Family 'bond'

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Angel-likeDevil

@Angel-likeDevil

Trailblazer

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

Hello everyone.. :)

Okay, so..all of us have known people..grown-up, well-settled people in our lives, who've had differences with their families(I'm talking about parent-child-siblings). I'm sure all of you have seen or known people who've been cheated by their own brothers , persecuted, dis-owned, hurt, treated unfairly by their own families. It's a very hurtful thing.

Because, when such things happen, one realises that the people that you have a BLOOD-relation with and that you've known the longest, the relations that are supposed to be strong/ever-lasting..are nothing. You realise they do not love or care for you. Lets talk about cases where it's not because of "misunderstandings" but cases where everything's clear in the face like being cheated and persecuted/hurt.

What should the person being hurt/cheated do in such cases??

Cut all ties with them because there is no point in having any, as there's no love but hurt from their side? ORRR. Stay, even if your hurt, and even if they dont love you because you still have the love for them as they're your blood-relations, because they gave birth to you and didnt let you starve(parent-child case)..?

I'm talking about ALL grown-up, well-settled "child" with a family of his/her own! not impulsive teens lol.. Like, I'm sure everyone has heard things from your friends, saying their father got cheated by his brother, or their mother persecuted/treated unfairly by her own siblings and mother.

Thankyou!

Edited by Angel-likeDevil - 13 years ago

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Forever-KA

@Forever-KA

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

In any relationship we should be thinking long term. Most of the time we fight and say things as if the world has ended only to be eating dinner together after few hours. The reason is we think short term. We dont like something and we get angry and then we hurt others not realizing what they go through. And then we realize our mistake or remember the past or the nature of family relationship and we are back to normal lol. I use to do the same then with time I thought its a useless exercise minding people who are your family and who are your friends or are good to you. Therefore these days I honestly dont take things to heart.

The above pretty much covers everything. Now it is possible that one faces serious situation for example someone who has turned into an enemy or maybe a "kaans mamaa" who is after your property. Thankfully I have not had to face these people. lol.

In conclusion, to me, differences are temporary but bonds are always permanent.

Edited by King-Anu - 13 years ago

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Summer3

@Summer3

Trailblazer

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

Yes all members of the family are part of the same body, in fact all humanity is part of the same whole basically.

But since there it some distinction in that we are in different bodies we just have to act accodingly and behave in a proper manner.

As we expand our heart and mind the circle of family and friends grows larger.

So we must get our thinking process in order and see and understand life.

Disagreements and quarrels are bound to arise once in a while and are unavoidable; we just have to iron them out and move forward.

Funny that we two of our best friends or relatives may not see eye to eye; so it may be impossible to get them together at the same time. We just have to make the best of the situation.

Edited by Summer3 - 13 years ago

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robert l. bentham

@robertbentham

Beginner

Posted: 13 years ago

the ability to forgive is an underutilized skill set in today's modern world... 😊

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Angel-likeDevil

@Angel-likeDevil

Trailblazer

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: King-Anu
In any relationship we should be thinking long term. Most of the time we fight and say things as if the world has ended only to be eating dinner together after few hours. The reason is we think short term. We dont like something and we get angry and then we hurt others not realizing what they go through. And then we realize our mistake or remember the past or the nature of family relationship and we are back to normal lol. I use to do the same then with time I thought its a useless exercise minding people who are your family and who are your friends or are good to you. Therefore these days I honestly dont take things to heart.

The above pretty much covers everything. Now it is possible that one faces serious situation for example someone who has turned into an enemy or maybe a "kaans mamaa" who is after your property. Thankfully I have not had to face these people. lol.

In conclusion, to me, differences are temporary but bonds are always permanent.

I totally agree with you King :)

BUT.

I wanna know what a person...say "person-X" should do when he gets cheated by his own brother/parents. Like..my father was cheated by his loving brother and WORSE, my loving grandparents let the cheating happen, infact, it was because of the parents the brother could cheat my father(some money/property matter).. Such things make me feel hopeless. Does this mean that parents have no love for their own son?? Their own blood? Forget about brother..when parents only have no love for their son, brother is a nobody. How can any parent hurt their son, and cheat their own son?!

