On Marriages, Mohan/Rama & Gautam/Renu...

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navyaalex8

@navyaalex8

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#21

Nice post Pooja...between you, Dee (anyafan) and shilpa (svkworld2), topics that wouldnt be touched with a barge pole are being discussed...

It is interesting (and revealing) to see how our own age/stage/beliefs/situation are giving us such diff POVs...I'm no exception...Isnt it interesting that while Mohan is (mostly) applauded for giving Rama a 2nd chance, Renu on the other hand is already coming out as the baddie in the "it takes 2 hands to clap" argument...Arent women ruthlessly judgemental esp on their own kind😳...

Mohan Rama

This marriage ought to survive and thrive...What does it matter who offered the olive branch first?...Its the situation that needs to change so both sides need to put aside their pride...They both agreed to the marriage...Enough has been discussed about Rama and her absolute eeevilness, so I'll concentrate on Mohan...IMO Mohan is passive aggressive and/or indifferent to Rama...He lets her get by on things he shouldnt...If he really loved her he should call her to account...Loving someone doeasnt mean u let them get by with behaving badly...He's no innocent caught in the middle!

I find it a bit strange that most people find this mismatched but for with less major problems to solve jodi more "wrong" than the other couple with huge issues!

Renu Gautam

Adultery is WRONG whatever the excuse...Doesnt matter if renu is controlling/strict/boring/chudail ...And Gautam not having enjoyed himself before marriage has to be the sorriest excuse ever...Is being loose before marriage OK then???...People still get hurt, even if you are only hurting yourself...

What to do next is the real problem...

Will walking out of the marriage heal renu's hurt?

Will punishing gautam give her back what she's lost?

Will gautam be able to withstand renu's guilt tripping dialogues for the rest of his life?

Will he carry on as before if renu forgives him and be more secretive the next time?

If and when he changes, will he be able to forgive himself?

Gautam needs to change his attitude and Renu needs to forgive...its a long and difficult road ahead for both couples...Hope the CVs bring forth a convincing track...Rama and gautam will ultimately turn "good" I suspect as this is a serial after all...

I wonder how the FB kids will take this...Things are so blacknwhite when young n sheltered...Also, do I want to see such painful drama onscreen?...Personally, not really!

Edited by patti4 - 14 years ago

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ChicagoCarole1

@ChicagoCarole1

Explorer

Posted: 14 years ago

#22

You have made some really good points and I couldn't agree with you more. Thanks for the serious introspective here.

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nuttycleo

@nuttycleo

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#23

@Tanu...Thanks for replying to this post! I am skeptical about Rama changing for good as well...but i am keeping my fingers crossed that she does.

About ReTam... Gautam eyeing Ritz was leacherous...& inexcusable...but we often excuse the inexcusables..or we often need to go beyond our hurt to excuse what is inexcusable, especially when its a conjugal alliance. Renu does need to think twice before giving him a second chance...i absolutely agree... anyone in her situation needs to think twice...weigh the pros & cons...Gautam has to indicate his absolute dedication to Renu..false words will not cut it & its upto Renu to judge Gautam's honesty...but she needs to introspect as well to see if there was something in her behaviour which pushed him away...& maybe give him some leeway on benefit of doubt.

Females often dont realise that men feel bewildered on birth of a kid...yes they father the child, but there is no physical attachment of carrying the child in the womb, nursing it, etc...hence the emotional one takes time to develop. Their insecurities & fears go notches up, but at that age, they cant discuss it with anyone...ego & all. The wives get involved with the kid...more alienation...& females with hot bothersome hormones & bone tired, often have high & unrealistic expectations...the tongues develop minds of their own...& it all unleashes on the husband who is already like a deer caught in headlights. Depending on their tenacity, they sometimes run for their lives! Sorry...i seem to be preaching...but this is not aimed at u...its just my general opinion...

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nuttycleo

@nuttycleo

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#24

Originally posted by: mridula.shome
Sorry Pooja for coming up late, but yeah I echo u on ur points.
Marriages, however failure they may seem to be, should always be given a last chance to re-establish before giving up.

In the Mohan-Rama case, chances of separation in near future seems next to impossible. Moreover Rama is not really dumping her husband. The only difference that exists is their way of looking at life. Is it really difficult to sort out such differences, at least to some extent?Of course this needs initiatives from both. Rama is rather hopeless but I think even the dumbest of married women are ready to go to any extent to save their marriage unless it is a disaster. Rama is still sensible. Its high time bells rang in Rama's brain.

In the Renuka-Gautam track, I find the initial steps of Renu quite ok. But any decision to bring up
her child as a single mother would be too drastic. Parting off ways is not a solution to the
problem she is facing right now. That would be equivalent to setting Gautam free to do whatever he likes - as simple as that. She's a rather smart girl and needs to find a smarter way out.

