Coffee, tea and Bollywood

The memoirs of Manu, a cinema-loving flight attendant, who over 30 years in the air, encountered some of the biggest, finest and funniest Bollywood stars'

The cheerfully buoyant Randhir Kapoor, son of the great showman Raj Kapoor and the star of many fun-filled Hindi films like Jawani Diwani, Rampur Ka Lakshman, Haath Ki Safai, etc. was traveling with us on a BOMBAY-ROME-GENEVA-LONDON flight. On entering the aircraft, he burst out saying, "Nona! Where is Nona?"

Paging For 'Nona'

Nona, as it happened, was a senior air-hostess positioned in the club class on the same flight. We paged for Nona and summoned her upfront. When she arrived, Randhir said "Nona! Do you know Noni?" Nona happened to know Noni and Randhir was thrilled. "She is our family friend you know! He clapped his hands together in excitement, "Now we are also friends. Nona and Noni, such lovely names." The likeness in the two girls' names seemed to amuse Randhir to no end while an embarrassed Nona stood there, speechless!

Randhir settled down in his seat in the first-class which had only two other occupants that day. "Where's the Black-Label?" R.K. asked, referring to Johnie Walker, the deluxe Scotch whisky and the ultimate favorite drink of the Kapoor khandan. I politely explained that as per government regulations the bar could only be opened after the aircraft had taken off. 'Who's going to tell the government?' RK winked.

Whats in a Name?

I promised him a drink after a take-off and made the seat belt announcement.

After taken off, no sooner had the 'fasten seat-belt' gone off, I turned around in the galley to see a glowing Randhir standing behind me, "Where's the Black Label?"

A tall glass of the scotch with a dash of soda and 4 ice cubes was served to him. He picked it up, said a loud "CHEERS" and with his first sip the pinkish glow on his smiling face went up several degrees. He said "Nene! Call Nene!" I realized that he meant to call Nona, so I corrected him respectfully, telling him that she was busy in the club class. He replied with a loud guffaw "Oh yes, I am sorry! Maybe I was thinking of Mrs. Madhuri Dixit-Nene, ha ha ha ha!"

He was obviously very pleased with his own joke.

A couple of drinks later, RK came upto to me, checked the name-tag on my shirt and asked "Can I call you Manu? You can call me Daboo, okay?"

The 'Sit-Down' Comic!

"Manu ek joke sun yaar" (listen to this joke), said the spirited gentleman. I had to stop what I was doing and pay him attention. He said excitedly, "Motels owned by Patels in the U.S are called "Potels" Ha ha ha ha, do you know why?" I tried to react with a little laugh, but it was difficult, as he had told me punch line first and I had heard it a million times before.

He continued "You know, there was a Sardarji who called his wife 'sister', Ha Ha Ho Ho, do you know why??" I just stood there flummoxed. "Arre, because she was a nurse yaar!"Daboo seemed to have one joke for every sip of his drink. Unfortunately most of them were told in his inimitable style of the punch line coming before the start of the joke. Some others were particularly excruciating because after narrating a long-winded set-up, he wouldn't be able to recollect the end of the joke!

But I had to listen to all the jokes whilst dutifully refilling his glass. In between, a few small groups of fans came along to meet Daboo. The cherubic actor would in each case flash a hearty smile, raise his whisky glass in their direction and with a loud 'Cheers' and just return to the serious business of drinking!

After he had polished off more than half of the bottle of whisky, he suddenly called out, "Nano ? Where's Nano?" I had to correct him once again "Its Nona, Dabooji, not Nano and she's busy in the club class." "I am really sorry yaar, maybe I was thinking of the new Tata toy-car, Ha ha ho ho ho!" He guffawed once again.

Slight Relief from the Bad Jokes

During the lunch- service Daboo sat on his own, attending to his whisky without so much as having a look at the delicious food on offer. Eventually, when the coffee-liqueur trolley was rolled out, the cabin-lights were dimmed and the window-blinds were lowered (to keep the sunlight away), Randhir dozed off into a rather peaceful nap.

I retired to the crew- rest area for a little rest and a break from the bad jokes.

Barely half an hour had gone by when Daboo got up, presumably to go to the toilet. He passed by the crew-rest and asked me in a heavy-duty slur, "Nina! No, no, no, Nayna ! I want to tell Nayna that her friend Nino, not Nino, her friend Nana has sent her regards", he then added immediately "Oh no, not NANA ! Nana Patekar scares me !!"

Randhir Kapoor proceeded to laugh loudly and then asked me, "Where's the Black Label?"

