And, how can I forget my GANG ? My backbone ! My Real Buddies here ! 😛
Reva, Shan, Princess ( Only Khurani's Princess ), Navpreet & Arzoo ( I know she will not even come to this thread as she really hates me for my sad writings, though I am thankful to her, so I would like to name her ! ) 😳
I know you guys love to hate me for being Tragedy Queen ! But what to do ? I am helpless and I know you cry, but still you love it ! So, drop it and come forward and love me and my work ! Ha ! 😆
I love 5 incredible friends of mine ! Trust me, I am here coz of you guys only ! 😊
Shan, Princess, Reva, Dimpzziee ( I hope you liked it ) and Arzoo, I have no words to appreciate you and your love for my work and me ! Consider this as REPAYMENT ! All of you ! 🤗
Love you, ALL ! EACH and EVERY ONE, who at any point of time, LIKED my work ! 🤗
By the way, This OS is experiment as I have made two versions, sad and happy and I have tried to make it attached with effect of Music, too ! So, again, like always, desperate to know the response and scared, nervous and doubtful !
Why I have this feeling that you guys might find it CRAZY like me ! 😉
Contented
As I did exit from the main doors of my mansion, I checked the clock; it was 6.30 in the morning. For a change, I decided not to carry my mobile today. I was tired...I am tired from all these calls from morning to late nights, asking each and everything from one normal accountant's salary to board meetings time assurance. I wonder, sometimes, when mobile was not there, did no one worked like this? Is mobile too necessary for everyone now? For me, its nuisance now, I decided to take my morning walk without my mobile today, after years I wanted to be alone. I was alone but never alone, and today I wanted to be alone where no one can disturb me. I passed my mansion in few seconds, I was not in hurry but still I was catching speed, god knows why.
I, Maan Singh Khurana, crowded by world, still so alone, was trying to run fast, like I always did. I did chase many things and I can proudly say I achieve those things, I am 35 now, just turned last night only, but nobody knew. As I myself forgot my own birthday, it was my grandmother who informed me about my birthday last night, by voicemail. It's an irony that I cannot even remember my own birthday. And, top of all, I don't care about it. Does it matter to anyone? My questions are my answers, I know no one cares. No even her.
Soon I found myself in park, with the green grass everywhere and people around me were busy in their work, I produced a bitter smirk when I saw one old man walking fast, talking to someone on mobile. Again, jogging with mobile...I can't understand and I will never understand. I avoided walking on fresh green lawn, I chose the concrete path made in between the green grass, I took one round, and I was tired, but I did not want to stop. I kept running through park and at last I came out panting heavily. I did not sit; I just stood up around the corner and watched people running, in their own world. There was a man by the road, who was arranging some scrap, and I found myself lost in that process, just like him I was a man, whose life was nothing but scrap now. I am Maan Singh Khurana, top successful businessman of the country, I have got everything from latest technology to latest cars, top employees, world class companies, and luxurious mansions in Delhi, and still I had nothing, I was empty from within. It was never that I had nothing, I was a happy man once, and I had everything, just each and everything. I had my life; I had my Geet - My ex-wife.
I was in my own thoughts and I heard someone calling 'Papa' and I turned around to see the girl running behind small puppy, trying to chase it. I saw her for few seconds, and then, my eyes fell on the large hoardings on the opposite building, it said, 'HAPPY FATHERS DAY! What can you do for your Father? Come visit Expressions and Share your feelings! We care for your relations!' I smiled, I thought there was moist in my eyes, I was amazed, and how can I cry? Of course not! I am a man, I can't cry, Men do not cry, never. And above all, it has been three years now, three long years I lost her -My daughter - My Maahi.
I lost her in mere one mistake, my mistake. I should have never opened that door; I killed her and killed my marriage. I was a fool to behave like typical doting father and allowed her every wish for sake of her happiness and my satisfaction seeing her smile. If I would have not kept that door open, Maahi would be here with me, and with her mother. They said it was accident, few drunkards, students of the university were racing wildly, broke the traffic signal and I lost my daughter. I was a fool to bring her on the road for mere one ice cream at late night, left her alone with open door and I lost her - I just lost my life that horrible night. And, I could not control the images came to my mid one by one, She was in my arms, bleeding and I ran as fast as I could, almost wild, 5 kilometers in few minutes avoiding traffic and crowded roads, and still, I could not save her. I remembered the night when I was numb to react on anything, not even Geet my wife who was broken but asking me again and again. I took her lifeless body from the hospital room to her bedroom, completely numb and lost. I bathed her, I hugged her for eternity until Dadima came and snatched her away from me, I did not cry. Why would I? Men do not cry. I buried her with my own trembling hands, and I felt like someone stabbed my heart openly with a naked weapon and snatched away my soul, right next to the place, the same night, I buried my soul with her. Maan Singh Khurana, the father of Maahi Maan Khurana never came back. From that dreadful night to last night and this moment, I could not sleep. I just could not find peace.
