He lifted himself up slightly to take her face in is hands, to kiss her and take all her misery in the one kiss.Tears steamed down her face...he stopped immediately, horrified that he was hurting her. "khushi..." he moaned out as he withdrew from deep within her,"
"nahi..." she whispered out in protest, "why didnt you tell me I am hurting you?" Arnav recoiled in horror hating himself for being selfish. Of course this is not what she needed. Not after everything that she had been through. He couldn't bare to look at her, he turned his face away. He felt her gaze linger on him for a while longer and burned him with shame.
She needed him to feel cherished and loved. To be complete again. With every thrust she could feel his love, his need for her and that gave her release. The tears which had been bottled up for so many months now flowed freely. And then he stopped.
She watched him, how his expression changed as he withdrew from her. How he looked horrified at seeing her face. His lips moved but she couldn't fathom what he said. Se just stared. "he must hate me. He must think it's a mistake. I disgust him" she thought to herself as he turned away from her.she looked a while longer and then turned around and curled herself into a fetal position and cried silently.
Arnav knew she was crying. But he didn't know what to do. His heart ached out and wanted to scoop her into his arms and tell her that he would make all the pain go away. But his mind wouldn't let him. His mind chided him for being selfish, that it was him who needed her touch, not her. She needed time and space. He had made a very important decision for her life today without so much as to consulting her. Of course she hated him. But what choice did he have? He gently got off the bed and silently walked out of the bedroom.
*********
"bhai, u ok?" Akash asked as he put a hand on Arnav's shoulder.
"yes thanks I am fine. How is di? "
"bohut upset thi. Nani ke kamre mein hai. She hasnt cried yet. Ek bhi aansoo nahi! I think thoda ro legi to mann Halka ho jayega...aur khushiji, i mean bhabhi?"
Arnav looked into the distance as he pondered on what akashi had said. "bhabhi."..he paused at the sound of that word from Akash, he felt his heart soar for a brief second but then then the image of her curled up in the sheets, naked and broken flooded his mind. "... Theek hai. So rahi hai" he replied softly. He closed his eyes tightly shut and for the first time he said a prayer "please god, let her be ok."
"mien di ko ek baar dekhloon jaake..." he excused himself from Akash and strode towards nani's room.
********
Arnav paused outside the door. He hadn't faced her since the events of the day. He couldn't bring himself to. Not after what he had done. But he had to see her. Even if it was in her sleep, just to see that she was still there. She was still breathing... He pushed the door slightly. The room was illuminated completely with moonlight.
He saw his precious di laying one the bed, with her had in nani's lap. Nani stroked her hair gently and sung a lullabye. Just like ma used to. Nani looked up as she caught the door move, she watched as her grandson slid I to the room ever so silently and leaned back on the wall by the door. With her free hand she signal led for him to join them. Arnav walked across the room.
Anjali stirred as Arnav came closer, she sat up with a start, Arnav reached out and caught her hand. "Di..." hi swallowed the lump in his throat pushing it back down to sit heavily on his heart. He tried agai "Di, I am so sorry. I promised myself that I will always look after you. That I would move heaven and he'll to make you the happiest person in the world. Everything I have ever wanted in my life was your happiness but I made a mess. I couldn't do it. I never meant to, but I didn't know what to do..."
He was blabbing he knew it. She put her fingers over his lips and whispered "bus chote...bus.."
Anjali watched the demons dance in her little brothers eyes. She could feel the lump in his throat. She knew he blamed himself... But for what. And why. He was blabbing...nonsensically so she raised her hand to stope him. She opened her arms towards him and said "chote tum ho na? Aur wada to humne bhi kiya tha ke mummy papa ke kami kabhi khalne na doongi apni bhai ki zindagi mien... To hum bhi to hair Gaye na?" he hugged her tight and they both cried. They sobbed together all three of them - each for their own sorrows but each feeling the others pain.
After a while as their tears subsided, Anjali looked up and placed her hand on arnav's cheek, " chote, khushi kaisi hai? Tumhe usko akeli nahi chorna chaiye...bohut Kuching se guzri hai who bechari...jao tum...hum theek hai...nani hai na humare paas.." with that she pushed him away. Arnav felt a huge weight lift off his chest as he saw that di actually meant what she said. She was amazing. For the second time tonight he called out to god "look after my sister and be her pillar of strength and protect her."
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