Hi. Well, I wrote this the other day but was in a dilemma whether to post this or not. It was 6 pages in word and for the sake of typing it for an hour, I decided to post. 😆 It is up to you to say how was it. Hope you'll enjoy. 😳
||Light of hope||
Taani's POV:
I slowly looked at myself through the mirror.
Time has changed many of my own features.
My skirt and jeans days were gone. My free hair and pony tail times were gone. My longing for romantic love songs were gone. My searches for romantic genre books were also gone.
I measured how matured I'm now.
Jeans and skirts turned into Salwars and Sarees. My free hair and pony tail has turned into braids and buns. My preference in music now is sad solos. And my favorite genre of books is now motivating and spiritual.
How many things changed after Anurag stepped out of my life? It's been years and when I think of it every moment, it always brought the same pain and hurt just like the fresh moment after he left.
It's all the time that healed all my pains and wounds and I'm forever grateful to it.
I slowly put on my earrings and thought how Anurag will react if he sees me today in his place.
What will be a grown up man's feelings when a girl he married on his childhood days shows up suddenly after years.
What if he learns that I'm still alone? Will he feel guilty? May be I should have not accepted to come over.
I served the last customer of the day in my bakery.
After leaving Kolkata, immediately after Anurag left me, I reached Mumbai with my family. After things were said and done, we didn't prefer to live there like nothing happened.
At least I did.
My catering and hotel management degree helped me to join a famous bakery. I worked there for a couple of years. They paid me well with required accommodations including house, medical allowances, etc.
After two years service, I opened my own bakery in a small level with fluffy features with the help of business loans. My business went well. I was paid more than enough to take care of my parents and myself.
Though, my parents insisted me on having a partner, I was never interested and my full time was spent in my bakery which left me no time to think of Anurag or anything that happened between us.
Years rolled and my life is quite peaceful now.
I took my apron off to be heard of the bell in the door. I quickly turned putting my apron again and saw a lady and a man seating themselves in one of those tables.
I went to the table where they were seated.
I neared them and wished, "Welcome to Cakes and Bakes'. How can I help you?" and that is when I had eye contacted them.
They looked intently at me and slowly stood up with shock and horror in their face.
I was shocked as well to see, well, Ritesh and Ananya.
"Taani?" she pointed her index finger at me.
I was standing there like a statue that no more has the ability to say or hear anything.
I lowered my eyes and we didn't realize until how much time we stood their bearing the shock.
I don't know when we started to talk. Not to mention, only after gulping all the lumps that were formed in our throats.
"Taani, where were you all these years? You didn't cared to inform us. We don't even deserve that? How can you think that we'll all dump you if Anurag leaves you?" tears ran down her cheek.
"Dad and mom were so stubborn that time. They had no strength to face you all. We lived like a family. But after all that happened, we never dared to see faces." I looked at my lap with fidgeting my hands.
She wiped her tears, "So, how's mom and dad? Where you live? Shall we see them now?"
I looked up at her and tears streamed down. "They are no more".
Ananya was dumbstruck to breath and cried her heart out hugging me.
I felt light after seeing Ananya truly. I was living all alone for a year and it was adding some strength and hope of being together again.
I mean to say, someone to have contact with. Someone to be a family with. That's all. Not anything more.
I took them to my house made them stay in my place that night.
Ananya with her family, including Anurag's, moved to Mumbai for some business reasons.
That is the only thing I learned about him. I didn't ask her anything else and she didn't spoke about anything about him too.
That was quite relieving to know that she is not ready to bring that particular topic to talk.
Ritesh slept in another room and we two spent the whole night talking about the whole aftermath of 'Anurag left me' issue. Definitely not about Anurag, I remind you.
It was morning. And they were ready to leave.
We headed towards the door and Ananya turned to me and held my hands.
"Taani, I don't want to lose you again. I seriously don't want to", tears emerged, "Please forget everything we did to you. Life with guiltiness is a thing we could not bear anymore. I beg you", she sobbed that her whole body shook with depression.
