Posted:
This OS follows Ahem's thought of wanting to talk to Gopi.
This OS is a collaborative effort by Shilpa and myself.
OS: To have her
Ahem turned the car around and retraced his route. In no time he found himself standing in front of his family whom he bid farewell to a few minutes ago. His mother and Jigna were seated on the front seats while his kaki and his dad on the seats opposite each other with Gopi standing on one side.
"Darling Ahem what happened?" Jigna asked looking at him curiously.
Kokila looked up sternly at Ahem. Parag could see what his son wanted as he looked on at Kokila and nodded at Jigna. Gopi wondered what had happened to him that he returned so suddenly. She could tell that something was bothering him with the look he wore on his face.
"I forgot a file," Ahem blurted.
This information seemed to satisfy everyone's questioning look, including his mother. They all looked a lot relieved and relaxed.
Ahem turned towards Gopi, who had her head cast down avoiding his look at every cost. It was now or never, Ahem thought.
"Gopi, can you get the red file for me?" Ahem firmly asked.
She slowly lifted her head and started, "Ahemji, it's in the ..."
Immediately Jigna joined in, "Gopi, show him where it is kept."
Parag smiled at Jigna while Kokila turned her stern look towards Jigna then followed it on to Parag, making him stop in his tracks. Kokila felt trapped in her sister's words leaving her with nothing to say or do, let alone show any sign to Gopi of what to do.
"Go Gopi, go with Ahem," coaxed Jigna.
Gopi slowly walked towards the stairs and climbed them with Ahem following on in tow. He was pleased with this and thought that he must thank his Jiggy later. Inwardly he knew; come what may, he had to make her understand him.
As Gopi crossed the threshold into what was once their room, she found herself as through being pushed once again towards her Ahemji and their room. She thought that she may as well get her task done and leave as she did not want to upset him any further. Her Rashiben was right when Ahemji told her he loved her that it wasn't meant for her instead it was because of her having his baby. She turned to Ahem handing him a red file in her hand not realising he had closed the door and stood looking on at her.
Ahem watched his wife in action. She never ceases to amaze him. Of late at every turn she has been evading him, only to provide his material needs. She is not going to leave here without understanding him this time, he told himself determinedly.
"Gopi ... sorry. I am sorry for saying those hurtful words," Ahem spurted.
"It's ok Ahemji. I will take good care of the baby with all my love," Gopi quietly replied.
"What are you saying?" Ahem thought he heard her say something wrong.
"I know you are doing this for the baby. I won't disturb you any more," Gopi completed and found she was still holding the red file so placed it on the coffee table, turned and was heading for the door.
Ahem quickly grabbed her left hand as she walked passed him and approached her placing her hand on his heart, pleading to her, "Stay."
Something jolted within Gopi as she felt his pounding heart knocking on her palm and a lone tear, letting gravity take over, rolled down her cheek. Ahem raised his right hand and wiped the tear away, caressing her cheek along the way.
She looked up at him and noticed his wet and strained eyes too.
He tugged her hand a bit, enough to get her attention and told her, "Come with me."
He had told her in his message that he wanted to tell he something. She knew she had to join him.
He kept her hand with his and held her around her shoulder with the other, walked with her to the foot of their bed and sat her down with him alongside her too. Gopi stole glances as and when she could. She could not understand why he was being so kind to her when he did not love her.
"You know Gopi, you are just like me in many ways ... quiet and shy. This is why we are taking a long time to get to know and understand each other. I want to be a father and take full responsibility of you and our baby ..."
"Nahi Ahemji," Gopi interrupted, "Please, don't worry about me."
"I want to...you take care of all my things so I want to do the same for you too," Ahem paused watching her taking in what he had said. She still looked distant and detached. She sat a slight distance away from him twisting her pallu at the end with both her hands. Why Gopi? Why?
Ahem picked up her right hand and held it with both hands and brought it over his left cheek and lips placing her palm onto it and kissing it. Gopi shot her eyes to his. This is what he wanted - to get her complete attention.
"Gopi, you know what I want even when I am not sure, you are there having every little thing thought out. You do these sincerely, lovingly and with all your heart. I want to do these things for you too."
"Nahi Ahemji ...I don't want to be a burden to you."
