Director's Cut : October 12, 2012

As I sat to write my review ' for the second time I was at complete loss of words ' it was a writers block for me to rival all blocks ' then it struck me .. it was once again the DEATH OF CREATIVITY today in IPK '

That's when it hit me ' there was only one way to creatively write about the DEATH OF CREATIVITY'..

GUL KHANS GUIDE TO A YO YOing TRP

Note: A must guide for all young aspiring production designers, directors, creatives & anyone interested in working behind the scenes in the Telly land

1. For a nosedive in TRP it is extremely important to understand that you need a TRP .. so firstly .. put out the most catching promos for your upcoming programme, & give it a tag line which will catch the attention of a huge population..

So what have you done ' today you have created a Need amongst an audience pool to see the said programme.

2. Then you take some relatively good actors & transform their lives .. and make them into characters that the whole audience population will instantly fall in love with . Make them drool ' & they will stick to you.

So what have you done: you have created a fan base & a sticky audience base who will be with you through thick & thin .. because they are in love with the actors/characters

3. Then you unveil a gripping storyline '. Which promises the audience ROMANCE,drama,action,intrigue,laughter,sadness,anger,angst,music, dance' yes make a complete masala mix.

So what have you done: Now u have bound your audience emotionally .. now they are your puppets .. now you can start manipulating your characters anyway you want & the audience will find the justification for you.

4. Then You create a Viral marketing plan to rival that of big internet giants.. you start sending information about your upcoming episodes & spread news information on the sizzling chemistry of your lead stars.

So what have you done: You have opened a channel to vent out your Rants, your comments. You opened a channel to tell your audience information which they need not know .. you have opened a channel to make your audience pre decide whether they want to watch your next episode .. there in lies your first battle in yo yoing your TRP ' now the audience has a choice .. to NOT watch your episodes.

5. Then you build aspirations amongst your viewers .. you start to titillate them with the said promised chemistry .. & hold them captive .. you give some glimpses of your genius ..

Note: The Glimpses of Genius should be kept to MINIMUM since it builds expectations which cant be upheld & then your TRP nosedives & the YOYO effect is gone.

So what have you done: You have believed in your own publicity & inviciblity & now you can say a happy goodbye to your story line & let the chemistry tell a tale of its own

6. Now that you have your audience firmly in your grasp & you have managed to reach the pinnacle of your TRP ' you will start to play with the reason you have reached the top '. Your story' Now is the time for the BIG TWIST IN THE TALE ' the twist being you will change the storyline to a mockery of what it should've been

So What Have you done: You have successfully managed to ruin months & months of work down the drain & have got the desired YO YO effect to the TRP ' yes it has crumbled .. it crumbles to its NEW LOWS.

7. Then you go and say WHAT THE & lets play another big gamble ... there is a spread of news of ur male protagonist leaving the show which happens at a time when the most awaited moment in the story line .. the marriage of the leads ... is happening a supposedly HIGH TRP POINT

So what have you done: you have effectively brought into question the life blood of your serial, the main male protagonist.. yes the reason for which countless young girls tune in day in and day out. u have effectively channelised ur audience attention to trivial gossip rather than the unveiling of the plot of the show .. thereby whoopie .. bringing the much needed YO YO to the TRP

8. Then your largess towards your Main male Protagonist will have a rippling effect amongst your other relatively minion star cast and they will start demanding high prices or make useless fake demands

So what have you done: you have now successfully rocked your own boat, a once smooth sailing ship is now well & truly stuck in vicious currents out of which no one can come out unscathed which will again have far reaching impact on your serial. You will change storylines, you will ruin characterizations & you disgruntle some of the Rare Sane audiences which watch Indian Shows ( not an important base I tell you)

9. Then you decide to up the ante .. you now want a reverse in the yoyo TRP now you want it to go up once again to its hitherto ridiculous lows .. so now u decide to finally understand the audience demand .. u decide to finally CLOSE a FEW LOOPS .. which were opened for over a year .. yes u "expose" ur villain

So what have u done .. yes !!! finally u reversed the trend .. the TRP bounces back ur starved audience finally gets a feeling .. ok all is well .. & the story is moving forward .. finally the villain will get his comeuppence .. & your audience sits tight to watch the tale unfold .. yep u have got them back to the TV box

So What have you done: You have successfully duped your starved audience into believing there is a feast at the end of this track. You have titillated & frustrated your audience to such high levels that their whole concept of creativity is defined by one passably okay scene .. now they are again coming into your clutches they will start calling the most mediocre scene into a CREATIVE MARVEL.

