi Sakte,Kyunki Pyaar Woh Zeher Hai, Jo Yahan...Dil Mein Paida Hota Hai, Dil Mein Janam Leta Hai, Aur Woh Zeher, Sabse Pehle Iss Dil Ko Hi Khatam Kar Deta Hai"
"Ye wahi hai - hamari duniya ka BAAZIGAR, BAADSHAH, DULHANIYA le jaane wala DILWALA, ZAARA ka VEER...jise dekh kar har ladki, phir chahe wo Sonal ho ya Dimple ho ya Preeti, ek hi baat kehti hai - tum nahi samjhoge Rahul, KUCH KUCH HOTA HAI!"
"Biwi agar tumne iss aawaaz ko nahi pehchana to tumhe kaan rakhne ka koi haq nahi"
"Jab kuch samajh na aaye toh samjh lo RK aa gaya hai"
"Kehte hain agar haathon ki lakirein adhuri ho toh mohabbat puri nhi hoti.. par ho haathon mein ek pyaara sa haath, toh lakiroon ki zaarorat nhi hoti"
"Paisa to bhikhari ke paas bhi hota hai, par usse kya judna?...aur izzat? agar tumhe sirf ek surname se izzat milti hai toh mujhe tum pe daya karni chahiye...kyonki ek mare huye aadmi ke naam ke sahare ke bina tumhari koi izzat nahi.. aur raha sawal property ka to jitne waqt mein tum jaisa insaan 1 bedroom hall ka ghar banata hai, RK utne waqt mein ek nayi DUNIYA basa leta hai"
"Tujhe chaha hai is kadar toot kar, ki ek jhooth... Is dil se teri deewangi kam na kar paya... Tu khelti rahi jis dil se, teri daga... Is dil se teri mohabbat ko kabhi khatam na kar paya... Chahunga tujhe is kadar...apni aakhri saans aakhri dhadhkan tak... Fir chahe khod de tu kabra meri... Main apne aap ko us kabra mein kabhi dafan na kar paya"
"Aana to main bhi ghodi pe chahta tha, par ek shart thi...ghodi hare rang ki honi chahiye...so No GHODI! No BARAAT!"
"Main aapka chief dhoom dhaam se shadi karne chala (x2)...Apna glass pakad ke rakhiye, main isme do jaam aur bharne chala"
"Main Wapas Aaunga...Main Wapas Aaunga...Ja Raha Hu Main Yahan, Jaan Apni Chhod Ke"
"So the MORAL of the drama is - ki RK ko kabhi challenge mat karna...kyonki challenge khud RK se darta hai ki wo haar jayega...aur ye kabhi mujhse mat kehna ki jab main chahun toh tumhe nahi dekh sakta"
"Udd gayi unki neendein, Jo dekhte the hume harane ke sapne...Hume jhukane chale the, Khud jhuke aur chale aaye ghutno par apne"
"Mujhe ek baat samajh nahi aati...Main itna Handsome hu, Dashing hu, Good Looking hu, Cool hu...fir mujhe itni Bewakuf biwi kyon mili?"
"Tumse ab nazdikiyan bardasht nahi hoti...Mujhe laga ki ab tumhe naha hi lena chahiye"
"Main jaanta hu biwi ki main sote huye bahut acha dikhta hu...par aise ghuro mat, nazar lag jayegi"
"Hum Aah bhi kare toh humne khata ki...aur woh Katl bhi kare toh bolna padega Waah kya Ada thi!!!"
"Biwi RK ishq mein Dil de sakta hai, Jaan de sakta hai, Emaan de sakta hai, par apne aap se badhkar Samman nahi de sakta"
"Pukaarti ho jab tum apna hi naam mujhe khaas lagne lagta hai...kuch khanak si aa jaati hai, orchestra sa bajne lagta hai... Suraj mein kya mooh chupana, wo toh aise bhi jala-bhuna baitha hai...aankhe dikhaaogi toh bacha-kucha bhi raakh ho jaayega... Bade haseen hain pair tumhaare...inhe zameen pe rakhdo...in phoolon ko bhi toh mauka mile, murjhaane se pehle apne aakhri waqt mein tumhe chhune ka"
"Har DHADKAN Tumhari Meri Hai..Har Saans Par Haq Hai Mera.. Tu ZINDA Kisi Aur Shareer Mein Hai... Bas Itna Sa HAQ Hai TERA!"
"Maine kaha building se kud jao aur tum kuud gayi? Dobara agar aisa kuch kiya toh main tumhe upar laakar phirse dhakka de dunga...Dobara tum aisa kabhi nahi karogi! Mere kehne par bhi nahi"
"Biwi wahan khade-khade toh tumhari jaan tab hi ja sakti hai jab aasmaan se koi ALIEN ya SPACESHIP tumhare sir pe gire"
"Confusion hai biwi...iss pyar mein jaan du ya zinda rahun...bahut confusion hai...par chinta mat karo, main itni aasani se nahi marne wala...I am TOO PRECIOUS to Die"
"Farak itna hai ki usme dialog tha - Haar Ke Jeetne Wale Ko BAAZIGAR Kehte Hai...Aur meri film mein dialog hoga - Kabhi Na Haarne Wale Ko RK SIR Kehte Hai"
"Farak itna hai ki usme dialog tha - Haar Ke Jeetne Wale Ko BAAZIGAR Kehte Hai...Aur meri film mein dialog hoga - Kabhi Na Haarne Wale Ko RK SIR Kehte Hai"
"Biwi maana ki woh ek Gangster hain, par itni izzat toh tum humein de hi sakte ho ki hum aadmi bohot kaam ke hain"
"Haath pakadte hi aap se tum?...Not bad!...Waise maine tumhe kabhi screen pe nahi dekha but u look beautiful...Biwi tum kahan ja rahi ho? Salman Khan se nazre milane?"
"RK tumhare haath ki us nas pe likhega jo seedha dil tak jaati hai...Aur RK ka ehsaas kabhi nahi mitt ta"
"Oh i m sorry...Tumhe film samajhne ke liye 5 baar dekhna pada, bahut buri film thi"
"KHATAM kar do, Aao MITA do...Taiyaar hu main FANAA hone ke liye...Dakh sako toh dankh lo khud ko, Kyonki ye AAG aage kaam ayegi mujhe JALANE ke liye"
"Biwi box ke andar rakhi dress pehenni hai, gift wrapping paper toh nahi lapet liya tumne?"