"I don't see this as a burden to me Gopi. I see this as making up for the times I hurt you because I did not understand you then. If it takes all my life doing this I want to. These new and different feelings are making me want more and more of you. I want to take you to dinner, eat ice cream, and go for drives ... I want to do so many things with you. I don't get to do these with all the things that are happening at home. Even the little time we have at night that too is now taken away all because of my hurtful words yet again ..." paused Ahem.
Gopi looked on at his pleading eyes now wet with tears and soul searching into hers. Her eyes reciprocated the pain he bore.
"Ahemji, you don't need to do this for me. I don't want to use up your time and upset you in anyway. Thank you for thinking about this. Maji will be looking for me. I will need to go," Gopi replied.
She could not understand why her Ahemji was so keen on wanting to spend time with her when he does not love her for herself but loves her because she is having his baby.
Ahem could not believe what he just heard. He confessed his love to her. Then why is she doing this - causing this distance between them?
Gopi got up and begun walking away from Ahem. He could not face this yet again – her walking away. He got up, walked up behind her and embraced her holding her at arms height and placing his left cheek next to her right one.
Holding her tightly he begged, "Please don't leave me Gopi. I love you."
Gopi was taken aback with this new approach from her Ahemji. She could feel his pain and his plea but does he not think that she can manage without him being around.
"Ji? Ahemji it's because of the baby," Gopi responded, "soon you will have the baby."
"Gopi, I love you," Ahem replied.
"No it can't be. Rashiben said you don't. Your love is because of the baby," Gopi answered back.
Ahem stiffened as his mind processed the words spoken by Gopi. He sighed and realised that his wife will always think with her heart when it comes to Rashi. He didn't even blame her for not believing in him because he had never given her a reason to believe him.
He loosened his arms and stepped back. At the same time, took her by the shoulders and made her turn towards him. He just watched her for a moment and thought that he will have explain himself or he will never get another chance like this again. He took her back to the bed and made her sit. This time he kneeled in front of her.
Ahem took her hands in his, looked at her deep lonely brown eyes and took a deep breath and said, "Gopi, I realise the hurtful words I have said a few days ago, will be hard for you to believe me. The truth is I really am happy about the baby. I want this baby because she or he will be a symbol of our love. Now that I remember our time together on Holi afternoon, I want you to understand that I do not regret that moment. In fact that was the day I wanted to tell you what you mean to me."
Gopi searched his eyes for the truthfulness of his words and felt her hope rise within her heart, but remained silent.
Ahem squeezed her hands and continued, "Before I could tell you how I felt, Anita came back and put another wedge between us. By the time all that was cleared things again took a turn and the pregnancy was announced."
Ahem thought back to that moment. The shock of this news was replaced with him remembering their time together on Holi and the consequences of his behaviour she had been through. He had felt her pain. With it came the realisation that he was going to be a father had filled his heart with happiness and love.
"Once I remembered what happened all I could think about was to tell you how I felt about you, and I did," Ahem gave her a pleading look, "Gopi I meant every word I said that day. I really do love you, more than my life."
Gopi could see that her Ahemji was being very honest with her but she still couldn't understand his anger.
"If you really do love me and the baby also, why did you become so angry suddenly Ahemji?" Gopi asked unsure of his outburst.
Ahem relaxed a bit knowing that finally he was getting through to her. He could see her look of despair had turned to a questioning one which he was ready to explain.
"Once I confessed my feelings all I wanted to do was be with you, show you my love and spend time doing things together. All I could think about was showing you how much I love you and what your presence in my life means to me," revealed Ahem.
Gopi lowered her eyes and knitted her eyebrows thinking back to that day he had put the clothes away then closed the doors. She remembered how he had hugged her then was trying to tell her something. Before he could she had felt nauseous and fled to the bathroom.
"I didn't know how hard it was going to be to get you alone with me because by now everyone wanted to pamper you. Also, the pregnancy was causing you to be sick," said Ahem hoping he was able to put his feelings into words to make her understand.
He got the desired response. Ahem wiped a tear from under Gopi's eyes and caressed her cheek gently.
"When kaki said you wanted eat chaat I decided to surprise you by sending Dinesh to get it for you. Then mum came and said I should take you out to eat chaat," continued Ahem.
