Dreams bite dust
I had an arranged marriage with Boney Kapoor. He was 10 years older to me. I was 19 when I married him. So I literally grew up with him. Ours was a 13-year-old marriage. So it came as a shock when I realised that my husband was in love with somebody else.
A second relationship was something that one had only read or heard about. But when it happened to me, at that very point my marriage was over. Respect, for me, is foremost. Love follows that. As we evolve, sometimes needs change. Boney too needed somebody else; not me. There was nothing left in the relationship to give it a chance because Sridevi was already with a child. Their rishta was kayam. That itself was a big statement for me to opt out.
Tiding torment
It was also a tough time for my son Arjun and daughter Anshula, who were both in school. The world is a cruel place. When you are going through bad times, they speculate about you and discuss you in their living room. So, in school, my children had to face torment from their classmates. But they became strong and learnt to face facts. What held us together was the thread of pain.
God spoke
My family including my father, my mother and sister was the greatest support. They told me, 'Whether you cry, lick your wounds, turn into a recluse or go to the Himalayas, we are with you!' The humiliation was painful because I was pitted against a heroine. I was made to feel lesser. Industry wives gave me suggestions like, 'Why don't you lose weight?' or 'Why don't you join a spa?' All this made me realise that I had to get up, dust myself and start walking all over again. I told my parents that I wanted to make my own identity. Also the advice that my friend Meena Goculdas' mother gave me became the gospel truth for me. She said, 'If somebody has no place in your life, then you can have no place for them in yours.' This was my aakashwani. I understood that I had not failed – my relationship had!
Future sisters
I took to TV production with my sister. We produced shows including 'Yug', 'Vilayati Babu', 'Hera Pheri' and 'Kaise Kahoon'. The goodwill that we created was tremendous. Later, we took it as a challenge to make a movie set, which had upmarket amenities for artistes. Today our company Future Studios is spread over 12 sets on 12 floors in two buildings.
Bitter? Never!
My children live with me but are close to their father too. They travel with him, dine with him. I have no animosity or hatred for the man. It would be cruel if I kept the children away from him because I cannot substitute him. I don't know how to think like a man. I want him to be happy. After all, I gave up my place so that he could be happy.
Love hamesha
I don't miss a man in my life. I have had some very beautiful relationships. One even lasted for four years. But I'm not interested in marriage. Because one tends to carry along emotional baggage, which the man may not always understand. Life's been like one rollercoaster where you shriek, throw up and even laugh. Today, I've no pain. My jholi is full.
As told to Farhana Farook
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