Thanks for replying Mridula...

👏@bold...cudnt agree more!

Edited by nuttycleo - 14 years ago

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anantanant

@anantanant

Voyager

Posted: 14 years ago

#25

@Pooja - I am joining in really late, but here are my comments:

1. I like this forum precisely because of posts like these where on one hand we can discuss Anant's droolsome looks and on the other, PND, marriages, "grown-up" stuff. So, loved your post - you can see from the response you've already received that ppl are happy to join in, so please don't hesitate before bringing up other "difficult" topics in the future :-) And thanks for the PM.

2. Mohnan/Rama - Put aside for one moment that this is a soap and Rama is the vamp. As marriages go, these two are not in a unique situation - there are still large proportions of arranged marriages where the two are as different as chalk and cheese. As I have seen it happen around me, if neither takes any steps to "improve" their marriage situation, they will remain apart mentally atleast (physically, they may come under a lot of pressure from family) all their lives.

I agree with comments made by a few above that look at it from Rama's pov - she is in a joint family, with quite rigid rules (there is no fun or laughter in that house, ever). No close friends or family she can talk to without being judged. Plus her own insecurities/inferiority complex. All this has made her determined to get her sis married in that very household. She felt devastated when for a petty/silly mistake, this was taken away (ants and honey, come on Bajpais!). So her reaction is understandable. I am not supporting her, just saying that I understand and pity her.

Mohan's olive branch - is that really heart-felt or is it just to get her off lil bro's back? Whatever the reason, he has taken the first step - he is the calmer, more mature of the two, so it is not surprising that the initiative has come from him. I do hope Rama will take this chance, but I don't think she will - somehow I don't think it is in her nature to reform like that, chutki bajaa ke.

Coming back to the fact that this is a soap, I think we can forget Rama reforming! I can already see her spoiling Navya's kheer by adding karela juice - sigh, the pleasures of saas-bahu :-(

3. Renu/Gautam - The problems between these two have not been given enough air time! Given that Navya's family is more "normal", I hope we get to see some solid treatment here - may be, just may be?

Should Renu leave G? I reserve judgement on this until/if we know more about what G has done. I am always in favour of mending relationships - but it shouldn't/can't be one-sided. What does G want? Is he ready to talk to R or is he running away all the time? What does R plan to accomplish by coming home - shoulder to cry on and then back or more permanent?

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nuttycleo

@nuttycleo

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#26

@Shilpa aka Sajni76...another girl after my heart! r u a counsellor by profession??? Your words sound like theirs...& u made me realise that my post missed these considerations...!!!So thank u <3 for making time to come here & comment! Loved these lines...

Both MohRa and ReTam at not at any junction where things have exploded beyond repair...The scattered beads are still there...the silken thread is still lying around...all that needs to be done is to take the initiative to work upon linking them up and a beautiful chain of relations can begin to form...

Yes it takes 2 to tango in a marriage for good & bad & yes lack of proper communication is the crux of the matter when marriages fail!!luved yur reply!!

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barbie2011

@barbie2011

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

#27

Hey Pooja..

A very thoughtful post and something like this comes with experience, you surely look life more closely and there is more serious responsible pooja hidden behind all the nutty-witty remarks..i amglad to meetthqat pooja today..

I couldnt agree more to your post..couldnt read other replies, due to lackof time, so i might repeat what others would hv said so please excuse..

Marraiges is all about commitment and compromise, so walking out of marriage without giving enough chances or putting all the efforts possible is not an acceptabe solution..

I understand Rama has hurt Mohan couple of times, but basically she is hurting everybody after her dream abt her sister being married in the same house got shattered. she is hurt and she is trying to take revenge, she is not able to take things in right perspective here..so if mohan understands that andtries to give her and their marrraige on more chance is actually a good attempt ...

Abt Renu and Gautam..i undestan what gautam has done is disguting but he probably feels too burdened up with allthe responsibilities that has been taking care of since young ae. he is wanderedd upon the worng pth, looking for some fun and excitement..i am not trying to give any kind of explanation for gautams deeds..what he is dng is wrong..but Renu still should try to reason out tihngs wih him and try to see if things work out..as you said..being a single mom and being alone is not a easy thing to do..and yes in such decisions kids sufferthe most..so Renu should give their maraige ne more chance..if he is still does not show any imporvement than probably she ca ntake the extreme step..because at times you have to take such steps if there is no other way left...

This discussion justaffirms ourbelief that we give a lot of imporatnve to the institution of marraige and itis not god to just walk out for every other reason...

Nice post Pooja...

I'll share tamatars, chappal with you too...dear...

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On Marriages, Mohan/Rama & Gautam/Renu... - Page 3

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