One woman's true story - Page 3

Originally posted by: hooked

👏 So true !

I did not do an MBA and have lived in a nuclear family - so was completely unequipped to face all the nasty loaded barbs that can happen with your in-laws. It took me time to learn how to first

- figure out why despite my very best efforts - they were hell bent on finding faults.

- once i accepted that they want to nitpik no matter what I do, I had to figure out why I thought I MUST keep them happy

- I accepted that though we are supposed to call them Mummy - Papa, they remain very clear in their own mind that I am only a BAHU, not Beti...

- I decided - fine - I will not give you a valid reason to complain - but I will not also do a simgle small thing too, if its out of my way.

- Stopped spending any time doing chit chat with them, unless hubby was around. Coz in front of him, their behaviour was above reproach. I thought 2 can play this game - when he's around - if you're fine, then I'm fine too. When he's absent, you behave badly so I am allowed to do the same RIGHT ?

All of this took me 15 years. I now am finally free of any guilt about not treating them at par with my folks. I still visit, bring gifts, remember b'days etc., do everything I should do, but now, I no longer have any heart-to-heart talks or stuff of the kind. My hubby also was of the same opinion as yours -let them be - but why can't u keep quiet. Let it Be !! It can be very emotionally draining.

Of late though, am starting to feel I'm softening again as they r starting to have medical issues and its easy to see they r trying to please me. But I don't know that once I again go back to normal, whether they too won't do the same...

I understand ...its easier to call someone daughter...but to accept her as a daughter is a difficult thing. I guess ...respect for the each other, and their decisions... is more important than naming these relations

Its nice that you know, where you can put an effort into...and where you can't..😊...you know it best how to keep that balance in expectations and efforts.

Originally posted by: sonali_dg

Oh Hima.. 😭 me's still crying!!😭 Very brave woman. She needs to have children asap. To get back to her normal self, if she's decided to live her life with this man..only children can heal her. If she's not yet sure if she'll live with this guy- highly recommended DUMP.

And very well written 👏

Sonali..I'll suggest her that.😳...guess she is just taking her time--to accept things.

Originally posted by: KyunkiImafan

I am so glad that your friend finally found the strength to fight for herself. 👏 Its absolutely difficult to do so as a female, and specially as Indian female as our culture and norms view individualism in female as a house-breaking-quality.😕 Its really sad that she had to bear all of this, and she should have never had to go through this but its our so called culture which allows a man to do everything and forces a female to take everything. I am glad she's broken that fear and made her own pahechan. Once we find the strength we are able look forward and at times we become so tough that we fail to see good things too. I understand her not having any feelings or want to start her relationship afresh but she's punishing herself from receiving good things in life. Now that she has the strength, the power, financial Independence, she can move out or ask her husband (whose changed now) to move with her somewhere else. If he's truly changed, he will do this and new place and new beginning will give her a chance to feel things again. And this time around she is stronger and braver so he wont be able to walk all over her again (god forbids that he ever does this again). And if she has lost all hope in this relationship, then I really feel she needs to separate. It doesn't matter what her parents will say, as they couldn't help their daughter in the time of need and let her rot in hell and be abused everyday then they are surely not the people who are looking out for their daughter so she needs to decide what she truly wants. A new beginning with her hubby or a new beginning all together. I really hope she's able to find what she wants so she can finally get all the happiness she deserves. Giving a second chance to her husband is completely her choice, but giving second chance to herself is her absolute right and responsibility towards herself.

Good luck to her and may god give her the strength to put all pain behind and smile again.

Yeah dear...I think its that what doesn't kill you--makes you stronger. May be God was happy with her and gave her that courage when she really needed it..😳

@ hima. I appreciate you sharing your friends story here but I do have to ask. Do you admire the inner strength and perseverance your friend showed even though it took her a while to achieve this. I do not wish to upset you with this but I am having a hard time reconciling your stance here in view of your previous posts wherein you condemn Anandi's fortitude. Just trying to understand, that's all.

Originally posted by: lastmin

Wow!! I am so impressed with this story. I too went through a milder version of this. My in-laws family took me for granted and said a lot of hurtful things to me for years. My parents turned a blind eye to that. My husband was busy trying to keep peace and most of the times convinced me to not react. After 16 years - I finally mustered up the courage to put my foot down and stopped talking to them completely.

My husband was very angry and said a lot of hurtful things to me. It broke my spirit completely.

After 2 years, I am now at a stage where I don't care. I am still with my husband but living on my terms and conditions. I don't care what my in-laws think and now that the stress is gone - I have actually strated to enjoy life and become a confident person in my profession too.

I am a well educated person, born and raised in a metropolitan city and if this could happen to me - it can easily happen in the villages.

All I can say is that once you find that inner strength - people respect you more and dn't take you for granted. I am raising my daughter to believe in this strength and rely on it from now itself!!

I am glad lastmin that you have worked your way through such stressful conditions..its impressive that you have gone to becoming more confident and focused, and found a way to deal with stress...and I hope everything will turn to your favor.

If possible pls share with us--how did you manage stress, in troubled times?...Did you focus on work...or simply learnt to let go...or maybe faith in God helped you...

Originally posted by: parri814

@ hima. I appreciate you sharing your friends story here but I do have to ask. Do you admire the inner strength and perseverance your friend showed even though it took her a while to achieve this. I do not wish to upset you with this but I am having a hard time reconciling your stance here in view of your previous posts wherein you condemn Anandi's fortitude. Just trying to understand, that's all.

thanks for asking Parri...
I did feel that doing nothing for 5 years when you have absolutely been abandoned by your husband was a bit too much on anandi's part, because I did compare her to my friend's situation. who did go through this pain---but within a period of few months she was trying hard to get out of her pain somehow...and started her struggle.

My friend's been married for 3-4 years...but she was not sitting and waiting all this time for things to happen to her. She got up and did things for herself on her own, in really adverse conditions...like in few months--she made herself move out of her depression and do things for herself...to get into better situation.

I mean her depression wasn't cured instantly...but her efforts started much earlier...

Thank you for responding. Your friend is indeed very inspirational. Especially achieving what she did in a land that was foreign to her. I do understand your POV better now. Thanks again.