Anji and Nidhi

Alright, so we all heard Anji claiming that she will have a baby but the complete responsibility of taking care of that child was going to fall on her mother. In fact she sounded like she was not going to move a finger towards contributing to the said child's upbringing. This was in response to Nidhi's question as to whether Anji was mentally prepared to take on this huge responsibility.

And this to me sounded really odd. On the face of it we have two friends who have virtually lived in each other's pockets since childhood, and were apparently given the same kind of upbringing, yet today one is willing to jump into motherhood to fulfill her fathers' wishes and the other is hesitating to fulfill her husband's only wish because she wants to be fully prepared for this responsibility. So, where did this difference of opinion arise from?

Lets look at Anji first -

Born and brought up as the only child of affluent parents, she has never been denied anything, she even got the groom of her choice with minimal struggle. Yet today she is taking her mother for granted and even before conceiving a baby has assumed that it will be her mother caring for this child. She is neither ashamed of accepting this truth nor apologetic about it. She is just being her own practical self. Anji is more secure in her mother's love and if it appears that she is taking her for granted it is probably just her way of expressing her liberty, her freedom as a daughter in claiming her's mother's help.

Lets look at Nidhi- (much more complex situation)

Born to an army man and his wife, she lost her mother very early. At this point maybe all she remembers of her mother is what she sees in the photos around her father's house. When her father was posted some place else she has been forced to live without that parent also. Learning to live with DB and the Solankis was probably her first lesson about compromise. And since then each step may have been tough for her including getting married to the person she loves.

Maybe its her personal experience as a motherless child that is making her want to be ready to look after her own child and give it all that she has missed out on. And as part of this readiness she wants to be emotionally ready to take on this responsibility. Somewhere she hesitates taking DBs help on a day to day basis, maybe its due to DBs age? We have heard her use the word 'responsibility' while addressing this topic, but this is not the first instance. In times of extreme depression like during the two separation tracks she has called herself a responsibility, a burden to her elders.

I am in no way discounting what DB and Shyama have done for Nidhi, in fact they have gone above and beyond the call of duty in nurturing and raising her. Both DB and Shyama showered all their motherly affection on Nidhi but still we have seen how in times of extreme sadness or extreme happiness, she still misses her mother and remembers her. The love and affection she holds for both these ladies is also mixed with a huge amount of gratitude for what they have done for her, a motherless child.. Maybe she feels that when she has a child she would never let that child get this feeling of gratitude. She wants her child to have what Anji does, the freedom and luxury to demand from their mother.

One more difference: Anjie is married to someone who is of the same age group as her, her love affair was never as scandalizing as Nidhi's was..plus there was no "Mallika" threat. So she has a more secure marriage, with parents/parents-inlaw buffering.

Nidhi doesnt have a mother, nor does she have a proper sasural to fall back on. Ashu has been a complex character with a uncertain past which she cannot get over with.

Somehow, I am not so sure if this is about Nidhi's lack of a mother alone. I do not believe that her mother's presence would have made a difference here.

Despite their being great friends, Anjie and Nidhi are fundamentally different people. I find Anjie someone who is far more capable of emotional multi-tasking as compared to Nidhi.

Anjie has been able to give a bit of herself to every relationship she has. She has played the roles of a daughter, wife and daughter-in-law with admirable ease. She has not sacrificed one relationship for the other. we saw that in the case of Solanki's illness. when Nidhi tried talking to her about Ranga's self-respect, she pointed out that she was a daughter too. I was truly impressed. She did not allow one relationship to replace another. She has instead created space for them all in her heart and life. And she has worked at maintaining a balance between them all.

Nidhi, on the other hand, suffers from OCD as much as Ashu does. Neither is good at making space for relationships in their life. They are not good at the art of juggling. Hence, Ashu always had a problem when it came to balancing Mallika and Nidh's roles in his life. Armaan even pointed out this flaw to him. Th difference between Nidhi and Ashu is that Nidhi is terribly possessive while Ashu is not.

When Nidhi fell in love with Ashu, it was all about him. Then, when it came to family, she gave him up for them.. She was unable to sit down and rationalise and balance and instead ran away. Thankfully for her, her father relented and then, post marriage, it was again only about Ashu. Her parental family ceased to exist practically. Now, it is all about her career, that has become her obsession. She is finding it a challenge to spread herself out across relationships and responsibilities. Given that it is one obsession at a time with her, she will not be ready for another emotional sharing until and unless she is through with this one. In my opinion, if and when she has a child, she is going to have a problem sharing herself with Ashutosh and the child, sharing Ashutosh with the child and the child with Ashutosh. That is her nature. She likes to give all and get all. The balancing act is something that she is yet to master.

dont think she is that practical after all !