Gopi immediately recollected that day and how he had said they would go another time. She realised that he didn't want to ruin the surprise so he told her they would go another time. Things became clear for her. It had been a confirmation of his feelings for her. She had let her doubts cloud her mind and she had been unable to see what was right in front of her eyes.
"I waited for you to come to the room so I could surprise you. Again you were taken away to mom's room. I went looking for you and found you there. By the time you returned the chaat was ruined. It dawned on me that this was just the beginning of things to come. Also it made me realise that I will have to share you with everyone and having to be at the end of the line when it comes to getting your attention."
Ahem knew how selfish he sounded but he just did not know any other way to make her understand the reason for his anger.
"I tried again the next day and came home early, only to have the school bus broken down outside our gate and the children in our house ruining my time with you. I thought my anger was justified and spoke without thinking not knowing what my words would do to you until it was too late."
Ahem looked away because he knew how petty he had been to blame everyone for his inability to voice his own needs and wants. He turned back to her and cupped her face.
"What I am trying to say and I hope that you believe me, is that I love you. I love you more than anything and not because of the baby but because of whom you are, my Gopi."
Gopi felt lightened within herself. The stress and pressure she was feeling was evaporating. Finally she understood what he was trying to say to her. Before she could say anything he continued telling her why he loves her.
"Gopi, our baby is the bonus of my love for you not the reason for my love. I love you because you have the biggest heart. You understand me and accepted me just the way I am. You forgive everyone no matter how much harm that person may have caused you and this includes me. You take care of my family as if they are your own. You are shy, timid and hesitant but you are also very courageous and I can't help but admire this quality the most."
Ahem didn't know if he was making any sense. He couldn't stop himself now. He paused momentarily to kiss the back of her hands watching her begin to blush.
"You always put others needs ahead of you, most especially mine. How can anyone not love you? The more you do for me and the more I remember of what you have done for me in the past even knowing how I treated you, the more I want to do same for you. Just to love you like you love me, unconditionally. I struggle to control my temper. This stops me to voice my feelings, my wants and my needs."
Gopi listened to her Ahemji pour his heart out to her. She gradually began to build a warm feeling of hope that he really loves her for herself and no other reason. She felt her heart fill with happiness and love. She looked on at him with a glow on her face spreading to her eyes. She bent and touched her forehead to his, taking her first step towards him to mend their relationship.
"Thank you Ahemji for explaining the reason for your anger to me and for loving me," replied Gopi in a soft voice, showing her grateful nature.
Ahem closed his eyes in relief then stood up and sat next to her.
"No Gopi, you don't have to thank me for loving you, I should be the one thanking you for loving me. I should thank you for always trusting me and having faith in me. I consider myself very lucky to have you. I promise you that from now on I will never give you a reason to doubt my feelings for you. Please forgive me for hurting you Gopi."
Gopi knew no better way to express her feelings than to hug her Ahemji and rest her head on his shoulder. She felt his arms go around her to hug her back. That hug felt like sanctuary for both of them.
"It's okay Ahemji. I too need to try to tell you my feelings and talk to you before doubting you. I should have tried to clear my doubts by asking you rather than assuming things by your behaviour. I should have known that you always mean what you say, you have always been honest in your feelings for me," Gopi concluded.
Ahem moved back and once again cupped her face and looked into her eyes.
"Let's make a deal to always talk to each other about anything that concerns us or our baby. I promise from now on I will always tell you what is in my heart and not confuse you with my temper," he confirmed.
Gopi gave him a watery smile.
"And I also promise to do the same. I will come to you to clear things before taking anyone else's words over yours," acknowledged Gopi.
Ahem smiled and kissed her on the forehead and looked down at her.
"Gopi now you know how I feel. You have not said anything to me," pouted Ahem quizzically, keeping his hands to himself.
Gopi instantly blushed deeply. Just as she needed words of reassurance he also needed the words from her.
She placed her hands on his, looked him in the eye and spoken with immense tenderness, "Ahemji I love you too, more than anything or anyone in this world."
Ahem felt elated after hearing the words from her finally. He bent and placed his lips on hers and gave her a passionate kiss. He poured all his feelings, wants and needs in that one kiss, conquering his love and sealing his future.
Cricket
Udne Ki Aasha
Veer Hanuman
Anupamaa