I was the man who brought happiness in my ex-wife's life and I myself snatched away everything from her, I ruined my life and her life, our life. My wife slapped me for being me, she was broken, all her tears were dried, and she was tired, from being my wife and mother of a child whom I killed. After one year, she could not take it, and she left me, she just left me like Maahi did. I just have to face this each and every day. I knew I was wrong but still my heart and mind demanded answers, from her.
Why did you left me, Geet?
I think by then, I have asked this one simple yet tough question millions time to me, in front of the mirror, when I was working, when I was in meeting, when I was eating, when I was trying to sleep.
Why did she leave me? Why would I live anymore? For whom would I live?
I did not realize that I was once again, lost in the same thoughts, the very same thoughts haunting from last three years. I was lost and suddenly I heard the scream of a woman behind me and I looked back, she was scared, I identified from her terrible look. I quickly turned around and I saw that little girl trying to chase the puppy was running carefree and innocently on the road, not noticing the car coming in full speed towards her, she ran innocently on the road. I froze for a moment, I saw her - My Maahi. She was running like her - just like her. I screamed out loud on top of my lungs, 'STOP!'
But I think, I failed, she did not even listened. She kept running and running. I forgot everything and I started chasing her, blindly. Even though I was tired, I found this inner strength within me to save this girl at any cost, just somehow. I ran and ran. Soon, I caught her, I held her in my arms, and I tried to run but I slipped and crushed to the ground on my back, again saved her. By then, her parents came and took her from me swiftly. And, no words could explain the contentment on their face and happiness in their eyes, watching their daughter safe in their arms. Like we would feel ... Me and Geet if, I could save her... Within few seconds, everything was done; I was lying on the floor, with a satisfied smile on my face that I saved someone's Maahi. I was about to get up and all of a sudden, something just hit me. And, I was lost.
It was all black. There was extreme pain in my upper body, soon I would die, I knew from my heart, from the slow heartbeats. All I could see was blood in my hand, and a large vehicle by my side, soon it disappeared, and I did not know what was going on. I was numb, so much numb to analyze anything. The pain was overpowering my sanity; I was in the middle of the road, must be bleeding heavily. I closed my eyes, and I saw her - My Maahi, smiling divinely at me. I tried to smile but I could not, I felt my face was rigid, not moving anymore. I did not want to open my eyes, but someone just came and touched my face, I had to open my eyes, soon my angel daughter vanished away from my thoughts. I did not like it, I wanted to see her.
'Please come back...Maahi...Come back! Come back...' I could hear myself crying out loud, not sure whether I was screaming or not, but I knew I wanted her back, I wanted my daughter back. I desperately wanted my Maahi back in my arms, in our arms, I pleaded.
I opened my eyes and there was someone asking me if I was fine. What would I say? I did not know whether I was fine or not, this was just Maan Singh Khurana for the whole world, the man who was father, who was husband, who was a son, died the night he lost his angel and next year, he died completely when his wife left him. She left the man, who was her husband, father of her child, for a mistake of his, for killing his own daughter. She was always right; after all, I killed her, our daughter. I deserved this. And, now, it's my time. I heard someone calling out my name,
'Maan Singh Khurana...This is his wallet...Look at the diary...Let's take him to hospital...'
I did not want to go, let me stay with my daughter...Please...I tried to say something but I could not, I was helpless once again, so vulnerable. I closed my eyes once again, to see her. I just want her, and I saw her but she was not alone, I saw her with her mother, both are the most beautiful girls in the world.
My ladies, my life...That I lost.
They were smiling at me, the most beautiful smile ever, I smiled only that I really did not know whether my lips moved or not, but I was happy. She came to me and hugged me, 'Daddy!'
The sweetest voice ever, I again smiled, I took her in my arms protectively. I wanted to tell her how much I love her, how much I missed her. But there was no time, soon I felt extreme pain again, and this time, it was last thing I felt, and I lost it. Again, it was all black; I could not see her, not any of them. All I could feel was darkness around me, I prayed to god, one last time, just one last time, if I can see my daughter. I wondered, after she left, I never climbed stairs of any temple; I removed the temple from my mansion and office. There was no such god for me who snatched away my daughter from me, and there I was, counting my last breaths, and being selfish, praying god to see her for one last time. I was always like this, mean and selfish.
It was suffocating then, I could not breathe properly but all I wanted was my daughter. I just wanted to see her, I tried to open my eyes but could not, my head was spinning like a wheel, memories, all remained was memories of her. And then, out of nowhere I saw her - it was Geet. I smiled even in excruciating pain. She looked at me smilingly, 'Maan...'
And I was healed. All the pain, anguish, torture was gone, all I could feel was her presence, her love calling me back, but why she would, I asked myself again and again. She would never take me back, I killed my daughter. I said, 'SORRY!' and she cried, I wanted to hold her in my arms but I could not, I might be selfish and mean but I was never fake. I knew I did mistake and I could not escape it. I did not want her to cry, but for that I could not console her like that because I was not consoled, I was hurt and I never wanted to forget what I have done. How could I console her if I myself was restless, guilty and not comfortable? I had to pay for it. I thought, I was crying, too. But no wonder, I could not feel it. And, suddenly, I saw Maahi coming to us, running like always, carefree and innocently.