My father is unable to say or do anything on this matter... he's so quiet about it, and says "they're my parents, they're my family, and this is the way things are, all I can do is accept it all.. life's too short blah blah blah" ...this is making me angry and is just depressing! Because I know he's badly wounded from his so-called family but still loves and is still attached to them.. I know he doesnt give a damn about money/property...how can he? after being so hurt by his' own so-called "loving family" , after realising they dont care about him...

Anyways, I said the above, to give you an example... so. what does a person do in such cases.. Be like my father and give those people another chance to hurt you in future... or, cut all ties with them because it's pointless as they dont love you anyways??

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Forever-KA

@Forever-KA

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: Angel-likeDevil
I totally agree with you King :)

BUT.

I wanna know what a person...say "person-X" should do when he gets cheated by his own brother/parents. Like..my father was cheated by his loving brother and WORSE, my loving grandparents let the cheating happen, infact, it was because of the parents the brother could cheat my father(some money/property matter).. Such things make me feel hopeless. Does this mean that parents have no love for their own son?? Their own blood? Forget about brother..when parents only have no love for their son, brother is a nobody. How can any parent hurt their son, and cheat their own son?!

My father is unable to say or do anything on this matter... he's so quiet about it, and says "they're my parents, they're my family, and this is the way things are, all I can do is accept it all.. life's too short blah blah blah" ...this is making me angry and is just depressing! Because I know he's badly wounded from his so-called family but still loves and is still attached to them.. I know he doesnt give a damn about money/property...how can he? after being so hurt by his' own so-called "loving family" , after realising they dont care about him...

Anyways, I said the above, to give you an example... so. what does a person do in such cases.. Be like my father and give those people another chance to hurt you in future... or, cut all ties with them because it's pointless as they dont love you anyways??

I obviously do not know the full details. Your viewpoint could be different from your fathers. He knows them better as he has lived with them longer. In terms of relationship he is closer to them than you. You are young so maybe your thought process is different. You could be looking at trees while his focus could be the forest.

I would go with what your father is doing on the basis of what I know. Afterall the people involved are still his parents and brother and not some distant relative. On thinks 1000 times before taking any serious action. One tends to be more forgiving also. Taking a drastic action would mean your grand parents are unreasonable people which is extremely unlikely in case of any parent-child relatiobships.

This is probably a case of family issue where for some reason one favors one over another. My philosiphy of long term should be applied here and with time things will be ok. If living gets difficult then a respectful option of living apart will not be a bad idea.

as always time sorts out issues.

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Heart

@Heart

Explorer

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

All the families have their own set of troubles and fights, but that does not mean you just break all the bonds and walk of the house. Everyone has their own differences and how much ever bad it may seem, it will all get sorted out eventually. But when you feel that everything is falling apart just try to view the whole situation through the other persons perspective and everything automatically becomes a lot easier. I also agree on the short term point mentioned earlier. Firstly, when you are furious with someone you just stop thinking.. and it that situations you say things without even thinking which can be very hurtful sometimes. Just imagine of the most hurtful things someone has ever said to you. We all tend to do that sometimes. But at the end of the day, it is a blood bond. Blood bond doesn't only mean that the family has fed you or given you a roof, these are the family members who have watched you grow, have stayed by you through your darkest and happiest of periods of life. Everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect.. so we can forgive them if they apologize for it.

Money-related matters I know nothing off :D there is two side to a coin so you can't really judge a person on basis of one side story.

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Angel-likeDevil

@Angel-likeDevil

Trailblazer

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: King-Anu

I obviously do not know the full details. Your viewpoint could be different from your fathers. He knows them better as he has lived with them longer. In terms of relationship he is closer to them than you. You are young so maybe your thought process is different. You could be looking at trees while his focus could be the forest.

I would go with what your father is doing on the basis of what I know. Afterall the people involved are still his parents and brother and not some distant relative. On thinks 1000 times before taking any serious action. One tends to be more forgiving also. Taking a drastic action would mean your grand parents are unreasonable people which is extremely unlikely in case of any parent-child relatiobships.

