SS: How do I love thee? Ch 4 pg 26 - Page 18

had exams sorry for the late comment

I had one of those days today. You know, a day when you do so much that you're tired and all you want to do is relax. But you're so tired and have so much adrenaline running through you, that you can't relax? That's me today. I meant this SS to be different and all that. Well, all that got shot to hell today. So if you don't like it, it's because I killed mice, found they had cancer and transmitted the cancer to other mice. 😊

And on a serious note, I must thank everyone who said they did NOT like the way last chapter was written. Criticism is welcome and encouraged. So bring it on. Just be gentle people. It took me 10 days to get over the barrage from last time. 😆 Jk. Jk. OK, read on..if you're not asleep yet.

Chapter 4:

I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

"Why didn't you come to tea?" asked Beckwith in a whiny tone.

"Oh! Arnav was feeling too gassy for samosas. We frolicked in the pool instead. You can't smell his farts in the water you know," she giggled.

"You guys are too much. Dead for six years and still at it like horny teenagers!" said Beckwith.

"Hey! I said we frolicked. I didn't say we did anything. Besides we're in heaven. How much more heavenly can we feel?" asked Khushi.

Arnav smiled indulgently at his outspoken liar of a wife. Then he turned to Beckwith. "So, Beckwith. You here to hear the rest of the story, I guess?"

"Yes, please," said Beckwith.

"Where were we when we stopped?" asked Khushi.

"Arnav's Di had had Suhani and you had walked out. Now, I know you came back to him. You already told me that. By the way, can I just say this? Your narrative style sucks. You go back and forth in time. And sometimes, I just don't understand you," said Beckwith.

"Sorry Beckwith. Sometimes my thoughts get ahead of me," said Khushi.

"Aren't you a Nobel prize winning astrophycist?" asked Arnav drily. "And you can't keep track of a simple story's timeline? What, did you bribe the Nobel committee? Sleep with the chair?" asked Arnav.

"Hey! I won that Nobel Prize fair and square. Now, are you going to tell me how you found out Khushi was innocent or not?" asked Beckwith indignantly.

"Memory Lane again?" Khushi raised an eyebrow.

"Nah. Let's get Laxmi to do the honors this time," said Arnav lazily. He beckoned to the goat chewing a blade of grass on that green meadow. Laxmi bounded up to Arnav.

"Lax, babe! This gentleman here wants to know how I found out Khushi wasn't having an affair with my dear-ex-Jijaji. Would you explain?" said Arnav. Laxmi nodded quickly. Then she turned to Beckwith.

"You OK with talking animals?" she asked in a voice that sounded exactly like Etta James's.

"Err. Yes. I have a hamster who's stuck with me from my time on Earth. So, I'm fine." Said Beckwith. "By the way, you have a very melodious voice, for a'" his voice trailed off.

"For a Goat, do you mean?" asked Laxmi huffily.

"Err..yes. Sorry. I didn't mean to offend you or anything," said poor Beckwith.

"It's OK. I get that a lot. Actually, I'm going to be reborn as a singer in my next life. So, I borrowed my favorite singer's voice for sometime. Just to test it out and see what it's like. I've always only had a very whiny bleat, you know," said Laxmi seriously.

"What did you give Etta James that she lent you her voice?" asked Arnav curiously.

"I told her you'd give her a back rub!" Laxmi tittered cruelly, as Arnav stared and Khushi burst into peals of laughter.

"I'm not giving Etta James, a woman who could be my grandmother, a back rub!" said Arnav indignantly.

"Maybe I can do it?" asked Khushi doubtfully.

"Nah. That wouldn't work. She wanted Arnav, and she specially wanted him to say 'What The' to her at least 5 or 6 times during the course of the back rub. She was very specific," said Laxmi.

"Man, she is kinky!" said Beckwith. "Now, about this story? Can we please get to the point?" he asked impatiently.

"OK. OK. That's why I'm here," said Laxmi loftily. "Here you go," she said, kicking one heel into the ground. A sort of a bubble arose from the dust that she kicked up. Beckwith stared as smoke swirled within the bubble, which was at least as tall as Arnav and about 5 times as wide. The smoke cleared, the scene within became visible.

