Posted:
"Geet, it is time for my flight to London. The reason for that you will have to ask Maan himself. Thank you Geet, for everything you have done for me. You have to come to London once the baby is born as you will be its Godmother Geet. You will come, na?" saying this Sonalika hugged Geet and left saying she had to take blessings from Dadi too.
Precap: Aircraft crashes in the ocean.
Part 37
It had been a month since Sunny had gone back to England. Geet had tired contacting her on the number which Sunny had given her but she couldn't, then she thought, may be they were busy with each other, not wanting any disturbances, after all Sunny and David were meeting each other after so long. She had felt a little uneasy for Sonalika to travel so far all alone at this stage of her pregnancy but what could she do? Sonalika had insisted she could manage alone and Dadima too had to agree to her request though even she had done it very reluctantly instructing her to inform as soon as she touched the London ground. But there had been no news from her at all.
Dev and Naintara had left for Bangalore, where they would look after the business in the southern parts of the India. Vicky leaving for his higher studies to U.K. the whole Haveli had become empty except for Savitri Devi and Geet.
For Geet it had been a month of living all alone in the outhouse, even if it was quite safe to live alone, she had started feeling restless. Dadima had requested Geet many times to come back to the Haveli, she refusing it, wanting to stay in the outhouse using the reason that she had fallen in love with the small house. The outhouse had become a sanctuary of sorts for her.
It had been an evening like all the regular evenings when Geet had gone to the Haveli to meet Dadima, to make some dinner for her, give her the medicines and discuss the day with her. It was her routine to go to the Haveli every evening to meet Dadima on the pretext of being alone so Dadima won't feel Geet was looking after her. Savitri Devi was a fiercely independent woman and did not like being dependent on others.
That evening, they had finished their dinner and were sitting and chatting together when they had received the news of Maan's plane crashing in the Indian Ocean.
They had not known about his return back to India. Adi had come to the Khurana Mansion to tell them about the news, that's when they had come to know Maan returning back to India and when Savitri Devi had asked Adi, how Adi knew about the return, Adi had explained that he had done all the bookings for Maan sir's travel. Savitri Devi had wondered aloud, "Why Maan had not informed them" and had got the reason for it from Adi. "Dadima, Maan sir had wanted to give you a surprise" he said.
"Are you sure Adi, Maan was coming in that plane" Savitri Devi asked in worried voice.
"Yes Dadima, I had done the booking of his return flight, myself. He was to return in an Australian flight and he was in the business class".
"Adi you go to the Airlines office and try to find out if they have any more information meanwhile I will go and talk to the Aviation Minister who a friend of the Khurana's and he maybe able to find out more information."
Savitri Devi instructed Adi, and to Geet, "Geet beta, you take care of yourself, I will keep you informed about the situation" saying this she left.
Geet had looked blankly at them not registering, what they were saying.
"Maan sir's plane has crashed in the Indian Ocean" Adi words, kept on repeating in her mind like a stuck record.
As they left from there, Geet tried to focus on them but she could not. Getting up from there she walked back to the outhouse in a daze. After walking inside the outhouse, she closed the main door partially and without switching on the light she went to her bedroom.
"Maan, Maan, Maan" his name was like a chant in her mind. Sitting on the bed she blankly looked here there trying to figure out how she had reached her bed.
The name brought so many memories to her mind that for her to fix on one became difficult. She remembered her childhood days when Maan would teach her to ride the bicycle, taking her to school, looking after her, taking care of her as if she was made of fragile glass.
She remembered her school days when Maan would come to collect her and how her friends would stand at the gate for a glimpse of him. And when she would boast that, they were best of friends how her friends would bribe her to get Maan to talk to them. As they both grew up her attention got diverted and she started having more and more girl friends.
As she closed her eyes the memories of her high school days ran like a film in her mind. The memories of being an ugly duckling, memories of friends teasing that she was not worth Maan, the memories of her tear stained face when the head girl had teased her mercilessly, insulting her making her break down in front of the whole school about how a boy so handsome like Maan could even care for such a ugly faced girl.