"Maiya mori mujhpe koi dawaab na aayo...Apni marzi se ishq ki matki phod kar mohabbat ka makhan hai maine khayo"
"Usually aisa Pati 1600 Somwar ka vrat karne ke baad milta hai, par maano jaise Madhu ko ek bhi Somwar aane se pehle Raviwar ko hi ye Pati mila"
"Aur fir...aur fir aap us Aashiq Pistoli ko bhej dengi mere peeche...Aur fir wo meri gaadi ke samne aakar khada ho jayega...Aur mujhe jaan se marne ki dhamki dega"
"Hum Hai Deewane background mein chalta hua *buildup buildup*...Edge of the seat drama...Logon ke dilon ki dhadkan badhti hai *buildup buildup buildup*...Heroine kiske paas jayegi...kabhi villian kabhi hero, kabhi villian kabhi hero...Heroine pe charge, kya heroine bacha payegi...Aur fir *dhishkiyaon dhishkiyaoonn*"
"Magar...Bahut bada wala MAGAR...Roti bina belan aur Prem Kahani bina Villian kahan achi lagti hai"
"Sabse pehle tumhe ye samjhana chahunga ki tumhare samne jo insaan khada hai wo asli hai...aur RK sirf Action sunne pe hi action nahi karta"
"Nahi tum mujhe tab sabse zyada achi lagti ho jab tum mujhse jungli billi ki tarah jhagadti ho...tab nahi jab tum muh phula kar Kuddu Kumari ban kar chup chap baith jaati ho"
"Dil agar nahi hai toh ye jo dhak dhak kar raha hai toh kya ye tumhari kidney tumhare dil ki mimicery kar rahi hai?...Dekho dhyaan se suno, dil ki original sound *dhak-dhak dhak-dhak*...Ye jo hamare beech hai uski wajah se dhak dhak kar raha hai"
"Wo jo left side mein hota hai, jo tumhare paas surely hai...Mere paas hai ya nahi, bahut confusion hai...Mujhe tumhara wala dil chahiye"
"Biwi tum ye acchi tarah se jaanti ho, main Right Kamina zaroor hoon, lekin zeher se bhara King Cobra nahi"
"Nahi hu? Paaka nahi hu?...Ajnabee hu...theek hai toh ye ajnabee jise inn kapdon mein garmi lag rahi hai kapde badalega aur tum yahan usse bandhi rahogi"
"Phir bhale hi koi mujhpe Violence, Man-Handling aur Pagalpan ka ilzaam lagaye"
"Madhu ye kahani hamari hai, tumhari aur meri hai...ye prem kahani tumhari aur meri hai, ye 'Madhubala Ek Ishq Ek Junoon' hai...ye 'Madhubala Ek Ishq Ek Junoon Aur Ek Sadakchap' nahi"
"Wo kya na biwi tumhara dil mere pyaar se bandha hua hai..par tumhara jo shareer hai wo tumhare dil ki nahi sunta...aur tumhara dil tumhare shareer ki nahi sunta...toh kahin ye bhaag na jaaye, isliye tumhe kareeb rakhne ke liye iss hathkadi ka istemal kiya gaya hai"
"Humne patti jo apne zakhm pe bandhwayi.. toh aap kyon roye?...Dawayi jo hamare ghaav pe aayi.. toh aap kyon roye?"
"Maine poore pyaar aur tameez se ise khilane ki koshish ki...par kya kare...aapki bahu ko is kameene ki kadar hi nahi hai"
"Madhubala Rishabh Kundra...aaj tumhare pass Zidd hai, Akad hai, Gussa hai, Attitude hai... par aaj bhi mere paas..mere paas Maa hai"
"Ye haddiyon ki plate darwaze pe kya kar rahi thi?...jis tarah tave pe dosa flat ho jaata hai, iss waqt ye hamaare room ke floor pe FLAT ho gayi hain"
"Biwi agar dieting karogi toh mujhse fighting kaise karogi.."
"Biwi Maa dono khadi hai, kiski baat manwaye...Balihari hun Biwi tumhara, Maiyya diyo bataye!"
"Biwi...Tussi ja rahi ho?.. tussi na jao"
"Kamal hai.. aaj ye sabit ho gaya ki aap RK ki maa hai.. main aapko kumbh ke mele se nahi laaya hu"
"Ye Teekhe TEWAR.. Ye GUSSE Ki AAH, Ye Jeetna Haarna.. Bahut MISS Kiya Tumhe..Meri JUNGLEE BILLI.. WELCUM BACK 2 RK's JUNGLE!"
"Ye Teekhe TEWAR.. Ye GUSSE Ki AAH, Ye Jeetna Haarna.. Bahut MISS Kiya Tumhe..Meri JUNGLEE BILLI.. WELCUM BACK 2 RK's JUNGLE!"
"Lo Beh Chala Khoon-E-Ishq...Lo Chal Diya Main Tabah Hone...Har Zakham Chala Sath Saboot Hone..Har Boond Bahi Gawah Ban ne"
"Greh Pravesh Mubarak ho BIWI..!! Apne PATI Ke Khoon Se Sana Greh Pravesh .. Ye Hua Na RIGHT KAMEENA RK STYLE Greh Pravesh"
"Pati patni ke baat mein taaka-jhank karne ke karan mujh par police case bhi ho sakta hai...kyonki main sabki aankhein phodd dunga"
"Aur haan...Koi Mr. India ki DVD le kar aaye...Kyonki aaj main aur meri biwi, hum dono baith kar hamari favourite film dekhenge...Aur sabse important baat - Ghar ke sabhi khidki darwaje theek tarah se band kar diye jaaye, kahin biwi Mrs. India ban kar gayab na ho jaaye"
"Dipali kaun si drugs le rahi ho aaj kal? Mujhe bhi taste karana...Main bhi toh dekhun bewakuf banne ke baad kaisa feel hota hai"
"Tumhare inn haseen kadmo ko zameen pe mat padne dena...Bhaag jayenge"
"Biwi main tumhari dressing table pe laga aaina hu...Jitna baar tumne apne aap ko nahi hai usse kayi zyada baar main tumhe dekh chuka hu...Kya kuch mujhse chhupaogi"
"Uff ye gussa...Ye tewar..Ye katal karne ko machalti Jungli Billi...Ye billi tatori se dhoodh peene ke liye nahi bani hai...Ye toh shikaar karne ke liye bani hai...Kuch tum mera shikaar karo kuch main tumhara..hai na"
"jahan tak main jantu biwi, normal toh main kabhi tha hi nahi"
"Ye chehra...isse pehle chand ko dekha karta tha, but jabse ye chehra dekha chand ko dekhna waste of time lagta hai"
"Alvida ya dubara kabhi nahi milunga, aisa agar koi message Madhu ko dena hai toh tum mujhse keh sakte ho.. Main message pass kar dunga Madhu ko..! Aur uske baad apne alvida ki izzat rakhna"
"Yeh tadap mitne mitane ki...Yeh arzoo tujhko kho dene aur fir paane ki...Tera yeh puchna ki koi hai...Mera yeh kehna ki tu hi tu hai...Tu hi tu hai..main hi main hu aur baki toh...Yeh shaam toh soyi hai...Yeh duniya toh soyi hai...Na aur koi hai...Na aur koi hai"
"Main kahin pe laga koi poster nahi hu jo har Friday utar jaaye"
"Main kahin pe laga koi poster nahi hu jo har Friday utar jaaye"
"Mandir mein Bhagwan ko aur mandir ke bahar RK ko peeth dikha kar koi nahi jaata"
"Kyon rang lagana chahta hu...Jis din khud samajh lunga, tumhe bhi samjha dunga...Bas itna jaanta hu ki tumhe rang lagane ka haq sirf aur sirf mera hai...Iss tarah tumhe rang lagane ka haq sirf mera hai...Aur mere chute hi...yun kaapne ka haq sirf tumhara...Holi mubarak ho...Biwi"
"Zyada gussa karne se ladkiyan moti ho jaati hai...Soch lo"
"RK se Koi bhi Kuch bhi zyada nahi kar sakta"
"Mujhe koi farak nahin padta ke woh chacha-bhatiji ho, baap-beti ho, bhai-behen ho ya aashiq-mehbuba"
"Sorry wo tum meri story se bore ho gaye hoge na...Kya hai na Background music ki bahut problem hai"
"Wo Sadakchhap meri gaadi ki windscreen todd kar wahan pe ek dhamki bhara Love Letter rakh ke gaya"
"Newton uncle very intelligent...Every action has its equal and opposite reaction *dhom dhish dhish dhish droom*...Ashiqui mein phD zarur ki hogi Newton uncle ne"
"Sirf liver...Liver kharab karti hai sharab, par dil ki repairing ke liye achi hai...Main to kehta hu kisi ko heart problem ho to by-pass mat karo, thodi whisky pass karo"
"Usse apointment lena hai, mujhse milne ka appointment...kyon peeth peeche tod-fod karke chala gaya...samne aaye, mardo ki tarah mulaqat kare...phir jo marzi tode...waise is offer ke right side mein chota sa star hai *Terms and Conditions applied* - agar wo sachcha mard ho to"
"Yahan se guzar rahi thi...socha RK ko do-chaar gaali deti jaun...Kuch toh khaas hoga...Koi khayal toh dil ke paas hoga...Aaj toh katal karke hi jaungi...Mann mein aisa deewana sa vishwaas toh hoga "
"Kyon? Kyon aage nahi badhun?...Darti ho, darr hai ki apne aap ko mujhse haar jao...Kho dogi, ki pa lunga main tumhe...Darti ho ki tum mere kareeb aao meri dil ki dhadkano mein kahin apna naam na sun lo...Darti ho ki in aankhon mein tum apna chehra na dekh lo...Mohabbat jhoothi hai ya sachchi, kahin tum ye jaan na lo...Darti ho ki kahin main tumhe chhu lu aur tum bikhar na jao...Aur phir na keh sako tum jhooth mujhse...Dekho...Inn aankhon mein dekho...I...I love u..."
