I just sort of put the two together. It's really short, which is good for my lovely lazies on here 😃😳 I can't really say its an OS, just streams of thoughts from Pankuri, and it's sort of sad. I dunno why. I was in a melancholy mood I guess, it just sort of pulled together. Wrote this really quick and I wanted to share it with you guys, so pleaaase do tell me how it is. WARNING: Nothing great at all, but I dunno still deciding to post it. So here goes nothing...
Yeh kya hua? Aaj mere shaadi tha .. Shivam ki saath. Shaadi tho ho gaye.. Par Shivam ki saath nahin.. Adi ke saath. Is this real or is this a dream? I still can't seem to process it. I don't want to process it. I have no emotions. I can't feel. I know I should feel something. My family is no longer speaking to me, I have no one, but I can't seem to feel..
Adi married me when Shivam's family refused to accept me. He saved me. He is all I have now. My best friend, my best friend who I am in love with. My best friend who doesn't believe in love or marriage, yet here we are.. married only to save me. I know I should say something, express my gratitude but I can't seem to speak. I'm frozen, frozen from the ability to speak and to feel. But he's all I have.
I keep wondering, is this a dream? It doesn't seem to real, but the sporadic jerks of the car moving towards the roads of Mumbai, and the hum of the engine are enough to prove it to be real. I close my eyes to save myself from having to see Adi's tortured expression, his pained expression glancing my way every few minutes to make sure I am alright. I want to reassure him, thank him but I just cannot. Maybe he will find some peace if he thinks I'm sleeping, but I can still feel his glances boring into me, scrutinizing my every move, my every breath for some indication of my well-being. I can tell he wants to say something, anything to save me from my emotions, or lack of rather, but he just can't seem to figure out what to say.
Time slowly sways by. With a final skid, we stop and I know we are home. Adi's home. My new home. I can hear Adi turn around to face me to wake me,
"Pankuri.. Hum ah gaye hain"
He gets out of the car to come around to my side and help me out. I'm still in my shaadi jora. It's heavy and starting to suffocate. Mechanically I take Adi's help and move towards the door, readying myself for the wrath of Avantika. I cannot bring myself to care enough about what's coming next. As long as Adi is by my side..
Something in my expression must have shocked everyone, even Avantika. For once, she did not raise hell. She just gazed, dumbstruck. I felt Adi take my hand and pull me away to his room, to our room.
I think Adi finally had enough of the silence and started talking, rambling to break me out of my reverie.
"Aaj se, yeh tera karma bhe hain. Hum pehle dost tha, aur aub humara dosti aur bhe ghera ho gaye hain. Chinta maath karna Pankuri. Meh vaada karthe hoon, mein hamesha tera saath dongi. Dosti ka promise.
Tu taak gaye honge. Change kar ke sou jaa. Wait. You don't have any of your clothes with you. No problem. For tonight you wear something of mine and tomorrow we'll take you shopping. No don't say no now. What's yours is mine, and whats mine is yours now!" He says with his typical sweet Adi grin. He's trying to lighten the mood. His effort warms my heart and again I think, he's all I have now."
When Adi realized I haven't moved an inch, he comes over to help me. It's the closest we've been all evening. He approaches me and starts to take the pins off of the dupatta draped over my head. He gently works his way through the pins and removes the dupatta and lays it on the ground. Next he moves towards my maan tika, slowly and carefully removing it making sure to not pull my hair in the process. Then my jhumkas. For the first time his hands come in contact with my skin, the sides of my earlobes and it feels like a shock runs through me. With each feel of his hands on my skin I'm getting jerked awake from my trance. I'm becoming more and more aware of my surroundings but his proximity to me freezes me in place. I cannot move even if I want to. With all the ornaments removed, he proceeds to untie the strings on the back of my blouse, then some of the top buttons. His touch on the opening of my back sends me in frenzy, playing havoc with my sense suddenly making me very aware of my emotions.
He stops when he realizes I can manage the rest, he stops and steps back, readying himself to leave the room so I can change. His actions overwhelm me and I grab him by the arm and stop him.
"You are all that I have now. Thank you."
He looks at me and gently wipes away a tear that unknowingly escaped.
"Hamesha Pankuri, hamesha."
I wrote this instead of doing my study guide for my exam tomorrow at 8, and its already almost 10PM so please guys dont make me regret it, and do comment and give me your thoughts! 😳
-Sharna
