The Hazel Eyed Monster
Part 1
Muskaan sat on the bed and fiddled with the piece of paper in her hand. She looked down and smoothed out the crumpled piece of paper, trying to get it back in its original position. She smiled ruefully as she realized the impossible thing she was trying to do. She had read and re-read the paper so many times that the lines in the paper almost seemed permanent. It was almost as if she had got it with the lines engraved in it.
Sighing she got up, folded the paper once more and put it back in her cupboard, in a box where she hid most things. The box she went back to occasionally, to see whether she had matured as a person or not. It was quite amusing to look at it. She carefully placed the paper amongst many other pieces of paper in which she had written. Muskaan didn't believe in writing in diaries. Sometimes, whenever she had a thought, she would write it in a piece of paper, and keep it carefully to put it in her box. The pieces of papers went back to her final years in high school, all the way through medical school'and through her most glorious days ' her internship days.
But this ' this was one piece of paper that she hadn't written. But she didn't have the power to throw it away either. She had wanted to. Ridhima and Anjali had advised her to burn it, but she had kept it away to put it in the box.
Muskaan wondered as she drove her car to the hospital, whether she would ever be able to look at the piece of paper, and shake her head laughing at how deeply it affected her. She wondered if she would be able to ever look at it without that sense of longing, the flutter in her heart, and the painful memories.
Shaking her head off these thoughts, Muskaan quickly parked her car and rushed towards the lifts. Looking at her watch, she realized she was 5 minutes late. Cursing under her breath for not keeping a check on time, Muskaan quickly pushed the button to the lift and waited, tapping her foot impatiently.
The lift doors opened, just as Muskaan took out her mobile to check her reflection. Her heart started beating rapidly, and her palms went sweaty. It was almost as though it was her first day of internship all over again. Except even then she had managed to control herself.
It wasn't even her first day as a senior doctor! But yet, Muskaan knew that the reason that the nervousness had almost taken over her body was because of a different reason altogether.
Taking in a couple of deep breaths, Muskaan stepped into the lift and with shaking fingers managed to press the floor number of her destination. She was tempted to bite her fingernails, tempted to walk around cursing and babbling about the unfortunate situations.
But that is what the old Muskaan would have done, and now she was a changed woman. She had moved on from her past and along with that, buried the old Muskaan to the deepest and darkest corner of her heart.
She had been concerned at first, thinking if her friends would stick by her if she changed so much, but then she realized that they weren't truly your friends if they didn't even stick by you in the most difficult of your times. However Muskaan was pleased to say that her friends had been supportive, and had never made her feel guilty about changing herself. Rather Armaan would constantly threaten to beat him into a pulp when he saw him.
A small smile came on her face at that thought, and her heart slowed down slightly. She frowned as they came closer to the floor. She was upset at herself ' upset at the fact that she was still reacting this way even though she told herself over and over again for the past many months to not be attached and be distant. And here, all the practice was going to a fail.
Clutching her fingers into a fist, Muskaan readied herself for the lift doors to open, and quickly rush to her office without a second glance around. She could do it. She had mentally prepared for this for ages. But her gut told her otherwise. At the back of her mind a little voice told her that she was wrong. All that practice was going to go to a waste, the voice knew that she was going to look around as she walked hoping to see him. But at the same time not wanting to. Muskaan's frown went deeper and she determinedly waited for the doors to open and for her to make a dash for her office and prove the voice wrong.
The doors opened. It seemed to open too fast, way too quickly, and Muskaan's feet were frozen. She couldn't move for a whole second. She could feel her fingers aching at the fact that she was holding the strap of her purse so tight, and she could feel that her face had completely paled, but she couldn't move a muscle.
Go
She told herself. But her muscles wouldn't comply. It was only when she saw the doors closing on her that her hand automatically snapped in between the doors to stop them from closing. They opened immediately, and Muskaan took that time to recover. Taking in a deep breath, Muskaan took a cautious step outside.
Go Muskaan
She told herself once more, and she made a dash for her office.
Don't look around.
Don't look around
Don't look around
Don't look around
Don't look ar-
"Mr. Garewal? Dr. Shubhankar is ready to see you, sir"
Muskaan's head snapped up and she saw the nurse, in her pink and white uniform, standing in front of a man whose back was to her. He was wearing a stylish suit, with a file in his hand and even from the back you could make out he worked out. His shoulders were a bit broader since she remembered, and the suit easily emphasized his lean figure.
Muskaan's heart felt as though it was going to break free and come out of her mouth. Her mouth was open and she was aware that she was breathing through her mouth as though she had gone for a run, her hands were aching so badly, that Muskaan needed to spare them, but she didn't even register the thought. All she could see was him.
Muskaan's tongue darted out to moisten her dried lips, and she contemplated running from there before he saw her.
She saw him turning around, and her mind screamed at her to run, she could almost imagine all her friends standing in a semi-circle, screaming, 'Run Muskaan, Run!'
But she didn't, and she knew she would regret it later. All her practice for ignoring the turning man, had gone to a complete utter waste.
She saw his head going around in confusion, till it settled on a person, and a smile came on his face. Muskaan didn't turn to see who it was. She was intent on staring at him.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a woman wearing a dress walk towards him. Muskaan still didn't do anything.
She saw the woman come up to him and envelope him in a tight hug. Muskaan's chest constricted tightly but she still didn't run. Her mind was pleading for her to run, telling her that she could still save herself if she ran, but again she didn't listen.
The old Muskaan would have listened and ran. But she was here to confront and see what had become of him.
His arms wrapped around the woman too, and she saw the woman kiss him on the cheek whispering something in his ear.
Muskaan felt the constriction in her chest become tighter and she wondered if her face had gone red. She saw him mutter something, before turning on his heel, and going to Dr. Shubhankr's office.
Muskaan's eyes followed him. Almost hungrily drank him in. Every inch of him, and it was only when he as out of her sight did she set her sights on the woman who was still standing there, with a smile on her face, looking towards Dr. Shubhanker's office.
Muskaan was about to turn on her heel, and elegantly walk back to her office. Because that is what the new Muskaan would have done. But she stopped and frowned when she thought she saw something flash at the corner of her eye.
Turning around once more, she saw the woman wring her hands together in nervousness, and that is when she caught the glimpse of the diamond on her finger.
If this was a serial, then probably the sounds of lightening would have cracked in the background. However for Muskaan, only a tiny gasp escaped her mouth, and suddenly she felt nauseas. Very, very nauseas. She looked at the woman with disbelief in her eyes, continuously telling herself that this might be a mistake. She was jumping to conclusions, but the ring was very much there and the woman continued to look down the hallway in adoration.
Her suspicions were however confirmed, when the woman looked down at the ring, grinned brightly, and then looked down the hallway once more, getting her left hand towards her heart and leaving it there, while she continued to smile brightly. Yes, she was engaged, and judging from her expression, Muskaan could bet a thousand rupees that he was the fianc.
Tears prickled the corner of her eyes and she blinked quickly. It was suddenly too crowded and too hot in here. She needed to get away.
Then, she did something the new Muskaan would never have done.
She ran to her office, blinded by the tears that were stinging her eyes. She flung open the door, threw the purse away, and broke down into sobs.
He had returned to Sanjeevani Hospital. After 4 years, he had returned.
Rahul Garewal had returned to Sanjeevani Hospital to be a Senior Doctor after abandoning her.
Cricket
Current Affairs
Anupamaa
29