"Nahi wo nahi...wo jo ghar pe bhi hai, Irritating si...Jise main baar baar OUT OUT kehta rehta hu"
"Aaj ki breaking news - Tujhe kuch na pata meri maa...Maa teri himmat wali hoslon se veer jali huyi kheer...Madhubala ex-kundra...Aaj hai laapata meri maa...Nahi ayegi wo meri maa...Tujhe kuch na pata hai na maa...Mujhe sab hai pata meri maa"
"Dipali jab tak main action na kahun tum apne characterless character mein mat aaya karo"
"Bittoo ji agar isme bomb hua to bhi to mujhe dekh sharmayega aur fuss ho jayega...hmm...waise dushman to bahut hai mere, koi bhi bhej sakta hai...jaise...madhubala shamsher malik...ya phir aap bittoo ji"
"hmm...har bulb yehi sochta hai ki uski aur Chand ki jodi kamaal ki hai...par wo bulb ye bhool jaata hai ki uska kaam khatam hone ke baad usay switch off kar diya jaata hai...aur Chand ka koi on-off button nahi hota"
"RK kabhi theek nahi hota ..ya toh bahut acha hota hai ya bahut bura"
"Naam hi RK hai, kya kar sakte hai...RK - Right Kameena"
"Mere shauk bahut seedhe hai...Thodi sharab, thode kabaab...Unche pahaad, ek chota sa jharna...Aur jungli billi...apne bas mein karna"
"Knock knock! Shaitaan ka naam liya, RK hazir!"
"Kya hua? Himmat jawab de gayi? Sher darr gaya?..Bhaagna chahti ho? Bhago!...Jo subah tak chattan jaisi thi wo zameen pe bikhri kamzor mitti kaise ban gayi? aur iss mitti ko udane ke liye tufaan ki nahi, sirf ek *foo* phoonk ki zarurat hai...Kya hua? Koi purani dard bhari yaad? Heart-problem?"
"Dil toota, Puncture huwa, Fracture huwa, Par tumne auron ki parwah karna band nahi kiya, phir chahe wo aur tumhara sabse bada dushman hi kyo na ho, hai na?"
"Kanoon ke haath bohut lambe hote hai, thappad maruga tumhare gaal par aur sujhegi tumhari..."
"Paida hone ke baad tum itni pyaari pehli baar lag rahi ho"
"Normal! 3 badmasho ko pakda, ek ko maara aur ek ko goli seene ke ek feet upar se nikli"
"Mere din ki parwah chod kar apne baalon ki parwah karo...aise bikhre huye lag raha hai jaise kisi ganje ne shrap diya ho"
"Tum aayi toh apni marzi se ho, par jaogi meri marzi se ...Amitabh Bacchan Deewar 1975"
"Galat ko hone ke liye RK se permission bhi to leni hogi"
"Kyo na thodi der ke liye aap apna muh band rakhe...Iske do faide honge..Pehla aap shots ke liye apni energy save kar payengi...Dusra mera dimag kharab nahi hoga"
"Maine ek sher paala tha, jo gulab kha kar mar gaya"
"Bittoo ji bahut hi bigdail bache ho gaye hai aap...Jab wo keh rahi hai ise bhabhi ji mat kahiye to mat kahiye...Aise kaise aap kisi ko bhi apni bhabhi ji keh sakte hai"
"Dil lena khel hai dildaar ka...Bhule se naam na lo pyaar ka...Pyaar bhi jhootha, Yaar bhi jhootha...Dekho mujhko dilwalon...HAH!...Paaya hai dhokha maine...pyaar ka"
"Waise bhi nafrat mohabbat ki bigdi huyi awara sauteli behen hoti hai"
"Kyon aayi ho yaha? badla lene? mujhe phir se thappad maarne? ya phir iss junoon ki ek nayi kahani shuru karne- jalne ki chah!...kaisi aag ho tum? jo khud hi khud mein jal rahi hai par moom pighalne ka naam hi nahi le raha"
"Madhu!...Ex-biwi..Ex for Experienced ya phir Extinct...kya kheech laaya tumhe yaha? ki yehi kahin aas paas main aayi thi to socha chalo thodi beizzat hote chalun, haan?"
"Wo kya kahawat thi - Subah ke Bittoo ji agar shaam ko ghar aaye to unhe Bittoo jee nahi Buddhu ji kaha jaata hain"
"Maine ab tak apne room k furniture ke naam nahi rakhe toh zahir si baat hai Bittoo ji aap hi ka naam hoga"
"Yahan zeher bhara hai...Gala pakdogi, tumhare upar udega...OUT!...Ghar ke sabse gandi shakal wale naukar se kahun ki tumhe uthaye aur bahar phek kar aaye...OUT!"
"Meri nayi film mein ek character hai - ek bahut hi batameez besharam aur beizzat ladki ka character...Director ko koi mil nahi raha tha...Shayad tumhari photograph dikhaun to wo approve kar de...Wo character tumhare liye bilkul perfect hai"
"Kaash hamari zindagi bhi TV ke episode ki tarah hoti to repeat telecast dikha deta main...Saasu maa...Sorry aapko saasu maa to keh hi nahi sakta, par kya kare purani aadat hai...Wo to aapne suna hi hoga - Old habits die hard"
"Iska matlab ye san 2012 se 2013 tak acting ki sabhi categories mein natural aur realistic acting ki maine award paaye hai...aur Best Husband ki acting ke liye Oscar Bhaskar jitne bhi awards hai sabhi mere hai"
"Bahut khushi huyi tumse Bichad ke"
"Waise ladki apni Sher hai...Bas Poonch lagane ki der hai"
"Pathar chahe jitna bhi khoobsurat ho heera ban kar taaj mein nahi lag sakta"
"Duniya ka L hai tumhari aankhon mein...Kehte hai bahut bolti hai...Par aankhon ko bolna to maine bhi sikhaya hai...Ek kadam aage - Jhooth bolna...My love tum ye bhool rahi ho ki ye Khalnayak ek Nayak bhi hai, Abhineta bhi hai, Superstar bhi hai...Acting mera profession hai...Meri daal, roti, chicken aur scotch hai"
"Paglon ki si nafrat...Paglon ka sa ishq...Paglon ka sa Junoon...Dono ne milkar kya khoob nibhaya - Madhubala Ek Ishq Ek Junoon"
"Zeher ka asar poori rawangi par...Madhubala ka ishq poori deewangi par...Madhubala aahaan!"
