Things I did to Get Laid
By Arnav Singh Raizada
Tried to wish her Happy Birthday.. Ha..Ha.. a poker face, and that's all I got out of the system. Sigh. So much for placating her to do the dance with no pants.
Gave her a gift to pacify her. But sort of back fired on me *face palm*
Held groceries and leafy vegetable and what nots in the hopes I'll get 'some' tonight.
Sent her red roses. Wishful thinking. Look how that ended so lets not go there.
Decorated the pool side with deranged fairy lights (I thought it might set in the mood for some action later tonight)
Made her cut a freaking cake.
Made her eat the freaking cake (all forcefully mind you)
Made MY favourite dish to pacify HER
Me aside- Dude whom are you hoping to get in to bed with? If you want to get into her good books, you make HER favourite dish. Not yours. Idiot! You're going to have to resort to self services for a looong time.
Brought her another gift. This time a saree which I like, in MY favourite color.
Me- face palm. Again, read my above advice Raizada. You wanna get her to do some nasty with you? You pacify her! For that you buy what SHE wants. Not what you want. Good god! You're hopeless.
Mission 'Past evoked moments'
Hid inside the closet.
Me- yeah like that would get her libido humming when your face is half hidden by her anarkalies *rolls eyes*
Threw coffee (or so they say) at her face
Tried to open her non existent dori.
Me- yeah I saw you fumble to get your hands on it. Hope that won't be the case when you finally reach for her bra clasp.
Tried to kiss her (again forcefully)
Me- second time's a charm?
Damn for that HP.
Invited to see Taj mahal with me (like that's what I want to do with her. *Sniff*)
Scared the shit out of her in the hopes she'd jump on me.
And it worked (Y)
Made a path of rose petals on which I can lead her to my divine bed (Romantic nonsense. I'd rather slump her over my shoulders and rush to the nearest couch. Even the floor would suffice. No one's at home anyway)
Tried to Kiss her yet again
Me- Third times a charm?
And then this happened.
So much for setting the mood right I don't think my chotte would activate for another fortnight after all this suspense.
Me- I feel for you. Dude you're never going to get any action as long as you're living in this deranged place. Slump her on your shoulder and run away to the nearest motel. Or even the SUV would serve the purpose. As long as there's an enclosed space, you're good to go.
PS- Good luck ASR making the 'beast with two backs'! Hope you'll get to release 'Jr Chotte' in this life time.
Well you can give your input on how to get laid. Help ASR in this testing time!
Originally posted by: stafhtad
Hiru Ji.
What Nonsense Yaar !!The loopy in me sprouts and will have to make you feel better by agreeing with you.đđTalking of sprouts and choteys.You want chotey to sprout into action, below is the list he has to follow.
- Come out of the closet.
- Find Shyam
- Bear Hug Him and Kiss Him
- Cup Shyams cheeks (upstairs or downstairs or both)
- Beg for him to come back.
- Allow him to Ogle at Kushi
- His brilliant Di will be happy seeing Shyam Ogle Kushi thinking he is Ogling her like she Ogles her brother. All bortherly and sisterly.
- Eat, Drink and Snort Aphrodisiacs
- Make your family Eat, Drink and Snort Benadryl
- Exclude Kushi from the list you dumbo.
- Since you almost went Via Agra, don't be shy and get hold of some.
I give up.He will remain a virgin.Kushi will remain a virgin.And like I said before. Our eyes will remain virgins as well.
Thanks Shriya ji for this word of wisdom. Arnav ji is mighty grateful!
Originally posted by: Firebolt
A lock in the hand is worth two in the bush.
A lock in time saves nine.
The lock is mightier than the slap.
Lock is the beginning of wisdom.
And my favorite.
No lock, no sex.
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