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Takes off from where this left: Arnav in conversation with Some Person
Khushi Kumari Gupta (KKG) in conversation with Some Person (SP)
SP: Hey, I just had a chat with ASR. Heard he is your husband now. Lucky *female dog*
KKG: Ho-hum. Only for six months though.
SP: Oh! I didn't know that!
KKG: Nobody else does. To the world we are a happily married couple.
SP: I see (though I don't). But why six months? Why not four or eight or any other number?
KKG: I don't know.
SP: So why did you marry him?
KKG: I don't know. O ya, he threatened to stop my sister's wedding if I didn't marry him.
SP: Why did he want to marry you?
KKG: I don't know.
SP: What do you know? <shakes head>
KKG: Do I sense derision? What is with everyone's derision for me anyway?
SP: I don't know. But don't be mad. Did you try and find out why he married you.
KKG: Yes, I asked him. Almost nicely to begin with. Then with bambi eyes. Then with tears filled eyes. Then angrily. Then prankily. All the navrasas were used.
SP: Wow! And do you now know why he married you?
KKG: No, I don't know.
SP: Let us talk about fun things. How was your suhaag raat? <nudge, nudge, wink, wink>
KKG: Cold.
SP: Eh?
KKG: You know Delhi is cold in February and I was thrown by the pool to sleep there.
SP: That is so terrible. You mustn't have slept all night.
KKG: I cried myself to sleep. Excellent cure for insomnia. I outslept my husband. Until he carried me back into the room in the morning,
SP: Hmm. So he was feeling guilty, eh?
KKG: Nope because Anjali Di came into our room.
SP: Did things get better after this?
KKG: Lets see.. Maamiji mocked me. Sister avoided eye contact. Anjali Di gave me her sadface. Naaniji gave me Raizadaface. Amma and buaji disowned me. And husband wouldn't share the bed with me.
SP: O, you poor baby. Friendless and orphaned, yet again.
KKG: Yes. But I have Lakshmi.
SP: That mutton?
KKG: <Makes Oface>
SP: So do you have any theories why he married you?
KKG: Maybe he knows about me and Shyam. Probably married me to protect Shyam.
SP: What? Did you confront him?
KKG: Almost did. Then changed my mind.
SP: Abbeyaar! Why?
KKG: We don't do conversations. Plus, I am pretty sure Anjali Di came into our room then.
SP: Then what happened?
KKG: He gave me his maa ka kangans and fed me kheer.
SP: Say what?!
KKG: Yes, former because Anjali Di blackmailed him and latter because Anjali Di was watching.
SP: I feel for you, sister. What happened after this?
KKG: I left Shantivan and went to LaxmiNagar, so that I could get answers.
SP: Eh? How would this help?
KKG: Made a stopover at AR enterprises and had a water fight with husband in front of his clients.
SP: Umm. Did this help?
KKG: Nope. Turns out my goodjeejaji will sign any legal paper that my husband throws at him and Lard Governor threatened to break up my sister's marriage. So I came back.
SP: You must really love your sister. What after this? Did you turn into a sadbag?
KKG: I almost did. But then Holi came. You know the festival where foes turn into friends.
SP: Nice. So you and ASR became friends?
KKG: No, but I won back the affection of my family and his family.
SP: Nice. What about ASR?
KKG: Actually he saved me from my lustyjeejaji and applied colour on me. And my cheeks felt all tingly.
SP: Umm. And then?
KKG: I got all the Raizadas and Guptas smashed and danced around.
SP: You are cute, albeit a little mad.
KKG: That is what he said.
SP: BTW what is a smashed ASR like?
KKG: Probably hot. I don't know. But Anjali Di came into our room, which is all I remember.
SP: <shakes head> Well at least Holi brought you guys closer. Things must have got better after that.
KKG: No, some medicine drama happened and I got pissed off with him.
SP: Finally! What did you do?
KKG: Began working on my first book – 101 Ways to Drive the Lard Governor to despair.
SP: I see. What all did this involve?
KKG: First experiment was this – what will you do if I sang out of tune, would you stand up and walk out on me.