"Jab Newton uncle ke sir pe apple gira hoga tab wo itne khush nahi huye honge jitna ki khush main hua tha jab mere dimag mein tumhe todne ka idea gira"
"Ek goli...330 rupaye ki goli ki aukaat jo RK ki jaan le le...My sweetheart...Main nahi mara...Marta bhi kaise, I'm Too Expensive!"
"Jo khel tumne shuru kiya tha usay khatam maine kiya...Isliye picture abhi baaki...Nahi hai Madhubala...Sab khatam"
"Meri film mein writer, director, producer, kisi ko pata nahi hota ki the end kya hoga...Kyonki film ka the end main khud banata hu...RK banata hai"
"Maine tumhara hath...*buildup buildup buildup*...Kya hoga...*buildup buildup buildup*...Aur phir agni to talli karna...Rishabh Unweds Madhubala...The End...Picture ka actual the end"
"Par us ghaav ka kya jo yaha diya tha...mere dil mein...Correction!...Dil par to ghaav ho hi nahi sakta...Main to heartless hu, mere paas to dil hi nahi...Hai na?"
"Come on...Kahan gaye wo aansu jo ek cheeti ki Taang tutne par behna shuru kar dete the?...Maine tumhe toda...Open the Tap, bahao aansu ki ganga-jamuna, bahao"
"Knock knock!...Kya hua Sweetheart...Sorry parayi ladki ko Sweetheart bulana shobha nahi deta"
"RK ka sawal hai, aapka kya khayal hai?...Scotch lenge ya Whishky...Ya taxi ghar jaane ke liye"
"Biwi tum sach mein meri sabse badi Fan ho...kyonki main jo bhi kehta hu ya karta hu, tum usko COPY zarur karti ho"
"Come on RK!...u can do it...Hoslon se veer ho, gaay se zyada balveer ho...come on action hero, samjhiye commando mission..ACTION!"
"Main bhi bachpan mein khelta tha...Ghar-...Laat-Maar-Ke-Todd"
"Kambakht dil jaaye haar, Dil se dil ka pyaar...Ishq kare to zindagi de, aur daga kare to Maut de jaaye"
"Jo duniya ko nachata hai tum log usko nachaoge?"
"Poori Mrs. Ghorpade lag rahi ho"
"Biwi RK Rome ja kar DK nahi ban jaata, RK hi rehta hai...Aur tumne bhi suna hi hoga - Once a Star is Always a STAR!"
"Biwi mujhe maarne ke aur bhi tareeke hai, diarrhea kara ke hi kyo maarna chahti ho?...biwi ye peene ka paani hai? pata nahi boiled bhi hai ya nahi...aur agar dhyaan se dekhogi to isme ek-aadh machli ya medak to mil hi jayega"
"Tumhare bagal mein RK baitha hai...Ek nahi do ehsaan hai - ek traffic se bachane wala ehsaan aur dusra iss road par ehsaan...Dekho kitni sunsaan si road hai, Koi aata-jaata nahi hai yaha, Iska na koi saathi hai na koi hamsafar, Aur aaj yaha par Superstar RK padhare hain"
"Biwi...hume hamari TRP badhani hai, aur tum aise joke maar rahi ho? Togetherness Rating Points...Hume hamare rishte ko aur bhi mazboot banana hai isliye aise time pe aise joke mat maara karo...aur koi acha joke nahi yaad aaye to ye zimmedari mujhe de do"
"Aap ya aapke News Channel, zindagi bhar ke liye, mere quotes aur interviews se door nahin rehna chahte, toh aap log is tarah munh band karenge, jaise ki aapne kabhi bolna seekha hi nahin"
"RK ka haath hai...Ab jab sher ke muh mein gaya hi hai to Jaan aur Zubaan dono kheech ke bahar layega"
"Maut ke saath mera appointment likhne se pehle puch lena chahiye tha Balraj Choudhary ki meri dates hai ya nahi...toh Bittu G bata dete tujhe ki abhi to itna busy chal raha hu ki marne tak ki phursat nahi"
"RK ke liye Real life aur Reel life dono hi barabar hai...Tumhe bata du ki RK apne stunt khud karta hai"
"Balraj agar meri Madhu ko kuch hua to maut bhi tumhe mujhse nahi bacha payegi...Tumhe ek baar marunga aur phir zinda karunga aur phir marunga"
"Biwi, tum bade filmy dialogue marti ho...par tumhare yeh melodramatic dialogue koi samajhta kyun nahi? Khair!! Character character ki baat hai"
"Bittu G?...Badi chinta hai tumhe Bittu G ki...Biwi tumne bataya nahi ki tumne Bittu G ko adopt kiya hai"
"Yahan dinosaur aaya tha..maine uske liye sandwich banaya...aur woh sandwich khaa raha hain"
"Cut it biwi...Ishq wala love ke beech mein kameena wala promise yaad aa gaya..nibhana padega"
"Biwiii...Hi. Main hu Rishabh Kundra. Pyaar se aur izzat se log mujhe RK kehte hai"
"Yeh badi badi aankhen , inn aankhon mein aag , itni kii Pappu Singh ke dhabe ke tandoor mein bhi nahi hogi"
"Biwi..just bcoz aaj tak maine apne pati hone ka koi faida nahi uthaya aur tumhe bilkul safe chod rakha hai...iska yeh matlab nahi ki main jogi hu..Yeh gana RK par bilkul fit nahi baithta"
"Ye second hand furniture pada pada sadd chuka hai...isko ya to kisi andhere kone mein daal do ya ghar ke bahar phekwa do...Lekin dhyaan se ye furniture aawaaz bahut karta hai...Theek hai, abhi philhaal yehi rehne do jab tak ye aur badboo na failaye"
"Dil-faroshi ki tamanna ab hamare Sir mein hai...Dekhna hai Zor kitna Mallika-e-ghar mein hai"
"Ye Ishq nahi aasaan bas itna samajh lijiye...Ek aag ka dariya hai aur doob ke jaana hai...Yahan doobna aur yahan aag... Ab tum batao - Jalna hai ya doobna hai?"
"RK koshish nahi karta...jab koshish ko pata chalta hai ki uska paala RK se pada hai to RK ke samman mein koshish apne aap kaamyaab ho jaati hai"
"Biwi agar mujhe pehle pata hota ki tum mujhe milne wali ho, to main washing machines ke liye kharcha karta hi nahi...kyonki tum apne aansuon ke jetspray se hi mere kapde dho deti"
"Film do cheezon ki wajah se chalti hai - ache Stars aur achi Story...aur agar dono saath mein ho toh picture SUPERHIT!"
"Kahan to pyaar tha hi nahi...Aur kahan ye...Uparwala jab bhi deta hai, THAPPAD maar ke deta hai"
"Na Sasur ji...Na...Mera personal experience ye kehta hai ki aurato ko unki emotional lines bolte waqt tokna nahi chahiye...nahi to wo ek baar phir aapko SHURUAAT se sab kuch sunayegi...especially iss ghar ki aurate"
"Biwi! Me too...I Love...Me"
"Waise mujhse recently kisi ne kaha hai ki jo kaho wo khud bhi karo...Tumne wo dialog sirf TRP badhane ke liye bola tha?"
