OS:"Waapis Aaogi Na" - Page 14

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Dancingdoll thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: -Eva-

Excellent! Very, very well written.

Though I have a hard time sometimes with the dialoguesπŸ˜† , they are very realistic. As soon as I started to read the first part you had me. Love the fluent way you write- oh, and the little extras (the pics)😊

Evaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...........My HUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
 
I miss u so much darling...how u feeling now?? am I glad tht u came here and read my OS....i AM GLAD U R GETTING WHAT i AM WRITING.....Ping me if u dnt get anything...and pls come back soon!!!
 
πŸ€—
Dancingdoll thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: Dew-drop

I knw ...i m very late ..so maafii saab ..πŸ˜†

Part 1 :

The start is just awesum ...
πŸ‘πŸΌ
⭐️
Naku FR has been done with ..... & DP showing up after that ..
& i loved the convo between DP & Naku .... Naku being all sherni & protective of Dutta ..
OMG ...... TaSha 2gether .
.😍..  hayee loved it .☺️☺️. ye epi mein kyun nahi hota ..πŸ˜”..

Wow ..DP has tapes of AS & the trio ..
😲... & he even shows it to Naku ..
Cant w8 to read hw Naku deals with it nw ...



P.S : Will read & comment on Part 2 in a while ...😳


**Edit add **

Part 2


OMG ..... DD ..\wat awesum dialogues ..πŸ‘
πŸ‘
I could very well imagine the whole thing happening ..
Baaji was as usual so funny ..... loved his lines ..πŸ˜†
Dutta was so cute ..... he was blushing ..
😍😍
& AS being teh same dramebaaz with her magar mach k aansoo ..😑
Way to go Naku ..... I luved it the way she said main nahi jayeegi  ..ye mera ghar hai ...aap mere ho ..

Very well written DD ....πŸ‘
⭐️⭐️


P.S :  Will read & commnet on Part 3 pakka by 2mrw ..😳


 
awww shabz....thats okie...there is no expiry to my OS...whenever u get time....
 
and NAKU ko toh sherni honaa tha na....ab dutta ke sher hone ki baari hai....ab tu padhte jaa.....πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†
 
 
Dancingdoll thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: saimeen93

LOVELY UPDATE.....EAGERLY W8ING 4 NXT.

thanks gal...will update by tomorrow...pakka! πŸ˜‰
Dancingdoll thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: kiran255

Omg  DD
 babes im soory for late commenting
but dear what have u done
u have just changed the whole story \
a total upside down craziness it was superbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb
im loving it
  first par 2
awesome scenes , glancing of Tasha <3 adorable
but with te entry of DP u make the track superb
and AS was amazing , she was like a real culprit
she doesnt utter a word in her defense
superb charcterization of her
and DUtta shouting
n  naku really becoming sherni
cant tell u i become superrrrrrrrrr xcited reading os

and then part 3
omg Tasha interaction   mindblasting
awesome dialogues , gr8 choice of pics
everything just sinply fantastic
and that jhumri
babes she need to get out
i hate her

really looking forward for next update
gr8 job DD


Kiran, I changed the story because I wanted total Tasha here.....and hence, the twist....abhi toh aage aage dekho...only Tasha!! πŸ˜†
 
I hate Jhumri too...dnt worry, we will kill her!!!! together!! πŸ˜†
 
thanks Kiran....just watch out for more parts!! πŸ˜‰
Dancingdoll thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: mussy.jamshed

Awesome DD.........Well I seriously feel if LTL people are out of ideas they must see your OS...........What a remarkable imagination by you.............Its not easy to write and narrate the story as beautifully as u hav done.......also I loved the pics u inserted that goes with the situation so much...........dialogues.......our next LTL dialogue writer......DD.........love you..........keep writing we need to have creativity all overπŸ˜‰
 I love that u don't do bloopers like CVSπŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰

 
 
πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜† Mussy....I hope they dnt pick the Jhumri track...I hate Jhumri...but I was forced to have her....and why, u wuld know in next part in one of the Kala's scenes....
 