10. Then when your entire audience base is with you rooting for you, expecting the story to move at breakneck speed, expecting the disgustingly stretched track to end & the story to move to another realm ' you throw another googly at them. You suddenly stop the movement of story & halt the progress of the serial by adding FILLER episodes. .. episodes .. where one spent more time looking for a script than enjoying the ridiculous fare dished out ..

So what have you done: You have built expectations & carelessly butchered the expectations as well. You have given a glimpse of saneness & reverted to madness at once thereby confusing the Audience completely

NOW U HAVE ACHIEVED YOUR AGENDA ' remember Confusion was in the name of you Serial .. today you have lived up to the name .. you have proved the name of your serial '.

Iss Pyaar ko Kya Naam Doon ????

Now for the Review ..

What do I say about an episode which dint touch me from any angle .. a filler episode .. if there were clues they were so veiled that I am happy I dint make the attempt to unearth them ' Oh Sorry

Today we got the Unilever marketing strategy ' Old Stuff in New packaging

What did we see ' we saw Death of Creativity

we got an incredibly gauche scene in the theatre .. a husband trying to hold his wife's hand .. was unable to do so .. coz she was rubbing her hands .. oh ... was she doing that for the entire 1.5 hour duration of the second half of the film ??? i mean is this the guy .. who pulled her to sit with him on the seat .. is this the guy who at all points just grabbed the babe & pinned her to the nearest flat surface ??? give us a break dude ..

then we got a scene which is in the hero's office .. a scene which was the lowest ever low for IPK .. if i was one of ur creative team .. i wud sincerely be hanging my head in shame to even conceptualise such a pathetic scene .. a man who is an owner of a fashion house .. is giving a presentation to his clients .. & his wife walks in & does a JIG for him .. common .. he did not even make a legitimate effort to stop her .. did she change into the jeans right there in front of all ??? what the shit are u dishing out .. what was that ridiculous first outfit u showed us .. & finally the "revolutionary blue jeans" & "red shirt" which the client thot was "path breaking designing " ... people at levis must be smiling with glee .. if this was NOT DEATH OF CREATIVITY ... what was ???

The only redeeming moment in this 2o minute torture was the "laad governor" scene .. probably the single 45 seconds of sanity in the serial .. the "arnav" bit .. very redolent of ur past serial GEET .. but chalo .. beggers like us cant be choosers can v .. ??

ooh ..how can i miss the most amazing scene of all .. the bedroom scene ..the scene .. which we are all waiting for with bated breath .. finally no cameras .. no chotte & babe & baba in room alone .. but no .. we get to see them do the pin push manoeuvres again .. can u give us a break .. we have seen this on IPK a gazillion times .. can v not get a fight .. ( understand the need for it ) in the bedroom at night .. it will at least make the "NO SR" more palatable to us .. here we are all wondering if ur HERO .. is MAN enuf ??

Now lets top it off .. we get a scene .. a birthday being planned for baba .. now i am bad at math .. & i am very bad at dates .. but dint baba's passport say his birthday was on 09/08/1984 .. now can u please tell me are v running behind schedule here ??? or the crazy fan base of ur serial .. who actually sticks with u thru thick & thin .. & knows probably more of this serial than any of ur team .. can be fooled .. ???

so there is an OTT plan for arnav's birthday .. my question to the esteemed writers of this show .. is one thing only .. REALLY ??? this is it ?? this is all u cud come up with .. ??

My question to star execs is .. REALLY ?? do u read this crap & approve it ?? or is IPK .. the NO.3 serial on ur list not at all imp ??

My question to the director of the show .. REALLY??? how do u decide when to say ACTION & CUT .. in such a third grade screenplay writing ..?? are you not able to add sane moments while shooting the episode .. ?? come on .. u want to show ur heroine as gauche ok get that .. yeh she is the quintessential "stall " viewer .. not balcony .. but was this how u show a provincial heroine .. we KNOW KHUSHI IS GAUCHE .. we have lived & loved her .. u dont need to do character establishment after 362 episodes

If i write any more .. there will be more poison i will spew .. yes what i wrote above .. on the GUL KHAN YO YO TRP bit .. is a repeat of a post ( updated to current scenario) .. that i had made in the past ... BUT TONITE .. its relevance is SO BANG ON .. that i simply had to post it again ...

GUD nite .. yea the eternal OPTIMIST IN ME SIGNS oFF ... CU at the IPKs ...

sorry will not post the episode link .. doubt anyone is brave enuf to see it a second time .. for those who wish to .. pm me i will send u the link ...