"Biwi din bhar mein tum jitne aansu baha deti ho utni to Rajasthan mein saal bhar mein bhi barish nahi hoti...Kaise manage karti ho?"
"Biwi din bhar mein tum jitne aansu baha deti ho utni to Rajasthan mein saal bhar mein bhi barish nahi hoti...Kaise manage karti ho?"
"Ab ek khoobsurat si love story likhi jayegi...Padhna zarur, Dekhna zarur - RK KI LOVE STORY!"
"Yehi to baat hai biwi...RK kabhi acha nahi ho sakta kyonki acha hona RK ke standard mein hi nahi hai...kyonki RK Best hai aur rahega"
"Kya hua biwi...Shirt ke button khulte hi dhadkanein tez hone lagti hai? Jab RK screen pe shirt utarta hai to ladkiyon ke aankhon mein taare chamakne lagte hai, bikhar si jaati hai wo"
"Agar govt rone pe Tax laga de to tum to hamara ghar ek mahine mein bikwa dogi"
"Main jaanta hu mujhe Cinema se pyaar hai...Maine ye industry paisa ya shohrat kamane ke liye nahi chuni, main bhagna chahta tha...apne ateet se bhagna chahta tha, pyaar paane ke liye...phir chahe wo kisi bhi roop mein ho, Fans ka hi sahi..."
"Kaala akshar Dipali barabar"
"Biwi remote kaam nahin kar raha hai...Rewind button kaam nahin kar raha hai...Mute button kaam nahin kar raha hai...Exit button kaam nahin kar raha hai"
"Naam badal lo...Aaj se tumhara naam Madhu hai...Mathur sahab...aap naam badalenge ya heroine?..kal tak soch kar bata dijiyega...PACKUP!"
"Bittu G ye Whisky hai, ishq se kum Risky hai...ishq to jeete ji maarta hai aur ye ek hi baar mein"
"Tumhi meri Chahat ho, Tumhi mera Dhadkan...Tumhi mera Ishq ho aur Tumhi mera Junoon"
"Main Aag toh tum bhi aag , Main tufaan toh tum bhi kum nahi, Main pagal aur tum mujhse badi pagal...aur is sab ke bawajood mein tum se pagalo ki tarah pyaar karta hu"
"Meri dadi kaha karti thi - Chor ko nazar aate hai sab chor...badi decent aurat thi...par ye kabhi nahi kaha unhone - Kameeno ko nazar aate hai sab kameene"
"Shri 1008 Swarnam Mangalam Chanakyam Sharma Ji"
"Kyon? Tum nayi maa le kar aayi ho kya? Purani wali se to main mil chuka hu"
"Biwi ab jab tum RK ko jhel chuki ho...to ye Kanjama ki aatma kya cheez hai?"
"Wo jo...studio mein jo hua...mujhe lagta hai ki...pakka nahi par mujhe aisa lagta hai ki...main sahi tha...wo...wo Kanjama ki aatma thi"
"Ya to tum bol lo ya to main bol leta hu...dono bolenge to sunega kaun?...aur phir sunne ke liye Bittu G ko bulana padega"
"Madhu tumhe pata hai...jab bhi tum muskurati ho to aisa lagta hai ki...tum confused ho...Tumhe bhi pata nahi ki tum muskura kyo rahi ho"
"Pati matlab main...Paremeshwar matlab Bhagwan...ab main 'oh God' ki jagah 'oh Me' kehne lagunga"
"Big boss chahte hai ki Madhu apne soojhe huye muh se thodi sujan kum kare aur RK se baat kare...khamosh...roothi rothi si Madhu RK yani ki big boss ko pasand nahi"
"Khair is Saas-Bahu ke high TRP drama ko yehi rokna hoga"
"Waah! Meri Patni sabse nirali, subah se iska peat sirf mere liye khali"
"Insaan? Biwi, tum bhool gayi ho, tumhari kismat mein toh SHAITAAN hai"
"Dear RK? Biwi, agar kuch ajeeb sa hi likhna hai toh Pai Lagun RK likho"
"Biwi aise kyon harbada rahi ho jaise kisi ka khoon kar diya ho...aur laash chhupana bhool gayi ho"
"Par tum Seema ji ki Fruits bhari hat pehenkar bahot hi interesting vegetarian lagogi"
"Biwi agar zyada hasogi to tumhara naam Madhubala se change kar ke Madhulisa rakh dunga"
"Biwi tumse kisi ne kaha hai kya ki mujhe ghoorti rahogi to tumhari aankhon ki roshni tez ho jayegi?"
"Bittu G ja kar dekhiye ki wo bijli ka khambha jo bahar khada tha wo abhi bhi waha hai ya chori ho gaya"
"Chaliye *clap clap* PARDA DOWN! Showtime Over! Have a Bad Night and Bad Dreams...bahar jaane ka raaste aagay se left hai...thankyou aap log ja sakte hai"
"Kukku Bhatia and Performing Arts Nautanki Gang"
"Bittu G...jaiye aur meri trophies lekar aiyey aur unse inhe puraskrit kijiye - best mother, best actress in supporting role, best bhavuk personality...inke nautanki inhe itne award jitwayegi"
"Biwi maine bahut high standards set kiye hai...ajeeb aur atarangi hone ke...thankyou?"
"Agar aapne shooting shuru nahi ki to agle 15 dino tak aap chaand ka nahi, Mere darshan karne ka intezar karenge"
"Biwi, tum jaanti ho main tumhe zabardasti pilaane ka paagalpan aur taaqat dono rakhta hu"
"Biwi tum yun ajeeb si bohut interesting lagti ho... lekin is waqt tum ajeeb si ki maa bani hui ho... jo mujhe bilkul achcha nahi lag raha"
"Haath..naye lagwaye hain? aise chhupa kyu rahi ho?...Biwi ek baat batao...tum abhi abhi aisi huyi ho ya ye manufacturing defect hai?"
"Macchar? bahut hi artistic machar maloom hota hai...kaata kum hai aur paint zyada kiya hai mere gaal pe"
"Biwi dekho ...main bhi Chaand ban gaya hoon, Mere gaal par bhi ek daag aa gaya hai"
"Mujhe neend pe chalni ki bemari hain, dekho mein abhi bhi so raha hoon"
"Tum...phir hans rahi ho?...main kyo pagal ho raha hu? DEMOcracy hai!...koi bhi yaha pagal hone ke DEMO kabhi bhi de sakta hai"
"Main bina contract ke bhi tumhari bhalayi ke liye tumhe samjha sakta hu ki bina baat ke hasna band karo...nahi to naukar kal se apne baccho ko le kar ayenge aur kehenge - aao beta aao, tumhe ek pagal dikhaye"
"Kal yaha karwa chauth hoga aur waha upar bhagwaan ke yaha comedy film...Bhagwaan bhi dekh kar haste honge, sochte honge mere hi banaye huye insaan mere hi samne kitne confidence se jhooth bolte hai"
"Jahan tak main jaanta hu Patil ka sense of humour itna acha nahi hai ki wo tumhe joke sunaye aur tum der tak us joke ko yaad kar ke hasti raho"
"Biwi...Kem chho? Maza ma chho? Tussi theek ho ji? Tua beya?...Biwi chaar alag alag bhashaon mein pooch chuka hu ye paanchvi hai - Tum theek ho?...Aaj jawaab dogi? Nahi?"
