Double Standards! *Huge debate topic* - Page 6

Well I am happy somebody has the guts to write about it...but I think there is a lot of double standard in the forumwasios tooo...

Originally posted by: jalkukdi1

Well I am happy somebody has the guts to write about it...but I think there is a lot of double standard in the forumwasios tooo...

1. I know most of them are girls including me, I do like Arnav aka Barun...but come on girls be indipendant rather than dependant...if Arnav let La to kiss him or he gives her a hug or anything that is just cool but Khushi shouldn't even look or flirt with another guy...I love Khushis character just because she is brave and indipendant...

Thank you!

I agree, I love Arnav to pieces with his flaws. But I also adore KKG to pieces and simply pointing out that if I could love Arnav with his flaws then I won't criticize KKG for flirting or not flirting to make Arnav jealous. It's not exactly defending the characters, just exercising the same logic on both, just as I would in real life.

great post. dont hv time now. will comment later.

i agree wid ya 101%. i fail to understand the mindset of the indian women. they bash fellow women and stand up for the male. i am not saying arnav is bad, but he needs to be bashed when needed and glorified when needed. this site has may arnav fans who are unwilling to respond about the bad qualities of women. although i am not a feminist, i certainly believe women can do whatever men can. so if arnav can flirt so can khushi and if arnav can get angry so can she.the indian women's submissive nature is the main problem of all her perils at the hands of her hubby. if she can stand up against the wrongs just like khushi, it will be the first major step in her liberation against the male atrocities prevailing in our country. i thank the cvs for portraying such a woman in khushi. hats off

There is another stereotype I'd like to add.

Omg...seriously...I wanna thank you for posting this topic!!!!!! I have been meanng to post something similar, but have been too busy recently. It irked me to read soo many negative comments on khushi. I LOVE Arnav and he is great at his character portrayal, but so is khushi. Where ASR gets kudos for being how he is...rude and arrogant and really mean to khushi at times, in the same circumstances khushi is being called out on it. Because she's a girl, is she supposed to forget all the past hurt. Just because ASR realizes that he has feelings for khushi, she should immediately reciprocate??? I actually like ASR being tortured by seing khushi and NK together because of what he made khushi go through with the lavanya fiasco.
I actually liked lavanya a lot. I think her character could have been tweaked amd not totally changed just to please Nani.

Very good observations. Setting double standards is so much inherent in human beings that it makes its inroads into our daily lives, whether be it at home, place of work or social circle, knowingly or unknowingly. The domination of men over women continues with all subtlety unabated, in the light of equality status, women empowerment etc. A male can get away with anything objectionable as he will always find a coverup to issue him a clean chit, whereas a female will be unforgiven, disgraced and discredited for the same act.

Coming to Arhi, it is painful to think of the past. A poor village girl, struggling to support her family was being ruthlessly tortured, both mentally and physically, by a rich arrogant boy. Throwing her off the window was the height of cruelty which just cannot be forgotten or forgiven anytime. Being a poor girl with no defenses, she became the victim for all kinds of atrocities, insults, abuse etc. But she left all her nightmares behind and struggled forward selflessly for the sake of her family. Some of her tribulations suffered by her are beyond all limits of endurance. What comes to my mind if the Diwali night kiss-miss. After building up all passions & emotions to a crescendo, to suddenly ditch her, to tell her that he does not care a damn for her and top it all with his wedding announcement with La. Shattering all her hopes to smithereens. Khushi being Khushi survived this heartbreak which has, however, left behind a permanent scar.This incident has distanced Khushi from Arnav. She has lost her trust & confidence in him which is leading to this delayed confession from her.I personally feel, she does not have to rush into this and allow the bond to get stronger till she is fully convinced that he can be trusted.Sorry, no hard feelings please. Arnav & Khushi are adorable and will remain so.

agree with you all the way...kay karein, as you said, it's all ingrained in almost everyone to the bones i think!

As a foreigner watching this show that does not have any ties to India, not understanding the language nor have I been to India, my opinions are highlight below from a different culture...

I have noticed a lot of double standards in the show and elsewhere that I have been meaning to talk about for a while. I did not because I was worried that people would think I am bashing the show, which is really not the case.
I feel that this show is based on what really goes on in society (and in this case India), and things that nobody wants to talk about! I feel that the writers are slowly making us aware of situations that occur in our daily lives.
I think the show does a good job of showing how characters have double standards just like real people, particularly when it comes to gender issues. I would like to put a disclaimer before I list the double standards I saw - I adore every character in the show (except Shyam) as much as the next viewer and I am not writing this out of malice toward Arnav, Nani, any other character or even viewers of the show.
I think it's a typical soap in the sense that the females are portrayed as victims and the leading male is characterised as her knight in shining amour. To add more to this show... their on-screen chemistry is quite remarkable.Shyam's character does leave much to be desired, however, there are characters like this in reality. Instead of doing the amicable thing by divorcing his wife as it is evident that he does not love her, as it is obvious that he married her for her money. I guess the big questions here are: Why doesn't he divorce her? Does he think that Khushi will want to be with him if he Anjali is dead?

1. Arnav gets to have a live-in girlfriend with Nani's disapproval but La gets called "character dheela" by Nani whereas she says everyone else (Arnav included) in RM have high characters. Note that Khushi is the only balanced character who pays Arnav the "character dheela" compliment.