Thanks Mussy..that was touching indeed!! πŸ˜†
Dancingdoll thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: suhana19

Hey DD thanx for the update and pm πŸ€—OMG it was really emotional πŸ˜­pls unite tasha soon ....the dialogues were really heart touching ....poor tasha.    .pls jaldi update karna.....take care and see ya around❀️

 
Suhana...thanks gal...along with others, u wuld totally kill me by next update...πŸ˜†πŸ˜†....next update by tomorrow...pakka!πŸ˜‰
Dancingdoll thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
aww...my creative baby doll...thx.....did u even understand the dialogue?? or shld I teach u those dialogues?? πŸ˜†πŸ˜†
suhana19 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: Dancingdoll

 
Suhana...thanks gal...along with others, u wuld totally kill me by next update...πŸ˜†πŸ˜†....next update by tomorrow...pakka!πŸ˜‰

Hey DD Iam not going to kill u yaar πŸ˜†...but definetly bug uuπŸ˜†...i will wait for the nxt part ...πŸ˜‰...pls check ur PM u will be suprised  ....
Dancingdoll thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago

Part IV: Pyaar bahut Dard detaa hai!

Guys, This Part has a song sequence and the cheoreography credit goes to -Pooji-...My Pooh bear!!!...Thanks Pooh Bear!! Amazing VM!!!...πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ€—
 
============================================
 
Jhumri gives a complete report to Kala!
Jhumri - "Aayiga Taayi! Mein aisaa ich kee jaisaa aap boli pal amaala mahitaa nahi, ki woh saab mere ko deke kyun nahi ga!  Mein daaroo par daaroo daalti gayi par unko Naku Naku karne se tame miltaa toh na!!...Mei toh jaisee unke liye wahaan thi hi nahi!...Bahut bak bak karti gayi par naa taayi, ek baar bhi dekhaa ho toh!"... Jhumri makes a face!
Kala remains undettered, "Arre, humaara Bhaoo pyaar mein pada hai...Sabar rakho, sabar! Bus saaye ki tarah uske peeche lag jaa!"
Jhumri nods her head in approval!
 
===========================
 
Dutta gets down from his car and starts walking towards PN. He reaches the stairs, when Jhumri comes from nowhere, jumping and giggling! She acts as if she didnt see Dutta and comes down the stairs. When Dutta is on the mid-stairway, Jhumri comes from nowhere and collides with him intentionally. She slips and starts falling when Dutta holds her at the nick of the time and supports her! Jhumri holds on to Dutta for a long time when Naku comes on the bedroom window and sees Jhumri in Dutta's arms, supporting Jhumri from falling. Jhumri gets up, sees Naku and sits down on the stairs and holds her leg!

Jhumri says in low voice, "Aaiga! Mere peir saab! Aap bhi na!"
Dutta gets confused. He wasnt the reason for Jhumri's fall but if Jhumri is accusing him, then he might be the reason! He bents down and holds Jhumri's leg, he tries pulling her nerve back but her paayal becomes a hinderance, and hence, Dutta takes off the Paayal and tries pulling her nerve yet again. Jhumri holds his shoulder and looks up to see if Naku was noticing, Dutta sees her look and turns up to see Naku. One look at Naku and he drops Jhumri's leg. Naku disappears from the window. Dutta calls a servant from inside and asks her to help Jhumri out. Jhumri gets further pissed!
 
===========================
 
Dutta enters his room where Naku is standing in front of Bappa's idol. He looks at her guilty for a second but then zaps out of it. Naku sees him from the corner of her eyes but doesnt turn. She picks the matchbox to light the diyaa. Dutta goes to the washroom, freshens up and comes outside. He is about to leave the room when Naku's voice echoes in the dark silent night -
 
"Dar lag raha hai mere ko"...Dutta stops in his tracks.
 
