"To force a man to pay for the violation of his own liberty is indeed an addition of insult to injury."
Benjamin Tucker
The next day...
Outside the tattered hut, blinding rays of golden sunshine descend onto the snow which now conceals the ground; finally settling, imitating a white carpet, glistening from the touch. The velvety leaves of the greenery silently drip dew in the calm of the atmosphere. A bird chirps distantly somewhere, welcoming the arrival of a new morning, a new day.
The serene ambiance is disturbed by the sound of hushed whimpers from inside the ragged shack.
Upon hearing the sound, Sid stirs in his sleep, wrinkling his face due to the disruption. He struggles to open his eyes, visionless due to the glare of the sun, shining in from the adjacent door. He places a hand in front of the light, so that the room is now shadowed into a dull gloom.
For a second, he forgets where he is. Although expecting the malleable mattress of his bed, instead he finds prickly straw aggravating his skin. The warm, fluffy duvet which he uses to snuggle on cold days has been replaced by what feels like a damp shaggy cloth of some sort. Sid rubs the texture between his fingers, ensuring that he's not hallucinating. He's astonished to find that his surroundings are very much real and upon the realisation, the events of the previous night flash before him.
The snow...Riddhima shaking in the cold... Hypothermia... Dr Atul's advice... Riddhima turning blue, stammering... Dr Atul's voice -"Body heat"...Riddhima's motionless body... Sid fulfilling his duty. Lying next to Riddhima embracing her ice cold body, breathing life back into a corpse, clasping onto her...This was it... Life and death.. Riddhima's sharp intake of breath...Life?.....Or had it been his imagination playing tricks on him? Riddhima lying motionless... Dead? Riddhima...Riddhima?... Riddhima!
Abruptly, he raises himself up onto his elbow, scanning the room impatiently searching for her, but only the dreary, empty, walls meet his gaze. Frustrated, he focuses his mind and acknowledges the sound of muffled sobs coming from behind him from what he imagines as the corner of the room.
He turns his head, and from what he sees, a mixture of guilt and relief overcomes him. The relief hits in first, at least she is alive, his mind assures him. The impediment he had faced had been oppressed. He had successfully fulfilled his role as a doctor, a human...a friend? Or more preferably an "acquaintance"?
At this point, regardless of the means by which it had happened, he had saved her life. And nothing else mattered.
Or did it?
Sid then SEES Riddhima; for the first perceiving the situation from her viewpoint, ascertaining her body language.
He thinks of a wilted rose; fragile. The sari that draped on her once displaying pure elegance, now hangs off her as if she were wearing a shabby sack. Hunched in a sitting position, she rocks backwards and forwards vigorously. Her knees curled up to her chest, her head resting on them and her arms protectively crossed over her mouth, explaining why her cries are coming out muffled. Her eyes are swollen and dark and never look away from the ground yet the tears still stream out from them, only blinking every so often to continue the flow. Her hair, once radiant and glossy, now falls limply across her face in an untidy mane. Her hands grab hold onto her arms tightly as if she's preventing herself from bursting but Sid realises only too quickly that it's a reflex due to his fixed stare. This is where the guilt hits him.
Embarrassed, he immediately shifts his eyes from her, and blushes by the glimpse of his jeans lying a few feet away. Now self conscious, he struggles to fathom his next form of action. Should he reassure Riddhima about the delicate situation first, or redeem himself as an individual by getting his clothes?
Logically, he had known that he would have to convince her given their current track record. She'd accused him of molesting her on their INITAL meeting; and after last night's encounter, of course he had already comprehended her apprehension and distress. Nonetheless, it still didn't make sense to speak to her when he was falling short of an acceptable standard of decency.
How ironic it was, that since the first time they had met, Sid had never needed to justify his actions to her, knowing that she was undoubtedly wrong-the molestation, the kidnapping, even a violation of her private space had been exaggerated attention-seeking ploys on her part. Of course, he had learnt his lesson from the photos he had stupidly taken that day at the hotel...and he had promised never to be reckless ever again. Then why was it, that today he found himself in that same situation? Sid-the culprit. Riddhima-the victim. There was only one difference, for the first time he was weary about pleading his innocence as if he knew that it would not make a difference, as if he really HAD done something terrible and unspeakable. The fact that the one person whose judgement he had been completely indifferent to was today the one person he now desperately wanted to persuade. He wanted to induce that trust again, the trust that he had felt from the glimmer in her eyes from when she had smiled at him, verifying that everything was okay between them now. How he wished he could go back to that time, that place. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, as if, had he wished it hard enough, he would actually be in that room lying on the bed drunk and having a sanguine conversation with Riddhima, laughing and joking around.
He opened his eyes slowly but the same gloom came flooding back to him, reflecting the choked atmosphere perfectly.
He takes a deep breath, gathering his thoughts and exhales slowly...obviously he won't be able to just get up and act as if everything is normal. He awkwardly looks about the room trying to find the right words to say...and stammers, "Ri-Ri-Riddhima..kal.." he falters and gulps, "...kal raat-".
Without warning, he's interrupted mid-sentence, and his words drowned out by a surge of piercing, pained sobs. Sid looks on in disbelief as Riddhima, now completely unrestrained, emits a low whine and looks up towards the ceiling, hysterical, her eyes clenched shut. Sid is unnerved as he observes her face which is crumpled in complete agony, as if someone has taken a knife to her side and she's suffering from the wound. Sid was beyond confused, he hadn't even begun to justify himself yet, how to make her see sense?