I caressed her face, "Definitely, Ananya. After seeing you I felt like my whole family is with me now. I remembered how we were together with my set of parents and yours." I wiped her tears, "I'll be in touch".
She quickly came inside the house, took a pen and paper, furiously wrote something and shoved it in my hands.
I saw it and a strange feel surged in through me. It was their address.
Where there is a chance of him being there? Him being there with her love. Her love, Neha.
I looked her with blood drained face. Would I even dare going there?
"Taani, you should never deny. Mom and dad will be happy to see you. I know you'll be too. Don't think about anything else. We need you. I won't tell them anything that happened since last night."
She hugged me, "I want to give them a surprise. I want to see them smile again".
I understood what a life they went through after we left Kolkata.
"I'll be there today evening." I assured her.
***
That made me get ready to go there now.
I'm now really going to visit them after all these years.
Anurag's reaction mattered much than other's reaction.
Anurag will be having a child now. Not one may be two. A sad smile crept up in my face.
I hired a cab and traveled to Ananya's house. May be his house. I'm still not sure if he lives there.
There were fluids leaking into my stomach. Jitters never left and some feeling we get, when we are going to propose someone, lingered on my body.
I slowly leaned my head back in the seat and closed my eyes to relax my mind as the song playing in the radio completely haunted me with memories.
Chhan se jo toote koi sapna…
Jag soona soona laage, jag soona soona laage,
Koi rahe na jab apna…
Jag soona soona laage, jag soona soona hai toh…
The car came to a halt and that sent shivers through my spine. I looked at the house through the window. The sight of the house made me tremble even more.
My body froze, my face turned pale, my palm felt cold as if I'm now in the museum of snow statues.
I slowly walked up to the door. I lifted my hand to press the door bell.
But failed to press, sighed heavy and dropped my hand with annoyance filling my face.
"Taani, they are not strangers. They are your another family. Relax, calm yourself and press the calling bell, right NOW!" my mind shouted at me.
I took a deep breath few times, controlled myself from doing anything stupid if he was at the house. I must act as if I never cared him being around.
Wait, who said he would be here? That I'm still not sure about.
I licked my lips to bring them alive, which were dead since few minutes ago, and finally, pressed the button.
I tightly closed my eyes and turned to the other side showing my back to the door. Holding my fists tight and I waited.
The door creaked open. And my heart beat took it's full pace. A second moved like a hell.
"May I help you?" I beheld the voice.
'Taaaannnniiiiiii…'
The strong sadness filled voice rang in my brain with a high pitch but in slow motion.
The same voice that called my name, thousand times a day.
I held my tears back and slowly turned.
There stood the Lord.
Anurag. My Anurag.
His eyes went wide. I knew his lungs had stopped breathing. His face was pale like all his blood was drained out permanently.
My heart beat which was at full speed a few moments ago was now stopped as well, to take in what I'm seeing now.
He stood there with his nose turning pink, his lips starting to tremble, his hands ready to shiver, and his mind taking in what is in his sight.
"Ta… Taan-", was all he could say.
He breathed heavily now and his eye brows furrowed. I know he cannot speak. He lost the power to utter a word to me long before.
I let out a sad smile with a sigh.
That is when Ananya came and literally jumped on me. "Hi, Taani. I'm happy that you are finally here. Come, let's meet dad and mom". She pulled me away where I still watched Anurag and his suffering.
He still stood at the door watching me intently. Though, Ananya took me to the hall, he stared at me until I took a turn.
Dad and mom were sitting in the sofa talking about our olden days in Kolkata.
Ananya gestured me to go before them. When they were still talking, I slowly moved to their front and stood.
For a second, they were blank. They slowly stood up came near me and touched my face. Their hands trembled as they caressed my face. My eye sight blurred and they called my name out.
"Ta… Taani", they hugged me tightly just like Ananya did to me at bakery.
After sometime, we regained our composure and relaxed ourself. They asked what we did after we left Kolkata.
They were too sad and cried out loudly when they came to know that my parents were not alive. Ananya said that she tried so hard not to let them know after she came to the house. She also added that she felt it really hard to keep the suspense.
