XLI
After Mrs.Shukla left her, Geet sat down on the wooden sofa, her senses numbed. Her head was swimming with all the vicious 'details' Mrs.Shukla so generously filled her ears with. She shook her head and looked at the 'evidences' against her husband again. Going by the date on the termination order, it was the last night of the dandiya celebrations when he came a little earlier than usual. He looked mentally preoccupied and had ended up accidentally hitting her hand rather than the stick. She had thought that he was suffering from overwork and mental fatigue.
Now, looking back it appears that he was emotionally drained as well. She knew how much he wanted to succeed in life. A dismissal from service, that too on the grounds of promoting prostitution, must have been earth shattering for him. She recollected how he had reacted to her suggestion about taking up the teaching assignment. At the time she thought that he was behaving in that manner because he did not want her help to achieve his dream. Now she understood that it was because she had inadvertently rubbed the salt of her job offer on the wound of his unemployed status. It pained her to realise how much that must have hurt him. No wonder then that the guy could not finish his dinner that night.
In all this she never once doubted the man's love for her. Even though he was upset, he still observed a fast for her the very next day and had willingly let her take up the job. Now, unless he loved her deeply he would not have done these things but why could he not trust her enough to share his pain? Did he consider her so delicate, so useless, so self absorbed that she will not be able to handle the truth, to share his problems and be his moral and emotional support?
She looked again at the photo of her husband with the bar dancer. She knew her husband well enough to believe that the allegation against him must be false and the so-called 'evidence' must be fabricated, but why did he not confide in her? Did he think that she will believe all the lies perpetrated about him and question his integrity, or worse, stop loving him? Has she not instilled in him enough faith in her love for him, in her undying trust in him? Where has she fallen short? Tears streamed down her eyes as she kept repeatedly questioning herself as to where has she gone wrong. Her heart ached for him. She so desperately wanted to ease his pain but she was also upset that he had kept her in the dark. She was upset that she had to find out about her own husband's problems from a woman like Mrs.Shukla rather than from him. She did not know how long she sat there crying and aching.
She was suddenly brought to the present by the ringing of the door bell. The room was enveloped in darkness much like her life, she thought ruefully. She quickly switched on the light and washing her face, she went to open the door. At the doorstep stood a group of kids with plastic covers full of crackers in their hands.
"Didi, please join us in bursting these crackers," they begged her and pulled at her hands.
She tried to excuse herself but they kept pestering her. Just then Maan walked in and seeing the tug of war between his wife and the kids he asked them what the matter was.
"Look bhaiyya, didi is not joining us for bursting the crackers," they complained to him.
Maan looked quizzically at Geet who averted his eyes. He then remembered that she was scared of loud noises. Presuming that her reluctance to join the kids had something to do with that fear, he asked them to go along and assured them that he will bring their didi to the ground in a few minutes. The kids left, saying that they will be waiting for both of them.
Geet had moved into the bedroom and turned her back to him. Maan came from behind her and whispered into her ear in a teasing voice, "You are scared of crackers, aren't you?"
Geet turned around, her eyes blazing in anger. "So this is the impression you have of me, isn't it? Poor delicate Geet who is scared of thunder, toads, owls and crackers, how could she handle news as big as this?"
Maan was taken aback by her sudden outburst. "What news?" he asked her in a puzzled tone.
"The news that you have lost your job," she replied. Seeing the colour leave his face, whatever little doubt she had about his joblessness disappeared. Narrowing her eyes, she looked unwaveringly into his eyes and asked him, "So it is true, isn't it? When were you planning to enlighten me?"
Maan was visibly shaken. He did not expect Geet to come to know of his problems. "Gee..eet...." he stammered but she did not let him continue.
"Have I become so unimportant and untrustworthy to you that you could not share your problems with me? Have I failed to discharge my duties as a wife? Have I not reposed all my faith in you? Could I not understand your problems? Did you fear that I will believe the allegations against you? Did you think that I will love you less or not at all if I came to know that you were dismissed for allegedly promoting illegal fornication? Have I not promised to be with you for better and for worse? Will I not support you in your hour of need?" Her voice rose in crescendo with each question asked in rapid succession, leaving her breathless at the end.
She collapsed on the bed and burst out in tears, unable to hold herself together. Maan's heart just broke into a million pieces seeing her in so much anguish and pain. He felt guilty knowing that it is his silence which had caused it. He sat next to her and lifted her bowed head in both his hands. She refused to meet his eye, her tear-filled eyes fixed on the floor. He wiped her tears with his thumb pads and willed her to look at him. When she reluctantly met his eyes, the pain evident in them suffocated him and he silently wept from within.
"Geet, please don't cry. I can't bear to see you so miserable. Please forgive this fool for his stupidity. If it makes you feel better, hit him," he said and lifted her hand to his cheek to slap it, "but please don't cry."
He continued in a pained voice, "I did not want to trouble you with my woes, Geet. It is not that I doubted your faith in me. I knew you will trust me but I did not want you to get unduly worried about me. You have put up with so much hardship for me, Geet. I did not want to burden you further with my problems. I wanted to sort them out first before I reveal everything to you. Today was the day I finally managed to clear my name, Geet. I managed to salvage my reputation. I wanted to confide in you tonight, to come clean with you."
She looked at him in surprise. He then recounted the entire chain of events since that fateful day he received a phone call during Anwesha's godh bharai ceremony and had to leave mid-way through the function.
Edited by Opti - 14 years ago
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