Again, your opinion here is based on the situation in India. Cross culturally, their live-in situation can be seen as La being a guest at the home as there was no sexual interaction between them at the RM. There was no intimacy, no relationship, etc. In fact, LA was there to be trained as ASR's wife- so she can understand the Raizada values. Remember that both ASR and LA did not believe in the institute of marriage.

LA on the other hand, was an independent women with her own value system which was not in accordance with the Raizada's. Again, being a strong career oriented female, she is looked at differently by the conservative family as she have her opinions and did speak her mind - even to Nani. LA being a guest, should respect the values of the household while living there did not do this at times when she consumed alcohol at the anniversary ball.


2. Arnav gets to hurt Khushi physically by dropping her from the second floor (not easily forgivable) but if Khushi is slightly rude about it, many find Khushi unfair.
You must realise that this forum has a strong female base and most are obsessed with Arnav's character. They see him as their hero and deep down they all want to be in Khushi's shoes. Well, do they not all want to be kissed by Barun/ASR/Arnav. So, it is quite obvious that he can get away with murder.

With regard to the physically dropping Khushi, I was surprise to see that Khushi did not do anything about it, viz. reporting this matter to Workplace Health and Safety, etc. as ASR was in breach of code of conduct. He was a bully at work. He even got her to sign a contract where she had to pay him if she broke it. When I asked a friend of mine from India, he did indicate that this used to be a common practise some years ago. Again, as mentioned, this story is based on the happenings in India. If ASR worked in a different country and conducted himself in the manner he does at work, he would be in breach with many issues.

3. Nani and Anjali are thrilled Arnav is going for the good girl Khushi but they never consider that Arnav's relationship history might actually offend the Gupta's if a proposal is made. No, they assume their all-eligible brother/nati is so good that only bringing the two together for love will seal the deal.

As concerned members of family, they want happiness for Arnav and I am sure both Nani and Anjali would go to any length to ensure he is married to someone worthy like Khushi. If you were a parent of a child like Arnav and if you had reason to believe he was in love with Khushi, you too would want this union to be sealed. Here is shows that love has no boundaries.

Regarding the Gupta's however, they are portrayed as people who's main concern is for their daughters to be married. I mean when you revisit how things went for Shyam and Khushi, they forced her into accepting this proposal. They too, did not know anything about Shyam, did not meet any of his friends or family, yet they agreed to him marrying Khushi.

4. Arnav can sleep with La and emotionally cheat on her with Khushi. He can establish La in the house to make his point with Nani and make Khushi jealous, but if Khushi dares to flirt with NK to just make Arnav jealous, she is the greatest flirt who should be careful (many of us have said this, I am not talking about anyone particular).

I am unsure of what version of IPKKND you are watching, but I have not seen Arnav in bed with LA. I was hoping that this was shown, however, there was a scene when LA went into his bedroom and he appeared shocked/something like that. Then Nani sent the goat in.

Arnav asked LA to move in with him on the approval of his family. I think it was still their way of controlling him and wanting him to get married. This was wrong of Arnav to doing what he did to LA. Again, this could be seen as a way to prove to himself on his value system, viz. He did not believe in marriage etc.

As mentioned before, Khushi's doings will always be a problem as many of the members all want to be in Khushi's shoes, so they can fantasize about sleeping with Arnav - I guess that's the DOUBLE STANDARD!

5. Arnav is glorified for "having experience" (trust me, I say this while knowing the merit of it) but Khushi is glorified for "being pure." Even a little flirtation is not Khushi's right, but Arnav/or any man of the house may get away with it.
What experience does Arnav really have? I think his only date that he went on was with Khushi thus far.
He runs his successful business from home, has no office at home, depends on his sister and the servants for ensuring his files, etc. be in safe places, is constantly on the phone. He does not have social life at all!

I personally enjoy Khushi's interaction with NK. I think it's good that Khushi has a friend in NK. With the exception of LA, no one else seems to have any friends. Friends are just as good as family.


6. La is bad because she dresses Western and Khushi is good because she dresses Indian - as if their dresses say it all. I have made a post about this before. The Western dressed woman is not automatically character-less. And what is character-less anyway? Why is this term more often imposed on women for having the same lifestyle many men are never questioned for?
The inside of a person is more important than the outside. Initially LA was someone that stood by her principles and values, and was disrespectful. As she matured, she realised that being respectful was more important.

I am unsure why that term is used to desribe LA, but I felt she had more character than PAYAL, ANJALI, BUAJI, GARIMA and MAMI combined.

Again, this is a soap where women are portrayed as victims.
Nani's character is the old-world woman who also has a double standard when it comes to her male nati (after all the female nati is married). She may disapprove but she won't see his as a loose character but heaven save the woman who dared to live-in with him. As the saying goes, you can't clap with one hand. Somehow the man is not to blame for giving into temptation but if the woman does then she falls from grace.
Nani is the only one that questioned Arnav regarding his behaviour and his principles in a manner that was fitting. She stood her grounds based on the value system she raised Arnav. She wanted a wife for Arnav that was in her accordance of their value system.

I was disappointed with Nani when she agreed to LA's engagement without LA's family.

This show would have been so much better if:

• Khushi had a career
  
• Arnav living on his own AWAY from his family
• Khushi and Arnav had a child WITHOUT getting married to each other
  

The above are things that I see as normal within my society.