Let me paint you a picture. There is a grand see-saw. On either side of the see-saw are two extremely dense objects, perfectly matched. There is a powerful gravitational force between the two objects. Their tendency is to move together, but you see, they are poised very delicately on the finest fulcrum. It is a fulcrum made of the most nuanced of substances. We commonly call it Love.
But situation as we see it, is one of fraught with a tendency for turmoil. Motivated by this great attraction, if one rushes in hastily, the other is thrown downwards due the imbalance in opposing forces. It is therefore crucial that movement is absolutely synchronized. Ah! But therein lies the rub! You see, our objects, each of them, is not just an immovable object but an unstoppable force all rolled into one! Nobody dictates their course or movement except the voice of their hearts. It is sometimes frustrating to watch this tableau of attraction because this very same "Voice of the Heart" is so strong in both cases that it quite deafens any squeaks from the "Voice of reason".
And so the game proceeds… One rushes in, leaving the other lumping low, takes a step back in order to attain an equilibrium, and waits. The other steps forward with great effort and a greater poise is achieved for a while. Now embolden by the steadiness, Object two takes too many steps without warning. This causes the Object one to slide back in surprise and affront. And so the game proceeds…
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Pratigya and Krishna are inching close all the time playing at a fine balancing act. It would have helped perhaps if either of them was a less passionate or more rational or a more pliable person. But each of them being who they are, theirs was always going to be a tumultuous relationship.
All through these months when Krishna was forging ahead unmindful of where his partner was in the balance, we the viewers fretted from ring-side. We knew that the relationship was heavily weighted on one side, and it would never achieve its center that way! Some of us blamed Pratigya for not making the effort to walk upward and forward, others blamed Krishna for his tactlessness for throwing her off-balance.
Now after many months of doing the two-step on a fulcrum they had achieved a tenuous balance. But Pratigya who had used that balance to look clearly at her partner during this period and the ensuing events, was so struck by her partner that she now took too many steps forward. Her partner, who had begun to suspect her intentions during the long and traumatic wait, is now deeply distrusting of her sudden and unprecedented actions. He has also had time to reflect and now intensely regrets his own unthinking, brash actions. It will now take time and effort to convince him to step forward again.
And so the game proceeds…
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
In the light of this, if we think about what to expect next in the narrative, we might arrive at something that seems natural, rather than something that will give us instant gratification. It might seem like we have waited an eon for the Kriya union, but are they ready yet?
What is Pratigya Thakur's state of mind?
From a state of shriveled defensiveness, her heart has now flowered into its full potential of love. From her ivory tower of suspicion her vantage point has been tremendous. She has seen the full scope and depth of Krishna's love, depth and growth. She is now a changed woman, a woman ready for any challenge and ready to plumb any depths. In taking in and absorbing all of Krishna's anger she is not making any great sacrifices, nor is it conscious strategy on her part. She is doing it because she can and she thinks she must. When she offers herself to him (as we know she will) it will not be like the great sacrificial lamb out for slaughter, it will not be to prove a point or her virtue; she will do it for love, because she wants to, because it feels right. She will use any device in her hand if she thinks it mind salve the wound in her Love's heart. Anything to make him happy! It is no longer a question if feminine or masculine ego, it is a call of love.
Offering herself to him may not be the wisest course. For one it might further his distrust. It will certainly leave her open to hurt and ridicule. But some things have got to be done. In love one does not count the cost.
What is Krishna Thakur's state of mind?
Even before the courtroom fiasco, Krishna had started to feel an unrest. He had come to doubt his long held belief that his wife truly loved him. This was what motivated him to further push the point and demand her surrender as proof of love. After the CF he was convinced that he had been the proverbial Love's fool. All this talk of her cheating him and playing him false is just a faade for his internal self-flagellation for having been so deluded and nave. Sure he is angry with Pratigya for never loving him, but he is furious with himself for wanting her love that badly, that he convince himself about it against all evidence to the contrary.
Now he is once bitten, terribly shy!
The situation between them-
Pratigya knows of her husband's state of mind better perhaps than he himself knows it. She does not take any of his statements at face value but judges him by his actions, which speak volumes of his love. She knows that he cannot find it within himself to trust her love this time; He is too afraid that he may be deluding himself again. Also you see, The timing is too pat for him to believe it. How can it be that the minute he discovered that she never truly loved him, she claims to suddenly love him now? It seems improbable! (But we who have been watching the fulcrum from the side see exactly how this has come about!) It will take him along time to put that step forward again, because he has been burnt before by rushing too soon. He does not want to make the mistake of stepping forward only to be grasping towards a mirage. So it is not anger that is Krishna's primary emotion but a very great insecurity. His wife who understands this is willing to take any step to take this insecurity out of his heart. She has sacrificed her security, her general peace by being in that house, she is willing to let him take out the brunt of his negativity on her, and now she will be willing to offer him a blank check on her heart and body. He is perhaps going to take a rain-check on it, which will be a severe disappointment to her, but it will be yet another factor that will go towards creating poise in the fulcrum, so that a few more steps will be advanced.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
In a less equal relationship, the journey might have been smoother. One or the other might have directed it and the balance may have been achieved far sooner and the distance traversed with greater ease. The trouble with Kriya is that they are too evenly matched! So theirs is always going to be a journey of deferred gratification.
But such an equal love is the rarest of delights. Such an Equal music is myrrh for the soul. What then, I ask you, is a little deferred gratification?
Anupamaa
Seher Hone Ko Hai