We looked back and I held her, she kissed my cheeks, and forehead and eyes, I was smiling through tears, Geet came to me and hugged me,
'Maan...We love you!'
I was overwhelmed, shocked and surprised. She said it to me after three years, when I was dying. I smiled at her, 'I love you, too!'
'Daddy! You are the best father in the world. You are free...Contented.'
And, she smiled and gone. Disappeared. Vanished somewhere in the darkness, and I was shocked, shaken and stunned at the same time. I did not want this; I want to go, along with her. I want to die, I pleaded to someone, just someone, may be god, or the person who watch for people hung between life and death, I just begged for my daughter, I don't want my life back without my daughter. I begged and begged more but nothing happened, I lost both of them. I was disappointed, sad, heartbroken as I knew without her my life had no meaning, Geet left me; I knew she would never come back, I had no reasons.
When I opened my eyes, I did not realized where I was, but soon I got it that I was saved, I realized it from the extreme pain in my body, pain is for mortals only, for body and pain for soul was beyond I could tolerate. The burden of guilt, despair, agonizing separation from my life, there were no medicines for my pain, my dejection. I sighed, I came here with a wish to die, and then, I came out from operation theatre without my soul, I lost it all. Probably I was the first person in that hospital who came dead from operation theatre, so alive and healed yet so dead. I could feel the lone tear from the corner of my eyes; it was the regret, repent, that I lost one last possibility to meet her, to love her. I was shifted to room, it was dark then, and I realized that I took one whole day to struggle for my life, to die. I was amazed at myself. People used to make struggle for life and there I was, trying to lose my own life. And, death betrayed me; I was once again defeated by god, destiny and death. I had to live, once again, without soul.
I was fully awake then, leaning over the hospital bed, lost. And the nurse with some papers and asked for signs, she asked, 'Anyone from family?'
It was like stabbing a knife in my heart, I was not hurt by her question but my reality,
'No. I have no family. I will sign myself.' I said emptily.
And, then another nurse came quickly and snatched the papers away from the other one, it was not for me, I was informed that papers for me were already signed, I was shocked, I had no one from my family, Dadima was not in town, who did it?
She would never come. That was my first thought when her image flashed through my eyes, I was about to ask her, and she said,
'Your wife signed it. She was here from morning, crying all day.'
I was shocked to hear that. I was sure then, I was dead or in coma, because only that would be the case when she would come to me, but then again, as I could not resist much, I asked the nurse,
'How does she know that I am here?'
'Oh! We saw your little diary in wallet, there was first page in which you wrote 'Wife' and contact her if anything happens to you. We called her home.'
I remembered, I did not wrote it, it was she, who wrote this, gifted this small diary to me eight years back, she insisted to keep it with me even though I loved technology and I was gizmo freak, she forced me to use this, and forcefully, noted down her all numbers. I smiled a little, how annoying it was eight years back when she did it, but because of that little annoying thing, she was back, for me. I could not believe my luck more, I closed my eyes in dismay. If that was real then I must be dead, because all those three years she never came back and out of the blue, why would she come? I did not want to open my eyes, but I had no choice because every time I used to close my eyes, Maahi would come and smile at me, making me guiltier. I again closed my eyes but she did not come, I opened it, Maahi was gone, she did not come to me. And, I remembered something I just came across before few hours in my dark, endless sleep. She came and told me, 'Contented...!'
I was free. She forgave me, why? Why I was forgiven? For what?
I chose not to open my eyes, I was waiting for Maahi. 'She would come' I assured myself. But before I could think much, I sensed it, she was there in the room, it was her scent, I knew. I smiled little, but not sure whether she saw it or not. I opened my eyes, and saw her, on the edge of my bed. She was crying, I wondered why. And, then I actually looked at her, in her eyes, there were too many emotions in her hazel eyes, but all I could comprehend was, Regret. Why? I asked myself. Of course, I was not given answer.
Soon, I realized that she came closer and touched my face, and I was weak once again. Her one simple touch and I was broken, by then I felt my own warm tears from the corner of my eyes, and her tears slipping down from her pink cheeks, making a stream. She wiped my tears, and I could not stop her, after three long years, she was consoling me what I needed back then. She was about to say something but I stopped her, I did not want words, her one gesture said it all. She came and that was all. We were never fond of words, what eyes and silence could convey words could never do in my case. Slowly, she leaned over and kissed my forehead, and I closed my eyes and caressed her face. She smiled. I smiled. We smiled.
Late at midnight, or early morning, I did not realize time but I was awake by startling effect as I just saw her, My Maahi. She came to me, and smiled, 'Daddy! I love you' and I smiled back and this time, I was not feeling guilty, no more pain, and no more agony. I kissed her cheeks like never before, like I would never get her back, she did the same, and then, she was gone. But this time, she was not going to come again, she freed me. I looked at my wife sleeping in my arms; I kissed her hairs and smiled.
I was free.
I was contented.
***
Kumkum Bhagya
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