TERRORIZED AND TORTURED

"YOU CAN TRUST NO BODY, NOT EVEN YOUR MOTHER ...NO BODY!"

er, I can trust mine. it depends.

"

1. First of all ... what is wrong in following ones heart? Is it a crime? Is the the basis of being spoiled?

2. Is it not obvious that most of the NRI men will fall for women there? What is not there which is in India? Sorry but lets get real ... doh!"

its alright to follow your heart, but why the hell does he have to marry her then follow his heart?!

its nothing wrong to fall in love.. i was talking about cheating after marriage.

Sad to hear about your experience. Obviously marriage esp "arranged" is something that should be done after making sure that you really know about the other party.

by the way mcguyver, have we met before?

Originally posted by: MacGyver

😆 I had been in this forum since long ... clue: I had thoughts of ICE ... ⭐️

I like DM ... and its the only place I've felt at peace 😆

By the way ... Shruti's story is interesting and all my respect to her. My post was not meant to undermine her pain. Only looking at it from the boy's perspective too (isnt that what DM is all about? ... It brings in different perspectives 😊)

ice thinker or blue ice lol

anyway

yeah his perspective is fine, but if he loved tht girl he could have just married her in the first place, instead of damaging this girls life.

Originally posted by: MacGyver

@Red: Its not as easy as said. I know how these parents act. They threaten over their dead bodies, and request their son to only listen for once and marry the Indian girl and then do whatever he likes!!!!!!!!! Otherwise ... catastrophe!

Its bizzare and unhealthy ... its almost a taboo topic in Scandinavian families ... because atleast here the Indian communities are relatively smaller than in UK ... and people are close knit ... plus frequency of such love is very high.

I myself married a swed ... and till the end didnt get myself to marry an Indian and play with her life. My benefit was my sisters support ... but not everyone is that lucky.

aah yes perhaps thts the reason.. but still he did it in an awful way just running away like tht.. disgusting..

oh good for you ice thinker...

My sympathies with you you shruti. I t can be quite a traumatic experience to feel cheated like that esp by ones own mother in whom one often places full trust. I feel that the mothers are more at fault here. Both wanted a SIL /DIL of their liking without a thought to the boy or girl involved.

You are fortunate that at least you have a father who stood by you and helped you return . There are girls who did not have parental support and led quite a tortured life and some even had to lose theirs. Whats happened is past so try and get over it. Be happy that you managed to get back and are amongst your family and friends once again. You have your whole life to look forward to. So start planning for it. Wish you all the best !

My deepest sympathy to you Shruti. It definitely is the worst shattering experience for a newly wedded wife eagerly awaiting to start a new life with her husband. It is virtually impossible for a women betrayed this way to even think of forgiving someone who did this to them.

However, in all honesty I feel your hatred towards your ex-husband is misplaced. He was foolish, he succumbed to pressure and chose two timing in place of honesty and openness. He did make many foolish decisions that hurt people and deserves part of the blame, but it is incorrect to blame everything squarely on him. He fell in love with someone, he was committed and loyal to that person. Unfortunately, he was pressurized to marry someone desi and his parents completely disregarded not only his desires but the well being of anyone who would be his future wife.

Think of it from the other woman's perspective. Yes she did commit a grave mistake of continuing an affair with a married man, but she cannot be completely blamed for it either. Did she deserve to be unceremoniously dropped out of his life and shunned? Would it have been fair to her, for him to ignore their relationship for the sake of his parents? What about her dreams, what about her aspirations, what about her expectations of love and commitment? Just because she is a westerner does not mean she was not a woman who had expectations of love, loyalty and commitment in her relationship.

I blame this most on the in-laws and the mother who forced the children to go through this marriage despite knowing the facts. This is one of the pivotal problems with forced marriage, where parents blindly focus on getting a certain type of bride/groom and ignore all other facts.

Many NRI men often end up ditching their long term girlfriends under pressure from home. Many ruin lives of women, suddenly having them move out or leaving them pregnant. Many NRI parents actually feel this treatment is justified because after all what business did a woman have to be intimate with a man before marriage. While some eventually grow out of their mistakes and learn the meaning of being husbands and try not to wrong another women, many don't. In fact they begin to resent their families, their wives and even if they never cheat or have affairs, they never fulfill the role of a loving caring husband as they ought to.

While this case is focused on NRI's it does not mean that all NRI's are evil or only NRI's are capable of such things. For every few rogue NRI families there are hundreds of good decent NRI families who are trustworthy, responsible, honest and don't deceive innocents. Many Indian men and women have happily married into NRI families. At the same time for every victim back home there are always rogue families who have abused NRI's or even westerners for monetary benefits, visas etc and hidden affairs/relationships back home.

Bottom line is that marriage is a serious commitment and you can never be too careful or thoughtful before making that decision. Backing out when you are not ready, not sure, afraid of the uncertain is not a black spot on the family but an exercise in prudence.