In the name of love

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vasuja

@vasuja

Voyager

Posted: 14 years ago

What I am posting here is what I wrote in another thread: Since the point never got analysed there I thought I will make a new post.

GAGA's marriage has been considered to be pure because they are bound by love in adulthood and have married without family pressure. The argument and anger shown on GAGA in forum is more because of the way Jagya went about it rather than his marriage to Gauri...

So all that said I just got a logical point to discuss...What I mention is the case in western society...Even if the whole JAAN marriage never happened and The first ever marriage in Jagat's life is to Gauri even then why can't he leave her if he stops loving her...Why should people live together without love...won't it be sad for Jagat to drag on with Gauri just because he fell in love at 21...Do people who fall in love at 21 loose the right to opt out of a relation at 31?? If he continues to be with her after he looses love for her won't it be a compromise???

If a person is supposed to live together when he fall in love at a mature age and marries without pressure, even if he is no more in love with his partner...then is it not for duty...So that would mean that the key for a succesful marriage performed in adulthood is duty more than love.

To summarise: A husband has the duty to stick on to his wife irrespective of not loving her provided he married her in his adulthood with/ without family pressure.

I am not a Jagya supporter as many know here... But if Jagya's marriage to gauri can be termed right in the name of love then their breakup should also be right if he falls out of love...Isn't their love the whole basis of their pure relation...Then if Jaggu looses his love for Gauri how can the relation be pure.

Why is Jagya expected to stay with Gauri for eternity and loose his right to fall out of love with her or fall in love with a new girl...

I am bored of Jagat being justified of his action because he is in love with Gauri and at the same time warned to be condemned if he ever leaves Gauri( which he will only do if he falls out of love)

I would like feedback and opinions...

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ankit111

@ankit111

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

Vasu I hd raised same question in my one thread tht I hope people who support now Jogia JAGO marriage in the name of love will continue loving and supporting him if he will again fall in love and leave G.

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woman11

@woman11

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

It's an excellent topic vasuja. Just got back from work and dived right into IF, look at me!! I am addicted...😆

Anyway, getting back to your topic, u have raised a very pertinent questions and I want to share my thoughts on this.

Being raised in a middle class family with my parents following the values of simple living, i have been repeatedly warned of on one thing. That there is no limit to people's desires----be it material or carnal. My parents have always told me to be happy with whatever i have and never to covet for other things, especially if that desiring brings moral downfall . No that doesn't mean compromising with what is wrong, but it certainly is a lesson to curbing one's greed. I remember being sad as a kid over my friend's imported doll or someone else's richer parents who could afford a vacation in Mauritius, but as i grew up i understood that it was one of the greatest lessons of my life. If you keep craving for more, you will keep wanting more, there is no end to it. One who greeds over someone else's Mercedes will never be happy with the perfectly working sedan he has. Nor will his greed stop at the Mercedes, he will probably want a Rolls Royce next. The same goes for relationships. If one is married to a good looking wife, he would probably want someone who is successful as well. If he gets a successful wife, he might crave for someone who is an excellent cook as well and so on and so forth. Being satisfied with what one has is a condition of the mind and comes from an understanding that one cannot always get everything one wants, nor should one keep looking for one's own pleasure even at the cost of hurting other people.

Jagya's craving for Gauri is precisely that of greed and not so much of need. Why did Jagya fall out of love only after meeting Gauri? Did he really have a problem with Anandi before he saw Gauri? If he were unhappy with his first marriage, he would have been unhappy even in Jetsar, why does he need to come to Mumbai or Bangalore or Delhi to realise his incompatibility? Would Jagya have fallen for Gauri if she was a village girl like Anandi? How does Jagya's loving Gauri go simultaneously with his hatred and rejection for the village and villagers? All these point to just one thing. That Jagya going after Gauri is solely based on his craving for a new city life. Gauri is a part and parcel of that material greed and Jagya went ahead with it because he was never taught the valuable lesson of self-restraining.
I don't know if the Cvs have a plan to redeem Jagya, but men like Jagya in real life do not stop following their covetousness ever. They will keep moving from one woman to another for they only know how to follow their own desires and never be happy with what one has.

Coming to the reference to Western society, it will perhaps be generalization to sum up the entire Western society as one encouraging multiple relationships, but yes as a capitalistic society, they are mostly trained in following their greed rather than following the philosophy of contentment. Relationships often break for no apparent reason--------sometimes because the couple is bored or finds someone better and has no qualms in dumping the other partner. Of course there are many serious and genuine causes for divorce, but I have seen many of my American friends breaking up and moving on with someone else though there might not be any problem in their previous relationship. The causes can range from "I found him more cuter", or "she is better in bed" or "I am bored with the same girl, I want to explore more."