He was an expert when it came to consoling people when it was others who had hurt them; the Naina-Yuvi situation was a prime example. Sid had singlehandedly managed to control the bitterness that had circulated around them, but what was he to do when the hurt had been inflicted by the same person who proposed a remedy? He had no experience of being in a situation like this.
Sid became aware that, in the past few days, he had learnt a lot about Riddhima whilst on their quest, searching for Armaan. He decides that it is time to apply lesson number 1- take an obstinate approach when trying to console her.
Sid looks directly at her, the shadow of a frown forms across his forehead. Considering there is snowfall outside, a bead of sweat trickles down the side of his face which he thoughtlessly brushes away with his fingers.
"Riddhima".
He orders her name, to attract her attention. He's amazed by the force of his own voice, how easy it had been to disguise the butterflies he could feel in the pit of his stomach.
"Riddhima", he repeats calmly, emphasising every syllable. "Kal raat, tum behosh hogayi thi, tumhe hypothermia hogaya tha Riddhima... Mere paas aur koi raasta nahi tha ...believe me Riddhima...please..." Sid's words, he regrets, are now smothered in despair and remorse.
Sid drifts off, the disappointment clear in his face when he sees that Riddhima sits in the same position, eyes closed, fists clenched, stationary, evidence that she is unwilling to give him attention. Only the slow rise and dip of her chest suggests she is breathing....
Sid inhales deeply, "Riddhima, agar main tumhe nahi bachata, to tum marjaati.."
"MAR JAATI TO MAR JAATI".
Sid is taken aback for a second, he looks up to find himself entranced by Riddhima's eyes, glaring at him from under long, wet eyelashes. She sits there shaking furiously, her clenched fists have opened to show palms, red from the intensity of her grip, small crescent shapes from her nails are marked along the inside.
"Tumhe zara sa bhi ehsaas hai ke tumne kya kiya!?" she shrieks; a rhetorical question something that she doesn't want answered. Sid only waits for her to continue, his eyes stare, unblinking, shocked at her response. Her first words ring in his ears, mar jaati to mar jaati. It's the ultimate argument, of course if she felt indifferent to death then appreciating him as a saviour was out of the question. The phrase "fighting a losing battle" passes through his mind.
"Tumne soch bhi kaise liya, ke ye sab karne ke baad main teek rahoongi, asaani se jee paoongi? ...Jo tumne kiya Sidhanth, wo mere liye marne ke barabar hai! Agar hypothermia ki waja se nahi to...main kisi se nazar nahi mila sakti" She scowls at him, fighting back the tears which brim in her eyes, disgusted with him ...and to some extent herself...
Sid wasn't ready to give up yet, he had to make her understand, "Riddhima maine sirf ek doctor ki hesiyat se tumhari jaan bachai, main sirf tumhari madat karne ki koshish kar raha tha, jaise tumne meri ki-"
"YEH MADAT NAHI THI!" She screams, " Tum isse madat kehte ho?!" she inquires. "Jo tumne kiya DOCTOR Siddhanth Modi, wo madat bilqool nahi thi! Madat us cheez ko kehte hai, jisse karne par ek insaan ki zindagi phele se bhether ho jati hai-aur TUMNE wo NAHI kiya! Main...." She pauses, as sentiment overwhelms her, preventing her from talking, her lips quiver "Main..." Defeated, Riddhima places her hand across her face and cries, unable to face the situation, unable to face herself. What was the point in arguing, it was all done now...but she needed to do something, she had to do something... "Yeh sab kya hogaya? Main kya karoon?...kya karoon?" She folds both hands and pleads, " ...Armaan...Armaan please mere paas aajao". She speaks the name aloud, pining for him to come and make everything better like he usually does. She thinks to herself and immediately discomfort appears on her face, she looks at Sid " Tumne vaada kiya tha mujhse, ke tum Armaan ko milane mein meri madaat karoge... lekin kal raat jo tumne harqat ki, kya tumhe lagta hai ke uske baad wo mere chehra bhi dekhna chahega? Nahi.."
Sid struggles to defend himself, he awkwardly looks around the room, looks at anything, anywhere, apart from her eyes which pierce him from across the room, branding him a perpetrator. Last night, the situation had been complicated, he recalls arguing with himself over and over again in his mind, balancing the consequences but in the end humanity had triumphed over the omission to act. Anyone could say he had acted immorally, unsuitably but at what cost? Even that had to be considered...had he not acted Riddhima's lifeless body would have been lying in the very place he sat. He shuddered at the thought. Why was it that he couldn't bring himself to say it?
Riddhima spoke, not looking at him , her eyes closed and her hands covering her face"Maine khabhi bhi apne aap ko itna kamzor nahi paya hai...agar koi galti hui ho to hamesha maine usse teek karne ki koshish ki hai...lekin ab main kya karoon? Kya karoon ki sab kuch teek hojaye??...." Her eyes shift this way and that, deliberating, thinking of a way out, to escape... Suddenly she stands, and points at Sid, still sitting there unable to look at her. His mouth opens and closes over words which he tries to say but nothing comes out..."Tumne mere liye koi raasta nahi choda Siddhanth Modi... You've ruined my life! Aur main aise nahi jee sakti.." She looks at him, her face reflecting the maturity of a woman and at the same time a naivety of a little girl. She shakes her head, finally accepting it all, the situation, the consequences, the hurt and the one thing that can make it all go away...and with that she runs out the door leaving behind a helpless Sid.
"RIDDHIMA!" he calls after her "RIDDHIMAA!".
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