Naku gulps her pain and then speaks again, all the while her back towards Dutta's back, "Itnaa door mat bhej denaa mujhe, ki mein aana chahoon bhi toh nahi aa paaoon! Mar jaayegi mein!". She goes near Bappa's idol and lights the diyaa! She folds her hands in front of Bappa. "Mein jaanti hai ki aap mujhse bahut pyaar karte! Bus mere Saab banke, dil se kaam lenaa! Raastaa dik jaayegaa!". She folds her hand in front of Bappa and and finally turns to look at Dutta. Naku's eyes had pain in it. She looks at him for few seconds, "Agle saaligraa par mere paas hoge na!...(pauses)... Dil se?"

Dutta's eyes become moist, he looks at the roof, not able to face Naku's gaze. He sighs deeply twice trying to ward off any emotions venting inside him. He finally gives her one last stare  and then turns and walks off. A tear rolls down from Naku's eyes while she watches Dutta going away!
 
 
================================
 
 
Naku walks to the lawn and stairs at the dark night and compares her life with it...she sees the rollercoaster of her whole life in front of her in flashbacks, Morey, Dutta saving her, she saving him, sups epi,her marriage....she then recollects dutta lifting jhumri and looks up...The dark clouds cover the clear sky....
 
 
Dutta is in bar when he hears Naku's voice singing, "Laagi aaj saawan"....He feels the pain in the voice and wonders, "Nakuuuuu"....He remembers their romantic moments...Her hug in the Jungle, their passionate moment in Anna's den, Naku's countless confession of love, her promise to be with him always....her uproar in Anna's den that Dutta would come and save his wife, he then remembers his telling her to get out...he wrenches...he then remembers her accusing his mother....He bangs the glass on the table, "Kyun Naku?"..."Tu abhi tak samajh nahi paayi kya mujhe? Mere zindagi mein Aayi Saheb kya hain, tu kaise nahi samajh sakti? Kaise us devi par tu ilzaam laga sakti hai? Kyun Naku, Kyun?" He shakes his head restlessly!
 
 
The song echoes in the PN - "Lagi aaj saawan ki phir woh jhadi hai...."
Kala hears the echoing voice and makes an irritating face! "Shuru ho gayi..."..She closes her ears with the cotton bud.
AS hears the voice and says "jagdamba jagdamba"
DP hears it and is touched!
 
 
Naku looks at the clouded sky. She sits on the swing and closes her eyes. She feels the pouring rain on her face. With a sad heart, and welled up eyes, her inner turmoil comes out in form of verbose, shaping in a song...
"Lagi Aaj saawan ki phir woh jhadi hai...."
SP gets up from his room and moves towards the voice....Naku is lost in her song, every moment with Dutta flashing repeatedly in front of her eyes, his proposal, their time in jungle, her serving food to him and he cherishing it.
 
 
Kuch aise hee din the woh jab hum mile the
Chaman mein nahi phool, dil mein khile the
Magar woh hai mausam, magar rut nahi woh
Mere saath Barsaat bhi ro padi hai
 
 
Dutta reaches the ground level of the lawn, all the while looking on the ground walking, mesmerized with the song, feeling his love...He reaches the lawn where Naku is standing lost in her world on the first level. Dutta hesitates but then finally looks up to see Naku....He sees Naku standing in the open lawn, drenched in rain, but lost in her own world...He makes out the fine lines of the tears flowing from Naku's red eyes, merging with the rain droplets.....Dutta's eyes become wet! He stands behind the pole and closes his eyes and just listens to his Koel.

Koi Kaash Dil pe zaara haath rakh de
Mere dil ke tokdoan ko ek saath rakh de
Magar yeh hai khaaboan khayaaloan ki baatein
Kabhie tut ke cheez koi joodi hai
Lagi Aaj saawan ki phir woh jhadi hai!
 