"Tum phir hans rahi ho...Tumko kisi ne dhamki hai ki agar hasna band kar dogi to oot pe bitha kar nadi mein chhod di jaogi...Oot tumhe doobne nahi dega aur nadi tumhe neeche nahi utarne degi"
"Theek hai main khush hu ki tum hasti rehti ho...Agat kisi wajah se hans rahi ho to theek hai par agar bina kisi wajah ke hans rahi ho to ghar jaate waqt raaste mein Dr. Mathur ka Clinic hai - Psychiatrist - milti jaana"
"Sasuma..namashkaar...Bade dukh ki baat hai ki aapka swagat bahut dramatic tha...Sasuma chaliye...main aapke liye invitation card nahi chhapwaunga...Aur aap to ye samjh hi gayi hongi ki mera bada sa DUKHI parivaar aapki beti ke khilaaf ho gaya hai"
"Bittu G mujhe janam dene wali aurat ko yaad dilaya jaaye...jin paiso se meri zindagi ka len-den ho raha hai wo paise inke paas mere hi paas se aaye hai"
"Kya hai ye?...Bittu G aisa to 90's ki filmo mein hota tha - Kya Hai Tumhari Keemat Batao...Bolo...Bas fark itna hai ki yaha Blank Cheques nahi phat rahe"
"CUT IT!...CUT!"
"Biwi main koi baarish mein Bheegta Kamzor Cute sa Puppy nahi hu jise aise hamdardi se deh rahi ho"
"Aisa ghaav diya ki muh se aah ke badle waah nikal gaya... dard hoto aisa... ki hosh na rahe jine ka... ki jina bhi bann jaye har saans..."
"Duniya kehti hai... is duniya me ek hi superstar hai RK... par main kaheta hoon... is duniya me RK jaisa ek hi insaan hai jo marke bhi zinda hai.."
"Wo chota chuha, cockroach aur tum sab, mere paiso par kuch ajnabi insaan kuch directly ya indirectly is ghar mein pal rahe hai...iske alawa main bas ek aur insaan ko jaanta hu - mujhe janam dene wali aurat aur tum sab uski badi si galti se paida hua kachra ho jo is ghar ki hawa mein badboo faila raha hai"
"Galey mein abhi bhi kuch problem hai...Kahi peeli daal mein peela zahar to nahi mila diya?"
"Ghatiya? Hello? isko dark humour kehte hai...Kuch mazaak haste-haste jaan le lete hai, Aur kuch jaan lene ke baad hasate hai"
"Biwi bahut hi filmy dialog tha...Jaan abhi bhi dard ho raha hai?...khuda kare tumhare saare dard mujhe mil jaaye"
"Aap sab se guzarish hai...Guzarish ki spelling hai O.R.D.E.R."
"Haan! Main Hi Main!"
"BAS!...ek din mein RK to khud ki bhi itni tareef nahi karta hai"
"Biwi ab tum apna patni dharam bhi bhool gayi ho?...tumhi ne aadat bigadi hai, apne haatho se khilane ki...ab bhugto"
"Ye Bhatia Group of Badmash Company keechad hi aisa hai..Thodi der iske aas paas reh lo to apne kapde bhi maile lag jaane lagte hai"
"Bittu G agar wo mujhe maarna bhi chahegi to itna ghuma phira ke nahi...samne ayegi, mere aankhon ke samne gun load karegi...meri aankhon mein aakhein daal kar gun uthayegi, fire karegi...Haan wo baat alag hai ki uska nishana kaisa hoga...Nishana maathe par hoga par ched kaan mein hogi"
"Aapse kisne kaha...kisne kaha aapse Bittu G ki aapka muh chota hai..Aapka muh to bahut bada hai...jisse aap Madhu ke baare mein koi badi si baat kehne ke liye utawale ho rahe hai"
"Bittu G main koi khoobsurat painting to hu nahi jo aap mujhe aise ghoore ja rahe hai"
"Tum dawai ka peecha nahi chodogi, hai na?...Kya naam du main tumhe? Meri Chemical Wife"
"Tum ja sakti ho...Thank you...Get lost"
"Aasmaan neela kyon hai? Gulaab mein khushboo kyon hai? Aur tumhari in aankhon mein gandi si ghinauni si chamak kyon hai? Hai koi jawaab? Nahi...Tumhe tumhare sawaal ka jawaab mil chuka hai ki kuch sawaalon ke jawaab nahi hote"
"Haan agar meri shirt ke liye keh rahi ho toh...isay bechne wale ne kaha tha isay hafte mein ek baar aansuon se dhona...iski shine iski chamak bahi rahegi...so Thankyou"
"Is that clear...Junior Bhatia, Mrs. Junior Bhatia, Mr Senior Bhatia...Good!...Mrs Junior Hhatia! Bag! Fast"
"Galat dialog, laash bag utha hi nahi sakti...Tumhe khud zinda rehte huye is bag ko mere kamre mein rakh kar aana hoga...Aur khabardaar jo kisi naukar se kaha, Zinda hi is ghar se bahar phek di jaogi"
"Do baatein kehni thi...Pehli - main abhi poori tarah se theek nahi hua hu, mujhe rest ki aur zarurat hai...Isliye kripya karke bakwaas band kar di jaaye...Dusri baat - Dipali ye bag uthao aur poore National Honour ke saath mere kamre mein rakh kar aao"
"Biwi mere kamre mein jao...BIWI...Sidiyon se chadhkar upar right mein kamra pehla mera hai...Knock karne ki zarurat nahi hai kyonki main yaha hu...Biwi tumhe kamre mein jaana hoga kyonki kamra neeche chal kar nahi ayega...Maine kaha JAO!'
"Shamsher Malik urf Sasur ji...main jaanta hu aap mujhe pasand nahi karte...waise aapko dekh kar mera dil ki koi bhari nahi ho padta hai...to phir ye maafi ehsaan jaise dialogs mat boliye...character ko suit nahi karta"
"Great! bahut achi investigation ki hai aapne...kya naam hai aapka? N.K. Pandit...RK apni agli film mein apna naam yehi rakhega...ye inaam kaafi hoga aapke liye?...ab finally is case ko band kar diya jaaye"
"Biwi agar tumhe mailka ki hawa lagne se ye mood kharab hone wala jukaam ho jaata hai to aaj ke baad tum kabhi bhi maike nahi jaogi...mujhe wo ladako ziddi jungli billi wali biwi pasand hai, dari sehmi si gilheri nahi"
"Bittu G kisi kaam se mujhe yaad kar rahe the ya bahot zor se meri yaad aayi?"