SP: Eh? Husband not a Beatles fan?
KKG: In his world: Music = Noise. Anyway I came up with my own song – Aaj Mausam Hai Suhana. Some *insert verb* ka hai bahana. What the.. what the..
SP: Fascinating. What happened because of this song?
KKG: Got him half naked a couple of times and got my bathroom rights.
SP: You go girl! Then?
KKG: Anjali Di came into our room.
SP: Seriously?! Again?
KKG: But this time she made herself useful and made her brother share his cupboard with me.
SP: So the room was kind of yours too now? Nice.
KKG: Yup, complete with chimes, dangling stars and Salman Khan poster.
SP: Haha. Bet the husband kicked you into the pool?
KKG: Nope. But after the great partition of March 2012, the bed fell on my side. He slept by the pool for a night.
SP: Oh my God!
KKG: Yes, that is what everyone said when they saw his hanging gardan. He finally took the recliner.
SP: God, this marriage sounds brutal. But at least you are married to a rich guy and have lots of money now.
KKG: O, puhleaze, I don't want his wealth. I have mean cooking skills, I began my dabba service and called it KKGSR Dabba Service.
SP: Why take your husband's name? Plus, what after six months? Will you rename your company? How long have you guys been married for anyway?
KKG: I don't know. Maybe one month or three. But husband keeps saying six months. It is as if he resets the time every day.
SP: Is the dabba business doing well?
KKG: I don't know. I think we have only one client – AR enterprises.
SP: So you are in fact taking your husband's wealth after all.
KKG: <makes Oface>
SP: Then what happened?
KKG: Anjali Di came into our room once and said something about me outliving her. This pissed off husband.
SP: Oh! And then?
KKG: Later, we had a fight. He yelled at me asking me not to yell, when in fact I was not yelling at all.
SP: Eh? Let me guess, Anjali Di came into the room?
KKG: Well, of course. Along with lustyjeejaji and we were given tickets to Bali.
SP: Awesome sauce.
KKG: Nope. Husband tore the tickets.
SP: And your dreams too, I presume.
KKG: O' puhleaze, I have been completely forbidden from harbouring any dreams.
SP: Hmm. What after this?
KKG: We did a Dilli mein Bali Honeymoon.
SP: What?
KKG: You don't want to know. Moving on, I set the bed on fire, shared a recliner with husband and made him lose his voice all in a day's work. It happened one night.
SP: He must have been pissed.
KKG: I saved his business, drove myself insane trying to fix his throat and realised that his voice was fixed and he didn't want me to get credit.
SP: Wait, wait. What? Then?
KKG: We played Heer Ranjha and confessed our true feelings towards each other.
SP: Which is?
KKG: I don't know.
SP: *sigh* Then?
KKG: I did some match fixing and lost the fancy dress contest. Husband was pissed off.
SP: Why couldn't you just have told him the truth?
KKG: We don't do conversations. Plus, I am sure Anjali Di would have interrupted.
SP: Then? More fights, I presume?
KKG: Yes, this time in front of the house itself and then I decided to make myself scarce and begin tuition classes.
SP: Ooo, silent treatment. That would have worked, yes?
KKG: I don't know. Got bored of it and began my Swamiji act, which is killin with some lovin'.
SP: Have a bad feeling about this.
KKG: Yes, almost sent him into a hypoglycaemic coma.
SP: What the hell!
KKG: But he said he was just acting.
SP: Eh? Why?
KKG: I don't know.
SP: You don't have too many answers, do you?
KKG: That would be correct.
SP: So what is the latest on this marriage front?
KKG: I brought him with me to Laxmi Nagar to show him what the real world is like and what being middle class in Delhi means.
SP: Which involves?
KKG: Hanging out in an akhada.
SP: O'puhleaze.
KKG: Public bathing.
SP: O'puhleaze.
KKG: Cow dung.
SP: O'puhleaze. Stop it. How is this helping?
KKG: This is my defence mechanism. Plus, I am nowhere near completing my 101 ways to drive the husband insane.
SP: I see. What next?
KKG: I don't know. I truly don't.
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