A very sad Khushi was sitting on her bed, her Jiji perched next to her. "I have no idea why he's doing this Jiji, but he said he'd destroy your marriage if I didn't marry him." She wept. Payal wiped her tears. "I'd like to see him try. Arnav Singh Raizada is not the arbiter of my relationship with my husband," she said proudly.

"But Jiji, you don't know the Rakshas," wept Khushi.

"I know my husband, and I know he loves me. He's not going to ditch me just because Arnavji tells him to," said Payal. "What is Arnavji's problem anyway? Why is he such a stubborn bas***d?" asked Payal, brow furrowing.

"Jiji!" said Khushi, shocked her sister had used that word. She's never heard Payal cuss before. It was strangely empowering. "I don't know Jiji. He's such an.."

"Asshole?" asked Payal. Khushi nodded her head firmly. "Yes," she said.

"And he hadn't told you why yet?" asked Payal. "What the bhains ki nicker is going on?" she said witheringly.

"Bhains ki what?" asked Khushi confused. "Di! Where'd you learn all these new words? I've never heard you swear before. And what is Bhains ki'whatever?"

Payal blushed. "It's your Jijaji. He has a potty mouth," she smiled.

"What! Akash Jijaji? Really? But he's always so quiet." Said Khushi.

"Well, he's quiet to the outside world. With me, he's quite the talker," said Payal. "He swears like a sailor. Fluently, and with precision," she said, completely besotted with this aspect of her husband's personality.

"Huh! Really! Akash Jiju. I'd have never thought it. And Arnavji. He never even completes that stupid What The of his. Someday I'm going ask him what's at the end of that What The!" said Khushi feelingly.

"I think someday he might show you!" said Payal smugly.

"Huh?" asked Khushi, befuddled.

"Never mind Khushi. Sorry. We were cussing your husband and wondering what could have prompted him to go through with this 'Ek chutki sindoor' type shotgun wedding," said Payal.

"Ek chutki nahin. There was a whole lot. He practically poured the sindoor ki dibbi on my forehead as if that would make me more married to him!" complained Khushi.

"Hmm. Well, only one way to find out," said Payal.

"What? I've tried asking him. It doesn't work." Said Khushi.

"Of course it doesn't work. It's Arnav Singh Raizada. He'd rather marry Lavanya and become a bigamist than explain himself."

"So, what do I do?" asked Khushi.

"Ummm. Let's see. Some duplicity is required, of course. How about if Akash and I pretend to break up?" asked Payal.

"Break-up? Jiji! You're married, not 16 and on an ice-cream date that you can break up so easily."

"I know. I said PRETEND to break-up. Key word being pretend," said Payal. "If Akash and I have a huge fight and I threaten to go leave him and go home to Amma, you have no reason to stay. You can leave too, with me, since the condition of my marriage being at stake no longer exists. Let's see how that sonofagun reacts to that!" said Payal.

"But Di. How will everyone react? It's such a bold step!" said a worried Khushi.

"Lets see. My darling Mother-in-law will turn cartwheels at the thought of me leaving her Son. My Father-in-law won't say anything since he's away in the Far East. Anjaliji will cry. Naniji will puff and pout. But I'll bring her around once the truth comes out," said Payal easily. "My feeling is, that Rakshas won't let you go that easily."

"But Jiji! What about your husband? What about Akashji? Will he agree to all this?" asked Khushi worriedly.

"He better agree. Or he won't be getting any'I mean, he won't be getting any audience for all his swearing and cussing." Said Payal darkly.

"Jiji, you're too much," said Khushi, wrinking her nose. At that moment, Laxmi came bounding into the room. Khushi threw her arms around her and hugged her. "Laxxmmmii!" she squealed. "You and Jiji are my only friends in this house. And till yesterday, it was only you. I hope you go to Goat heaven when you die. You are the best goat in the world," said Khushi. Laxmi nuzzled Khushi's ear. She loved to be hugged. She was just a goat. But goats have feelings too. And Khushi was one of the few people who understood that.