The memories of insecurities growing and festering. The memories of how slowly she had started growing from an ugly duckling to a swan and boys falling in line for her friendship. The memories of her crush on their English teacher when she was on the verge of leaving high school, she had slowly forgotten about Maan and the insecurities connected to him.
Had she forgotten or send it to the back of her mind?
All through her college life she would only be fighting with Maan especially when Maan would stop her from making boys as her friends. Her father had instilled in her that she could never have a boyfriend as it was not considered proper in the small town of Hoshiarpur but he never stopped her from going out in a large group which would contain a larger number of girls than boys. Her college days had some happy memories for her.
But now when she was losing hope of seeing Maan ever, she remembered him more.
The time when he had stopped her from going to Channi's house, Channi being her best friend, she had refused to do so. They had fought bitterly over this and she had refused to talk to him ever if he did not explain himself. On asking the reason again and again, why she could not go to Channi's house he would only answer, "Because I said so" and not telling her the reason. Their fight had lasted almost a week and it was now she realized, that week had been a terrible one for her. It was she who had gone and said sorry and pacified him.
It was later she had come to know the real reason for it. Channi's brother had been spreading rumors about her, as how she would come to the house only for him and they would meet when no one was in the house. He had even placed a bet with his friends that he would be her first. On coming to know about this, she had stopped going to Channi's house, not breaking the friendship but taking care, giving no chance to anyone for spreading further lies.
As she kept on thinking now, she understood her reaction to Maan had always been very extreme...either she would be talking his ear off or would fight bitterly. The memories of her school days brought to her mind now, the reason she would fight with him more and more as they grew up. The complex her school friends had given her had lasted a long time. It had festered in her, the thought that she was not good enough for him. The insecurities had become more and more complex as they grew older. The childhood insecurities festering in her grew and grew where she would fight with him constantly. But was never able to stay away either. Always going and pacifying him first. Though she had not realized this at that time, only realizing it now that what ever happened they had always stayed as best friends.
Slowly as the time had passed she had got involved in her college not giving any importance as if that was possible, always running away from the feeling he had aroused in her. Slowly it had become a game of sorts for them to always try to coordinate their movements when either was not there, or trying to ignore each others presence in a more carnal way but always keeping a civil face in front of others. A time had come when she had convinced herself she had no feelings for him other than a friendly feeling.
Time had gone by. Anjali didi had delivered a baby and every one was so happy, even chachaji had forgiven Anjali didi on hearing the news. All had been so excited that they all were going to be together at last.
All that had change when her parents had died in the tragedy making her realize how fragile a life is and how fate decided what as written in one's destiny. That same destiny had made her marry Maan while she had planned her life with Dev. But the biggest joke had been the night of engagement.
Now, why, looking back was bringing out the memories of the night she had spent with Dev? Why was she feeling that all this while she had been with Maan and not Dev? Now when Maan was not being with her why did she feel she wanted to touch him and feel him? Why did she feel the pull towards Maan? The deep feeling he aroused in her today made her question herself, did she really spent the night with Dev and if yes then why was she feeling this longing to be in Maan's arms. Was she a woman who was not easily satisfied with one man?
She got up from her bed she had been lying on as she felt restless from her own thoughts. Why her heartbeat did not feel like her own today? Why did she feel she had missed something today? But more than that, why Maan's memories were troubling her so much today?
She could not give her self a satisfactory answer to why today Maan was the man she was remembering and did not have a single memory of Dev prior to this one year? But even more puzzling was the fact that she had not registered at that time was that she had been a bit uncomfortable by the kiss which they had shared behind the kitchen corridor. Coming to think of it she had not tried to kiss him again then why had she thought that the man on the engagement night was Dev.
She had been so restless that she had not realized when she had come and stood at the door of Maan's bedroom. She stood there blankly for few minutes plucking up the courage to enter his room. Even before Sunny had left she had hesitated to enter the room. Today she realized the reason for it.