"Kis cheez mein aagay ho? besharmi mein?...na tum mere liye ho aur na main tumhare liye...haan wo darwaza zarur hum dono ke liye hai jisse tum bahar jaogi aur tumhre jaane ke baad main band karunga"
"Biwi main tumhe bahut miss kar raha hu...Agar aisa tumhe lagta hai to tum galat ho...Koi tumhe miss nahi kar raha"
"Biwi Saasu maa ko phone do taaki main unhe ye keh du ki wo tumhe loori suna kar sula de...aur tum mera peechha chhodo"
"Biwi kitni Talented ho tum...itni dur baith kar bhi mujhe irritate kar rahi ho"
"Biwi main kisi jungle mein kisi gufa ke andar nahi rehta...jo mera dhyaan rakhne ke liye koi na ho...tumhe do din ki chhuti mili hai tum apni chhutiyan enjoy karo...aur mujhe miss karna band karo"
"Tum pichle janam mein chemist thi kya jo hamesha dawaiyon ke peeche padi rehti ho"
"Arey kya hua biwi, tum chup kyon ho?...biwi itna chup to tum apni neend mein bhi nahi rehti"
"Biwi...biwi mujhe subah se bahut hichkiya aa rahi hai...Bittu G ne mujhse kaha mujhe koi bahut buri tarah se yaad kar raha hai...main ye kehne ke liye phone karne hi wala tha tumhe ki mujhe yaad karna band kar do...kyonki mera aur hichkiya lene ka bilkul mood nahi hai"
"Jaanti ho mujhe aakhiri baar sshhh kab kiya gaya tha?...jab main senior KG mein tha"
"Good Morning RK...bewakuf banna band karo...wo yaha nahi hai"
"Ruko...Bhabhi ji ko bhi saath le kar jao neeche...inse sukh-dukh ki baatein karo, tv dikhao inhe...kyonki is ghar mein inka time paas nahi ho raha hai"
"Biwi jao...2 din apne maike mein aish karo"
"Ek beti ko kitchen mein chaku se tamatar kaat ta hua baap achha lag sakta hai par kisi ka gala kaat ta hua nahi"
"Kaisa lagega Sasurji jab log apki beti se "Papa kaise hai?" iske badle ye puchenge, "Papa pakde gaye?"
"Haan kuch baat hai, nahi toh hum dono chamkadar toh hai nahi ki raat ko bhatkenge"
"Om Shanti Om...Shanti Shanti Om...Om...Shanti Om...Shanti Shanti Om.."
"Parde par bhi main, Parde ke bahar bhi main...Deewana kar dene ki hadd honi chahiye...hai na?"
"Mera dialogue abhi pura nahi hua hai biwi...aur mujhe pasand nahi ki koi mera dialog beech mein kaate"
"Suraj se pucho usmein aag kyun hain, sangeet se pucho usmein Raag kyun hain aur Chand se pucho usmein daag kyun hain...main uss mitti ka bana hoon jo ek taraf sukhi hai and dusri taraf geeli"
"Main apne sawalon ke jawab ke liye saari zindagi intezaar kar sakta hu...mazaak kar raha tha...RK intezaar karta nahi, Karata hai"
"Biwi, agar tumhe shant murti bankar rehna hai toh mujhe bata do, hall me jo bhi kona tumhara fav hoga, wahan table lagwa dunga, khadi ho jana wahan boot bankar"
"I love u mere katil papa"
"Smart Boy...oops sorry...smart Sasurji"
"Yadi ek awaaz aur aap jail ki salakhon ke peeche honge kurta aur aadhi nikkar pehene chakki peesing and peesing and peesing"
"Bad luck sasurji...aapko 3 mauke mile fir bhi aap mera kuch nahi bigaad paaye...achha khasa khada hu aapke saamne...aur maine ek hi baar mein apki kya halat kar di thi *tch tch tch*"
"Aap lambi aur ghehri saas le...aur kripya mujhe bataye ki kyo aapne apne damaad...sorry correction...Apne beti ke suhaag ko ujadna chaha?"
"Muddai Laakh Bura Chahe To Kya Hota Hai?...Wahi Hota Hai Jo Manzoore RK Hota Hai"
"Naah...tum ye kabhi nahi karogi biwi...balki tumhara bas chale to tum hafte mein teen din mere liye vrat rakho...meri lambi umar ke liye"
"Mere liye itni bhakti kaafi hai...agar isse zyada bhakti ki to bhagwaan bhi confuse ho jayenge ki ye RK hi hai ya koi aur...mere liye packup"
"Sassurji apne damad ko ashirwaad dijiye na lambi umar ka...ya apni beti ko de dijiye sada saubhagyawati rehne ka"
"Bittuji advance mein Happy Diwali...apna khayal rakhiyega byee"
"Tumhari saari ne mujhe pagal bana diya hai...warna insaan hum bhi kaam ke the"
"Maanna padega...dushmani ki to takkar ki...aur jab maine saza maangi to RK ke standard ki saza di...agar goli haath mein lag jaati ya khandho se lag kar nikal jaati to ek baar phir main aapse naraaz ho jaata...RK ki izzat rakh li aapne"
"Biwi agar tum RK ke dialogues chura ke bol rahi ho to theek se bolo... Respect do dialogs ko"
"Meri naa ka matlab aaj bhi naa hota hai"
"OUT! OUT!"
"Ishq Ka Imtihaan Hai.. Hosh Mai Kaise Le Sakta Hun?"
"Chalo na dipz, aaj hum apne pyaar ko amar karde...Mughl-e-azam types!"
"Kya hua biwi? koi Darawana sapna dekha kya?...sapne mein main aaya tha kya?"
"ye bed dekha hai kitna bada hai...is bed par itni jagah hai ki hum dono ke beech ek choti car park ho jaaye, agar tum phail kar na so toh"
"Mere muskurane ki do wajah hai...wajah nmbr 1 - main muskurata hua bahut aacha dikhta hun...aur wajah nmbr 2 - ab tumse koi bhi baat manwana kitna aasaan ho gaya hai...warna wo pehle wali Madhubala ufff...uski to baat hi kuch aur thi"
"Maine kabhi sapne mein bhi nahi socha tha ki koi ladki mujhse yeh kahegi"
"Abhi Naa Jaaoo Chod Kar, Ki Dil Abhi Bhara Nahin"
"Maana ki RK ki zindagi thodi filmy hai...lekin uski har baat dialog nahi hota"
"Yeh sharab jise tum mera ghamand samajhti ho mere liye ek raat se dusre din tak jaane ka jaariya hain"
"ahh!...jubaan kat gayi...Baddua di ya kaala jaadu janti ho?"
"Mujhe patti karne do BIWI..,agar infection ho gaya to mujhe apne favourite khilone ka per kaatna padega"
"Mazaak ka toh nahin pata par Maza bohat aata hai"
"Rk free mein acting nahi karta"
"Khilona ho tum mera...aur main apne khilone ko tut te hue kaise dhekh sakta hoon Biwi?"
"Ab humein Superwomen Madhubala bachayegi...Biwi mujh par ek ehsaan karo, aur hume yaha se bahar nikalwa do...mujhe bacha lo"
"Haan to barish mein pighal nahi jaoge tum"
"Shaadi se pehle kyun nahin bataya ki aadhi raat ko tumhein Pagalpan ke daure padte hai"
"Tum apne kapde khud badlogi ya main badlu?"
"Na biwi na...Abhi tak tumne itne ache kaam nahi kiye ki RK tumhe INAAM mein KISS kare"
"Jab tak tumhare seene mein dil hai, tum RK nahi ban sakti"
"Biwi tumare paas 2 options hai...option 1. chup chap dawai le lo...option 2. chup chap dawai le lo"
"Biwi... yeh acid, zeher aur drugs ka mixture hai.. pee lo"
"TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK"
"Bittuji aapki bohot yaad aayegi"
"Kyonki us aadmi ko ye nahi pata tha ki ye samaan chor baat-bete ke kabadi ki dukaan supply karti hai"
"Kyunki picture abhi baaki hai mere dushman..."