We slowly started to smile then laugh and began to talk about our own lives.
Anurag hesitantly entered the hall and sat in a sofa that was quite far from me. I didn't look at him directly but didn't fail to see him at the corner of my eyes.
I know that he's staring at me and his sight lingered on me which I was sure about.
One thing bothered me since I entered the house.
Where's Neha and where is their children? I couldn't ask. I determined not to ask anything related to him.
Later, I was invited to dinner and we assembled at the dining hall to have a family dinner after a long time.
Everyone was happy, including me, except Anurag. Something was bothering him too and I don't have the courage to ask. May be he's guilt.
We were half the way in dinner.
"Taani", dad called.
"Yes, dad", I looked him.
"Are you married? Do you have children?", he asked eagerly and everyone looked my face with so much anticipation except Ritesh and Ananya as they knew about it.
"No, I'm still single", I didn't want to face them after that. I quickly looked at my plate.
Again some awkwardness and silence spread on the air. I controlled myself but failed and looked at Anurag directly for the first time since I entered.
He was baffled and without caring about anything, he stared at me with eyes that were ready to spill. I couldn't able to bear the sight which made me quickly get up from the place excusing myself.
I went to the balcony and breathed heavily to hold back my tears.
He left and he's paying for it. Why should I weep? I cursed myself for falling for him all the time.
A hand rested on my shoulder and it was…
Mom.
I turned to face her as my hair whiffed in air. She smoothed my hair and smiled.
I smiled back and we both watched the far away land that was lying waste.
"Human makes mistakes. Everyone does. But only some people think about it through out the life and waste their future just like that land." I turned to look her. "I know what is running your mind. You always thought about Anurag. Even now you do. It is obvious in your eyes. So, I think it will be better if you know what happened to him", I again turned and looked at the land as she continued, "Anurag is such a person. He wasted all these years living alone without having a social life. One side, we searched for you. Other side, we tried and failed in making him normal".
"Can I ask you something?" I had the nerve and she looked at me like approving as I continued, "What happened to Neha?"
She let out a sad smile. Sighing, she continued, "He didn't live with Neha for a day".
I was taken back and managed to whisper, "What?"
"Yes. He didn't marry her. Sure, he was stubborn and he badly wanted Neha. But the next moment you left, he was not the same. There were many differences in his attitude. He stopped talking with anyone. He rarely met Neha. He started to live like a refugee."
She went on and on and I imagined everything she said and that resulted in tearing my heart into pieces. I've seen Anurag as a very feisty person. But imagining him the other way definitely ripped me off.
"… So, in sometime, Neha felt that Anurag is behaving odd just because of you. She didn't give him time to recover himself. When she asked him whether he wants Taani or her, Anurag replied stubbornly that he needs…" I looked at her blankly "… you!"
Fireworks exploded in my mind and heart as my inner parts slammed the rib. Tears flowed uncontrollably as I quickly turned to see Anurag. He was sitting in the hall and was staring at the place where I sat before dinner.
It was true, that he liked Neha, but it was not the same after I left. Was that a love actually? No it's not. Neha is just another one like our school teacher, who admired by Anurag.
"Love and like is differentiated only by a thin line. We assume our liking as love and love as liking. Anurag loved me but assumed it as liking and he liked Neha but assumed it as love", I uttered unconsciously at once when I realized the truth.
"You're right", she patted my shoulder and I bit my tongue in embarrassment for blurting out those.
"He thought you would be married now and the feel of losing you made him completely lose his active life. Now you're back and there's a light of hope inside me. But it is all up to you."
With that she left the balcony and me.
It was clear.
The result is that we both wasted years thinking we are not meant to be together. But the truth is not that.
We are meant to be together.
We are.
I looked far away and there was a light of hope. Rising from a corner that has the ability to fill my life. Anurag's life.
Our life.
I know it wasted your time. *hides face* But at least you would have enjoyed seeing Anurag. 😆
Love,
Nafee.
👏
Sports
Kumkum Bhagya