Entering Maan bedroom with a little trepidation as if she was entering something forbidden. When her hand touched the bedpost she felt as if a current had passed through her. She felt as if she wanted to touch all things that he must have touched. She brought her hand to the bedpost touching and caressing each and every item in the room, finally end in front of the wardrobe. She opened it and pulled out one of his shirt.
The perfume. And then it hit her, it had all along been Maan.
The tween( a child between the age of 9-12) boy she had been infatuated with, in her childhood, the teenager boy she had her crush on when she was in high school, the crush which had been crushed by the cruel girls. The young man she had woven her dreams around and had always felt herself unworthy of.
Had she been fooling herself?
Had she been fooling others too, especially Dev?
And what about Dadima, how could she do that to her?
But even before that how could she fool herself?
Did she have no dignity, did she have no self-respect, had she degraded herself so badly?
Wanting one man and taking the route through another?
Had her subconscious mind accepted Dev only because she had wanted the attention of Maan? Was she so shallow that she had been swayed by the attention paid by Dev? He had never shown any interest in girls and especially not in her. All through her life she had wanted love. Was it that she had wanted only Maan's love? Had she been hankering after his love? Was that the reason she had given her virginity to him not protesting even in a whimper. Was that the reason she had been pulled every night before marriage to that room because she had wanted the feel of those arms around her, had wanted to breathe in his masculine smell, take in his body's warmth, caresses the face and let the pores in her fingers soak in his warmth, his energy, his vitality. Was that the reason when she had felt his scent, his essences, his body's warmth, his touch, his caresses subconsciously her mind had refused to believe it could ever be Maan who would love her and consciously and purposely thinking it as Dev.
Maybe that had been the reason she had so readily agreed to the marriage when Maan had suggested it not thinking about Sonalika, not thinking about Dev, not thinking about Dadima nor thinking about the world or what it would say. Maybe she had started dreaming about a life with him.
It had all crashed and had come down on her feet when she had heard a girl's name from his mouth in his sleep and had realized the grave mistake she had done. The hurt she had imparted on the poor girl as well as him. She had always known he had never loved her. How could he to an ugly person like her. May be he had mistaken her for Sunny on that night or maybe his urges had been more dominant, wanting a release. Who knew the workings of a man's mind or his body.
She had tried to rectify her mistake by bringing Sunny to the outhouse and then to his bedroom. She had tried hard to accept the fact that they were meant to be together. She had tried very, very hard to stop Maan from entering her heart''but what would her heart do when he had never been out of it, only the stubbornness in her mind had not accepted the fact ever.
She had not accepted the child at first, but on realizing it was a part of Maan, accepting it whole heartedly as it was the only part of Maan she would get to love openly and freely, she had greedily accept whatever crumbs of Maan she could gather in her lifetime.
As she moved towards the window she gaze fell on the towel kept on the sideboard near the door.
She remembered the day when Maan had just step out of bath and not having known she had just barged in to their room with Sunny's medicines. She had be stunned to see him so naked, so vital, a towel hanging from his neck and another one tied to his waist that her first reaction had been of wanting to touch that chiseled body and she been jealous, very jealous of Sunny. That day she had envied Sunny, as sunny could be near him all the time, could feel him, could touch him.
The love Maan had shown towards Sunny had burned her with jealousy. She had run from there to hide her rage, her jealousy, her enviousness, her love not wanting them to ever know the thoughts or the feeling coursing through her. At that time she had thanked God that the incident had happened just a day before Maan was to fly to Australia.
If he had stayed a few days more she would have broken down and confessed her love for him in front of everyone. This love which coursed through her for him was something she realized today when she was on the verge of losing everything.
She had spent the whole night thinking, sometime touching his things to feel him near, sometime pacing the room or sometime standing near the window of his bedroom just blankly looking outside waiting for a ray of hope.
The dawn had broken and with that, the dawn of realization of her love for Maan.
She heard a knock and turned to see Adi standing with is head bowed.
"Geet, Maan sir is no more"
Precap: now only one thing was left for her to do.
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