My fiction story - 'Feeling of loss'

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-Madmax-

@-Madmax-

Beginner

Posted: 14 years ago

First of all - new member here, so greetings all. Just stumbled upon this place while googling for something entirely different (wink wink) but first impressions indicate it's not a bad place to be.

Now, I'm a fiction enthusiast and try my hand at writing in my spare time. It's a passion unfortunately prone to receive meagre allocations of my attention courtesy my continuing trials and tribulations with Chartered Accountancy. Feeling of loss is one such effort. Looking forward to feedback on the same. Please be kind, I'm merely a newbie :D

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Chapter 1

There was darkness all around him. Darkness, that would only be mildly interrupted by the lights of the occasional car that would pass by. Chief Inspector Mark Collinsworth kept his eyes on the road. Though where his mind was, even he didn't know. In a way the journey on this lost highway wasn't too different from the one he had undertaken long ago- been thrust into, he would sometimes think - the journey of his life. He was used to the darkness that enveloped everything around him. Darkness that wouldn't go away. Once in a while a ray of light would pierce through this dark cloak, only to struggle against its interwoven fabric that seemed intent on never letting go of him. Eventually that ray of light too would give up and go away, someplace else, where it had a chance. And all that would be left was silence. Gloom. Life. Or so they called it. He didn't know.

Yet, Mark liked the darkness that was keeping him company on this lost highway. He liked to see outside what he felt inside. It made him feel one with his surroundings. It gave him a sense of belonging. It comforted him in a weird sort of way. It let him blend in, yet escape at the same time. Lost in thought, yet tranquil, Mark wondered when would the road next take a turn. It was almost like someone heard him. The phone rang. One that would change his life forever. They called it destiny.

Chapter 2

She reached out for him from the murky depths of vastness - her hand outstretched above, her eyes almost popping out in fear. She was trying to shout something at him but not much sound makes sense to you when you're faced with death swallowing your beloved. She wallowed in vain, knowing full well she had no chance against the pull of the wet earth beneath. Mark kneeled over the precipice, tears blurring his vision. Hot tears, much different from the icy cold lake water below that had already consumed his father and was now in the midst of taking away the one who birthed him, gave him life. In an instant she was gone - he couldn't hear the desperate splashing of her limbs, couldn't see the bubbles escaping her mouth as she tried to say for one last time 'I love you, son.'

'Mother!' he yelled, loud enough to awaken his wife and children, if he had either. Not that dream again. The visions had haunted him ever since the thing happened, 42 years ago, when he was a mere 4. Every night of every day from then on had been spent cursing his fate, fate that had conspired to spare him, instead snatching away those who mattered. He didn't want to live. But he had to, for those who couldn't.

They see me, they watch me. They know me, they love me. I can't watch them, can't see them. Don't remember them, but I sure as hell love them. I want them, but I know they don't want me with them. Not yet.

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I'm aware that's not much but I'm trying to remain mindful of introducing these bits in line with plot twists and character developments.

Would be grateful for feedback - positive and negative. If you're still reading this, I'm obliged to thank you for your patience and time.

Regards,

-Madmax-

Edited by -Madmax- - 14 years ago