Selfish & Selfless Love - Page 2

Originally posted by: bheegi

Hi everyone

I am back with another topic for all of you to ponder. Again, this is not an AR or SR post, rather a way to debate these questions:

Should one be selfish or selfless in love?
What does selfless love mean?

I think some of you might have read an old ff of mine called Tera Mera Rishta, in which I had asked the same question.

Does sacrificing your love actually an act of selflessness?

Isn't selflessness mean that being there for your love, even if you are not capable of because of mental/physical/financial reasons?

After watching yesterday's episode where Ridz blasted both men for trying to sacrifice her by sacrificing for each other got me thinking again.

When two people fall in love and promise to be with each other till the end of time, does one person have the right to sacrifice this bond for the sake of the other person's happiness? Will the other person really be happy?

In this case, after his brain injury, had Armaan been selfish in love and said , "Riddhima, I know I am being selfish here, but I would like to spend the remaining days of my life with you. I know I will be a burden on you, but I want to cherish what little time I have with you." Would Riddhima have thought, "oh my God, so I have to take care of you when you become mentally challenged? I would rather have an easy life, this is too much burden on me Armaan." NO. In fact, she would have gladly embraced Armaan and his problems. Who knows, with time and her love, he would have recovered just like he has now. Yes, Armaan would have been selfish, but in the end both would have been happy in life. Isn't happiness the ultimate goal for all of us? By leaving her in the name of selflessness, what has Riddhima achieved? A marriage of compromises and a bottomless bucket full of tears.

Similarly, yesterday, both men were trying to sacrifice and be selfless in their love, but is that what Ridz really wants? I can see why she repeatedly feels unwanted. She would rather have a selfish lover or husband who stakes their claim on her, rather than one who wants to give her away.

I wish after Armaan found out about her marriage, he had confronted her and asked,

"What was the majboori that you had to marry?"
"Do you love Sid?"
"Are you happy with your marriage?"

I know the showdown would have been painful for both but maybe if Armaan was selfish and had forced her to reveal her true feelings, she might have admitted that yes, I still love you and right now Sid and I don't really have a normal married life.

Even though, he might have looked like a negative character, but Armaan would have then fought to reclaim his love, yes appear selfish, but in the end giving Ridz her happiness back that she deserves.

It's unfair to make decisions on behalf of the other person because when you are in love, you are in reality, one person- by sacrificing yourself, you are sacrificing the other person too.

In Sid's case it is different, because he doesn't even know whether Ridz loves him or not. He is not one with Ridz yet, but he should remember that their marriage even if a compromise, happened after mutual consent. So, if he wants to end the marriage, it has to be done with mutual consent. Just sending divorce papers belittles his relationship with Ridz. That's why she is offended, because none of the men are being selfish enough to claim the right on her.

I would love to hear inputs from all sides...
"

Amazing post.

This one post is actually giving in why Riddhima is behaving so wierdly these days. I agree there are certain decisions of hers which has lead her into this mess.

Yesterdays episode gives a clear picture that when these two men are using her in the name of sacrificing when she says that she has became a puppet in their hands. Whether in love or in marriage a decision should be not of one individual but it should involve both of their consent. Same thing has happened here. When Armaan had injury he left thinking it will give her pain and now Sid thinking that if she is in this bondage it will give her pain. Though they both are looking at her happiness ,which eventually she is not getting it.

Her decision to sign the divorce papers is also based on this only when she clearly mentioning that Sid is her present and the marriage is the truth. The thing whether she still loves Armaan or wants to move on in life with Sid is not the question here. The question is why these two men are not giving her the chance what she actually wants to do. They keep deciding but at the end three are suffering.

I think in the coming episodes we are going to witness this only. I hope when Shashank intervenes in this matter she should be clear this time, that she should say that its her life too and she also has the every right to decide.

I want her to be independent not wanting any men in her life at this moment. She is doctor and she doesn't require any one to support her. I hope we witness this rather than her giving in to her fathers decision and again trying to work on the marriage. Later in the story we can see who eventually she chooses to be with. But for now, sincerely from the time Armaan left her I wanted her to be independent. Lets see what exactly is going to happen. If she so decides may be we can actually start respecting Riddhima once again (atleast I will do).

That is an awesome post!!!

Originally posted by: caprigurl

Reserved. This Awesome post requires an awesomely meaningful comment. But people should read it , if not for supporting the current character, to realise what Love is , and how it could be :)

EDIT:
Here we go.
Selfless love is a Highly misunderstood term these days . You love a girl or guy, you adore them to bits, You cannot live possibly even a day without him or her,the time spent with him/her is full of fun, happiness, love and throw the required amount of romance too :) Perfect recipe for a Happy contented life.
BUT say something happens that makes you unfit , or maybe you get caught in a problem you think might be too much to involve your beloved in: What would you do? NOOO selflessness doesnt say You abandon your source of comfort, Lovers dont have to sacrifice Love at the altar of difficulties- YOU JUST STICK to each other with your hands held together and chins up :)

I guess That is what Riddhima wanted from Armaan.
But you got to understand where Armaan comes from- He thought he would some day turn Totally mentally imbalanced- He left BEFORE Riddhima could see him like that . He dint want to spoil the beautiful memories, he wanted to keep the gruesome realities of life away from his Basket, viase bhi she is the Emotional Senti types naa :P as he himself said while proposing to her. He hated making her cry, He didnt wanther to cry her life away.
BUT he could have hung on, he could have asked her to wait or He could have told her to come and meet him somehow , He just broke away to oblivion And Riddhima Lost Herself in the wilderness of a Lovelees life, then was pushed into a Loveless marriage and Now the man who married her thinks It best to leave her too.
Riddhima considers herself to be demeaned by such show of faithlessness .
And that provokes all the comments from her that we might think of as beign Confused, or heartless or maybe even dumb( yes we ARE harsh on her :( )
But sadly , all the girls wants is The person she loves the most in the World to say: We'll Make it through :)

Ridz baby: No worries LOVE will ensure you make it through to happines :)
pS: Longest ever comment on IF :P

Originally posted by: bheegi

loved reading ur longest comment Ishi. I agree,what Ridz needs is someone to reassure her- I will not abandon you. It probably stems from early childhood when her real father abandoned her and her mom
Anyways, coming to being selfish in love...now it's Ridz's turn to be selfish.If she still loves armaan and would rather be with him, she should just be selfish and not sacrifice herself in the name of tradition and obligations