The memoirs of Manu, a cinema-loving flight attendant, who over 30 years in the air, encountered some of the biggest, finest and funniest Bollywood stars…

Episode 5: Filmy Attitude For Flying Fans

There are two categories of film celebrities. The heavyweights- who always get mobbed no matter how hard they try to disguise themselves, and the lightweights– who wear obvious disguises (read sunglasses) so that they do get mobbed.

On board our flights, the heavy-weight category receive the lion's share of adulation from all and sundry, starting with the 'special- handling' ground staff (who come to see them off) to the fellow passengers (pax) who literally thank their 'stars' that they are sharing space with a celebrity in a sealed flying capsule. The lightweights keep their sunglasses on, throw some attitude around, and if they still fail to receive attention, they are prone to make a scene in order to get it.

Salman Khan-Sleeper Hit!

A few years ago, actors Salman Khan, Pooja Bhatt and Dia Mirza were traveling in the Executive Class to attend one of those infamous star studded shows in Dubai. Bhatt was seated right next to Salman and the two were in a jovial mood. They were both laughing most of the time, presumably at each other's jokes.

Many of the economy pax were aware of the presence of Salman Khan on the aircraft, courtesy the 'sighting' at the airport-waiting lounge. Some were trying their best to approach the thick curtain separating both classes, however as it was time for the flight to take-off, the ever- efficient crew made sure that those passengers were firmly belted into their seats.

One plump, child-like Gujju pax in his early 40's pleaded that he be allowed to see Salman before take-off. He refused to sit and added with stubbornness 'I will tie my belt only after you let me have look at my Salmanbhai's face. He is my favorite!'

The distraught airhostess walked hurriedly to Salman's seat, not knowing that the gujju pax had followed her like a child who was about to get his 'favorite' candy. While she apprised Salman of her predicament, the child-man stood inside the exec.class, just in front of the dividing curtain and within earshot. Salman grinned at Pooja and told the hostess "Just tell him that I am asleep!" Hearing this Pooja Bhatt burst out laughing loudly. When the hostess turned back, the crestfallen pax had returned to his seat and appeared quite disappointed by his 'favorite' hero!

Hrithik Roshan-'Thumbs' Down to Gas!

Hrithik Roshan was flying abroad along with his pretty wife Suzzane. They sat in 1A & 1B in the first row of the First Class. Their first and most explicit instruction to the crew was that they would not like to be disturbed by any fan whatsoever at any time during the flight. We duly respected their need for privacy and took all necessary steps to keep other pax from coming anywhere close to the First class cabin.

I may add here that the crew has various other duties to perform, besides the apparent ones like serving food and drink. These include matters relating to the health and the well -being of our pax, especially somebody needing first aid or medical assistance. Now, one lady in the club class suddenly complained of pain in the chest. Not wanting to take any chances, we ran helter– skelter, some paged for a doctor, others rushed to gather oxygen bottles and a few cleared away other pax around the sick lady so that she could breath freely. In the process, one star struck fan managed to sneak up to seats 1A &B, hoping to chat with the Roshans. 'Can I see your lucky thumb?' the man asked in excitement.

This infuriated Mrs. Roshan so much that she not only told the pax to 'Go away!' but also fired us crewmembers for allowing the incident to occur. No amount of explaining about the unwell pax could calm Suzzane down, who even threatened to report the crew to the authorities.

Of course it was discovered that the ailing lady's chest pain was just a case of gas, but the Roshan's received a 'thumbs' down from the crew for their attitude!

Anil Kapoor-Last Star Standing

The older stars though, deal with the adulation differently. Anil Kapoor, who was a big star at the time, was flying London-Bombay in the first class. One lady pax from club class was literally pleading with us to let her go and meet him. We passed on this lady's request to Anil Kapoor, who was engrossed in the in flight movie. Kapoor took his head set off, buttoned his shirt and asked us to send her in. We led her up front towards his seat. No sooner had she approached him, Kapoor, a thorough gentleman, got up from his seat, and paying due respect to the lady, he folded his hands in a cheerful Namaste.

They exchanged a few pleasantries and chatted a while about which movies of Anil Kapoor she liked best. But as long as the lady stood there, Anil Kapoor did not sit down in his seat!

"Just tell him that I am asleep!"

Originally posted by: Kabeer.

Found Randhir entertaining in KWK, sahi rangeela aadmi hai!

LOL Randhir

And very sweet of Anil.

Others not worth the comment ji psh lol

there are some more stars this guy has written abt... read them on the chakpak site...one on Kishore kumar is particularly funny!