[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7vDjmV2L-w[/YOUTUBE]
(Please note that the song is by the Male voice but please assume Naku singing it. I am so touched by this song, that I didnt wanna use any other song. Courtesy for the VM - -Pooji-, my pooh bear!)
 
 
Dutta is so moved with his memories, "Tu mujhse abhi bhi pyaar karti hai na? Aaj mein sab theek kar doonga"...He pauses, looks at her with intensity, that only a true love could produce...."Haan, sab theek kar doonga....Tujhe mein apne se door nahi jaane degaa, Jab se tere ko jaane ke liye bolaa hai, lagtaa hai, jaise zindagi hi rooth gayi ho Naku"....he starts moving towards her but then he makes out a human figure approaching Naku from behind...He sees SP standing behind Naku, Naku unaware of him, Dutta hides behind the pole immediately. His anger surges again. He sneaks on them and eavesdrops their convo!...
 
DP comes and places his hand on Naku's head!...He says, "I am sorry"...Naku torn, wipes her tears, and tells him, she is fine..."Toofan hai, tham jaayegaa! Aur hum jeet jaayenge." . She smiles and then realizes they were getting wet in the rain. She pulls SP in the room! Dutta clenches his fist and hits the pillar hard!
 
 
=======================
 
 
Kala, AS, Jhumri and Leela are in Kala's room....
 
Leela is worried, "Taayi, Naku ka pyaar, humaari soch se bhi zyaada mazboot niklaa. Jhumri ki itni koshish ke baad bhi woh tus se mus nahi hui...."
Kala - "Haan, Naku ne mujhe bhi hairaan toh kiyaa, lekin Woh tootegi, zaroor tootegi. Ek Aurat sab kuch bardasht kar sakti hai lekin apne pati ko doosri aurat ki baahoan mein nahi. Yehi meri aakhri chaal hai aur iss chaal se aaj tak koi nahi bach paaya."
Leela-  "Lekin Kaise?"
Kala explains her plan (mute).
 
Kala - "Jhumri, samajh aaya?"
Jhumri rubs her hand with evil grin and nods her head, "Aigaa, Jhumri par chod dene ka, bus samjho Taayi, kaam poora hua ich!"
Kala, "Theek se kiyaa toh iss bara teen gunaa inaam doongi! Chal, Ab jaa".
Jhumri hears the prize amount and her eyes pops out! She assures Kala that this time, there would be no mistake. Jhumri starts leaving with an understanding nod.
Outside the door, hidden behind the curtain, a figure rushes back to the room. DP gets worried.
 
Back in Kala's room -
Leela - "Taayi, iss baar kuch zyaada hi nahi ho jaayegaa?"
Kala - "Haan, lekin Naku ne mere paas aur koi chaara nahi chodaa. Mere pehle plans par paani pher diyaa usne. Isliye ab usne mujhe majboor kar diyaa hai ki mein jhumri ko doosre sthar par le jaaoon!...Ab jo baan meine phekaa hai, usse toh Savitri bhi nahi bach paati, Naku kaise bachegi!"
Leela, "Lekin Bhaao?"
Kala, "Bhaoo ko iskee baare mein pata nahi chalnaa chahiye, nahi toh woh kabhie humaara saath nahi degaa."...Kala adds venemously, "Aaj bhi us gavaar se pyaar kartaa hai, kehtaa kuch bhi ho."
 
 
==========================
 
Please leave your comments and do watch the VM.
 
Love,
DD
Edited by Dancingdoll - 13 years ago
P.Kamaljit.Sean thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
Aww....CakeLicous....No probs...u welcome....love you tooo....


omg wrting looks like more than 2 pages😲you could have done my paper🀣

ok me did not read it...but i know it's Awesome....and u already know me love it...b/c MR is in itπŸ˜†

Rocking Writing Style In Tasha Style.......

Awesome.......One Shot.....Stunning.....

*Claps for my DD*
πŸ‘πŸ‘