"Lady Bheem"
"Kabhi khushi, Kabhi gham"
"RK mansion koi refugee camp nahi ki koi bhi muh utha ke chala aaye"
"Na kisi ki dua hume kabool na kisi ki baddua manzoor. Hum apni marzi se jeete hai aur apni ada se marenge"
"Sher aur sherni ki ladayi mein kutte refree nahi hote"
"Jis ladki ki kamar par RK ka haath hota hai uske chehre par noor aur hoto par muskurahat apne aap aa jaati hai...smile karo na Biwi"
"Hamare desh ka kanoon mujhe ye haq deta hai ki agar meri biwi kapde change nahi kar pa rahi hai toh main uski help karun"
"Pack Up!"
"Kuch zakhm wo hote hai jo duniya deti hai aur kuch wo jinhe tum apna bhagwan kehti ho"
"Magar kuch zakhm aise hote hai jisse dil ke kareeb rakho toh woh nasoor ban jaate hai aisa hi ek zakham mere dil ke kareeb hai"
"Sasuma...maine toh aapko Nirupa Roy samjha par aap toh Lalita Pawar nikli"
'"Bohat moti khaal hai.. abhi 5 minute pehle itni band bajai.. phir bhi.."
"RK kabhi kisi k peechhe nahi chalta.."
"Kyun?? Tumhare pita mere pita samaan hain..Maana ki inki ye haalat mere aadmiyon ne kar di par mai bhi Insaan hoon..mere paas bhi Dil hai..Aasman se toh nahi tapka na.!"
"Tumhe kya laga RK tumhare saath suhaag raat manayega?...Tumhare jaisi 10 ladkiyan mere aagay-peeche ghoomti hai...Shakal dekhi hai apni?"
"Suhaag Raat ka GIFT To Banta Hai.. Kissi Ne badi Mohabbat Se Ye Tohfa Bheja Tha, Aur Maine Badi Shiddat se Inhe Sanjog Kar Rakha...Aur Aaj Mai Ye Tumhe Sop Raha Hun"
"Geele Hont Tere... lo Biwi.. Tum bi apne hoth geele kar lo.. Bure ki aadat daal lo...Sher ke saath agar rahogi toh peene ko dudh aur khane ko ghaas thodi milega.."
"Bittu G Shaadi Sampann...Vidaai Sampann...What NEXT?.. ab grehpravesh.. banta hai CORRECT...sahi kaha na Bittu G Ne...BIWI..RK - The Superstar ke ghar mein Greh Pravesh, EXCITED??"
"Mera haath bhale hi tum mere wajood se ukhad lo par meri biwi ka haath tum mujhse nahi chudwa paoge"
"Ye Nafrat nahi aasaan...Ek Aag ka dariya hai...Aur doob ke jaaana hai"
"Jo khel kismat khel rahi hai..use main bhi khelna chahta hoon.. Jo kahaani khatam nahi huyi..usse amar bananaa chahta hoon.. Tumhare aur mere haathon ki lakeeron ko mitana chahta hoon.."
"Jitna bhi mila, kaafi mila...Par neeyat nahi bhari, Ab bhi use aur tabaah karne ki Khwaaish Dil me liye hoon"
"Meharbaani..Marham..Madhu-ba-laa..Aahaan.!"
"Chalka Chalka Re...Kalas Ka Paani..."
"Iss baar thank you badi mushkil se nikla par aanewale dinno mein, i bet aasaani se nikhlega"
"Aap andhere mai thi.. Hum gujar rahe thay... Socha aapki zindagi mai thodi roshni daal de.."
"Har ande ki kismat mein Murgi banna nahi hota..Kuch Omlette bhi bante hai"
"Iss naacheez ko Rishabh Kundra kehte hai"
"To aao Bhagwan-Bhagwan khele"
"Jab Zindagi Mein Mohabbat Ya Nafrat Saare Intehaan Paar Kar De Toh Pagalpan Ban Jaati Hai.. Mohabbat Toh Tumse Kabhi Ki Nahi.. Par Toot Ke Nafrat Karne Par Tumne Majboor Kar diya."
"Prayschit?? Wat shit? I like it, Infact ,I like her, Madhubala Ahaan?!"
"Chaar din, RK ko RK se chin ne k liye..char din, Rk ko bebas karne k liye...inn char dino ki keemat tum apne zindagi k agle chalis saalon tak chukaogi.. aur ye kimat tumhe bohot mehangi padegi..MA DHU- BALA.. .ANHAN!!"
"Kisine itni shiddat aur mohabbat se hume yahan bheja hai... Ab toh iss saja mein bhi maja hai...Madhu-ba-la.."
"Heroine banna hai??..main banata hun tujhe heroine.."
"Khoon ke do ghut jo humne aaj piye hai, wahi hamara lunch aur dinner hain"
"Sher Kabhi Sher ka Shikaar Nahi Karta...Basharte Apne Aap ko Sher Kehne waala ..Waakai mein Sher Ho"
"Hume jeene ka aur koi tareeka nai aata. Jokhim nahi uthaya toh kya khaak jeeye"
"Itne Fans hai yaha fir bhi garmi hai. Yeh mausam ki garmi nahi...wardi ki garmi hai. Good...I like it."
"Tum Filmo mein try kyun nehi karti?... Mere saath mere opposite...THE Rishabh Kundra ke opposite...aur Film ka naam hoga Ek Gunehgaar Ek Gawah"
"Humne aapke dil mein rehne se inkaar kya kar diya, aapne humein jail mein band karwa diya...Aapse na sahi, par hume aapki iss mohabbat se mohabbat hai..mohabbat hai"
"Ek din inhi haathon se us madhubala ko yeh chudiyan pehnayenge"
"Yeh documentary channel band karo aur news channel shuru karo"
"Main insaan ka auda nahi, Aukat dekh kar baat karta hun."
"Dekhna Bittu G, apni tooti huye taango ke saath wo langrata hua ayega aur bolega itne paiso mein to aap meri dono taange todd dijiye"
"Sweetheart agar RK se pyaar karna hai to tumhe Galib ko follow karna hoga... Aag ka dariyaa hai, doob ke jaana hai. Aur us kinaare main tumhaara intezaar kar raha hoon"
"Kaal kare so aaj kar, Aaj kare so ab...Duriyaan mit jayegi pal mein, koshish karega jab"
"Ye chillar baazi Bittu G ke saath karna...RK to aaj kal mein Chand ki boli lagane wala hai"
"Ek ladki?...ladkiya tumhaari baat kyun sunegi pradhan? dekho apne aap ko..*patting pradhaan's belly*..thol nikalta hai...ek imaandar police officer ka kabhi itna bada pet nahi hota. Woh fit hote hai. Lagta hai aajkal tum bhookh se jyada kha rahe ho"
"Bittu ji, bujho toh jaane. Aisi kaunsi cheez hai jo RK nahi khareed sakta? (Bittuji - "Sir, aisi koi cheez hai hi nahi.")...Wrong Bittuji. Khud RK."
"Industry mein barbaad karne ke liye bohot log hain...RK ke kutte ke saath bhi kaam karoge toh aabaad ho jaoge"
"Shooting ka pani thanda kyu tha? Room temp ki baarish karao...agla shot tabhi hoga."
"Chaar din? Itna sabra Dilawar mein kaha Jailor sahab. Woh toh bas apko yaha aadaab kehne aaya tha...aur bas."
"Jailor tum pinjare mein band parinde ko udne ki chunauti de rahe ho...Pinjare mein band sher ko toh chuha bhi angootha dikha deta hai. Pinjra kholo, fir aanka jaaye ki tumhare daawe mein kitna dum hai aur hamari jurrat mein kitna zor."
"Tuhi mera Ishq ho, Tumhi mera Junoon...CUT CUT CUT!!!"
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