Dare YOU to respond to this.

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Chandra

@Roark

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

#91

I am married with a kid. But how to deal with this in real life is something which depends on the situation. Its easier said than done, esp when kids are around.

I know a couple who had a love marriage - went against the family and got married, had two beautiful kids and guess what the wife strayed and went abroad with her lover. The husband never remarried brought up the two kids all by himself and never had a bad word to say about his wife. His kids were never brought up to believe that their mother ditched them. But the daughter grew up loathing her mom while the son joined the mom years later.

So each to his own. Its more the way you handle it as with kids around its a very very sensitive issue.

if I was in such a situation where my husband cheated on me, I expect him to come clean. Does not matter if its online whether chat/FB or anywhere else or its at office. Cheating is cheating. period. Even online they have sex talk. My friend, who again had a love marraige is fed up. She cheats online. Her stance is I dont get physically involved with anyone and there is anynoymity so what the heck, I cannot divorce my husband beacuse of my two kids but I cant stand him either. So how fair is it for the children is also a big question. Either way its completely throws them off gear.

another couple at work place have a different story to tell. Husband does not want to have any physical relationship with his wife or anyone else for that matter but wife is demanding. He has permitted her to stray while still being married. he says he has no problem she is only getting what she wants and he knows whom she sleeps with. I personally find this grose to say the leat.

But the kind of cheating and infiedelity you find in the real life can alarm you and drive you insane.

I also work with certain people who deal with broken marraiges and relationship issues. What we hear sometimes throws us off gear but why they do it is something we have no answer for.

The only thing I know is the aftermath of this is terrible.

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stardust-

@stardust-

Rocker

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

#92

whoa whoa.. feminist is a very subjective definition.. at least when you are on IF.. trust me; at one point the forum looked like half of it was filled with some 😆

anyway, though i find this assumption of infidelity from the show ridiculously funny; illogical (yeah not supposed to use that for a daily show), blatant, blasphemic and worst of all not fit for a suicide attempt; i would attempt a reply :)

i understood (not experienced) from all the instances showed at me that when you are in this thing called love, you cannot just let things go. (refer to Cheryl and Ashley Cole who made multiple attempts of getting back just cause she thought the worse was imagining life without him than with him). Now that's some loneliness. So according to the impression i formed, it looks something like if you can cope up with being alone; maybe drag around a couple of girls and have fun; the best thing to do is walk out on him. and if the revealation of the news was sudden to you; one would of course resort to such violent tactics. but say, when the person you can't think life without is ready to apologize and start afresh (redemption in IPK terms), forgiveness is the best thing to do.

really unconstructed response, but a dare :)

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Marybarton

@Marybarton

Rocker

+ 8

Posted: 13 years ago

#93

Originally posted by: DaShIng_GiRl
whoa whoa.. feminist is a very subjective definition.. at least when you are on IF.. trust me; at one point the forum looked like half of it was filled with some 😆

anyway, though i find this assumption of infidelity from the show ridiculously funny; illogical (yeah not supposed to use that for a daily show), blatant, blasphemic and worst of all not fit for a suicide attempt; i would attempt a reply :)

i understood (not experienced) from all the instances showed at me that when you are in this thing called love, you cannot just let things go. (refer to Cheryl and Ashley Cole who made multiple attempts of getting back just cause she thought the worse was imagining life without him than with him). Now that's some loneliness. So according to the impression i formed, it looks something like if you can cope up with being alone; maybe drag around a couple of girls and have fun; the best thing to do is walk out on him. and if the revealation of the news was sudden to you; one would of course resort to such violent tactics. but say, when the person you can't think life without is ready to apologize and start afresh (redemption in IPK terms), forgiveness is the best thing to do.

really unconstructed response, but a dare :)

Feminist just has one definition in the dictionary, how it is perceived though varies and it also has subgroups. I don't quite follow your response though. Assuming you are saying it is either forgive or live alone. I say, the cheated one is free to move on and find someone better worth his/her time.

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minihussain

@minihussain

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

#94

I'll share my experience with u... i stayed in such a relationship for 4 years...just because i didn't want to let my parents down.. they didn't know my situation, because i made sure they didn't..i felt like a total failure...i had so much anger and rage in me..it was creeping all over me..it was making me a bitter person.. that was until i realized i had to help myself before anyone could help me..

then i walked out on him...i later found out that my family knew what i had been going through..all of them were very supportive...they helped my find my happy self for a second time.

today, i am happily married to Mr. Right... and i hold no grudges against my other family whom i left 12 years ago..i had to forgive my ex-husband before the healing process started.. my previous marriage made me a better person... i am very patient and never stay angry with anyone.

I'll just say to everyone in this situation, stand up for urself..that's the only way to go... :)

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Marybarton

@Marybarton

Rocker

+ 8

Posted: 13 years ago

#95

Originally posted by: minihussain
I'll share my experience with u... i stayed in such a relationship for 4 years...just because i didn't want to let my parents down.. they didn't know my situation, because i made sure they didn't..i felt like a total failure...i had so much anger and rage in me..it was creeping all over me..it was making me a bitter person.. that was until i realized i had to help myself before anyone could help me..

then i walked out on him...i later found out that my family knew what i had been going through..all of them were very supportive...they helped my find my happy self for a second time.

today, i am happily married to Mr. Right... and i hold no grudges against my other family whom i left 12 years ago..i had to forgive my ex-husband before the healing process started.. my previous marriage made me a better person... i am very patient and never stay angry with anyone.