"Khushi! Stop wasting you affections on that silly goat. We have plans to make. What do you think Akash and I should fight over?"asked Payal. Laxmi glared at Payal. She hated it when people put her down for no reason. She was a goat. But she wasn't silly.

"I don't know Di. What do married people fight over?" asked Khushi.

"You've fought more with your husband than I have with mine. You tell me!" said Payal.

"Oh! Arnavji. He's easy to pick a fight with. I just have to sneeze or breathe a little loudly. That's enough to set him off."

"That won't work with Akash. He really loves me. I'll just have to ask him. He'll know what to do," said Payal, biting her lip.

"Thanks Jiji!" said Khushi. She hugged Payal. "I can't believe you would put your marriage at risk for me!"

"I'm only fake-risking my marriage for you. You actually married that that'jerk..for me!" said Payal, spluttering. She pulled away from Khushi's embrace.

"Remember when we were kids Khushi?" she asked. "When I'd do badly in exams, you'd take the rap for it saying you made me help you study, so I couldn't concentrate on my exams?"

"Yes. And Amma would get so mad at me. No Jalebis for days after exam results were out!" Khushi wrinkled her nose at the memory.

"Well. It's time you stopped taking the rap for me. I did poorly in the exams because I was stupid and didn't want to study. That's all there ever was to it. And I'm going to make sure you get all the Jalebis you want. Whenever you want them." Said Payal.

"Did you just use a Jalebi metaphor Jiji?" asked Khushi astounded at Payal's depth.

"Did you just understand my metaphor Khushi?" asked Payal, wiggling her eyebrow at Khushi.

"I love you Jiji."

"I love you too Khushi."

The bubble burst and Beckwith blinked. Laxmi grinned at him.

"That was fun!" said Laxmi to Arnav.

"Why does the goat look so happy?" asked Beckwith, not understanding Laxmi's mirth.

"She just made a memory bubble," explained Arnav.

"Yes, I know. So?" asked Beckwith.

"So, Payal isn't in Heaven yet. She's still on Earth." Said Arnav, smiling.

"Damn! Did the goat just give Payal a 30 minute session of the hiccups?" asked Beckwith.

"I sure did. Poor thing's tried water, sugar and holding her breath so far. When will people understand that hiccups don't have a cure? They go away when the memory bubble pops. Her's just did. She'll be fine in about five minutes," said Laxmi proudly.

"Arnav! You did that on purpose. You knew Laxmi would pick that particular memory. Poor Jiji," said Khushi angrily.

"I have to let poor Laxmi have her fun once in a way Khushi. Payal taunted her quite a bit on Earth, I never knew why," said Arnav laughing at Khushi.

"So, Payal and Akash pretended to fight and Payal left home and took Khushi with her?" asked Beckwith curiously.

"Well, not quite," said Arnav. Before he could say anymore a bell rang above his head.

"Shoot! It's time for my AA meeting," said Arnav. "We'll have to continue this later Beckwith," he said. Arnav turned on his heel and walked away abruptly.

"How's he doing at AA?" asked Beckwith.

"He hates it," said Khushi smiling. "He thinks it's against all his Earthly principles. I keep telling him he has proof now that God exists. He's in Heaven for heavens' sakes. He still has a hard time accepting it. He needs AA. I believe there's someone new joining today. He's been in orientation for a while and took sometime to adjust as well. You know how the newbies are," said Khushi. Beckwith nodded.

In another pocket of heaven

Arnav sat among a solemn group of people, mostly Men, looking earnestly at the stage. One man walked to the centre and spoke. "Hello everyone. My name is Christopher Hitchens and I was an Atheist," he said.

"Hello Christopher!" the group intoned.

So, whatja think? And the chidlhood love in this part of the sonnet, I decided to make it refer to Payal and Khushi's love. I'm not feeling Arnav's love these days. I wonder why that is?😆

Cheers!

Vidhya

PS: Thanks to Munchy for the introduction to a brand new phrase today. Bhains ki nicker. I have a feeling its going to become part of my vocab from now on.

PPS: If you made it all the way down here, do check out my Index for my other works.