This is probably a case of family issue where for some reason one favors one over another. My philosiphy of long term should be applied here and with time things will be ok. If living gets difficult then a respectful option of living apart will not be a bad idea.

as always time sorts out issues.

Hmm.. i agree with you :(

my grandparents have...it's like, I dont wanna say it here.. on the forum. :( But I agree with you, I could not believe how anyone could that to their own son!!! especially b'cos I love my grandparents so much.. they too showered so much love on me. Anyway,all this is too personal to put it down here.. :(:(

@underline -- That has always been the case.. it's more like, gah, I dont wanna say it here 😳 ..

Hmm.. I asked my father yesday, about this thing... he said, they're his family and he still would talk to them, etc.. he's TOOO committed. I just dont want him to be hurt again..

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Hahaha! As if I'm going to tell you that!

@rahmona_pakswe

Sparkler

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

What do you do when you become witness to your mother being treated like a second class citizen by her own in-laws and still we have to face these people with respect and a smile on our faces? What to do when your own father is being used over and over again by his younger brother to the point where my father neglected his own wife and us children? What do you do when your own paternal grandmother (dadi) dislike us children because of our mother?

Pardon my language but the crappy behaviour from my relatives I've seen ever since my childhood, my teens and now adulthood has been bloody hurtful...and still we have contact with them. Why? Because blood is thicker than water. No matter how aweful they have been towards us we have no other choice to forgive them over and over again.

One incident. Last year we were invited over for dinner at my paternal uncle's (chacha) house and I couldn't go because I was very very ill. My parents went there with my daughter. Some hours later my mother came home on the verge of tears. I asked her what had happened and at first my mother didn't say anything but I saw how upset she was. Finally she uttered how at the dinner she had been verbally abused by her in-laws because I didn't go the dinner. I DIDN'T GO THAT'S WHY IT WAS MY MOTHER'S FAULT AND HER "BAD" UPBRINGING!!! My father as usual didn't utter a single word in my mother's defence. I was ready to expload but my mother calmed me down. This is something my mother had to face for over 30 years and she has kept her mouth shut. As a child I could never figure out why my mother was always so reluctant to visits her in-laws. She didn't say or do anything for the sake of us children as we enjoyed visiting our relatives so much. It wasn't until I became older when finally all the pieces fell into place.

Now last year the same uncle has been given all the property owned by my late paternal grandfather by my own darling paternal grandmother. The other 5 brothers and 3 sisters will not get a zilch. The property wasn't that big and wouldn't any big change in anyone's life but it isn't about the money it's about what is right and what is wrong.

I have lost respect for many of my relatives but I still keep in touch with them just because of my mother. She is the only reason why I still talk to my relatives (despite her being the victim). She always said no matter how badly they treated you, you should always treat them with kindness. If it wasn't for her I would have given them a piece of my mind years ago and never talked to some of my relatives ever again.

What I have shared may not sound much but there's a lot more to the story which I don't want to share. One more thing all my mother's in-laws aren't bad. There are a few who are very kind especially one of my paternal Aunt (phuppo), she's absolutely lovely.

Sorry for the long and maybe confusing post. But this topic sure reminded my of a life long hurt, pain and neglect.

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Forever-KA

@Forever-KA

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

#10

Originally posted by: Angel-likeDevil
Hmm.. i agree with you :(

my grandparents have...it's like, I dont wanna say it here.. on the forum. :( But I agree with you, I could not believe how anyone could that to their own son!!! especially b'cos I love my grandparents so much.. they too showered so much love on me. Anyway,all this is too personal to put it down here.. :(:(

@underline -- That has always been the case.. it's more like, gah, I dont wanna say it here 😳 ..

Hmm.. I asked my father yesday, about this thing... he said, they're his family and he still would talk to them, etc.. he's TOOO committed. I just dont want him to be hurt again..

There are some things you just dont get it or cannot do anything about it. Anyway you know better. I will exit now. good luck

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