I'll just say to everyone in this situation, stand up for urself..that's the only way to go... :)

I agree. Good for you Mini, you stood up for yourself.

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aashi_

@aashi_

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

#96

I am not married...but I have been cheated on. And it is not fun at all. It hits you like the Whomping Willow in your stomach and if you are standing you fall down in pieces. The process of picking yourself up is painful and takes time, but here is the good part, you can do it, and you stand up stronger and better than ever :)

So what will I do..rather what did I do when my ex-bf confessed to being sexually intimate with another girl for the last few months of our relationship:

I slapped him. In the middle of a crowded University. and then I walked out and away from him...and I cried my heart out in a corner and continued to do so for many months, but it was the most liberating decision of my life.

By the way ladies: take it from me, once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. You can never, EVER, trust that person again, and nor should you. I was stupid/naive/dumb enough to give the same guy another chance 5 years later, and regretted it heavily again.

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Helen

@SudsAddict

Inactive

Posted: 13 years ago

#97

Whoa!!!!!

to me cheating starts with a thought...it is said...

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny."

Once a cheater is always a cheater...until divine intervention or serious help.

Cheated on and infidelity🥺...Been there and it💔 knocks the wind out of you then you just cry, eat tubs of ice-cream and feel fat at first then get up, lick your wounds, run on the treadmill, look hot and know that it was his loss not yours and move on is the way to deal with it. I being the eternal optimist suggest that you just watch IPKKND or pride and prejudice as an escape and wait for your Mr. Darcy or ASR to show up in your life...lol!!!! Honestly not making a light of the situation but this is one freaking hard topic to comment on because it hits home. Before i walked in the shoes of a Cheated upon, i had very different stance on the issue but once it happened to me ...all my previous ideology changed.

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riti4u

@riti4u

Stunner

+ 7

Posted: 13 years ago

#98

Hi,

I am unmarried Indian and I have never been in a relationship too..so still if you ask me ..ofcourse I feel strongly for this case...Coz sumthing that I can not take in any relation is dishonesty or betrayal..If my partner falls in love with sum other person and if he is honest to me about it...then I can respectfully walk out of his life..( give him a good kick too) but then will try to forgive and forget and move on...but here is difference if I caught him cheating on me...then..😡 I will probably try to teach him good lesson bfore I will walk out of his life...and No I wil not forget and will not forgive him ... this society here believes in institution of marriage so much that they often try to bring together couple and try to negotiate and all..Even my parents wud want that..and thus if that person regrets,apologise (go on his knees) and wants to cum back to me..I will probably think..may be coz of my love for him will give him a second chance...it all depends..but yes it wud definately take away trust I will have on him for sure...

In the end it just depends on situations..though I will never go back in case physical relations are concerned...I wont be forgiving him for life for that...😡

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minihussain

@minihussain

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

#99

Originally posted by: Marybarton

I agree. Good for you Mini, you stood up for yourself.

Yep, i'm glad i did..but it took me so much time to realise i needed to get out of that relationship, i had to hit rock bottom before i finally understood i'll never be happy, and knew i needed to end the emotional torture..

for those who think its going to get better over time, i tell u..it will get worse...save urselves before u become unhappy and bitter...

As for me, i have no regrets... now my life is great.. 😃

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hellostranger

@hellostranger

Beginner

Posted: 13 years ago

#100

An interesting topic, i must say! Hence, my opinion (:P) . If in the x amount of time spent in that relationship meant something, they valued me (even though they cheated, meant obv not as much) even a little...they'd be expected to be honest. And, after talking through, we both felt that e.g it was a one night...is it worth giving up our relationship from which we both had/could've gained so much e.g kids, or w/e) but if the person had been repeatedly cheating..obv after the truth is out..i'd tell them how its made me feel and simply walk out.

If i had kids, things become complicated but then its my life..Id walk out with or without them (the whole custody thing...) and move on.After having been cheated on, is like some have said...one starts to question their own worth, values and all...and you do end up asking yourself, did I do something wrong? But you, well i would HAVE to make sure i don't make myself feel guilty in any way..would even seek help if needed. But yes..walking out, with head held high, is what i would do...not giving a **** about what others have to say/think and require(family/kids).

So... if and when i am (being a commitment phoebe), I'd be in a relationship with some one for whom, even for some unforeseen reason, came a compromising situation, I'd wanna fight for OUR relationship. TRUST...ah ..once broken, for always broken..but doesn't mean you don't try again. Forget, one cannot (unless you suffer from amnesia) forgive, you can..i'll quote "?holding a grudge is letting someone live rent-free in your head!"...even though itll and is hard why bother with the heartache..do it for yourself...one gets chance at life and..well there's plenty more fish in the sea, as its said.