Their backgrounds have taught them to keep feeding their desires, no matter what, and keep craving for a new laptop, a new cell phone, a new girlfriend even when there is nothing wrong in the old ones. While many of us would only buy a new laptop when the older one gives problems, get a new cell phone when the old one breaks down and will walk out of a relationship only when it causes pain and suffering. I guess it's just different outlooks to life, but the vortex of craving is just never ending.

The reasons why Jagya has left Anandi and fallen for Gauri point to the endless cycle of desire, which in real life has no limit. The real life Jagyas will keep feeding their desires in the name of finding new love and will not stop with one Gauri. Yes, if we support fanning such desires, then Jagya is justified in leaving Gauri too.

Edited by woman11 - 14 years ago

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Purva

@-Purva-

Dazzler

+ 5

Posted: 14 years ago

Interesting point Vasu and I would like to bring up two contrasting points of view that started me thinking on this path a long time back.

POV1 - One of my friends was getting married and she said, "Isn't marriage so unnatural? How can society expect me to say that this day onwards I'll not be attracted to another man. If I so much as look or think of another man for the rest of my life, I shall be termed a sinner." I was quite impressed with her line of thinking and it struck me as a totally valid and logical point of view.

POV2 - I was discussing this issue with my mother a few years later and she said, "Why is it only in a marriage that we feel the need to take a legal separation? If one's feelings change for the parents, or kids, or siblings, one doesn't disown them and go so far as take legal steps against them. Why should we treat marriage any different?" Again this seems to be a totally valid and logical point of view.

What you are saying represents the first POV. I myself tend to agree with my mother. It is OK to like someone else after marriage, it is even OK to feel attracted to someone else. But it is not OK to act upon those feelings. A marriage is much more than simply "being in love" or feeling physically attracted to someone. To me a successful marriage is something like what my parents have.

They have nothing in common and most often cannot abide to be in the same room as the other. They can't seem to have a simple civil conversation. Yet Dad remembers most diligently when Mom has to go to the doctor, which of her prescriptions needs to be filled and gets up early int he morning to finish half the chores in the kitchen so she doesn't have to do anything strenuous. In her turn my mother makes 2 different types dishes for every meal, because Dad likes his food in a certain way and the rest of the family likes it another way.

A marriage is just that for me. Being there for each other, waking up to that same face day after day after day, knowing that the person next to you snores so badly that you've forgotten what a peaceful night is all about, yet still making that first cup of tea for your partner.

Would it be wrong for Jagya to leave Gauri? Yes it would. He left a real marriage with Anandi to be with Gauri. He needs to stop somewhere and stop running after that next butterfly. He needs to understand what marriage is all about. If he has chosen Gauri then he owes it to her and to Anandi to try and make a life with her.

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AnjanaYYZ

@AnjanaYYZ

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 14 years ago

😆The grass is always greener nextdoor😆

Jughead may always want more more and more. But, nature is its own cure! The people who always want more have a lifetime of thirstiness in store. Jughead after awhile may indeed not want Gauri anymore. But, what will Sexy Shilpa, his future love, want Dr. Jag with his dirty laundry bag? Maybe if he has oodles of money and she is in it just for honey, but not truly. Also, will Dr. Gauri let Dr.Jag go? HELL NO!!! She will with him wipe the floor🤣 And Jughead like all the people who always want more will continue to thirst forever more.😆

Edited by AnjanaYYZ - 14 years ago

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

Personally, I think Jagya's multiple marriages cannot be stopped until he addresses a different problem which is at the root of all of this - his low self esteem.

I have addressed this in a post a few weeks back about my own low self esteem and how I identify with Jagya.

Jagya, despite being good-looking, educated and wealthy and privileged -- has a sense of low-esteem about his village roots, his wives etc. He feels he is not "enough" by himself -- not whole, so as to say, and therefore in order to "complete" him, he needs a wife who will add value to him (or rather people's perceptions of him).

A person who feels "enough" all by themselves, does not need fancy cars, fancy wives etc. to add value to him. And ordinary cars, illiterate wives etc. do not make them incomplete or diminish their value.

It is the psychological basis behind all consumer behaviour where companies feed on people's sense of incompleteness and say "well only if you buy my product and upgrade yourself will you be complete"

In addition, a person with self-esteem brings glory to themselves, and glory to who they are.

