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Nidhi's POV
"Dr Nidhi, you are needed at the OT in ten minutes!"
I look up at Dr Ranganath in surprise. I am not scheduled for OT duty this week.
"The celebrated cardiac surgeon Dr Abraham is here from Delhi. One of his patients has had a complication while on a visit here and needs to have an emergency surgery. Of course our own cardio Dr Seth is assisting him and wants to make sure we give him the best possible support. Obviously, he suggested you should be the scrub! "
I feel a mild sense of happiness.
"Okay Dr Ranganath. I will be there?"
He looks at me strangely.
"Is everything okay, Dr Nidhi?"
"Of course...why?"
"I thought you'd be floating in air and I'd have a tough time holding you down. You do know who I am talking about right? Dr Abraham, the country's top most cardiac surgeon! Any other intern would give an arm and a leg to work beside him!"
I nod my head.
"Of course, I am very excited!"
"Oh yes, it shows!"
He gives a wry grimace as he walks off.
What is wrong with me? A chance to impress the country's topmost cardiac surgeon is mine. And I cannot feel anything more than mild joy? Isn't this what I want, what I have dreamt of for months now, the chance to make a name for myself in my chosen field? Why am I not jumping with joy?
Why am I fooling myself with these questions? I know the answers only too well.
"Aap ke bina kuch bhi accha nahi lagta!"
My lines come back to taunt and haunt me. Nothing has changed.
It has been more than a fortnight since we had a decent conversation. Ever since the day, Dr Mallika was brought to KGH in a rather critical condition. After that, our exchanges had been professional for the most part.
"Why do you not love me enough?"
"Why do you not trust me enough?"
These were the questions we had flung at each other before the call from Mallika's maid. She had had a fall and was bleeding. OF course, he had immediately rushed to her side. I know I am a doctor but an ugly part of me resented that. Not that I said anything nor did he wait for me to. An ambulance had rushed to bring her over to KGH and that was that!
"Dr Nidhi, aap ko OT mei bulaya gaya hai!"
"Haan Jankibai..abhi jati hoon!"
I don't have the time for this now. I try to switch to doctor mode as I rush to the OT.
Dr Abraham is a tall, heavyset man. He looks more like a grizzly bear than a surgeon. His handshake is firm as I am introduced to him. Dr Seth tells him that I am Dr Ashutosh's wife.
"Oh yes, Dr Ashutosh...a fine young surgeon...we had even worked together on a case once...very impressed with him!"
My heart swells in pride and I beam. That is my man he is talking about.
"Dr Seth has only good things to say about you. Am sure Dr Ashutosh must be very proud of you!"
I incline my head.
"Yes Sir...he is...he is my inspiration!"
"Aha..I can see you are still smitten...how long have you been married?"
"Just a few months, Sir!"
"I must pop in and see him before I leave. Tell him how lucky he is to have a lovely wife who is still so smitten by him. Must ask him to share his secrets so I can get back home and try it with the missus!"
He throws his head and laughs and we all join in politely.
We are informed that all is set in the OT and we move in.
The surgery is more complicated than anticipated.
It is close to ten hours before I am able to leave. I am feeling a little lightheaded. I must grab a bite. I wonder if he has eaten. Should I go and check? I am not sure if he will like it or want it even. I troop back to my cabin wearily.
As I am about to enter, Jankibai approaches me with a case sheet. She needs some details to be filled in. She is standing right next to me but her voice seems to come from a long way off. I can feel a strange buzzing in my ears. There is darkness in front of my eyes and the ground is slipping from beneath my feet. My last memory is of being caught by a pair of strong arms and then I am gone!