The Vampire's Diary : 25th July 2011
Dated : 25th July 2011
They say that the day which starts on a bad note often ends on an ugly note. Well, I will like to change this adage and say ' the dinner which starts on a bad note ends on fair chances of you becoming somebody' s breakfast. I mean, what was that. Or should I say what the hell was that? Are werewolves so obsessed with the idea of killing me that they are willing to endanger the revelation of their identity and maul anyone and everyone just to reach me? And how dare they do that ? They had the nerve to raise their eyes at my parents? I mean , like really now. Are they so desperate that they are putting my foster parents in silver chains so that they can slice me ? Its almost like they cannot wait to bottle my blood and stage it as some kind of victory flag. Its come down to do-or-die for me. If I have to live , if my clan has to live, I will have to finish them all. And if I cannot , I will at least be released from this afterlife of sin and damnation while fighting a righteous war of survival. That is what my life is anyway , isn't it? Of blood, gore and a monstrous existence . I fight. I fight everything , everyone and even myself . Sometimes, I think there is no other instinct left in me except that of a survivor and a fighter.
And ironic as it is , this is how am viewed by the world as well. For Dipannita , I am a prize catch whose head she wants to cut off and put up for display in honour of the werewolves. For her whole clan, am some kind of a thorn in the chest whose only fault is that he dared to kill a werewolf to save his parents. For everyone else , am just a frigid heartbreaker villain. And while am writing this , I have this dark smile on my face. An ironic, sardonic smile. Why? Because in these 200 years of my existence , I have learnt that you can only care upto a point about who your friends or enemies are. You can only be hurt to a point about who loves you and hates you. You suffer , you cry , you gulp tears ' and one fine day . your heart gets tired of feeling , your mind gets exhausted of all the pressure that you exert on it , and your soul stops weeping and learns to live in an iron mask. These days , am so busy planning and plotting on werewolves and Piya that I feel more like a computer program than a dead human-being.
Sometimes, I think am reaching that stage or am I? Will I stop feeling or will I just learn to manipulate my own emotions and feelings within a click of a finger? Didn't I just do that today? One minute , I was a jealous lover , the next minute I was a spy vampire pricking Jeh and then, I was a ravaging vampire eating up wolves. Its almost like I am turning myself into a machine where even my emotions are governed by the switch that is in my hands. Good, is it? Maybe. Maybe , it will be easier for me to let Piya go . Oh wait! What am I talking about? Isn't Piya gone already? I will still like to believe that I sent my Piya away that snowy night. She shows up now and then in this programmed doll that I practically run on a remote control ' but I shut my heart up and never look into her big baby brown eyes. I see my Piya in those limpid pools and I don't want to see her anymore. I have left it all behind- Maithli was one lifetime, Piya was one lifetime and this is another. And this is one time that I don't even want to think that I have a heart. This time, its my mind that is going to win. Even if Piya's Abhay shows up , I must kill him.
Today , I have seen how far and how low that Dipannita and her clan can go . She had the nerve to touch my parents. If Misha and Piya wouldn't have been with her at that time, I would have actually ripped her heart out and stuffed it with some red lipstick and khichdi , maybe. But I guess that is not how its going to be. I can't put all of them in the microwave together ' I have to take time and plan it out. My rashness and impulsive actions have already cost me and my clan a lot. I need to balance my power with brains. For how long I can be rational, who knows. I have more faith in my power as a vampire than as a person.
I need to speak to Dipannita now . I like people who play games with me. You know why? Because they give me a chance to set a whole chessboard for them. What use is an enemy if you don't enjoy the hunt? That is one thing that I learned from Siddharth and am never going to forget that lesson.
Let's see what tomorrow brings. Whatever it is, I will deal with it. Because my heart sleeps now and my mind is on steroids. Beat that if you can. Am missing Dipannita. Guess will just give her a WICKED call. She misses me more than anyone did in my whole life.
P.S- Jeh gets on my nerves , all the bloody time. But then, I get on his nerves too. The reason is Piya because Piya's Abhay often shows up and turns into a green thai curry. I have to learn to deal with it, right? If I have designed Piya' s life, if I have chosen Jeh for her , I need to be able to deal with the heartache that it brings along. Oh, did I just use that word? HEARTACHE? Humph. Started from Maithli and is stretching like a chewing gum across 200 years ' right down to Piya. Whatever. I CAN HANDLE THIS LIKE I ALWAYS DO.
Love and luck always,❤️
GOD bless everyone.🤗