Jagya has done nothing but bring dishonour to himself and dishonour to who he is.

He has not really cheated the two girls -- he has cheated himself.

So if he does not address his self-esteem issue, forget ditching gauri, he will ditch three more women beyond her.

Edited by tinoo - 14 years ago

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Suchi-

@Suchi-

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 14 years ago

I agree with tinoo

Great topic Vasu and Great points Anthara and others

Marriage between two people cannot be perfect because a union of two imperfect beings cannot be perfect. Yes, they strive for perfectness and that comes from understanding the pros and cons of each other and trying to complete each other.

Its upon the spouse to look at every situation in the POV of the Half Filled Glass. If he/she start pin pointing mistakes then, that marriage is bound to failure.

the one main reason I am against Ga Ga is because , that relationship is looked from the POV of Jagya.

Gauri's well being and perspective is not in the picture. AT ALL.

You cannot look at a relationship through a blurred glass. It will give you a false picture.

The argument that, GAGA love each other, after 21y of age love, same mentality etc. etc. etc. is all nice and dandy but for how long? There is no security in their relationship. It has no meaning at all socially and legally. The only person who will benefit from the GAGA relationship is jagya and no one else.

Gauri is doomed to insults and failure unless Jagya takes proper steps to secure their future and that step from him I highly doubt it.

And its repeated all over the forum again and again what Jagya has done, their start of the relationship etc. etc. etc. So I am not going to repeat it.

Bottom line, from MY perspective , I feel that the GaGa supporters and who feel that their relationship is correct are not thinking about the betterment of Gauri.
a) Either they are just living it by the day. Jo hoga dekha jayega deal

b) Or think that Jagya will secure Gauri' s future by asking Anandi for divorce and then legally get married to her eventually. STop taking money from Anandi because that will make gauri even more insecure etc.

too much emphasis and hopes on what Jagya will do , might do. But nothing about Gauri.
How does she feel about this?
She actually did scream at Jagya to get lost but he is still coming back to her?
does she really want him?

What about the pressures?
a) Gauri proposed to him first so is she obligated to be with jagya through the end ?

b) Cause of her he left his entire family and ditched his wife so does she have to be with Jagya no matter how he treats her even if he refuses to ask for divorce? whats her say?

c) cause Now everyone in college knows that they are married yet, the reality is now something else?

When ever gauri brings up this topic, her insecurities, her concerns, her pressures, Jagya conveniently changes it or just lies and gets away. So I feel that gauri is getting lost somewhere. Her choices, her will , her wants are becoming dimmer and dimmer and its more about Jagya and his wants, his desires, his safe-secure emotions, and of course the pressure on Gauri for having to accept him.

ANywayzz
my two cents

Edited by Suchi-NivReniac - 14 years ago

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tanvismile

@tanvismile

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 14 years ago

personaly fr me mariage is nt like joke wer u change partners.one needs to keep love n respect alive.at least try ur best to keep ur comitment.with respect jaan mariage,j was made to commit in a relation at 8.2 people made to sleep with each other.at 18 they r expectd to gv birth to children,wen u face real world u realse they r just burden.love is imp in mariage ,without love its useles to continue it bt love shuld nt be turned into a joke.if one continuosly keep changing partners then in name of love then is it right.so since j took comitment,left his family fr her i expect 2 b with her.

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vasuja

@vasuja

Voyager

Posted: 14 years ago

Thanks everyone for the wonderful points:

Antara I liked the points you mentioned about relationships...that is my basic ideology too. Perfect is impossible in world, to go on in quest of is waste of energy and mind. Every time you jump from one lover to another one will find flaws in the new one. and personally I find it tiresome to invest my emotions everytime to anew person. I am happy to live with a person who has seen both the good and ugly in me and vice versa.

I raised this topic because GAGA marriage was justified in the name of love. I just felt that if union is sanctioned in the name of love then separation can also be justified when one falls out of love right???

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tanvismile

@tanvismile

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 14 years ago

#10

Suchi niveric-i agree with u on pts u made abt g.infact few said hw can g behave like dat with j he left his family for her,i was like so wat?see its nt that we r nt thinking abt g,we know g wont take much of his illtreatment of j,there is always a limit fr everthing in life.if she feels she is sufering she can move on.we r just giving j chance in life til today he s love doesnt seem fake.as someone said a a big time casanova can fal truly for a gal,so just a chance to prove his love.thats it.

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